Chapter 6
Eira and I are on our way to the mall. She's driving while I'm in the passenger's seat.
She's buying books while materials naman ang akin. May PETA ulit kasi kaming gagawin sa isang sub. Kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama ngayon kasi abala si Belle with her Tita Mel.
It's Saturday. Three days na matapos ang nangyari sa library at ang debate na naganap sa cafeteria kung saan umiyak sila Miss Natasha and Miss Trisha.
My chest leaden the moment I saw her tears. I can't believe I found myself hurting for someone who is not part of our family.
There, I realized I'd grown attached to her.
The topic in our debate is about who's right and wrong. Is it the nang-iwan or the nag-kulang. And her point is, the one who left.
All she wants for me is to stay. That's when I knew that, for once, she was also abandoned—the same as I was.
It's cruel. The person she loved must have left with no explanation. She prolly had also experienced doubting her worth, that she was not good enough or something.
Base sa sinabi niya no'ng araw na 'yon halatang durog na durog siya, at pakiramdam ko ngayon pa lang siya nakakabangon.
Nagtampo rin si Belle nang nadatnan niya kami sa cafeteria, akala niya may sama kami ng loob kaya ayaw namin siyang kasabay kumain. Pero sa shop talaga ang plano namin ni Eira kasi ibibigay ko na ang portrait niya na gawa ko. Ang kaso hindi natuloy, iaabot lang sana ni Eira ang book sa block-mate niya nang tawagin kami nila Miss Chiara, sabay daw kaming kakain sa kanila. Hindi naman humindi si Eira, tipo niya siguro ang isa sa mga kaibigan nila Miss Natasha and Miss Audelia.
Ayon ang ganap na hanggang ngayon nasa isip ko pa rin. Kanina pa ang nakaw na tingin ni Eira na para bang may gusto siyang sabihin or itanong.
"Ano 'yon?"
"I never said anything?"
"Wala nga but your eyes kept telling me that you have something to say. . ." red light na.
She turned to me. "Jin,"
"Oh?"
"About sa library." Napaayos ako ng upo.
"Ano'ng meron?"
Hindi ako mapakali! Baka kasi nakaabot sa kaniya ang ginawa ni Miss o kaya ni Ash. And if ayon nga, there's a tendency na aabot din ito sa family ko!
"Bakit parang kabado ka?"
"Hindi ah,"
"I only want to ask kung nabalik mo na 'yung books." Nakahinga ako ng maluwag.
"Siyempre naman. . ." I checked the notifications on my phone. Baka may gusto na ulit mag-order at magpagawa sa 'kin.
After that hindi na ulit nagsalita si Eira. Ilang sandaling katahimikan ang namayani sa 'min.
Teka, paano niya nalaman na may ibabalik akong mga libro?!
Napalingon ako sa kaniya. Green light na ulit, binalik niya ang tingin sa daan.
"Calm down my passenger princess," she chuckled. "I was there and I witnessed all of it."
"W-what?!"
"Don't worry takot ang kapwa natin students kay Miss Natasha so ang nasa library lang ang may alam."
"Kahit na! E may takot din naman sila kay Miss Audelia pero may rumors pa rin na kumakalat sa kanila ni Belle!"
Natawa siya. "E kasi nga hinahayaan niya. . ."
Seryoso? Okay lang 'yon kay Miss? Teka, hindi ko naman kwento ang buhay nila.
"E ikaw, ano'ng ginagawa mo that time?" Bakit hindi ko man lang siya napansin?
"I'm studying ano pa ba? I have no one to stare naman unlike you. . ." she teased.
Umirap ako. "Hindi ko naman ginusto 'yon! She wants me to stare at her! Ayaw nga niya akong mag-take ng nap."
"I know, dinig ko 'yung padabog ni Miss sa table. Good thing hindi ka nabingi?"
"Hindi, pero masakit kaya sa tenga." Kinalaunan ay natawa kami. Ilang metro na lang ay nasa parking lot na kami ng mall. Gutom na rin ako.
"She don't like it when someone stares at her."
"H-huh?"
She smiled. "When someone stares at her Jin, tatarayan ni Miss o kaya iirapan."
