ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm. im bored.
so heres quotes
(yaaaaaaaaaaaay)
Raj: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I'm near mine, I start acting stupid.
Bowie: You always act stupid.
Bowie:
Bowie: Wait...
Ripper: I miss the days when women stayed home and cooked.
Julia: I miss the days when men went to war and fucking died.
Priya: my home life's the worst!
Writers: here's a piece of candy.
Priya: yay, I love candy!
Bowie: Our friendship goes beyond
Gina: Your average kind of bond
Bowie: But not because we're straight
Gina: No, not because we're straight
Julia: Hey, it's your turn to wash the dishes.
Scary Girl: I'll wash the walls red with your blood.
Julia: Okay, but before that, wash the dishes. Also, use soap this time.
Chase, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it's doing?
Gina: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Chase:
Chase: Water you doing?
Emily: Help! I'm drowning!
Caleb: Calm down. We're only in six feet of water!
Emily: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!
Damien: how the fuck have you two dated so many people?!
Gina: um, because we're whores?
Emily: for once she's right about something
Raj: Please pray for Ripper.
Emma: What happened to them?
Raj: Nothing, they're just very stupid.
Julia: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in.
Julia: So I've decided to break the fourth wall.
Julia: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.
Bowie: *Knocks Raj into the water*
Bowie: Raj, don't drown! Let me do the swallowing-
Damien: you've been getting hurt so much lately!
Emily: I know! Seems like every time I pick up a pocket knife, I slip! *awkward laughter*
Zee: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.
Chase: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!
Emily: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?
Julia: Like its slips on and off really easily.
Emily:
Julia: No, I didn't mean it like that-
Gina and MK: We know what you meant.
Gina: I'll spit in your face!
Emily: I'll spit on your grave!
Gina: I'll spit in your mouth!
Emily: I'll like it!
Julia: Emily, why does your bucket list have 'Die' on it?
Emily: So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished.
Julia: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Emily is? Because Emily is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.
Damien: I feel like doing something stupid.
Emily: I'm stupid, do me.
Drunk Priya: Everything's spinnyyyyyyyy
Emily: *Pulls a shot from her hands* I think you're done, pint sized.
Drunk Priya: Nooooo
Gina: Aw, c'mon bitch! She can handle it!
Emily: she's never been drinking and shes soaking wet- ah shit, where'd she go?
MK: If we were in prison you guys would be like my bitches.
Bowie: Would you rather kill MK, or—
Scary Girl: Yes, kill them.
Bowie: I didn't say the other thing—
Scary Girl: I don't need to hear it.
MK: ...I'm feeling a little unsafe.
Axel: Nichelle's first detention, I'm so proud.
Julia: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention?
Emily: Because they're an idiot.
Ripper, terrified: They can do that??
Gina: I will fucking strangle you.
Emily: and I'll like it, bitch
Emily: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.
Damien: Look, last night was a mistake.
Emily: A sexy mistake.
Damien: No, just a regular mistake.
Chase: I don't think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.
Ripper: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!
Emily: You look good in that hoodie.
Julia: You know where else I'd look good?
Emily, zero hesitation: My bed.
Julia, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?
Nichelle: I am not a whore, and, not that I've done the math, but, if I were, I'd be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.
Damien: Well, Emily and I finally did it!
The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*
Damien: That's right... We kissed!
Gina: I am so horny and angry all the time.
Julia: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
Emily: Wow, I've gotta hear this.
Julia: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.
Emily: You forgot pride.
Julia: No, I'm pretty proud of this.
Emily: I like your new pants!
Damien: Thanks, they were 50% off!
Emily: I'd like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*
Damien: The store can't just give away clothes for free.
Emily: That's... not what I meant.
Damien: That's a terrible way to run a business, Emily.
MK: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?
Priya: You know you can die from that, right?
Emily: *smoking a cigarette* That's the point.
Julia: *drinking alcohol* We're trying to speed this up.
Nichelle: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*
Damien: Bro-
Emily: No, no, hold up, rewind.
Emily: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??
Chase: *Dramatically* I... don't want to live without my pizza! Nobody catch me! *Does a trust fall*
Everyone: *Takes a step back with hands behind their backs*
Emma: Would you take a bullet for me?
Chase: ...yes?
*Emily angrily burst into the room*
Emma: *running away* Great, thanks!
Bowie: I think we can all agree I'm the ten amongst these threes.
Gina: Make it sing! Make the blonde sing!
MK: Sing, blonde!
Julia: *Awkwardly.* I'm in love with the shape of you-
Gina: IT SUCKS! THE BLONDE CAN'T SING!
MK: THROW IT TO THE LIONS!
