Chapter 11
"And now you also live here?" She pointed to the surroundings. I nodded.
Magkaharap kami ngayon sa sala, hinihintay na tumunog ang takore hudyat na kulo na ang tubig. Tanging ilaw lang at ang nakabalot na tuwalya sa katawan ang pinagkukuhanan namin ng init.
Hindi pa kami nakapagbihis, balak ko sanang parihamin siya ng damit pero nawili ako sa pagkwento ng mga naranasan namin dito sa shop.
She didn't ask me to tell my story or make me feel obliged now that I had heard something about her past, yet I still did. It is my way of consoling her, to make her forget what happened, even for a while.
I don't share with people what happened in my life or my past because I'm afraid they'll use it against me, but in her, I found myself easily shredding the walls down.
She keeps making me get out of my comfort zone on my own. Just how long will it take for me to completely bend my principles? Only for her?
I trust Ash, and I know she also trusts me, especially since she made me stay even though they were having an argument. Somehow, I feel such fulfillment kahit na hindi naman dapat kasi nagtatalo sila, but I have this urge to be there for her when she needs me, and I'm glad that I was a while ago.
Napayakap siya sa tuwalya, nanginginig ang kamay niya pati na ang labi. Nag-aalala na ako, sana kumulo na ang tubig para makapagkape na kami at nang mainitan siya lalo.
Pansin ko ang hinhin at elegant niya pa rin tignan kahit nilalamig. She's definitely an eye candy and I can no longer deny it, she's pretty intentional with her actions too.
Hindi ako masyadong pumupuri sa kapwa since hindi naman big deal sa akin ang hitsura ng mga tao but I really find her attractive and prolly more than that.
There are no words that can justify how she looks.
"Why are you staring? Do I look pale? Don't worry, I'm good. . . my skin is just pale." Sunod-sunod na sabi niya dahilan para magtaka ako.
Ano kaya hitsura ko kanina habang tinitignan siya at naging ganito ang reaksyon niya?
"Nilalamig ka ba?" What a dumb question, self! It is as if I asked her if she was breathing.
"Not really. . ." she said, smiling. "Your fiery stares is enough to warm me up." Napaismid ako.
Hala sige! Ginaw na't lahat-lahat maharot pa rin!
"Hindi naman sapat 'yan para mainitan ka—"
"It turns me on—"
"Shut up!" Napahampas ako sa lamesa. Natawa siya. Uminit ang likod ng tenga ko dahil sa hiya.
Kanina pa kami naghihintay pero hindi pa rin kumukulo ang tubig. Baka mamaya lagnatin siya, halata pa naman na hindi siya sanay maligo sa ulan.
Ilang sandali pa, marahan niyang tinanggal ang tuwalyang nakabalot sa sarili. Sobrang lamig na nga tapos nakuha niya pang gawin 'yan?
Ngumiti siya sa 'kin, ngiting may binabalak.
My heart pounded loudly nang umakto siyang huhubarin ang suot na damit. Nakataas na ang laylayan ng damit niya which made her clock-like waist exposed. Sobrang puti at kinis nito.
Her eyes were on me all the time, and her sculpted upper abs made me gulp, yet she didn't stop there. She slowly lifted the shirt even more.
Nang medyo kita ko na ang suot niyang bra, agad akong tumayo at hinawakan siya sa kamay.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
"Changing, obviously."
Walang pasabi kong inalalayan siya na ibaba ang t-shirt niya, her eyes sparkled as I did that.
"Hindi naka-lock ang pinto! Baka mamaya may pumasok tapos bosohin ka, diyan ka lang, kukuha lang ako ng damit na ipapahiram sa 'yo."
Binitawan ko ang kamay niya nang mapansin kong nandoon ang tingin niya, I faked a cough to get her attention. Umayos ako sa pagkakatayo.
"It's so cold. . ." reklamo niya.
"Exactly kaya ba't ka naghuhubad?!" Napadabog ako.
She flashed her exquisite smile. "Papainit tayo."
Napasinghal ako ng wala sa oras. She giggled at my reaction. Sira-ulo?! Don't be a tease Natasha! Napailing na lang ako at naisipang i-lock ang pinto.
