"I don't know why I'm here."
Jacob looked over at Elsie, who was sitting in a chair with her arms crossed. "You drank to the point of nearly overflowing your rubbish bin with vomit after finding out your mother's prognosis. It's more than normal to be upset at that news, but that's an unhealthy reaction. You also punched your best friend when she was worried about you and you were recently found vaping in the school bathroom?"
Elsie scoffed. "The thing with Bella happened before Mam got sick and the vaping has nothing to do with it. Every kid my age vapes and a good few kids my age drink. I'm fifteen next month, I'm barely a kid anymore."
Jacob chuckled. "You do not want to grow up soon. And you're right, vaping and drinking by themselves aren't concerning, but the extent that you do it is worrying your parents, and your friends. It's normal to experiment with substances, but you had a weed vape in school and you weren't a big drinker before that night. And the incident in the school bathroom happened after your mother lost use of her legs."
Elsie shrugs. "It makes me feel better. People pop pills to not feel bad. What's so bad about me doing it? Weed makes me happy, drink makes me talk."
"Weed also causes paranoia and sometimes even disturbing hallucinations if used excessively, and alcohol can damage your liver and make you depressed, aggressive. What happens when your mother is bedbound? Are you going to snort a line? You need healthier ways of dealing with this."
"Like what? 'Talking'? Talking doesn't do shit. My mother yapped for a living and now look where she is."
Jacob looked down and shook his head, then back at Elsie. "Your mother changed lives, including yours and your siblings. I'm sorry, but she's an incredible woman. Her ability to talk to people was more than just yapping."
"I know she's incredible. And I know she did good and all. But talking doesn't work for me."
"Then what does, beside drinking and smoking? What are your hobbies?"
Elsie shrugged again. "I play tennis, I guess that's a hobby? I also read a bit, game a bit."
"Okay, so how about instead of doing something unhealthy when you're given bad news, you go to your friends and you play a game of tennis? Or you play a video game with your brother? You clearly get angry sometimes, which isn't a bad thing, everyone does. But instead of using that anger to hurt people, you channel that anger into hurting video game characters. When something happens to me, I usually do that. If you're sporty, wrestling or martial arts is also good."
Elsie chuckled. "Martial arts? My mother dies and I become the Karate Kid to commemorate her?"
Jacob smiled. "Why not? And it wouldn't have to be karate. But it's something to look into. I have a taekwondo class here at Starman on Fridays. If you ever want to check it out, you can come down. You don't hurt anyone, but there's punches and kicks. My students always say it helps to clear their heads. The kids here go through a lot too, and you're going through a lot. You don't have to do it, but you're always welcome."
Elsie looked around the room, then back at Jacob, smiling for the first time that whole day. "Thanks."
"See? The talking thing isn't too bad. I get you want active solutions instead of just talking, but that is what leads to them."
"Yeah, I get that. It's just, when something happens, I have to run away and do something to distract myself. Being home and seeing my mother get worse is a lot."
"Understandably so. But that's the thing. You don't have much time left for her. If you run away or get intoxicated instead of being with her, you might regret that down the line. You don't have to put your life on hold or anything, but being with her is priceless for the both of you. She may be sick but she's the same mother she always has been. You can still talk to her, watch films with her, hug her."
"I know. But I can't tell her things I would normally."
Jacob's eyebrows raised, leaning back a bit. "Like what?"
"Nah, you'll just tell her."
"Elsie, that would be a conflict of interest. I don't tell anyone anything my clients say unless they're in immediate danger to themselves or others. Everything is confidential. Even if your mother is a friend of mine and my former boss, I'm not telling her anything. Everything you say here today is confidential."
Elsie sighed, taking her hands out of her pocket and running one through her hair. "I'm asexual. Don't like girls, don't like boys, anyone. My Ma knows, my friends know, my brother knows. Not Mam. I can't burden her with that because she'll just try to help me with it, when she's the one who needs all the help at the moment."
"Just because your mother is sick, it doesn't mean you don't still need help. That's why you're here today. They want to help, but they can't do that if you're running away and acting out instead of talking with them. I know how you feel about talking, but it's the only way for you all to be on the same page."
