Client: Diverselyunique
Reviewer: rebecca_batteur
Title:
I find the title very well thought out and very intelligent. Indeed, it can be interpreted in various ways. First, the relationship between the two main characters will be over within thirty days, or, second, they are destined to get lost and not see time pass during these thirty days. I think both interpretations are interesting, given that one suggests a rather tragic outcome to their relationship while the second suggests that they can still find a way to find each other. All hope has not yet disappeared. In addition, the title is very evocative of the subject of the story and that is a good thing in my opinion, it reminds us of what is going to happen.
Cover:
The cover is very pretty but also very evocative and allows us to get a good overall idea using the title of the subject the story will treat. The title font is easy to read and works well for a light, romantic story like this and the symbolism of the photograph being torn in two fits the book perfectly. We have the idea of a separation and also the possibility that this separation is not permanent, since a hand holds the two pieces and seems to want to either bring them together or push them even further apart, as if the decision was not still taken. The break is very clear, one might think that it is not yet impossible to save the couple.
Blurb:
There are a few mistakes in your summary. First, in the first sentence, you should put "like I was the worst thing ever". Then, in the second sentence, there is an error in the verb, "approaches" is the correct way to write it. There is also an error in the commas just after, in the spelling of a word, and in the concordance of tenses, "but what he doesn't know is a lot is about to happen". The summary works, I don't think I have much to complain about, it is clear, concise, precise, and gives a good image of the rest of the story as well as the complicated relationship that now unites two previously close characters. I love the quote at the beginning, it works very well. I could perhaps ask for more details about Ilana's motivation but that's not necessary either, it's almost optional. I think the summary is fine in this way, but developing it further is not to be ruled out, using questions "What will become of their relationship?" "Will they succeed in putting the pieces together?", it's an option, that's all, perhaps to reinforce a little the incentive function of the summary.
Plot:
I don't know if there's a plot to speak of, given that this is a primary love story, not so much centering on a series of actions, mysteries, or unexpected twists. I don't mean that the story is predictable or that it doesn't have a narrative thread, but rather that that's not what it focuses on. The only questions one might have is about whether or not the two characters will come back together, and this isn't so much plot concerns but more character concerns, so I think I'll move on to them immediately.
Characters:
Michale:
I should point out that I'm not sure of the spelling of his first name, since he's called Michale most of the time, except for a few rare times when his name is spelled Michael.
I don't know what to think about him, other than that he's a particularly unsympathetic character to me. I suspect this is somewhat the principle, however, there are still limits to the way you can treat someone. At the beginning of the story, we quickly learn that he and Ilana have been separated for some time and that they have no or almost no contact with each other, except for the rare times when Michale shows up at home unannounced to eat with his daughter, without first warning his wife, who is forced to give him her share of the meal so that he can spend some time with Ira. This already gives you the setting. Michale doesn't seem very attentive to the needs of his family and is even rather rude to his wife even though we haven't even met him. He doesn't bother to tell her when he'll come, which prevents her from making any plans since he could arrive at any time. Then, I don't know exactly what job Ilana does but I hope that this job pays well so that she continues to take care of her house and her daughter alone since her husband doesn't seem to, or it's not mentioned, provide her with the slightest financial support. He takes very little care of his daughter and lets his wife take care of everything while he is with another woman and very openly.
Then we finally meet Michale and he is even worse than we could have imagined. He comes, without warning as usual, and says nothing to his wife who has to get used to his comings and goings, completely ignoring what she might have planned that evening, the "poor" man has to come and spend time with his daughter. I also find it very ironic that he still wears his ring even though he has made it very clear that he no longer loves Ilana. Why keep this ring? And why does Ilana appreciate the gesture? It's not at all respectful, it's almost hypocritical and only taunts her mercilessly. He no longer considers her his wife, doesn't spend time with her, hates her, and keeps the ring anyway. This is not what will allow him to respect their marriage. If he respected this marriage, he wouldn't cheat on his wife or at least wait until he was divorced from her.