"What should I do if someone is harassing me?"
Kahit nakatalikod batid kong nilingon niya ang direksyon ko. May gumawa ba niyan sa kaniya?
"Malamang kasuhan mo." I locked the door.
"If someone is eye rqping me?"
I turned to her. Nakahalumbaba siya sa lamesa at seryosong tumingin. "Why are you asking?"
"I want to know. . ."
I hope she's healed from such a traumatic event if ever man na nangyari 'tong mga tinatanong niya.
I sighed. "Kasuhan mo,"
"Should I file a case against you then?"
Natigil ako sa paglakad. I pointed my face. "May ginawa ba ako?"
"You were eye rqping me a while ago." Niyakap niya ang sarili, hala? Grabe ha!?
Tumingin siya sa 'kin na parang maamong tupa na inabuso ng may-ari.
"I did? E wala nga akong nakita bukod sa ribs mo kanina. . ." napataas siya ng kilay.
Hindi ko mapigilan na mapangiti. Gusto ko rin ang ganitong side niya, 'yung medyo mataray. Weird as it may seem but I find her amusinly attractive, kahit ano atang ipakita niyang ugali matatanggap ko.
"Ribs? I have abs idiot!"
Tinaas niya muli ang damit. Nagmadali akong nagtungo sa kusina at tinakpan ang gilid ng mata para hindi siya makita.
Napa-face palm ako nang mapagtantong walang laman ang butane, kaya pala hindi pa kumukulo ang tubig. Binuksan ko ang stove at pinalitan ang butane.
Pag-lingon ko bumungad sa akin si Natasha na nakasandal sa daanan patungo sa sala. Nasa likod niya ang banyo, habang nasa likod ko mismo ang kwarto ko.
"It's pretty spacious in here,"
She's right. Plano ko nga someday na ako mismo ang mag-design ng shop. After kasi ng sala is ang likuan sa right kung saan naroon ang pwesto ni tito para kausapin ang mga kliyente. Then sa likuran ng mga kliyente ay ang bulaklak at mga lapida na wala pang letra. Ang kwarto naman ni tito ay nasa mismong gilid ng sala, kaharap ng banyo.
"Masyado na bang malamig? Kukuha lang ako ng damit." Nakabalot na siya ulit ng tuwalya habang hinihimas-himas ang balikat.
"You'll lend me your s-shirt?"
"Ilang beses ko na kayang sinabi, ikaw ha, hindi ka nakikinig sa 'kin."
"No. . . your words matter to me, it's just that your card will always steal the spotlight."
"Card?"
"Your purity," she emphasized her face like it was the one she refers.
"Palusot,"
She chuckled. "Your words truly matter, I swear. I always find myself listening each time you speak, it's because I know you barely do it."
"Oo na, oo na, papahiramin nga kita, not unless may dala ka?" She shook.
"Do you have some hoodie?"
Tumango ako. A simple shirt might not help her ease the coldness she felt.
"Kukunin ko lang. . . maghintay ka na lang muna sa sala, mamaya pa kukulo ang tubig dahil kakapalit ko pa lang din ng butane."
"Okay then," tila magiliw na bata siyang bumalik sa sala.
Nagmamadaling sinara ko ang pinto ng kwarto, kahit alam kong malinis hindi ko pa rin mapigilan na ma-conscious. Inayos ko ulit ang kama, kahit ang gamit sa study table ko ay inayos ko rin.
Teka bakit ako natataranta? As if naman papasok siya rito, saka kahit gustuhin niya man ay hindi ko siya papapasukin, sila Belle nga hindi nakapasok no'ng dumalaw sila e.
Kinuha ko ang dalawang hoodie at jogger pants. Ipapahiram ko sa kaniya ang white then I'll wear the black one. Kumuha rin ako ng underwear na hindi ko pa nagamit, sana naman kasya sa kaniya pero sa tingin ko masikip e.
Marahan kong binuksan ang pinto, napasandal ako sa gulat nang nasa harapan siya mismo at maamong ngumingiti.