Kumabog ang puso ko. "Then?"
"Sabi ko sa 'yo dati balik first year ako 'di ba? I know Miss since kilala talaga siya sa university."
"So bakit—"
"She always wear a mask, she always conceal her emotions kahit saan siya magpunta. And the only expression you can ever see on her face, is stern."
Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin, nanatili lang akong tahimik. Pero bakit nga gano'n? Why is she easily loosening herself up, when she's with me?
"But when she's with you. . . she always smile."
That's what I also noticed. Parang may sariling utak ang labi niya kapag ako ang kasama.
"It's like her new default. Everyone in the library was stunned sa inakto ni Miss. I don't know but Jin, maybe you should cherish it, bihira lang kasi makita na ganiyan si Miss Natasha."
"She's weird. . ."
"Ikaw din naman ah?" She turned, napataas ako ng kilay. Ang offensive, ah? "But isn't it amusing? She became playful when she's usually known as deqd inside."
I sighed. "Out of all bakit sa 'kin lang? Ikaw na mismo nagsabi 'di ba? Curious ako bakit ako?"
Binalik niya ng tingin sa daan. "I have no idea,"
"Is it because she thinks we're compatible?"
"Compatible. . ." mapanuksong ngumiti siya.
"Yeah? Like, we're both abandoned."
"Alam niya ba 'yan?" Eira's the first one who knows I was abandoned.
"Parang? May mga nasabi rin ako last time e,"
She inhaled. "Maybe she finds comfort in you."
"Is that enough? To make people interested?"
"Did she say she's interested??" Tumaas ang tinig niya, tila namamangha.
I nodded.
"Jin in this chaotic world, to have someone by your side that feels like home, to have someone that'll tune down the noise in your head, and to have someone who'll make you feel such comfort, is rare."
I feel those traits with her.
"So if you're that someone to her, it's more than enough to make her drawn, not only interested."
"Ganoon ba?"
"Oo!" Natawa siya. "I won't be shock if hindi ka niya tatantanan."
"Katakot naman. . ."
"Maybe you're afraid because you feel the same way, it's pretty obvious." I can never lie to Eira. Para na nga akong open book sa kaniya.
"It's okay to be scared though. . . love had always been cryptic."
Love?
No way! It's not love. It can't be! It's nothing but just a heated, comforting sensation. That's it! Sensation lang!
Besides! Love must be smooth and steady! Not like this na thrilling, pero hindi naman talaga thrilling 'to e! Everything about our interactions is smooth and steady. It is all in my head. The white noise in my head that will never leave me alone. Nasa isip ko lang ang lahat ng takot pero kahit gano'n ayaw ko.
Not now. Not yet. It's not my time to open up. Now is not the time for myself. Pamilya muna.
After din ng debate hindi na siya napapadpad sa department. It must've hurt her, down bad.
All I plan is to get to know her, akalain mo 'yon? Busy ako masyado sa buhay ko then may biglang darating para lang kilalanin at intindihin ko.
I must get paid for this!
But I have no choice, I have to do it just for me to be at ease with the idea of her being around me all the time. Kasi parang tama si Eira, hindi nga niya ata ako tatantanan.
It's weird though. Kikilalanin ko pa lang siya pero pakiramdam ko I've already known her for years. Saka ang komportable namin sa isa't-isa kahit na hindi kami masyadong magkakilala. Ano 'to Twin Flame? Divine Flame? Or is she my Soulmate? No way!
Kakabasa ko 'to ng books e! Geez! Self stop with the thoughts! Stick to the plan, kikilalanin ko lang at iintindihin. That's it. No more plan B.
"We're here. . ." Eira's voice brought me back to reality. "Iniisip mo si miss?" I swiftly removed my seatbelt.
"Why would I?" Binuksan ko ang pinto.
"Agree, bakit nga ba?" She teased.
"Aba malay ko sa 'yo. Ikaw ang nag-iisip ng kung ano diyan."
Natawa siya. "Keep denying it, but your face says it all. You're transparent kaya." Argh! From now on, I'll learn to control my expressions.
Tuluyan kaming lumabas sa kotse. "Gutom na ako. . . kain muna tayo?" She nods.