He arrives to file for divorce from his wife, a plausible situation given that they haven't lived together for a long time and he has made it clear that he no longer loves her. However, we can perhaps question his action, to suddenly show up and hand her the divorce papers immediately after eating, asking her only to sign them, without having said a single word to her during the entire meal, having asked her how she was doing, how things were going for her, at least a semblance of caring before breaking up their marriage and permanently destroying the already non-existent married life they had.
He asks her to sign the papers immediately as if he is in a big hurry. So one might ask, why is he in a hurry now when it's been about five years since they barely spoke and didn't live together? Why only divorce now? We know he just got engaged but still... Wouldn't it have been more comfortable to get divorced earlier? He had plenty of time to do it during those five years and it's not like he was with his mistress for a short time, I don't understand what in the situation could push him to stay married to Ilana for that long while hating her so much all this time. We know Ilana's reasons, but his... He doesn't care about his daughter's well-being since he's seldom home. So I don't understand why divorce happens so late in their lives.
Secondly, the level of insolence this man displays is simply breathtaking. He divorces her without explaining anything to her, giving her time to get used to the news, to think about arrangements, to think about her future life, since, clearly, during these five years, if he acted like he was already divorced, she lived as if she were still married, without thinking in the least about rebuilding her life, without seeing other men and, even if her marriage was falling apart, she still clung to it. But he has no consideration for her, he doesn't even tell her that, if he wants to divorce her so quickly, it's because he is now engaged. We already knew he was with someone else and had been with someone else for long enough that Ilana knew perfectly well who it was. However, he could have had the decency to wait until they were divorced to announce their engagement because, at the moment, he is committing the crime of adultery and I believe that, in some countries at least, it is illegal. Dating another woman is hard enough without him getting engaged before he's even completely broken up with his former wife. If I were his mistress, I would be a little worried by the lack of kindness with which he treats Ilana even though she said nothing all these years while he cheated on her. When he announces he wants a divorce, he gives her no reason and, if she hadn't heard the news elsewhere, she would never have known why he so suddenly wanted to leave her. I find it even more petty to do this behind her back.
He does not even allow her to give her opinion on the conditions of the divorce and negotiations are completely absent. He decides everything for her without taking into account her desires and feelings. Even though he hates her, there is still a legal process, they have to discuss custody of Ira, but this subject is not brought up until much later, when Ilana insists that he stay more with them. What would he have done otherwise? He mentions that he had not yet discussed it with his new fiancée. I find it very special and surprising of him to be in such a hurry to remarry to the point that he hasn't even talked about how to take care of his daughter with his mistress.
Additionally, with the flashbacks that are shown, it can be deduced that the two, Michale and Ilana, have already argued in the past and that Michale deliberately used the name of his mistress to hurt Ilana, which makes the character even more questionable in my eyes.
Michale accepts Ilana's conditions, only because he wants the divorce to be declared as quickly as possible, and decides to stay by their side for 30 days. I will talk more about this agreement later because I have some complaints about this arrangement. However, he keeps leaving and coming back later. I find the whole thing quite chaotic since during these 30 days he takes the time to speak to his fiancée to tell her the situation and also the time to go to work, which I don't understand at all. If he leaves to go to work every day, it ruins the whole principle of the agreement, the same thing if he takes the time to go and warn his mistress. I don't think he should have told anyone, but I think for the deal to work, the 30 days should have only started after he talked to his fiancée about it, during a period where he would have taken a certain amount of vacation, to be able to spend time with his family, as he is supposed to do. Instead, he keeps leaving the house and doesn't come back until pretty late at night, which makes no sense to me, given that the whole point of the agreement is to force him to spend time together to resolve their concerns.