Sabi ko sa sala maghintay! Bakit ba siya laging sumusulpot? Wala man lang pasabi!
Hinarang ko ang katawan nang umakto siyang papasok sa kwarto. Nakasandal ako sa left habang 'yung kamay at paa ko ay nasa right.
Her brows furrowed out of confusion. "Doon. . ." I pointed to the restroom with my lips.
"Do you want a kiss?" Mabilis akong umiling. I stood properly at tinuro ang direksyon ng banyo gamit ang kamay.
"My bad. . . I thought you want a kiss." She said, giggling.
Iniabot ko sa kaniya ang mga ipapahiram, natigil ako nang maiabot ang underwears. Bumilis ang kabog ng puso ko. Parehas kaming babae, bakit ako nahihiya?!
Nagsimulang uminit ang likod ng tenga ko pati ang pisnge nang makuha niya ito. Buong mukha ko na ata ang umiinit nang marahan siyang tumawa.
"How cute. . ." itinaas niya ang bra at nakangiting tinitignan ang bawat sulok nito.
Napapikit ako ng mariin bago sinalubong ang tingin niya. "E'di ako na hindi pinagpala!"
Napaatras siya. "I'm talking about the design, why are you shouting?" Kunot ang noo niya, halatang nagtataka.
Mas lalong uminit ang mukha ko, napakagat ako sa labi. Stripe na mala-zebra ang design ng bra. Malay ko bang 'yon ang tinutukoy niya?!
Eventually, she laughed. Na-gets niya na siguro bakit ako sumigaw.
"It's not that bad. . ." her eyes glint as she slowly shifted her gaze unto my boobs. Napayakap ako sa sarili.
"Don't be upset, it's not that small. . . it's actually good enough for my hands." My mouth awed.
Malaki ang ngiting tumakbo siya tungo sa banyo, natuod ako sa kinatatayuan at nahimasmasan lang nang marinig ang pagsara ng pinto.
"Natasha!" I shouted with my eyes widened, only to hear her soft laughs. Kairita!
Nagdadabog akong pumasok sa kwarto para magbihis, pagkatapos niyan sinampay ko ang tuwalyang ginamit. Kumuha ulit ako ng extra pang tuwalya para sa buhok namin.
Ilang sandali pa lumabas na siya, hawak-hawak ang basang mga damit. Kumuha ako ng plastic saka doon inilagay, iniabot naman niya sa akin ang basang tuwalya na siyang sinampay ko rin.
Tumunog ang takore, pinatay ko agad ang stove at kumuha ng baso at kutsara. Balak ko sanang kumuha ng twin pack kaso wala ng laman ang lalagyan. Ang lakas ko kasi uminom!
"Wala ng twin pack e," I turned to Natasha who's now back in the living room. Nakaupo siya at tila inoobserbahan ang paligid.
"Coffee stick?"
"Umiinom ka rin pala no'n? Meron naman, meron din barako. Which one do you prefer?"
She tilted her head, feeling confused. "How can I call myself a coffee lover if I don't like coffee sticks and barakos?" She walked towards me. May punto siya.
"Only one spoon of sugar please," sumandal siya sa lababo at matamis na ngumiti. "Oh, and a vanilla."
We have the same taste.
Pagkatapos magtimpla bumalik na kami sa sala, magkaharap ulit. Naka-tuwalya na ang buhok namin.
Payapa kaming umiinom not until her way of sipping made a loud sound, para siyang humigop ng sabaw. We exchanged eye contact, and shortly after that, we busted into laughter.
Tumalsik ang kapeng iniinom namin sa lamesa dahil sa pagtawa, may kape rin na lumabas sa ilong ko. Nakakahiya!
Akala ko mandidiri siya pero mas lalo lang siyang natawa dahil doon, para tuloy kaming sira, ang lakas ng tawanan namin to the point na umecho na sa paligid.
"That was embarrassing. . ." she covered her face, and her ears were like a tomato.
Panay pa rin ang tawa niya, I can't help but smile and look at her curved lips. I love that mannerism of hers—each time she laughs, she hides her face like a kid.
"What are you staring at?" She asked matapos maka-recover.