***
We're here in McDonalds. Si Eira ang nag-order, konti lang ang pinabili ko since nagtitipid ako ng pera.
Hindi pa 'ko nakakabisita sa bahay pero lagi akong binibigyan ng baon ni ninong. Galing daw 'yon kay papa at Ethan.
Kamusta na kaya sila? Gusto ko na silang dalawin kaso hindi ko magawa. Busy na kasi kami sa shop tapos unti-unti nang nagiging delubyo ang kurso namin.
Akala ko chill lang ang first semester!
Panay ang linga ko sa paligid, but then, my brows furrowed as my eyes landed on a familiar figure from afar. She's here?!
Kanina lang nasa isip ko siya, tapos ngayon nasa harapan na! And she's with a man. Tila p'tay lahat ng muscles niya sa mukha, wala man lang ata balak na ngumiti sa kausap.
"What are you doing?" Eira said from behind, napahawak ako sa dibdib.
"Magsabi ka. . . huwag mang-gulat." I pointed the seat infront of me.
Gusto ko siya sa pwesto kung saan matatakpan si Miss, ayaw kong makita niya ako 'no! Alam kong kukulitin niya naman ako, huwag muna ngayon!
Naguguluhan na ako e! Pero mukhang wala rin siya sa mood na mangulit. Ang bigat kasi ng aura niya.
"After this bibili na ako ng books, ikaw saan ka nga ulit pupunta?"
"Bibili ako ng materials. Meron naman ata no'n sa bibilhan mo ng libro 'di ba?"
"Maybe, after niyan?"
"Bibili ako ng pagkain, groceries." Wala na kasing stocks sa shop, saka bibilhan ko rin sila papa.
"Okay then, I'll buy clothes for myself. Let's meet in the parking lot later, I'll text you." I nodded.
Ang dami niyang dalang pagkain kahit konti lang pinabili ko. I was about to ask but then she said it's on her. Siyempre hindi ako tatanggi pagkain na ang usapan e.
I lead the prayer. After that, tanging tunog lang ng kutsara ang maririnig sa pagitan namin. Halatang nagutom kami sa biyahe.
"Kaya pala. . ." she chuckled. Kakatapos ko lang kumain, I sipped on my drink.
"Ano?"
"Kaya pala dito ako, nasa likod pala si Miss." My brow arched. Paano niya nalaman? May mata ba siya sa likod? "A mirror Jin."
She pointed the mirror behind me with her lips. I can't help but shook. "Coincidence?"
"Obviously, public 'to e."
Natawa siya. "Your attitude tend to change when she's near, same goes to Miss." Kumunot ang noo ko. "I guess I'm the only one who noticed."
I remained silent. Dali-dali kong inubos ang soda para makapaghugas na at maka-bili ng grocery.
Ubos na rin ni Eira ang kaniya. "Jin. . ."
"Oh?"
She sipped on her drink. "Ewan ko ah. . . pero, I have some ano kay Miss Nat."
"Ano?"
"I mean, she's good to you, but ano. . . I sound like a judgmental, huwag na lang."
"Ano nga?"
"Ano nga kasi. . . she's ano. . . I sense some ano,"
"Ano'ng ano nga?"
"Feel ko she's ano. . . red flag?"
I frowned. "Red is my favorite color."
She bursted into laughter. Tumalsik din ang soda na ininom niya, buti na lang talaga hindi marami! Dahil sa lakas ng tawa niya marami ang lumingon sa amin.
"It's not a joke, favorite ko talaga ang color red. Eira stop laughing, people are watching."
She composed herself. "I didn't expect that,"
"The what?"
"Parang sinasabi mong you love red flags."
"Yes, 'cause it's color red." Napailing siya. Wait, ibang red flag pala tintukoy niya. Pero bakit niya naisip 'yon?
"Jin I know it's not my story, but. . . guard your heart, okay?"
"No need to remind me. My plan all along is to get to know her and understand her, 'yun lang."
She nodded. "Just guard it, guard it pero hindi ko sinabing h'wag mong i-open ha?"
"I know,"
She wants me to stay, but, how can I stay when I can't understand her? I already have a plan, yet I don't even know why I am voluntarily doing this.