"Yeah, I know. But what if she's upset that she won't get to see me get a partner, even if she was going to live?"
Jacob snorted. "I don't think she really cares about that. She just wants you to be happy."
"How can I be happy when I can't love anyone?"
Jacob furrowed his eyebrows, observing the slump in Elsie's shoulders when she asked that question. "Is this what this is all about? You don't think you can love?"
Elsie began to tear up a bit, but wiped her eyes. "Maybe, yeah. I'm surrounded by people who can love. Why can't I?"
"Romantic love isn't the only kind of love. And it's not always as perfect as what your parents have. It can be painful. You don't have to date someone to love them. You love your family, your friends. You can love. Just because you don't experience attraction doesn't mean you can't love. Not everyone gets married or even dates in their lifetime, even people who do experience attraction. You can still have a full and satisfying life without having a partner. You have family and friends to share all of that with. There's too much emphasis placed on romantic relationships, especially when you're a teenager, that the fulfilling relationships you do have are often sidelined."
Elsie nodded. "Yeah, that's true. I'll tell her. But when I'm ready."
"Yeah, of course. You can still do things at your own pace." He looked down at his watch. "I'm really sorry, but I have another appointment now. You can swing by the dojang on Friday if you'd like, it's on the third floor."
"I'll think about it. Thanks for this, Jacob."
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Elsie walked back into the house slowly, closing the door behind her after handing the weed she borrowed from her new friend Tori, who she met at the party. She was actually very understanding of Elsie's reasons; that she had to stop running, and that she might come out for a drink when she's doing better. She put her coat on the hanger, being shook by the silence in the house. Her mother was in a meeting with the Committee, discussing how they'd cut down the 348 applications they received for the role. Max was out shopping, and Brook wouldn't be in town until the next day because her train was delayed. Zoë was usually up and about on a day off, but she was sleeping a lot lately. While it disturbed everyone, Katie and Billy had joked that it was her making up for all the years she didn't take a break or stayed up all night sorting out files and checking on patients she was worried about.
Elsie walked into her parents bedroom, seeing that her mother was awake but just gazing out of the window. She redirected her sight to her daughter, smiling. "Hey."
Elsie inhaled deeply and exhaled with the bit of a smile she could muster. "Hey. Are you awake long? Do you need anything?"
"Not too long. I'm grand, love, thanks. Come on over, sit down."
She did so, sitting on the chair on the side of the bed and glancing around the room for a bit. Her mother wasn't hooked up to any machines just yet, or needed feeding tubes, but it was an unspoken truth in the house that she didn't have long left, despite the prognosis from two weeks before promising a few months, and it was just a matter of time before her frequent coughing manifested into an oxygen tank. The thought made Elsie sick, but she dealt the best that she could, not showing any signs of upset to her mother.
"That Tori girl, she's pretty cute, right?", Zoë asked with a cheeky glint in her eye.
Elsie chuckled, fidgeting with her hands. "I guess. I don't like her though. Or Bella. Or Nick."
"That's okay. She just seems nice, good for you as a friend or otherwise."
"Oh, there won't be an otherwise. With her or anyone."
The sides of Zoë's mouth curled up slightly, having an idea of what her daughter would say next. "You can say it, pet."
"Say what?"
"What I know you've been holding back from me for a while now. Why you fought with Bella, distanced yourself from us. I'm dying, but I'm not stupid, El."
Elsie wiped away the tear she couldn't hold back, and sighed deeply. "I'm asexual, Mam. I'm sorry."
Zoë chuckled. "For what? I have the whole package. A son who's getting married next year, a daughter who's discovering how to love and a daughter that I know won't be hurt by any dumbo toying with her heart. What more peace could I have?"
Elsie furrowed her eyebrows, laughing a bit. "I never thought of it like that. It is like life insurance in a way. I was too focused on the fact that I'd never be with anyone, but do I really need that?"