Gina: THEN THROW THE LIONS TO THE CROCODILES! AND THEN BURNNNNNNNNNNNNNN THE CROCODILES!
Caleb: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.
Priya: I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to train.
Caleb: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.
Emily: Gimme another scotch, Gigi.
Gina: Call me that again and I'll shove a fucking bottle down your throat.
Emily: Kinkyyyyyyyy. keep talking dirty, sugar.
Gina: I hate you.
Emily: Joke's on you, I'm into that shit.
MK: Gina strikes me as the kinda girl who would slam you against a wall and start choking you.
MK: adding that to my bucket list...
Emily: well, good night.
Damien: night.
*Both continue walking in the same direction*
Emily: and we are still walking the same way.
Damien: not awkward at all.
Emily: awkward? could never be us.
Emily: *Aggressively shoves Gina off a stage.* MOVE BITCH, THIS MY SONG!
Damien: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween?
Emily: Julia is the scariest thing I could think of!
Julia: Emily told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible.
Emily: *throws phone across the room.* TAKE THAT DEPRESSION! *Eyes start watering*
MK: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl....
Zee: ....
Caleb: .....
Damien: ......
Gina: ..Who?
*Everyone stares at Gina*
Axel: Ripper, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car.
*click*
Axel: DID YOU JUST TURN THE FUCKING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!
Emily: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?
Julia: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you?
Damien: What the fuck is wrong with you two?
Julia's mum: What is wrong with you?
Julia: Many, many things...
Julia: And most of them are your fucking fault.
Priya: So, I heard you like bad girls... I time travel in Animal Crossing.
Emily: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Julia: It was autocorrect.
Emily: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?
Julia: Yes.
Wayne, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.
Julia: Do you think other people can't hear you?
Emily: Do you love me?
Damien: We're literally married.
Emily: Yeah, but as friends or—
Gina: ultimate fictional crush
Damien: Lydia Deetz or Wednesday Addams.
Gina: Ultimate real life crush
Damien: Emily.
Gina: nice- WAIT! *GASP* YOU HAVE A THING FOR ANGSTY GOTH GIRLS-
MK: BE A BETTER PERSON!
Gina: WHY?!
MK: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!
Damien: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I'm near mine, I start acting stupid.
Emily: You always act stupid.
Emily:
Emily: Wait...
Bowie: I warned you.
Bowie: I'm perfect.
Bowie: *Staring at the ceiling.* So, Raj broke up with me. Haha.
Gina: why're you staring at the ceiling?
Bowie: I need to cry but my foundation costed 48 dollars!
*playing twister*
Priya: Right hand red.
Damien: *ends up on top of Emily*
Emily: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Priya: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.
Wayne: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?
Scary Girl: Fake?
Emily: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark*
Emily: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?"
Associate: Well, I-
Emily: How about "You banged my mom?"
Associate: No...
Emily: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.
Emily: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.
Emma: Bonjour, Emily. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?
Emily: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Emma: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.
Nichelle: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than Julia.
Emma: Show me Pennsylvania.
Scary Girl: I don't know Canadian geography.
Emma: What are the hardest things to say?
Axel: I was wrong.
Emily: I need help.
Gina: anonymity
Emily: I'm trash.
Damien: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?
Emily:
Emily: You smooth motherfucker.
Emily: And yes it does.
Bowie: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.
Wayne: I may be stupid.
The Squad: ...
Wayne: Oh, did you think I was going to finish that sentence?
Emily the witch: *Tied to a post above a pile of firewood* well, as lovely as getting burned alive sounds, we must leave. Sisters, sing!
Julia the witch: ahhhhhh
Julia and Priya the witches: ahhhhhhhhh
Julia, Priya and Emily the witches: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Townspeople: *Fucking die.*
Emily's anxiety: we have so much to do.
Emily's depression: let's just sleep. forever.
Emily's insomnia: pht, good luck hoe.
Emily's ADHD: *Kicks down door* SUP FUCKERS?
Damien: Can you cut me some slack, Emily? I'm sort of in love.
Emily: I'm sorry, but that's really not my problem.
Damien: I'm in love with you.
Emily: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.
Raj: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Bowie: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Raj, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
Ripper: I think I'm falling for you.
Axel: Then get up.
Emily: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds?
Damien: Yes?
Emily: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days.
Damien: Fuck.
Emily: It's gonna be a fun week!
Damien: I'm going to Zee's house.
Emily: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker.
Emily: *angrily presses Julia against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!
Julia: ...
Julia: Are we about to kiss-
Damien: What are you in the mood for?
Emily: World domination.
Damien: That's a bit ambitious.