Michale is constantly very arrogant, insolent, and even stupid. When he finally agrees to stay, he asks Ilana to respect the fact that he is now engaged to someone else, a very ironic request in my eyes. Ilana herself notes it in her head. He's still her husband, he doesn't have to tell her things like that as long as they're married. Furthermore, I find these words very disrespectful. What does he believe? That Ilana can't control herself and is just waiting to throw herself at him? They have been separated for five years, I think she is capable of staying with him for thirty days without doing anything. It's also very arrogant to highlight the fact that he is engaged, given that he is still married to her, normally the law prohibits him from getting engaged at the moment until he is officially divorced. It's also very cruel towards Ilana, he reminds her that he no longer loves her but also his infidelity, as if he had the right to be proud of it, as if he shouldn't have been ashamed of doing this behind her back. He then even questions her, almost with hatred, about how she found out about his engagement. Once again, this is hypocritical of him, he should question himself, she shouldn't have had to learn this way, he should have told her upfront when he asked her to sign divorce papers. I'm still stuck on this because I can't think of a reason for him to keep his engagement a secret. Ilana already knew he was with another woman, it wouldn't take long for her to understand that he was leaving her to be with this other woman.
Michale continues to show what a horrible man he is. He is annoyed that Ira calls her uncle dad, as if he is blaming Ilana for making her spend more time with his uncle than with him. Very ironic, given that we know very well that if he doesn't spend as much time with Ira as his uncle does, it's because he chose it, he could have taken her several times a week, asking to spend time with her, or simply been more present at home to be able to take care of her. But no, he can't stand Ilana's presence, it seems, not enough at least to take care of his daughter. Not enough to take her with him, which I don't understand at all. The story seems to want to highlight the fact that Michale cares about his daughter and that he loves her but, so far, we don't see things that way. He is affectionate with her, it's true, but, apart from that, he is often absent, to the point that his daughter impatiently awaits his return because she rarely sees him, does not talk about her custody at all when he broaches the subject of divorce with his wife and, later in the story, even talks about leaving her completely to Ilana when they divorce because his fiancée doesn't want to raise someone else's daughter. How can he be angry that his daughter calls her uncle daddy when he behaves much more like a father than him? Ilana is not unhappy about keeping her daughter entirely to herself, although it is quite inconsistent, given that she also wanted Ira to have her father by her side, however, I can understand her position, it would be unfair to be left in this way by a man she doesn't hate and to also have to lose her daughter in the process. However, it is completely incredible to me that Michale is not more reluctant to leave his daughter behind and not even spend a few days a week or month with her.
He doesn't seem to have any personality aside from loving Hannah and hating Ilana and appears to be a man-child who doesn't know how to do or decide anything for himself. He gets angry with Ilana when she criticizes him for his prolonged departures when he is supposed to spend time with Ira and he retorts that he does not need her permission to see his fiancée when, once again, that's the whole principle of their agreement.
This man doesn't know how to do anything, he doesn't know how to tie a tie by himself, whereas Ilana, who never wears a tie, knows how to do it, same thing for Hannah I think. He doesn't know how to change a tire while his wife has to learn how to do it...
He is also very contradictory in his reactions. For a moment, he tells Ilana that he cares about her and that he has never stopped caring about her even though, until now, he has behaved deplorably towards her. Just once, when she said she had a headache and would rather order food than have to cook herself, he told her that she might have a headache but her hands still worked. I found this exchange scandalous, Michale acts like a teenager, and is extremely rude to Ilana, couldn't he take care of the meal himself if she isn't feeling well? He ends up getting annoyed saying that he didn't even want to be here in the first place. Once again, it's very immature of him, it's an agreement he made with his wife, he agreed to spend these thirty days with her, she isn't even rude to him and even tries to step aside most of the time to let him spend time with his daughter when he doesn't deserve it given the little effort he makes to ensure that this little girl has a normal life.
He says he cares about Ilana, he is worried when he discovers that she is taking antidepressants and asks her how long it has been going on. It's pretty stupid of him to ask that when he's the man who left her when she had just had Ilana and lost a child. And then he wonders why she's taking antidepressants? He left her alone to take care of her daughter at a time when she was extremely vulnerable, he did nothing to help her or at least to relieve some of her responsibility of having to raise their daughter while she had just lost someone so dear to her heart. And then he blames her for crying all the time, for being whiny. This man is detestable, I must say it, he is odious. I don't find any quality in him that would make me love him or at least understand him. He sometimes has some sweet attention, and he is friendly to Ilana when they share a meal together in a farmers' restaurant for example, but the whole thing is very strange and quite incoherent since he endlessly oscillates between hating her and being neutral or even kind to her.