"Nothing." Humigop ako muli.
"You keep staring. . . are you already falling Arin?"
"Asa ka,"
"Just tell me if you're already falling." She smiled, sabay inom.
Napairap ako sa kawalan pero napaisip naman ako kung ano'ng gagawin niya if ever man.
"Why? What are you going to do about it?" Natigilan siya. What's with the reaction? Nagtanong lang naman ako ah?
"For now. . . I don't know. . ." mahina ang tinig na sabi niya, ilag ang tingin at namumula ang tenga. I only shrugged. "Where's your paintings?"
"Bakit?"
"I kept searching but I don't see any of them." Kakaunti na lang ang natira sa mga napinta ko since naibenta na namin nila Mel 'yung kalahati.
Ang mga perang naipon ko galing doon ay nilagay ko muna sa bangko, for future purposes. Habang ang kalahati, I let Melian handle it. I asked a favor since alam kong investor siya. I'm thankful that she didn't hesitate to help me.
Nilagay ko sa loob ng kwarto ang ibang paintings kanina matapos kong maglinis ng paligid. "Nasa room."
Tumango lang siya bilang tugon. I know she wants to get a glimpse of it but decided not to ask, since I didn't let her inside my room kanina. I guess she really does respect privacy.
"Do you want to see it?"
Her face lightened. "May I?"
Tumango ako, I told her to follow me. Nang nasa harapan na kami ng pinto, nagdalawang isip na akong buksan ito.
"Why are you hesitating Arin? Are you hiding something?" She softly asked, sobrang dikit niya sa 'kin. Tumatama sa leeg ko ang hininga niya.
"H-hindi ah. . ." napalunok ako.
Pinadausdos niya ang daliri sa leeg ko bago ako hinawakan sa bewang. Nagdulot ito ng kakaibang boltahe ng kuryente na siyang dahilan ng pagtayo ng balahibo ko.
"You're stuttering Arin. . . don't worry I won't mind if I see toys in your room—"
"I don't have any toys!"
She giggled. "Don't be shy. . . you know teenagers nowadays is most likely to have one—"
"I'm not one of them! Geez! Bibili na lang ako ng materials kaysa diyan." Marahas kong binuksan ang pinto para makawala sa bisig niya.
Nauna siyang naglakad papasok, pagkatapos ay sinara ko ang pinto at pinasindi ang ilaw, kaagad siyang lumapit sa paintings na nasa pader.
"I didn't expect that you're actually good," she said while her gaze was fixed on them.
Iilang segundo lang siyang nakatingin sa bawat painting pero nakuha ata ng isa kong ginawa ang atensyon niya.
It is a nature kung saan ang talon ay malabo, habang naka-pokus ang pinta sa paru-paro na nasa ibabaw ng bulaklak.
I called that one Utopia.
"How much is this?" She turned to me.
"Someone already bought that, kukunin niya na lang."
"Sayang. . ." sumandal ako sa study table habang siya naman ay naka-indian seat sa kama. "Does all of your paintings is already sold?"
"Hindi lahat." Tinuro ko sa kaniya 'yung hindi pa nabibili, tumatango-tango lang siya bilang tugon.
"Contemporary," tukoy niya sa theme ng kwarto ko. Puro white and black ang makikita sa paligid, ninong help me design my room the way I want to.
"What's that?" Hindi pa ako nakakapagtanong kung ano'ng tinutukoy niya pero kaagad itong lumapit sa akin sabay tingin doon sa iginuhit ko kanina.
Ilang inches lang ang pagitan namin kaya amoy na amoy ko siya. Her body scent smells better than any cologne out there.
Kinuha niya 'yung sketching na ginawa ko which is 'yung damit na sinuot niya noong burol. Umupo siya ulit sa kama ko.
"This is me, right?" A smile formed on her lips, and her eyes glint.
"Hindi ah, sino sabi?"
She frowned. "I know it's me."
"Hindi kaya, may hitsura bang nakalagay? 'Di ba wala? I was just. . . sketching some dress." My voice tunes down.