Emily: You are my world.
Damien: Aww...
Emily:
Damien:
Emily:
Damien: OH.
Gina: My bad, It's a knee jerk response.
Axel, holding Ripper's unconscious body: WHOSE KNEE JERK RESPONSE IS TO START THROWING BRICKS AT SOMEONE???
Millie: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Bowie: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Axel: Drunk.
Nichelle: Wasted.
Wayne: Dead.
Ripper: Why are you talking to yourself?
Nichelle: It's called a soliloquy, bitch.
Nichelle: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?
Emma: I gotta give you credit, Julia. You make it look easy.
Julia: Years of practice.
Emily: *singing angelically* Why have I always been a failure?
Nichelle: *out cold on the ground*
Priya: Oh my god, do you think they're okay?!
Emily, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Nichelle's face*
Priya: what does depression feel like?
Emily:
Emily: 'what does depression feel like?'
Priya: yeah
Emily: You want me to SIT HERE and explain to you what DEPRESSION FEELS LIKE?
Zee: That shirt looks great, Caleb
Caleb: Thanks.
Zee: But I bet it would look even better on Priya's floor.
Priya: Are you hitting on Caleb.. for me?
Damien, looking through their clothes: Has anyone seen my top?
Bowie: Emily's in the kitchen.
Emma: Go to hell!
Julia: Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.
Gina: I'm hot, I'm tall, I'm gay, and I'm on my theatre kid arc.
Damien: When Emily was born, the gods said, "They're to perfect for this world."
Chase: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."
Emma, teaching Emily to drive: Okay Emily, what does a green light mean?
Emily: Go!
Emma: A red light?
Emily: Stop!
Emma: And what about a yellow light?
Emily: If you floor it, you can make it!
Emma: ...No—
MK: Consider the fundraising over! Your hero has arrived!
Raj: Uhh... where did you get so much money from, MK?
MK: Well, you know, I'm pretty good at numbers. I just crunched them, I stretched them, I analyzed my accounts, I timed the market-
*police sirens start to wail in the background*
Raj: DID YOU ROB A BANK?!
MK: Oh, come on, Raj, do you really think so little of me? *opens the bag as purple dye explodes on their face*
Raj:
MK: ...it was a credit union.
Wayne: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?
Emily: I only like dark humor.
Wayne, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?
Emily:
Wayne: An IMPASTA!
Sorcerer: I give you a cursed amulet!
Nichelle: Cool! It'll make me look cute, and the shadow that follows me will make me more active, I'll get out more!
Raj: Good. Thanks, dad.
Bowie: You just called Damien "dad". You just said "thanks, dad."
Raj: What? No, I didn't. I said "thanks, man".
Damien: Do you see me as a father figure, Raj?
Raj: No. If anything I see you as a brother figure 'cause you're always bothering me.
Gina: Hey! Show your father some respect!
Emily: *smashes an empty tequila bottle over her head.* FUCK LIFE!
MK: I know where you live.
Caleb: Where?
MK: In a house.
Chase: Hey.
Emily: Hey?
Chase: I can't sleep. :/
Emily: I can. Goodnight.
Emma: Father, I have sinned.
Bowie: Daddy, I've been naughty.
MK: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn't see their reflection?
Emma: I've never considered it but you're really shining light on what's probably a very serious issue.
Julia: and this is Emily. I think you already know her..?
Gina: Yeahhhh...
Emily: ah yes! You're the one who ripped my coat! *Staring into Gina's soul.* I definitely remember you.
Gina: *Gulps nervously*
Emily's dad: WAIT, FUCK, CALL FROM DAUGHTER! this is the first time she's called you in years... This has to be perfect!
Emily's dad: *Answers phone* heyyy bitch!
Emily on the other end of the phone: *I fucking hate this bitch.* heyyyyyy dad.
Raj screaming at some fucker: I AM GOING TO FUCK YOU!
Everyone: *stares at him*
Bowie, whispering to Raj: It's 'fuck you up', Raj
Raj, whispering to Bowie: What did I say?
Julia: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.
Julia: *upends the bottle*
MK: HELP! I TOLD JULIA I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!
Chase, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Gina: *Stereotypical black-cent* girl I will fuck you up! *pulls out pepper spray*
Emily: *exaggerated Asian accent* I send you to Jesus myself! *holds up a slipper*
Gina: *angrily pacing the room* THAT FUCKER IS BACK?
Julia: *chilling on the couch* yeah, I thought she was gone for good too.
Gina: ITS BEEN SEVEN YEARS!
Damien: you still mad she almost beat you that one time?
Gina: UGH, FUCK YOU!
Damien: just sayin'