"Not at all. Not everyone gets someone like your Ma, I was extremely lucky. Not just that, but she saved my life. You know how we met, you don't need to hear that Christmas dinner story in May. But I have asexual friends, as well as friends who do like people but just aren't swayed by the whole relationship or marriage thing. Not everyone needs a marriage, and love is everywhere in your life without having a partner. Bella and Nick, this girl Tori, us. You have love, Elsie. And you're just like us; you'll defend the people you love with all you have. That's a brilliant thing, love. Asexuality isn't a defect or anything, and it's a spectrum in it's own right. Don't let anyone tell you what you are or aren't."
"This is so unfair, Mam. I have so much more to learn from you."
Zoë smiled sadly. "Ditto, kid. I'm no Yoda that knows all. I learned so much from you and your siblings. You guys made me a parent. Nearly fifteen years on and I wish I could learn how to do that more."
"You're the best mother ever, Mam. You've always been Yoda to me."
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Brook kept staring at the computer screen, rage building inside of her as she reread the rejection email from her principal to give her the rest of the year off with online work. This came after 48 hours of back and forth emails explaining her family situation and empty promises of a compromise. After rereading it for the sixteenth time, she slammed her laptop shut, shoving it into it's cover in the suitcase she had already packed. Her entire side of the room was packed up by now; her roommate, Janice, was in class already, while she was missing class in anticipation of the email granting her permission to go home and be with her dying mother and their family.
She ignored everyone stopping to talk to her as she stormed out of the dorms and headed towards the main building. She didn't stop until she reached Mrs. Riley's office, out of breath as the older woman sat down unbothered, looking up from whatever she was watching on her laptop and glaring at Brook.
"Miss O'Carroll, what do you want?"
"It's Bianchi-O'Carroll, how many times do I have to say that?"
Mrs. Riley scoffed and shut her laptop. "What do you want?"
"My mother is dying, and you're not letting me go home?! What the fuck is your problem?!"
"My problem, Brooklyn, is that you have already taken two weeks off this year, for 'family reasons'. And you didn't hand in any work during those two weeks."
Brook rolled her eyes. "I didn't have any work or assignments to do. I had already done my part in the group design project at that point. It's nearly the end of the year, I can sit exams at home and do revision at home. I get perfect grades, all my assignments are always handed in on time and I've never missed one class because of sickness. My mother mightn't make it past my exams, and which is more fucking important?!"
Mrs. Riley rubbed her forehead. "That's really not my problem, Brooklyn. How do I know you're not just making this up?"
"You do know who my mother is, right? Her retirement was all over the news last week."
"Yeah, kid, I don't really care if your mother is the pope. You have 5 professors and 5 classes to attend each week, and they have lives too. Why should you get special treatment?"
"I'm not asking for special treatment. All of my work at the moment, I can do at home. It's all theory at the moment. An essay, I can write at home with my eyes closed. But the last few months, weeks maybe even days with my mother? I need that. I can catch up on work if I miss it, but I'll never be able to get that back."
"Whomp whomp. Get to class, O'Carroll, or you won't have any classes."
Brook stepped back, chuckled and shrugged her shoulders as she glared at the horrible principal in front of her. "Fine. I drop out. Or expel me if you want. But I'm leaving right now. There is nothing keeping me here, but there is everything bringing me there."
"Fine. It's your course that's gone, it's your loss."
"I'm dealing with a loss at the moment, and it's not this fucking course. I'm out."
She slammed the door of the office on the way out, and stormed towards the car park. She took out her phone, and dialed a number.
"Hey, Maxie? Yeah, I'll be down later this evening, they didn't budge. Yeah, I walked out anyway, fuck this course. Yeah, yeah, they'll be cross but that doesn't matter right now. I'll just get a bus and the train then, just keep telling them there's a bus delay and that I love them. K, thanks bro. Love you too."
She then sent a text to her boyfriend Josh, telling him where she'd be. She knew he was sitting a test at the moment and wouldn't be able to try to stop her. She walked to the bus station, pulling the last two years of college behind her and loading it above her seat a few minutes later. She didn't care though; becoming a fashion designer wasn't worth missing the last opportunity to have a full family dinner.
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