If my relationship with the Aursong was strained before, now it was a real nightmare.
The fact that the food tasted like heaven to me did not detract from the fact that three of the five people I was sitting with seemed to be trying to murder me with their eyes. Apparently, another advantage of becoming an Aursong was that I was now sharing a table with them.
My uniforms had disappeared from the dressing room, only the clothes I assumed Gracelie had gotten for me remained. Besides, it had been Fern who had brought Clariess to the table, with an exaggerated parsimony that no doubt irritated her parents. That joy was not to last long, for, as soon as she retired, Gracelie said it might be time to start looking for a more suitable lady-in-waiting for her little girl. In her own words, Fern was horribly vulgar, as well as unattractive. I detested the woman, but I found the comment most offensive.
The last few days I had skipped some meals in order to avoid those uncomfortable situations, but that noon I was so hungry that I was not willing to give up the delicious dishes served to the family. I sat in a chair between Clariess and her mother, focusing on finishing my lunch as quickly as possible while maintaining a minimum of decorum. Doing both at the same time was more complicated than I thought it would be. I was also trying not to look up unless I had to, because I wasn't going to find anything good. The favorite mealtime pastime seemed to be keeping an eye on me. Clariess was the only one who didn't seem to want to do that, who was uncomfortable around me. So when I looked up, this was what I could find: Fyodor giving me constant warning looks of restrained rage, Gracelie watching me out of the corner of her eye as if it was all my fault, or Cadmot acting like I was a dead animal lying on the table. The worst by far was Rodion. He didn't do it all the time, but every once in a while he would look up and give me a few blank, pitying glances. It was too irritating and painful, but I couldn't tell him in front of his family to stop at once or to be a little more discreet.
"Persie," the general's gruff voice almost made me jump. "Is there any news about training?"
"No."
"Are you making any progress?"
None. Scilla was still determined to practice the basics. Doing the things she ordered me to do, moving my reflex or holding objects with it was ridiculously easy. I highly doubted I was going to defeat Queen Furya by throwing a cup at her head. I wish I could.
"No."
"You don't try hard enough."
"No offense, but Scilla is not fit to teach me. She may have studied the Queen all her life, but she knows nothing about controlling magic."
The general frowned.
"Are you not satisfied with your teacher?"
"That's not what I said."
"Do you have demands, Persie? "
"I don't..."
Fyodor gave a bang on the table that startled us all.
"Then explain yourself."
I hesitated, but responded:
"Scilla is not a witch: I am."
Both Clariess and Rodion visibly tensed when I said that. I paid no attention to them.
"So what?"
"No matter how much research she has done, she has no powers. She can't teach me to control something she doesn't know."
"You'll have to figure it out. I hope you will have made good progress by next week."
"What should I understand as adequate progress?"
The rest of the table held their breath, but the general simply said:
"That you know how to shoot down an Ethryn soldier."
"Why would she need to know that?" Rodion interjected in a concerned tone. "Are you going to send Persie to the battlefield?"
Fyodor's expression did not soften as he looked at his son.
"I thought that had already been made clear, Rodion."
"Father, what he learns with Scilla may not be enough to participate in a serious battle. Perhaps some kind of military training should be considered."
For a moment it seemed to me that the general intended to raise his voice, but he chose to laugh as if he had said something funny. Cadmot and Gracelie were quick to imitate him, and Clariess was forced to let out a chuckle.
"Military training? To a woman? That's a good one, son."
"But..."
"A woman doesn't need to know how to handle a sword, Rodion, much less a witch. In case you hadn't heard, her power is only and exclusively for killing."
I almost blushed as I remembered what had happened with Lokih a few days ago.
"I was only saying it for her own safety, father."
"Yes, we've noticed that you care too much about the witch," Cadmot spat. "You care so much that you keep looking at her as if she had broken your heart."
"Queen Furya was especially fond of ripping hearts out of the breasts of her enemies, so I hope that's not the case," Gracelie snorted as she wiped her napkin across her lips.
"Don't talk about such things in the presence of children, Gracelie. And anyway, who would dare to teach her anything?" Fyodor kept joking, keeping the situation under his control. "You?"
Rodion did not respond, but maintained a firm stance and kept his eyes straight ahead, like a soldier. Like the soldier he was. I should have realized long ago that his father had emptied Rodion of everything he did not consider useful, leaving only the insurrectionist captain.
"Well, I'm glad to see that. It's good to be clear about where each of us belongs. Men on the battlefield and women in the homes."
"And which is the one of the witches, my lord?" I hissed, looking up and staring at him. Fyodor's smile faltered and his eyes grew cold.
"Don't worry about it, daughter." His three sons looked at him in astonishment, and I gritted my teeth. I hated every syllable of those words. He wasn't my father, and I didn't want to be his daughter. The one person I would want to be his didn't even exist. WYou need only be a witch until the end of the war."
I couldn't take it anymore. I got up from the table, picking up the hem of my dress skirt. Again, it looked like they had pulled one of Clariess' to give it to me. For a second I was about to pick up my plate and silverware, and had to remind myself that I was no longer a maid.
"Sit down, Persie." Fyodor ordered.
"What for?"