"Oh really? There's no other design like this aside from what I wore last time. I hired a fashion designer for that burial."
Napakagat ako sa labi. Yari. Huli ako! "Really?"
"Yes, so this is me?" Her brows arched, telling how eager she is for confirmation. Wala na akong lusot kaya tumango na lang ako.
"So. . . you were thinking of me." Mapanuksong ngumiti siya sa 'kin.
"Nope, why would I?" Tinawanan niya lamang ako.
"Now I know. . . you have a crush on me." She said dahilan para uminit ang pisnge ko, hindi ko siya crush! Namumula lang ako ngayon kasi nahihiya ako sa mga paratang niya! Tama!
"Hindi kaya!"
"Arin has a crush on me. . ." winagayway niya ang ginuhit ko, kaagad ko itong hinablot at nilagay sa drawer, nagmamadali ko itong sinara.
"You have a crush on me." She flashed her sweetest smile.
"Guni-guni mo lang 'yun." I avoided her gaze, naiilang akong salubungin ang mga tingin niya.
"Oh really? Then why are you avoiding my stare? Look at me Arin. . ." she softly said, umiling lang ako.
"Look at me," her warm palm guided my cheek so our gazes would meet. Her eyes glow with such emotions. Nanlalambot ako sa mga titig niya.
"I have a crush on you. . ." she smiled as an assurance it was true.
"With you I still have control in my autonomy, I felt nothing but security. Your hugs feels like a shelter that I longed, a home. I like everything about you, it's just that. . . your presence and existence feels so warm. It is balanced. You're not that distant and aloof like you think you are, and you're not controlling. You are everything, Arin. You give people space not only because you're guarding yourself, rather, you give them space enough for them to have a place to stay, and a space enough for them to walk away, if they want to. You give them a sense of freedom not anyone does, while you stay by their side. I can breathe freely with you, Arin."
Marahan niyang hinimas ang pisnge ko. Hindi mawari ang init sa dibdib ko. I felt sincerity on her voice, words, and her actions.
Inuulap ang puso ko.
"I never felt this kind of admiration towards someone before, and it is precisely more about you, not just your looks. Everyone knows how your innocent face screams more than nobility, it's captivating. I love your thoughts, your actions, your words. I like how your eyes will shine like an art each time I hear a notable tales of your life. I'm flabbergasted honestly," she chuckled. "When I'm with you I feel so safe, you maybe distant most of the times but your eyes tells everything that you care. I can't help but think if this is just an admiration, really. I do not know. But I am certain about what I said."
She looked at me with such ardent ardor as if she wanted to embrace me just to prove that what she said was really true.
Someone like this has never admired me.
She said those things like every inch of me is more than a gem she treasures. She sounds like a poet, but then, it is not the words that made my heart grow bigger; it is her sincerity that fed me up.
The tears in her eyes fell while she was still smiling. I can't believe she confessed to me—no, I can't even believe someone would confess to me. She felt all of those?
Pinunasan niya ang luha at umatras. "Am I really this old to cry after confession?" Napangiti ako.
"It is true. . . Arin." Umayos siya ng tayo. Her eyes softened, begging me to believe it.
"Crush? Ano ka bata?" I said, concealing what she made me feel.
"Now paint me,"
Natawa ako. "Budol. It's unfair to the artists that they draw, painted, or sketched their crushes for free, tapos in the end walang patutunguhan."
"Paint me." Ayaw ko nga! Kahit alam kong totoo at naramdaman ko ang sinabi niya, baka pala sinabi niya lang 'yun para mapinta ko siya, o kaya copied from internet pala 'yon kaya ang ganda ng linya.
"No,"
"Arin. . ."
"No way!" Umupo ako sa kama. "It doesn't mean na crush rin kita ipipinta na kita! Ano ako? Marupok? Igagaya mo 'ko sa ibang artist na nauwing luhaan kasi 'di ni-receprocrate 'yung feelings?! Nagpaguhit lang pala talaga 'yung taong 'yon sa kanila, pero wala silang balak na ibalik 'yung nararamdaman tapos naubos ang oras ng artist kakagawa! Pati ang materials! Then ano ang ending? Thank you? Gano'n-gano'n lang?! No way!"