Ayaw ko na mag-isip nakakainis. Go with the flow na lang ako. Total siya naman ang sumusulpot na parang kabute at hindi ako.
Pasimple akong lumingon sa direksyon niya, but it was a mistake. She was staring at me the entire time. The moment our gazes met, she stood with a smile and waved her hand like a kid.
Ang taas na ata ng energy niya? Parang kanina lang hindi ah? Napailing ang kasama niyang lalaki dahil sa kinilos.
Hindi ko siya pinansin, bagkus ay nagpaalam ako kay Eira na pupunta ako sa banyo. Tahimik akong naghugas nang bumukas ang pinto. Miss Natasha entered with a sweet smile plastered on her face.
Ang ganiyang ngiti niya aakalain mong mahinhin pero kadalasan may binabalak siya na masama.
I rolled my eyes. "I only smiled yet you're already irritated. Hate me that much e?" Sumandal siya sa pader with her arms crossed.
"I don't hate you," I used a tissue to dry my hand.
"If you say so. . ." she shrugged.
"What are you doing here?" Our gazes met through the mirror.
"Eating you," she smiled playfully.
My eyes flickered.
Sanay na talaga ako sa salita at kilos niya! Gusto kong matawa pero baka lumaki ang ulo niya. I bit the inside of my cheeks.
"Use punctuations, if somebody hears you—"
"I don't care." She arched her brows.
"But I do care."
"Eye care," umirap ako. Kahit kailan talaga ang banatan niya! "Stop rolling your eyes."
"Then stop making some lame jokes."
She gasped, napahawak siya sa dibdib. "Harsh!"
Napailing ako. "You can't blame me. . . I'm not good at joking but I'm doing my best just to see your smile and hear your laughs. The thing I can only witness from a far."
My brows furrowed. "So you're watching me from a far?"
"Hell no! I'm not Audelia!" Nanlalaki ang mata na ani niya. Bakit naman nadamay si Miss?
"I mean. . . when you're with your friends. That's it!" She avoided my gaze. What a liar.
"If you say so," I shrugged, mocking her.
Natawa siya. "Going home after this?"
I turned to her. "Bibili pa ako ng materials."
Inisang hakbang niya ang pagitan namin. She held my hand and pout. "Sama ako?"
She kept acting like a kid, which I find fascinating yet irritating. "No."
"Okay." Agad siyang bumitaw. Himala, ang bilis niya ata kausap ngayon?
Malapit na ako sa pinto pero hindi niya man lang ako pinigilan. Lumingon ako, only to see her firm eyes testing me.
"Seriously, wala ka bang plan after this? It seems like you're busy—"
"I'm not,"
"'Yung kasama mo?" Lumiwanag ang mukha niya na para bang natutuwa. "Nagtanong lang ako, ha."
"He's my lawyer."
Lawyer pero sa McDonalds ang meet up? Hanep ah?
"Busy naman ata kayo e, kaya ano nga ginagawa mo rito?"
"I already told you," wala ata siyang balak sagutin bahala na nga.
"Fine, if you don't want to—"
"Eating you."
"Punctuations Natasha! ‘Eating, you?’ That's how it should be pronounced!" Kairita!
She chuckled. "I'm not asking you though,"
"Then your answer should be just. . . eating." Kalmadong asik ko at sumandal din sa pader.
"I'm not good in English."
"Lies. Sinasadya mo talaga, gaya ng Our."
"I'm only fond of Maths, and there's a hundred percent chance that you can't resist my charm."
Hindi ko na siya pinansin at naglakad na pabalik sa pwesto, nakasunod pa rin siya sa 'kin.
"You don't believe me?"
"Chances are, zero."
"That's your bet," she smirked. "Later, you'll find yourself having groceries with me." Ang taas talaga ng kumpyansa niya sa sarili!
"If you're not into percentage, let's focus on the fractions then. . . I mean no, let's be fractions."
Tumigil ako at hinarap siya. "Trip mo?"
Ngumisi siya. "I'm the denominator while you're my numerator. I'm called denominator but it is the exact opposite, 'cause you'll be the one who's denominating me."
"It's dominating not denominating. . ." I frowned.