He had asked her to respect the fact that he was engaged to someone else but kept breaking this rule by strangely addressing her as someone who hated her so much, to touch her, when he discovers that she is taking antidepressants, she is the one who ends up moving away because she does not want to break this rule.
I almost understand Hannah's anger at the end when she finds him in a restaurant with his whole family. But, I must add that she should almost have expected it, given that she is engaged to a man still married who treats his wife in an abominable way and suddenly shows up one day only to divorce without even discussing it first. This man has no personality and just does what she asks, even when she wants him to abandon her daughter.
Hannah's character only appeared a little during the story, however, I don't see her in a very good light given that she agreed to be with a married man who had just had a daughter. I don't hold her solely responsible, I think Michale is largely to blame and I understand that the agreement between Michale and Ilana could make her furious. Anyone would be scared when their fiancé is forced to reconnect with his wife and daughter when they seem to get along so well. However, I still think that there are limits, she should only get angry at Michale since Ilana is innocent in the affair, she was abandoned, and she hasn't shown the slightest anger towards Hannah, not hesitating to show understanding and even kindness towards her. All this time, she let her husband live quietly with Hannah without ever confronting her in person. Could Hannah not show the same tolerance for just 30 days or does she trust Michale so little that she thinks their love can't withstand 30 days of absence? I understand her, I wouldn't trust Michale if I were in her situation, he's an imbecile who doesn't know how to take other people's emotions into account and who believed he could abandon a family as simply as a garment. I don't understand how he can make anyone care about him.
The problem is that I find this character completely incoherent and far too detestable to be interesting. There is nothing forgivable about abandoning your family like this and never settling things for five years, not allowing your wife to have emotional closure. Michale even looks vaguely jealous when he thinks Ilana is pregnant without him knowing who the father is.
There is no justification for the level of hatred he feels towards Ilana, not even the loss of their son. It is said that Ilana, while she was pregnant with Ira, went to the hair salon alone with her infant son Mike. He was supposed to stay inside with her while she was getting her hair done but he went out to get his teddy bear she left in the car and got run over in the process.
Ilana, noticing he was out, went after him, even though she was already seven months pregnant, but arrived only to see him getting run over. So, the pain of losing her son, and her terror, caused Ira's premature birth, while Ilana was in the middle of a panic attack.
I remind you that Ilana was pregnant when all this happened. And what did Michale do when he learned this? He left his wife. Right away, it seems, since it is said that they have not lived together for five years and that Ira is just five years old. What man abandons his wife who has just given birth the same day her son died? He blames her for the death of her son and calls her a murderer... I think it's a bit too much and above all it's very childish of him to try to place all the blame on her, she regrets the loss of his son just as much as him and was not able to prevent it. I find Michale's behavior very questionable and excessive. He even refuses to visit his son's grave with Ilana and her daughter because he doesn't think they are family. Indeed, as he says, his family is Hannah, it is no longer his daughter or his wife, both of whom he abandoned. Even if he no longer loves his wife, he could have the decency to go with her to her son's grave, just for Mike, but no, even for that he doesn't feel capable of overcoming the hatred that Ilana inspires in him.
I must clarify that I have nothing against a hateful character in a story, there are many characters that I like to hate. However, I don't like the way the story tries to diminish the cruelty and wickedness of the character without giving us a real reason to believe it, since all his actions are negative and bad towards Ilana. It's like you're constantly trying to compensate. Look, he's not a bad father, he remembers his daughter and his wife's favorite ice cream flavor. After having abandoned them for five years all the same. The real problem is that I don't understand what your goal is here. Ilana herself, Ilana so kind and so gentle that she doesn't even hate Michale for everything he puts her through, Ilana recognizes that there are still times when he exaggerates. Like when he remarks that he doesn't know that Ira was in the school choir, or when he doesn't know about their tradition of celebrating Ira's birthday at Kayla's house. When he first refuses to turn around so she can get her ring back...
