Penelope had always dreamt that her first kiss with Colin would be sweet and romantic, exhibiting the care and tenderness that existed between them. Passion never entered her mind, and when she daydreamed about being married to him, not much thought was spent on the act of making love. Instead she imagined reading to him, walking with him, enjoying food and laughter, and living a life of shared contentment – very different from the marriage between her own mother and father. After overhearing Colin the night of her mama's ball, she desperately wanted those fantasies to stop. Yet they lingered and she didn't understand why. Maybe it's because he was so deeply entrenched in her soul that she couldn't imagine a future without him, maybe those dreams just brought her comfort when too many things had changed otherwise, but either way they didn't stop. And so she started writing as a way to distract herself from her thoughts, not scandal sheets but rather a novel about unrequited love. It was halfway complete before her mama made the decision to send her to the country to stay with one of their cousins. Portia Featherington hoped the change in air would mean Penelope would stop moping and hopefully lose some weight. Penelope had her own reasons for agreeing. She wanted distance from Eloise and reminders of Colin, and hoped discovering a new place would give her respite from the pain. The last few months at Ayleshire had provided that and so much more; it was there she had met Arthur Debling and had her eyes opened to a world she never knew existed before. And it was because of him that she was now aware of desire and passion, and that it could exist without love.
Because Colin didn't love her, but the moment his lips touched hers they were both wrecked. All thoughts ceased to exist, all she could do was feel and experience sensations she had never imagined. He devoured her with his mouth, his tongue stroking hers with raw urgency. And she kissed him back with equal fervor, standing on her toes, clinging to him desperately.
Whilst her gloved hands fisted his hair, aching to run her bare fingers through his soft, beautiful curls, his roved everywhere on her body. One second he was cupping her breasts, the next his hands were grasping her bottom, roaming over the length of her frantically. He was a man caught up in madness, fully determined to possess her.
Everything was moving fast, too fast, her body aroused, mind spinning. Desperately needing some air to compose herself, she dragged her mouth away from his. But he didn't stop, no, his mouth drifted to her ear, his ragged breaths echoing in her mind as his tongue traced the curve of the shell, making her tremble in his arms. And then his tongue stroked the oh-so-sensitive spot just below which instantly made her knees buckle. But he held her tight, his grip fierce and strong as he maneuvered her back against the wall of the maze, refusing to give her any respite from the ecstasy he unleashed upon her.
No one had ever admired her breasts before. It hadn't even occurred to her that it would be something anyone would want to do, but seeing the glazed look on Colin's face as he stared at them longingly, touching her with reverence, before angling down to pepper hot, wet kisses on her bosom made her realize how much she still didn't know about physical arousal. Like how good it felt to have his face sink into her breasts, the sensation of his tongue and teeth on her skin, electrifying every nerve in her body. She moaned, feeling that deep yearning between her legs. "Colin, more..."
Frantically he tried to scoop her breasts out of the bodice but the corset underneath proved too tight. "This damn thing," he bit out with frustration before yanking down the sleeves of her dress. The force with which he pulled not only ripped the lace from the sleeve but also tore the side of her bodice.
It was at that moment Penelope rushed back to reality, feeling exposed in front of him. Quickly she covered herself with her arms.
The shift in the air was palpable, fraught with tension.
Hesitant, her breath came out in shallow spurts as she finally dared to glance up at him. Colin was no longer looking at her like a man possessed. Instead there was panic in his eyes, his face taking on a horrified expression.
"Pen..." His eyes swept over her chest. "I'm so sorry. I..." He jumped back, realizing he was entirely too close. Like he could no longer bear to touch her. "I don't know what came over me." Guilt flooded his expression. He couldn't even seem to hold her gaze and averted his eyes. "I took liberties I shouldn't have."
Her stomach was coiled into knots, mind still reeling from what occurred. "It's fine. It's over. We both acted foolishly."
"You deserve a husband who values you." He cast her furtive glances, running his fingers through his hair. "Someone who cares for you and cherishes you. Someone who can truly love you."
Because he couldn't.
There was no denying that his words wounded her, but not being good enough for him also didn't bring with it the searing pain and shame it once did. Now there was no agonizing heartbreak, just a dull ache in her soul which she could manage with little effort.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." His eyes still lingered along her ripped bodice. "I acted like a savage."
"It's done with," she replied, irritated. "I would just like to go home and put this night behind me."
"Your first kiss is supposed to be special, a magical moment, and I ruined that for you."
"You didn't," she interjected. "Tonight was not my first kiss. So you don't need to fret."
The change in him was abrupt. One second he was burdened with remorse, next he was staring back at her with fire in his eyes, a simmering rage that appeared to dissipate all of his trepidation from before. "Who did you kiss, Penelope?"
Penelope, not Pen. He rarely ever used her given name, not unless he was upset. And spotting the angry glint in his eyes, the tightening of his jaw, it was clear that he was – which made her own temper rise. "How is that your concern?"
He took a step towards her, his eyebrow cocked. "Answer me."
"I will not!" She glared up at him defiantly. "You are in no position to demand anything from me, Colin."
The madness that took over him when he was kissing her seemed to return with a vengeance as he closed the distance between them. His demeanor was agitated, his troubled eyes piercing right through to her core. "Was it him? Your mysterious suitor?"
"Why does it matter to you? You don't even believe he exists!"
"He's taken advantage of you, hasn't he? What has he done?"
She should have walked away, perhaps even tried to calm his distressed self for the sake of their friendship - but his entitlement and refusal to believe someone would actually want her still had her infuriated at him. Outraged, she started provoking him instead. "Nothing I did not desire for him to do."
His eyes darkened to an almost pitch-black under the moonlight. "Is that so?"
"Yes," she huffed back. "And that is all I wish to say to you. Good night, Sir!"
When she attempted to walk past him, he blocked her path. "Who is he?" Danger laced his voice. "I demand you tell me now, Pen."
"And I demand you go to hell!" she spat out.
"Did you kiss him the way you kissed me?" His arm snaked around her waist, crushing her against his chest. "Did you let him touch you?"
What was happening between them? She didn't understand it. He'd never behaved like this before, a complete contrast to the boy she fell in love with. Yet his predatory wildness didn't scare her, instead sending thrills down her spine.
"Did he kiss your breasts, Penelope? Did you undress for him and let him see you naked?"
"And what if I did?" she retaliated. "Why do you care?"
"You do not belong to him!"
"But I will. Soon.. And then I will be loved and cherished and happy and there's nothing you can do to stop it."
"You think I would just let you walk out of my life, Pen?" He shook his head 'no', his eyes gleaming with emotion. "I will never let you go."
It was all too much, she could no longer bear it. His close proximity, his intoxicating words – it all wreaked havoc with her thoughts. Worst of all, he was giving her false hope and that was something she couldn't afford to have. "Release me, Colin!"
"I will not."
"Colin! Unhand her now!"
It was the sound of Anthony's voice that finally made Colin loosen his grip on her waist. Immediately she distanced herself from him, a heated blush creeping across her cheeks at being caught by the Viscount. Anthony wasn't alone, next to him was his wife, Kate, who was staring at Penelope with concern.