Contains trauma and talks of S.H
***
A sigh escaped my lips as I tossed the plate of cold food into the microwave. I hadn't left that big room all day and I had planned to sleep without food but my stomach was punishing me for not eating the day before and then today.
I pulled out a glass cup from the cabinet and walked towards the tap. I was parched but I swore to myself I wouldn't touch the bottles of cold water in the fridge. I knew they were his.
Just as my glass filled and I rose it to my lips, I heard footsteps.
He was back.
I took a few sips before hearing him speak.
“What are you doing here?” he asked in annoyance. I couldn't find the right words, instead I rose my brows. “I told you not to leave your room, did I not” I couldn't tell whether he was tired or just sleepy but his accent grew thicker.
“I know, I just came down to get some-“
“If you know then why did you come out?! I'm losing it because I don't know for sure who I'm looking for and you're not making it any better for me.” his eyes held so much anger and I felt myself taking a step backwards till I hit the sink.
My tongue was tied, should I defend myself? Should I argue with him?
My eyes left his to his scattered and disheveled hair, I'm sure he had run his hand into it multiple times today. I couldn't help but imagine how it felt since it looked so silky and smooth.
“You don't understand the importance of everything I'm doing. Our actions have consequences.” I watched the movement of his lips before my eyes returned to his. “You can't take instructions, and that's the problem with you Molinas. Do you want to end up like your fathe-“
What the actual fuck
He finally realized what he was about to say and shut his mouth, and suddenly all the rage disappeared from his eyes.
My body shook with anger as I stared up at him, my eyes telling him of the resentment I felt towards him. “Fuck you.“ my mouth opened up to say but it wasn't louder than a whisper.
“Mercedes,” he called but it was already too late, I walked as fast as my legs could take me. “Mercedes!” I heard him call again before I ran up the staircase.
***
What did I fucking expect? Ermanno Sandrino gain human empathy overnight?
Just because he saved you from a burning room doesn't change the fact that he ruins lives for a living.
Doesn't make him any different from the people who killed Papá, who killed Mami, the dirty pigs that killed mi hermano
Get that into your fucking head!
Frustration overwhelmed me as I threw down the cosmetics on the vanity table. I screamed, so much that my chest hurt before finally breaking down on the bare floor. I tried my best to cry but I couldn't.
What was I supposed to do now?
How was I supposed to live? To leave?
To top it all, I was still so hungry, my stomach growled and turned causing me to wince in pain.
I felt so much pain, and it wasn't even physical. My heart banged against my rib cage as I frantically searched for anything to distract me from the pain in my heart away, even if it was just temporary.
My chest squeezed as I gasped out for air, the room was breezy but my lungs rejected its air, I felt my walls closing in on me. I needed to breath. I needed to live.
I gasped out as all I could see was red. The pain in my chest intensified, It brought me lower than my knees gasping for air.
There it was, my escape. My eyes spotted a broken glass from the perfume and I hurriedly crawled to it. Gripping it in my palm, with little hesitation, I dug it into the skin of my forearm and went slowly down. I winced in pain as the crimson liquid dropped to the floor.
Slowly the pain in my chest reduced and I could finally breath again. I stared at my fresh wound, the pain I felt was nothing compared to what I felt in my chest yet it was enough to remind my that I was still alive.
Amazed by what I had just done, I bit my lips hard to hold my tears, I had never done this before, ever. Even though I jumped from foster to foster home, even though I had been abused, I had never self harmed still I didn't regret it, it didn't take up to a minute before I could breath again.
I wasn't asthmatic but my breath hitched time to time. First time it happened was when the police officers had confirmed my parents death. Even though I had slept next to their lifeless body all night, I was convinced they were just asleep so having a police officer look into your eyes and tell you your parents are no more at age
nine was just a lot to take in. Nobody expected me to be so quiet, they expected me to scream and shout and cry.
Instead I shook my head repeatedly and stared at her. I was so quiet until I felt a sharp pain in my chest and then I forgot how to breath.
I blinked away those sad memories before standing up to rinse the blood.
Tomorrow is another day.
***
Sun rays peeped into the room through the windows, I had risen the curtains up the night before. Majority of the cosmetics were still on the floor, same with a few drops of blood.
I sighed before turning my gaze to my hand. The cut was laced with a purplish red bruise and it still hurt.
I got up to clean the mess I made yesterday because nobody was going to do it for me and when I was all done, I had a shower.
Now, I was in nothing more than a big tee shirt and shorts sitting on the bed inspecting the wound I had given myself. It was definitely going to leave a mark.
I hated those.
I was just about to take a nap when I heard someone try to open my door.
It was that stupid bastard.
I'm glad I locked it.
“Mercedes,” he called before knocking three times.
I ignored him and placed a pillow on both ears.
“I know you didn't eat your dinner yesterday night and I know you didn't eat breakfast. I prepared something, I know you'll like it.” he knocked again.
He was right, I was hungry. But I wasn't going to be tempted. I wouldn't eat anything made by a criminal. He was a horrible brute and I hope he rots in hell.
My silence annoyed him.
“Why do you always have to be so stubborn? Just listen to me!”
Over my dead body.
My stomach growled loudly but I wasn't going to open the door. I curled my toes and shut my eyes tighter.
“I know you're upset, come out let's talk. I know you can hear me" he kept quiet waiting for my response.
My silence will eat him up.
Then all of a sudden, his other end was quiet..I was almost convinced he had left.
“Mercedes Molina, I admit what I said wasn't the best choice of word, but I was extremely exhausted and I'm trying to keep you safe, the least you could do is not be so unreasonable.”
Fucking dick!
Was this his definition of an apology?
He waited once again for my response and when I didn't say anything, he hit against the door. “Fine. Starve, Moccioso." (Brat)
The nerve of this guy.
I pulled the covers and covered myself with it. He hadn't seen unreasonable yet.
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Alright guys! The twenty fifth chapter of GATM! If you liked it please vote, share and comment.
Till next time!