These are moments when we want to hate him but, right after, it's as if you still want to reconcile us with him, when he has a good time with Ilana when she takes charge of changing his tire for him and they eat together in a restaurant. It's this kind of yoyo effect that I don't like at all. You must choose only one path and stop alternating between the two. Honestly, I don't believe in a possible reconciliation. How does one get back together with a man who treats his wife so badly? If that's the lesson you're trying to convey here, I have to say I'm very much against it. This man, even though he was hurt by the death of his son, hurt his wife in an abominable way that could never be repaired and which should not, in my eyes, be repaired. We have Ira's argument, she has the right to spend time with her father. But does her father have the right to spend time with her? Did he deserve, in the five years since her birth, to be her father? He spends very little time with her, her uncle takes care of her more than her father, he doesn't know much about her, and he doesn't care enough about her to treat her mother with respect. He didn't care enough about her to try to stay with Ilana and give her a normal childhood or at least have the decency not to be so disrespectful to Ilana in front of Ira. He doesn't even think about keeping her after his remarriage to Hannah. He breaks his promises to her when he tells her he will pick her up after school and finds himself unable to do so.
Then, he reproaches Ilana for her demands when she highlights the fact that he should make sure to always keep the promises made to his daughter. He states that he did not know that this was part of the contract. As if keeping the word given to his daughter was an insurmountable effort. Honestly, I don't know how Ira manages to still love her father when he cares so little about her.
I find it very difficult to see how his character and everything he has done so far could be changed or improved by future decisions and I sincerely hope that Ilana manages to get rid of him and lead a happier life.
Ilana:
Ilana is immediately established as the "saint" of this story. She is perfect in every way, gentle, good, and forgives easily. This woman is an example, she managed to raise her daughter alone, after her son died and her husband left her, cheating on her with another woman. She gathered her strength, she changed, as she says herself, she learned things, how to change a tire, how to fend for herself and I can only respect her strength.
She appears as a strong character who does not hesitate to sacrifice herself for the good of others. Thus, she overcomes her pain and her grief to ask Michale to spend thirty days by her side to offer a semblance of a normal life to her daughter.
I have to say that, at first, I didn't understand this decision, given that thirty days in a lifetime wasn't going to amount to much, especially since Ira is only five years old, but I think I understood that Ira is ill, although details have not been released. I don't know what to think yet but it seems to me that Ira may be either dying or close to going indefinitely to the hospital, although I would prefer the second option where Ira would have a chance of survival. I hope for Ilana's sake that it's the second option. How would she survive without her daughter after the loss of her son and the departure of her husband?
Whether it's the first or second option, it seems that Ira's time is limited and she will soon have to face something terrible. Cancer perhaps? I find this plot of the story very interesting since it highlights pressing issues, a reason behind these thirty days, and above all a dramatic element that will be striking when it intervenes in the story.
I understand Ilana's desire, however, I think that she is not necessarily going about it in the best way or, rather, she must face the ordeal of having a husband like Michale, who has no regard for her or Ira and permanently breaks their agreement. She asked him for thirty days but he kept leaving to work or chat with Hannah. After an argument between the two of them, rather than discussing it calmly like adults with his wife, he leaves for five days, once again breaking their agreement. He can't make an effort, even though he knows well, Ilana made it clear, that she is doing all this for their daughter.
Ilana is a strong character who faces real challenges, that of relying more on those around her, her brother, Ithan, or Ethan, we find both spellings in the text and, sometimes, his name is even exchanged with that of Michale, further reinforcing the confusion, her friend Kayla... It must be said that the poor thing didn't have much support, her husband left her, and she only had the two of them to support her and it also seems that her entire family did not approve of her marriage to Michale. Given the latter's personality, this seems rather justified, it has only brought her misfortune. Ilana had to deal with a lot of things alone, she had no one to confide in, it also seems that she tried very hard to make it appear that her marriage was going well, she doesn't seem to have said to anyone that Ira was sick...