"Dominate me then,"
Kumabog nang malakas ang puso ko. Ang bibig niya! Ang kalat! Sobra!
Nagbuntong-hininga ako't naglakad ulit na siyang ikinatuwa niya. "There's a line in fractions Miss. Stop following me." I pointed her, tinapik niya lang ang daliri ko at sumunod pa rin.
"Let's remove the line then, we can be a colon or maybe a semi colon."
Patuloy pa rin siyang sumusunod! "There's a space in a colon!"
"Yes, but we can also remove that one."
Mabibigat ang paghinga na nilingon ko siya. Her smile is so bright like she won the lottery.
"You know what we are? Parallel. We're close to each other, but simply. . . we are never meant to intersect."
I arched my brows as I sensed victory of mine, yet her smile only widened.
"Lovey, figuratively speaking. . . parallel also means something identical, similar, and perhaps a match."
She called me lovey.
Tila inulap ang puso ko.
"So hypothetically, you were saying that. . . you and I. . . is a match?" She and her big brain never fail to amuse me.
"You sound like a research,"
She chuckled. "You always sound like a book. Told you, we're a match."
May napalingon sa direksyon namin dahil sa mga banatan niya. Nanahimik na lamang ako. I sat on my chair.
Akala ko babalik na si Natasha or Ash sa pwesto nila pero umupo siya sa tabi ni Eira dahilan para magulat si Eira.
"Kaya pala natagalan. . ." Eira mumbled.
Lumingon ako sa pwesto nila Natasha, wala na 'yung kasama niyang lalaki.
"Good afternoon, ma'am?" Eira said.
"Call me Natasha. . . remove the ma'am."
"Okay po, so let's go?" Eira said to me. I nodded.
"I'm joining you, is that okay?" Sumenyas ako kay Eira na huwag pumayag pero malawak ang ngiti niyang sumang-ayon kay Miss.
What a traitor!
Now we're on our way to the book store, nasa likod namin si Miss na halos mapunit na ang labi kakangiti. Hindi talaga ako masyadong sanay na tawagin siyang Ash or Natasha.
"Don't be mad Jin. . . I'm only helping you. Yes, I said she's a red flag, but it's up to you if masaktan ka. Pakatanga ka lang, ako na bahala sa drinks."
Ano'ng pakatanga?! "Payo ba 'yan?!"
Natawa siya. "Kidding, your plan is to get to know her and to understand her, pero iniiwasan mo."
"I don't know how to deal with her. . ."
"Really? O baka hindi mo lang alam isasagot sa banat niya? Matalas pandinig ko." She smirked.
"Natatameme ka 'no?"
"Banat matalino." I frowned.
Saka sino ang hindi matatameme sa pinagsasabi niya? Tapos in public pa! Maraming makakarinig!
***
Kanina pa kami umiikot sa book store, ang totoo niyan nakasunod lang kami kay Eira. I turned to a corner to check some books. Mostly science ang meron dito saka for their course na Bs Psych.
"Hindi pala avail dito 'yung materials. . ." I mumbled.
"What do you expect? It's called bookstore. . ." Natasha leaned on the corner with her arms crossed.
"I'm talking to myself,"
"And clearly it's not talking back. . . so I did."
"So I did." I made a face, she laughed.
Nasaan na si Eira? Naiwan tuloy kaming dalawa sa section na 'to. She leaned with her head titled, she then doe'd her eyes.
"That's a first," I can't help but utter. Lagi kasing naka-siren look 'yung mata niya. Now, she looks like an adorable cat.
"Which one do you prefer?" Malamya siyang ngumiti.
Nagpatay malisya ako nang makitang natutuwa siya sa sinabi ko. Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa libro.
Ang astig ng hawak ko, ang ganda siguro nito pag-aralan. Ang kaso wala na akong oras pa para dito, hinakot na ng course namin, lalo na ng mga minor subjects kaya binalik ko na lang. Sayang affordable pa naman.
"Human species?" Kinuha niya ang libro na kakabalik ko lang.
"Obviously,"
"You're interested in science?"
"A little bit."
Mostly about medicine and human history ang binabasa ko. It serves a double purpose—to teach me how to cure and to entertain me.