Her mouth awed, napakurap din siya.
I crossed my arms. "Oh ano? Tapos nag-effort 'yung mga artist pero ginagamit lang pala? Kasi maganda gumuhit papaguhit ka na lang ng libre? Tapos—"
"What did you say?"
Natigilan ako. "Alin do'n?"
Ang dami ko kayang sinabi! Saka nagsasalita ako for my fellow artist 'no, hindi ko pa nararanasan 'yon e.
"You have a crush on me?"
I gasped. "Ano'ng crush?! Sino'ng may crush? Ako? Crush kita? Sinabi ko 'yan?! Hindi kaya!"
Natawa siya. "Yes, you did."
Nanlaki ang mata ko. "No! Hindi ko masasabi 'yan! Mali ang pandinig mo!"
"Torpe Arin. . ." ngayon siya na ang sumandal sa study table ko, para ulit siyang naka-pose.
"Hindi kaya! Saka hindi kita crush! Ginawa mo pa akong bata." Giit ko.
"Okay. . . calm down, I'll pretend you never said you have a crush on me." She took our slime with a smile.
"Hindi nga kasi! Ano ako bata?!" Kumunot ang noo ko.
"Fine. . . now paint me." Nilapag niya ito muli.
"Ayaw ko nga! Malapit na tumigil ang ulan, uuwi ka na rin niyan maya-maya."
"Pinapauwi mo na ako? E kanina you want me to stay here muna sa shop niyo."
"Kanina 'yon." I pouted sabay iwas tingin.
"I never said you'll paint me for free, I'll pay. Now name your price."
"Talaga?" I bit my inner cheeks, bawal na 'tong tanggihan kikita na naman ako.
"Yes, name your price." Nakangiting sabi niya.
"Nakadepende kasi sa ipipinta ko 'yung presyo, whole body ba? Face? Ano?"
Her eyes turned like a siren. "Naked."
Napakurap ako. "Joke 'yan 'di ba—"
"I'm serious. Paint me, naked."
"Are you trying to seduce me Natasha?"
"I'm not even doing anything, how can you think of that? Why? Is it effective?" She elegantly bit her lips. Napalunok ako ng ilang beses sabay iling.
"Bakit ba kasi naked?! Hindi ako gumagawa ng gano'n!"
"I want to do what Rose and Jack did in the movie Titanic."
"For what?"
"I fancy their story, they met not that long but they found their comfort in each other, they are their person. It's a real love." Her eyes sparkled. "I yearned for something like that, and now I found mine."
I nods. "Ah, so bet mo ang fiction? Hindi naman sila totoo e."
She frowned. "Are you real or not?"
"I'm human. Teka, seryoso nga! Bakit naked?"
"Because I want to." Napangiwi ako.
"Magpinsan nga kayo ni Czarina. . ." I sighed.
Kaagad niya akong tinaasan ng kilay, napakagat ako sa ibabang labi, oo nga pala. . . may issue sila.
"Bakit siya nasali sa usapan?" Napaayos siya ng tayo, tila may usok na lumalabas sa ilong niya.
"Naalala ko lang sinabi niya rin 'yan kanina. . ." tuluyang nag-iba ang aura niya. Ang sama-sama ng tingin na pinupukol niya sa 'kin. Ang dilim.
"Now that's fvcking Titanic-like! You've only met few hours ago yet she's already invading your mind?! That's unfair! I'm taking back what I said! Paint me naked! But not like Titanic!" Mabibigat ang pahinga niya.
Hindi ko alam paano tumanggi, gigil na gigil na siya. "Oo na. . ." kalmadong sabi ko.
"That leech! She only smiled at you and now she's in your mind while me?! It took me a long time—"
"Naalala ko lang, saka gaya ng sabi mo kanina lang kami nagkakilala kaya paano ko siya makakalimutan agad 'di ba?"
"Really? Then what's the name of her mother? You also met a few hours ago right?" She said, smiling.
"Alana." I said with such confidence. Napasinghal siya. "Oh bakit? Alana naman talaga name ah?"