However, although the character is quite admirable, I don't like that she is somewhat forbidden from starting anew. It's been five years since her husband left but she still waits for him, leaves him her meal when he passes without warning, does not reproach him for his infidelities, accepts everything from him, supports everything... She declares that it is his choice to destroy everything but it's her choice to pick up the pieces. It's not a choice, nor is it a situation she should stay in. If he no longer wanted her, his daughter, and their life, why continue to be attached to her? Why force yourself to remain at his service, to respond to his slightest desires? I suspect she still loves him, otherwise she would never have lasted this long. However, I cannot help but feel great sadness seeing this woman condemning herself to a life of unhappiness by clinging to a man who no longer wants her or their marriage, simply because she has a sense of duty...
I find this kind of situation revolting, especially since it can happen in real life.
Ilana seems the archetype of the devoted woman, she waits without reproaching anything, and she keeps her ring, even though the man to whom she is married hates her, openly cheats on her, and has just announced his desire to divorce. In itself, this is not necessarily a bad thing but I fear that the story will take a path that I like less, where Ilana would perhaps return with Michale. I think that would be the worst way to end this story. Given the way he treated her, it would be a terrible lesson to suggest that she should go back to him anyway. Or it would take a very long time and drastic changes in this man, and a huge amount of apologies. It's the problem of having made Ilana so perfect, next to it, Michale only looks more monstrous and annoying.
I also don't like at all the idea that Ilana doesn't know how to keep her house or keep her man, although I suspect that these are only reproaches that guilt brings to Ilana's mind. There's a sort of undercurrent here that I don't like, that women must always remain devoted and loving, even when their husbands leave them and are disrespectful. I know that it's part of Ilana's personality to be like that, and I really like her loving and maternal side, but I would still like her life to be more than just being Michale's good wife.
I also find it quite unfortunate that she was unable to express anger or even reproach to Michale, despite everything he had done. I know she's looking for peace but he's behaving in such a deplorable way that I think confronting him with his mistakes would be necessary so that he might finally grow up. Instead, at the moment, all of Ilana's remarks are silent and she never says them out loud. Maybe that will change, at least I hope so.
Pace:
The pace is quite pleasant, I didn't find myself bored at all given the length of the chapters and the speed at which I could read them, they were constructed intelligently and I have no complaints to make. I just have to say that I think flashbacks should be done more delicately, rather than directly marking "flashback".
Grammar:
The grammar is very often inconsistent, the names of the characters are sometimes poorly written or even exchanged, like with Ithan and Michale, which I still don't know if they are spelled like that. The verbs are not always well conjugated, there are several mistakes. It's not a huge deal, of course, but I think it's important to pay attention to, especially when the names of the main character's brother and husband are swapped. Rereading the text will be enough, I think.
Writing style:
I think you are very good at bringing interesting characters to life, or at least with interesting stories, the dialogues are well done, and the descriptions are not very numerous but that is not necessary to write a good story. The whole thing is not very striking. I still think that there are elements to review, like flashbacks, as I already said, or even turns of phrases. I remember one, "Today is the tomorrow". I found it quite poorly said or a little clumsy. Describing the characters might help a little, perhaps, but it's not obligatory either. For example, throughout the story, I had no idea what Ilana looked like, and without the mention at the end of one chapter of the possibility that Florence Pugh could play her, I would never have been able to guess what she looked like. It all depends on what you want to do. I think that, in this type of story, a very emphatic or descriptive writing style is not necessary, the one you have is good enough for the task.
Personal Enjoyment:
Once again, the characters were interesting and the story was also gripping, I found myself immersed in it, especially thanks to the fast pace. I think what helped the most was how easily I could get annoyed with Michale and his actions. I enjoyed hating him because he was acting in such a horrible way that it was almost unbelievable. The emotions described here were strong and I think the fact that I could feel more or less personally concerned by the story also played a big role. I couldn't yet say that it's a completely memorable story, certain themes leave me wary because I don't know how they will be treated and others leave me with an aftertaste in my mouth which is not the best. I tried to point out various flaws that I thought were pretty significant but, since I don't know which direction the story is heading, I can't say for now whether these defects will persist in the future. I only recommend being careful about how to treat Michale, and perhaps finally defining how his name should be written, because I wrote Michale from start to finish only to see my automatic corrector tell me that it's a grammatical error.