"You're a Homo Sapiens."
"We, us, tayo. Bakit you lang? Ano ka unggoy?" I forgot she's a professor. I still need to be polite! Gosh ang disrespectful ko na. Napaayos ako ng tayo.
"I'm an endangered specie." May gano'n ba? Ano siya alien?
"What kind?"
"I eat humans, and I also want to eat you. . ." she bit her lower lip with her infectious eyes glinting.
"Gross, that's cannibalism my gosh!" Napaatras ako, she giggled.
"Let's go?" Eira showed up. Bitbit niya ang mga libro, akala ko ba konti lang?
"'Yan lahat?" Anim ang binili niya, ang kapal pa.
"Yup, this is normal to psych students." Lupet ah?
"Bibili pa pala ako ng materials sa ibang store."
Binalik na ni Miss Natasha ang libro. Naglakad na kami patungo sa cashier.
"I asked someone, he said na paglabas natin dito kumanan kayo, nasa corner daw ang mga stores na hinahanap mo."
"Chairs meron ba ro'n? I'm looking for a chair e."
"Why?" Natasha asked.
"What do you mean why? I'm looking for something to sit Natasha." Iritang ani ko.
Nauna si Eira para pumila. Bukod sa materials, balak kong bumili ng bangko, hindi na kasi ako komportable sa inuupuan ko kapag magpipinta ako.
"You're already irritated,"
"You're asking the obvious." I said with a tone of boredom. Nasa may gilid na kami ni Eira.
"Stop looking for a chair."
"Why?" I turned, and she smiled crookedly.
"You can sit on my face if you want to." My eyes flickered. What the heck?!
Marami sa nakapila ang napatingin sa amin. Eira coughed continuously to divert the attention to her.
"Natasha. . ." pagbabanta ko.
"I love it when you call my name."
"Jin, Natasha. I almost forgot, may lakad pa pala ako after this." Kakatapos niya lang magbayad ng libro. "Ikaw na po bahala kay Jin." Eira smiled.
Nagbabanta kong tinignan si Eira pero ang gaga kumindat lang sa 'kin. Nang-iwan ba naman! Humanda ka talaga sa 'kin Eira!
"Sure." Natasha smiled from ear to ear.
Tuwang-tuwa talaga sila sa pinaggagawa!
"What's your number nga po pala ma'am? Este Natasha? Ay huwag na po pala. Your phone po." Natasha handed her phone. "Jin's number is already there, I have to go!"
"Sure, take care. . ." she said. Naiwan kami sa gilid ng counter. "Now what?"
Para siyang bata na napagbigyan, sobrang kinang ng mata niya. Ang ganda pa ng ngiti.
Napabuntong-hininga ako. "Behave ah?"
"Do I look like a child for you to say that?"
"No, but you act like a child."
She held my hand. "I'll behave, mommy. . ." she uttered in her honeyed voice, then blew warm air in my ear. Geez!
Agad akong lumayo sa kaniya, tuluyan siyang natawa. I used it as an opportunity to text Eira.
To Eira:
Why did you do that?! You said she's a red flag! May pa-guard my heart ka pang nalalaman!
From Eira:
Finally! More than three words. And yes, I said that, but after hearing your plan, there's nothing wrong, naman. You'll only get to know her, right? Just don't forget to get some grip. Take care! Love ya!
"Hey, let's go?" Excited na pagtawag niya.
"Fine," I sighed.
Nauna siyang naglakad, hindi ko mapigilan na mapangiti. I'm not going to lie, she's fun to be with.
Ang saya ng nangyayari pero nakaka-stress din.
Gusto kong matawa sa reaction ng mga nakarinig sa sinabi niya kanina but I decided not to. Baka kasi bumanat ulit siya.
Minsan ngumingiti na lang ako basta-basta kahit walang kasama dahil lang sa mga naalala kong pinaggagawa niya, and I'm glad kasi ito na ang naiisip ko kaysa dati na tragic kadalasan.
I never find myself enthusiastic about the things I usually do, like buying groceries. But now, it feels more than a cycled life, and this never happened until I met this woman.
"You walk like in a d*mn mud." She turned with a frown.
She made reality feel like a dream.