"Ang unique nga e—Hey!" Hinagis niya sa 'kin ang cotton buds na nasa plastik.
"Bwesit!" Nagdadabog siyang umupo sa kama, napausog ako bigla. Halos magkasalubong na ang kilay niya, ang lakas pa makahatak ng titig.
"Wala naman akong ginagawa—"
"It's Diana! Not Alana! Stupid!" Lumabas na rin ang ugat sa leeg niya dahil sa inis.
"Diana pala. . . magkatunog kasi." I smiled plainly, she rolled her eyes. Nag-cross arms siya at tumalikod.
Ilang sandaling katahimikan ang namayani sa 'min. Alam kong pinapakalma niya ang sarili dahil sa mabibigat niyang paghinga, mapapansin din ang mahinang pag-angat-baba ng balikat niya.
Hindi na ako nagsalita, pakiramdam ko magagalit siya kapag may sinabi ako, pero teka? Kailan pa ako natakot sa kaniya? Geez! Dapat nga ako ang magtaray since nasa shop siya namin.
I want to tell her na tumigil na ang ulan since wala nang naririnig na patak ng tubig sa yero namin.
I patted her shoulder. "Don't say anything." Base sa boses niya, alam kong medyo kalmado na siya.
I closed my mouth. This isn't good. I don't let somebody order me around tapos sa kaniya susunod ako? No way!
"Tumigil na—"
"Shut up!" She turned, kaagad kong tiniklop ang bibig.
The heck?! I own myself ba't ako sumusunod sa kaniya?!
"Why are you so upset? Mukha namang mabait pinsan mo ah?" Umismid siya.
Naisip ko lang na mabait kasi hindi nakisali si Czarina not until kailangan na niyang alalayan si Diana.
"Do you know why I slapped her mother? It's because I can't slap her." Nanggigil na sabi niya.
I thought she slapped Diana dahil sa mga sinabi niya about her mother. Then, does it only mean she's not affected? It's a good thing, I guess? At least hindi siya nagpapaapekto.
"I'm just right beside you yet you're making eye contact with somebody else."
"Don't tell me naiinis ka dahil do'n?"
Suminghal siya. "Who wouldn't?! I wish I could poke your eyes that time!"
"Hindi naman—"
"You're lucky I don't have a grip on you the moment you seem fascinated by her smile! All I can do is shout!"
"Tinignan ko lang siya kasi nakatingin siya sa 'kin—"
"She's attractive."
"Sino?"
"Admit it! Czarina's attractive." Her eyes turned like a siren.
I'm transparent, and she knows me deeper now, more than anyone. I can't lie to her. Czarina is attractive, but she cannot be compared to her. Nasa lahi naman ata nila ang kagandahan e.
I sighed. "Yes,"
"Should I start wearing revealing clothes again? I finally find comfort in this, I mean. . . I felt like I don't even need to dress up because you never made me feel insecure about myself. That's why unlike before, I'd become the casual type." Panay ang tingin niya sa suot.
Napalunok ako. "Yet I never thought it's not your type—"
"Don't be like that. . ." kumirot ang puso ko.
I made her insecure. Fvck.
"Oh? You want to see her cleqvage but not mine? Don't tell me to not change my clothes! For all I know you'll always find yourself looking at the others. I'll dress way more elegant than she can! Just let your eyes be stuck to me."
Bumigat ang dibdib ko. I never intended to ruin her persona and the confidence she must have built for a long time.
"It's not what you think it is. Hindi naman ako—"
"Shut up."
"I am not into those things—"
"What's the color of her heels?"
Shet! Ano nga ulit suot niya? Hindi ko napansin ang pang-ibaba ni Czarina! Grey and black suot niya malamang sa heels niya black din to pair it.
Napaayos ako ng upo. "B-black?"
Tumango siya na para bang napuno na. "She's not wearing any heels. . . she's wearing a sneaker that is practically color grey."
"A-ano. . ."
"And the only black in her clothes. . . is her bra. . ."
I sense more than envy in her voice. It had shaken like a volcano about to erupt.
