Of course it's fucking Ronan that befriended Sai and Deirdre. I didn't believe it when they wrote their letters to me, trying to remain in blissful ignorance. Now that wasn't an option as I stared at what might as well be my own personal devil.
The worst part? The military training has turned him hot. His boyish features are gone- he came back chiseled, with a sharp jawline and eyes to match. He's got the typical features of someone in the Sky Faction, blonde hair and blue eyes, but he isn't as pristine, if that makes sense. His hands are calloused from years of work, and he's got a bit of a tan from the many years he's spent working outside. His biceps are so defined I want to accuse him of using paint from the market, but that would mean admitting that I'd been staring enough to notice his biceps (and I managed to analyze his hands so.. Definitely staring). He has scars that give him an edgy vibe and if I had less self respect for myself I'd be climbing him like I climb the cliff side. The thought of his hands-
No, Kaya. You are not that girl. You do not chase.
Resolve brimming in my chest, I take another pull of ale and check out the scene around me, meeting Sai's inquisitive stare.
"Welcome back to the land of the living, " Sai winked.
I smile sheepishly and am about to apologize for taking a mental escape from the reception, but Deirdre is dragging me toward the dance floor.
"Less talky more dancey," she commands. I snag onto Sai's hand to bring him with me. Deirdre drunk? There are two ways tonight ends- skinny dipping in the ocean OR cleaning her puke off the floor.
Sai laughs as we all collide together with Deirdre's sudden stop in the area she deems good enough to dance in. I don't know how she picks it, but we always end up in the spot where the music reverberates through the room the most, sending the most vibrations through our ears and stomachs.
The band from the entertainment guild is playing an upbeat song with guitars, drums and heavy bass. I take a pull from my ale and let the music flow through me, my hips finding the rhythm with ease. The lights are dimmed to almost nothing with multicolored fairy lights starting to dance around the space. Deirdre comes behind me and grabs my waist, moving with me. Her breath tickles my neck as she rests her chin on my shoulder.
"We missed you every day, Kaya. I can't tell you how relieved we both are to be back, not just for our families. You make us whole," she says, slurring the last couple words.
"Don't get sappy on me, Deirdre. You just missed my beautiful looks and my dry humor," I giggled.
She turned me around to face her, "I am never fucking sappy," she giggled, and with that, she let me go, jumping around while flailing her arms wildly. Deirdre sucks at dancing.
Sai's hands wrap around me, as he sways us to our own rhythm. He also sucks at dancing.
"She's right. We missed you more than we could ever say," he mumbled into my hair.
"I missed you both, too. Not having you around was like only being able to breathe out of one lung. Difficult. Never fulfilling," I said just loudly enough to reach him over the music.
I know I sound desperate. I can't help it.
He looked at me quizzically and opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a tap on my shoulder.
"Mind if I cut in?" Ronan's deep voice erupts from behind me.
Shocked, I take Ronan in as close as he is. He smells like fresh pine and mountain air. His shirt hugs him just enough that I can see the outline of his chest and wonder what it would be like to press against it. I look down his chest to his waist, to his buldge that protrudes just enough to know he's packing, down the rest of his legs. Finally I glance up to his lips, and then his eyes to find he's already looking down on me, smirking.
I give him a big smile, "Sure! He's all yours," I wink, twirling out of Sai's arms and into the crowd, searching for Deirdre who has started the wandering off portion of her drinking evening. A quick look back at the two men I'd walked away from showed them both standing with their mouths hanging open. Dumbfounded.
Snickering to myself, I weave through the crowd. Where the fuck is Deirdre?
The bathroom is always a good place to check for your friend who's had a bit too much. Opening the door, I'm greeted by some old classmates who had joined the military as well. Their smiles and chatter stop when they turn to see me walking in.
"Hi! Sorry, I'm just looking for Deirdre? Have you guys seen her?" I ask as politely as I can. Things can be different. They've met people from other factions, and I belong here. I am a citizen. Surely they must see how well I fit in here. I love the Sky Faction, I feel close to my father here. It feels like the life my mom would have wanted for herself, and I will never take it for granted.
Nina, the tall blonde beauty who has legs for days, moved forward from the small group she was talking with. She looked down her nose at me, icy eyes filled with wrath.
"No I haven't. If I had, I wouldn't say. It's pathetic how you cling to Deirdre and Sai, especially when they don't even like you," She sneered.
I was shocked, mouth open like a fish out of water.
"Yes, Kaya. Don't act surprised. They told us at camp how they caught you sneaking booze from the headmaster's office at graduation and that the only reason they didn't turn you in was because they felt a little thirsty- and now you've acting like a babe on the teet ever since," she said, gaining a laugh from the other girls around her.
"They wouldn't say that," I rushed out. Suddenly the air in here felt very thin.
"Oh no, they told us all about it. The fact that you didn't leave them alone in academy and demanded they send letters while they're away. At this point, they're just scared you'll cast a curse on them with your karma if they don't hang out with you," she let out a giggle that sounded more like a snort.
"Stop lying," I whispered, breathless. How can they not see how hard I try to prove my worth? To be kind?
"I told them not to worry about it. Little Kaya isn't strong enough to cast a curse. You're pathetic- why everyone is worried about you, I don't know. I think the governors should just hang you and get it over with," and now she was hardly able to contain her own laughter while the girls behind her were bellowing.
She started to walk towards the door, everyone shuffling out in front of her. Before she opened it, she turned to me, still standing where I'd entered.
"You're a waste of space here, do us a favor and leave before someone murders you and leave us with the cleanup," she said. When I searched her eyes, she appeared genuine, as if this was advice for someone who really needed help.
She left. When the door thunked closed, I took a breath. Then two, then three. It doesn't help me to be angry, it's what they expect of me. One day, I will be good enough for the faction. I can prove my worth. I'm not a spy, I'm not cruel like Chaos. I am kind, smart, and respectful. They will not shatter me.
As I turn to leave, a loud groan interrupts my next steps.
"Deirdre?" I call out.
"Ohhh Kaya your voice is angelic to my ears. Help a girl out will you?" I see her foot wave underneath the stall and can tell she is laying on the bathroom floor.
"Deirdre... this is pretty foul. Let's get you home," I reach and start to grab her to pull her up but she pulls me down to her.
"Kaya, I couldn't hear everything they said through the spinning going on right now but.. Just know that they're a bunch of cows and you are my sweet angel lady, okay? I would give you anything you wanted if you only asked for it," she whispered.
"Deirdre, I appreciate the sentiment and feel the same way but... can we get off the bathroom floor? And, also, no offense, but you smell like you've already thrown up once so.. If we could just get some air, " I giggle.
She laughs too and together we crawl off the floor and head back to the reception. Ronan comes up and grabs Deirdre's other arm while Sai walks ahead of us.
"Tsk tsk, Deirdre. You're a military woman now- shouldn't you be able to handle your ale?" Sai smirked.
Ronan grunted as Deirdre heavily leaned onto him.
"I'm just celebrating being home, Sai" She giggled.
Ronan and I exchanged a glance at the smell of Deirdre's breath and then continued to hustle her out of the building.