Umatras ako ulit. "Nanghula lang ako, bagay kasi ang black na heels kung nag-heels siya. Hindi ko ma-imagine ang grey sneaker na i-partner sa suot niya."
"Your eyes were on her boobs—"
My eyes widen. Hindi ko kinakaya ang mga salita niya! "Oh my ghad! Hindi! Yes! Napatingin ako noong una pero sa hitsura niya ako nakatutok—"
"Right! 'Cause she is pretty!" Singhal niya.
"Kasi naroon ang mukha! Ang bibig! Ang mata! At tenga! Lahat na ginagamit para makipag-usap!"
"Yet when I talk to you! You always tend to stare at my godd*mn necklace!"
Nanghina ako.
"Ash. . ." mahinang pagtawag ko. "You're too intense for me that's why."
"You prefer a femme," she nodded, but this time parang natutuwa siya sa nalaman. Mas lalo akong na-guilty.
There's a part of me that's in delight 'cause she's now wearing comfortable clothes because of me, but then biglang gan'to.
"I give up. Yes! She's attractive. . . I admit that, but no one's more attractive when you are you."
"Not enough—"
"Natasha you are enough. . ." lumiwanag ang mukha niya. "We all are, right?" Pagbawi ko.
She scoffed. "I have a bigger one than hers," tukoy niya sa dibdib.
My eyes flickered. "So you slapped your Auntie because you can't slap your cousin?" I said to change the topic.
Kaming dalawa lang ngayon sa kwarto, jusme! Balak niya pa sanang himasin ang ano niya!
"Yes! Now what?" Paghahamon niya.
"It don't make sense. It's rude! Akala ko. . . never mind." Wala akong karapatan since pinagsalitaan din naman ng masama ni Diana 'yung magulang niya, kahit ako naman siguro mananampal kapag bina-bad-mouth pamilya ko sa mismong harapan ko.
"Why are you not asking any questions about what happened a while ago?"
"I have three reasons. . . I have no rights, I mind my own business, and I'll only wait for you to open up." I lifted my fingers.
"There's a time for that, but not now."
"I know, I respect your privacy. . . and don't worry I won't tell anyone about what I witnessed. I'm all ears." Umakto akong nag-zipper ng mouth.
"Everything you heard a while ago that is about me. . . all of it is a lie."
"I know, don't worry I don't believe them—"
"I'm way worse than those."
Ngumiti siya ng mapakla.
"I don't believe you also. . ." umiling ako. I'll only believe it once I confirmed it.
"I have to go Arin." She gently kissed my forehead.
Nakasunod ako sa kaniya palabas ng shop, gusto kong masigurong ligtas ang sasakyan niya pauwi.
Hawak-hawak niya ang plastic kung saan naroon ang basang suot. Nasa labas na kami ng shop. Nagbago ang ihip ng hangin sa pagitan namin.
I guess, we truly are similar. We're sensitive and emotional when it comes to our family and personal experiences.
Ilang sandali pa may pamilyar na sasakyan ang tumigil sa harapan, guess that's her driver. She prolly found a way to contact him while I'm busy changing my clothes. Sumenyas siya na h'wag ng lumabas ang driver.
"You said I'll paint you?"
"I'll send you a photo of mine, just wait for it." She said, smiling.
"I hope you're okay. . ." sabi ko, dahilan para dumaloy ang kakaibang emosyon sa mata niya.
"I will be," she opened the door at the back.
"I know I have no rights to say this, but. . . through the bad times or the good ones, I'll be right here for you." She paused for a second, then ran to embrace me.
I won't let her go without saying what I've been wanting to say earlier. "You can lean on me, I won't hesitate to be your comfort."
I sensed her smile. "Thank you. . . for staying."
"Thank you for liking everything about me."
"Like zone, now a friend zone? When will I be in the other zone?" I chuckled. Mas humigpit ang yakap niya.
"Thank you for making me not so scared." She said, pertaining to what happened earlier.
Even with her strong persona, she's still someone who seeks security, same as I am.
"Glad I did my part." She buried her face on my shoulder, marahan kong hinagod ang likod niya.
"All I want is for you to stay and you did more than that."