"I'm telling you to sit down."
Again, he flashed that fake affectionate smile.
"I understand that you're not used to the rules of this family, but no one gets up until we're all done."
In my head swirled all the ways to tell him how little I cared about his stupid rules, but instead I sat down and kept quiet. My hatred spread to infect everyone at that table, but some of it was focused on me. I didn't want to be like that. Thanks to the Dream Man I hadn't completely surrendered or become what he wanted, but I had to submit so many times that I feared I was doing it.
I didn't say a word when the conversation drifted to Clariess and the invitations she was starting to receive. The Cavintosh nobles were throwing a lot of parties and events to cheer themselves up, but I suspected they were doing so fearing that each one would be their last. Even if no one said it out loud, everyone had been assuming for years that Clariess was not going to be Eneas' betrothed any time soon. Now that he was betrothed to me, that had meant to many that the beautiful, sweet daughter of the most powerful man on the island could be intended. We hadn't spoken for a while, but it was clear to me that she was very uncomfortable with the whole thing. But she wasn't the only one who was going to have to attend all those parties. I was now a noblewoman by adoption, which would be no big deal if I wasn't also a noble betrothed. The prospect of having to interact with all those people who visibly despised me disgusted me. Throughout my life I had socialized with an embarrassingly small number of people, having spent my childhood barely being allowed out of the general's house. How could someone like me have ended up betrothed to a prince, no matter how horrible that prince was?
I lay on my bed, exhausted. I had barely had a moment's rest since the last training session with Scilla. After lunch I had to accompany Gracelie and Clariess on their embroidery session. Normally I was given permission to leave, but that time Lady Aursong had a third basket brought in. After giving me a couple of impatient instructions, she proceeded to disengage herself and engaged in a listless conversation with her daughter. For a while I stood still feeling like a fool, embroidery supplies in my hands, until I dared a couple of disastrous punctures. When Gracelie finally realized that I was making garbage, she allowed me to leave.
I stirred on the mattress, softer than I was used to, in an attempt to sleep. The last few days I hadn't slept much and I hadn't dreamed, so I hadn't been able to see the Dream Man. I was still confused by his attitude the last time we talked. It was as if something bad had happened to him. He had said he knew the oracle of the old king, but I couldn't understand how that could be possible. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly, but just when it seemed I was about to give in to exhaustion, Loana, one of the maids who had waited on me the last few days (yes, I had already learned their names), came in like a whirlwind. She was a middle-aged woman, with a yellowish skin and bushy eyebrows, whose gestures were always frantic.
"Up, Lady Persie."
"No," I growled. "Over my dead body."
"But..."
"No."
"I'm sorry, my lady, but you must prepare yourself."
"Loana, I just want five fucking minutes."
"Your Highness is at the gates of the mansion."
I looked up just long enough to see if he was serious. Maybe I was dreaming, because it had to be a nightmare.
"Tell him I'm sick."
"I can't do that, my lady."
"Don't let them open the door."
-He has already entered.
I let out a couple of very unaristocratic expletives that shocked the woman, but I got up. Loana took a dress out of the closet and a few beads from the jewelry box. I couldn't even decide what to wear at that point, Gracelie was the one who gave instructions to the maids. That evening I would wear white and green, my hair in a braid with beads set in it, and my face covered with a thin layer of makeup. The reflection I saw in the tub of water seemed unsatisfactory, but I wasn't about to pull out the mirror in front of Loana. She, however, was pleased with her work, for she said:
"Your Highness is fortunate."
I frowned.
"What's that about?"
"It's like a fairy tale. The prince will marry the chosen one, the most beautiful lady on the island."
A snort escaped from me.
"Clariess is more beautiful than I am. Besides, she is not a witch."
"I do not agree, my lady, and you are not like other witches."
"Have you seen many?"
"Only to the false Queen after the war, my lady."
That topic seemed to turn her off a bit, because she didn't say anything until she opened the bedroom door for me. I walked out with my head held high and no trace of expression on my face. I went down the stairs to the hall, where Eneas was conversing with Fyodor and Rodion. All three looked up when they saw me. In the young captain's eyes there was a flash of pain, but in the prince's I saw nothing but approval.
"Charming as always, Lady Persie."
"Good afternoon, your highness," I forced myself to say.
"It's a very pleasant afternoon, and I'd love to take a walk with you, if you have no other engagements."
"She doesn't have none," said Fyodor before he could even open his mouth.
"Magnificent," nodded Eneas. "In that case, we'll be back before nightfall."
He smiled at me, but I did not do the same. Under the watchful eyes of the general and his son, I went out with the prince and climbed into the carriage that was waiting for us at the entrance.
We were both quiet, but he was comfortable with it. He was looking out the window as if he found the situation very relaxing. No, like he had it completely under control. I stared at him with my arms crossed until I broke the silence.
"This is unnecessary."
"What?"
"This. Why do you suddenly want to take a walk? Where are we going?"
"And does a man need a reason to take a walk with his fiancée?"
"We both know how much you despise me."
"Who said that? Did you take what I said the other day to heart?"
"Of course not."
Eneas rested his chin in the palm of his hand, covering his smirk with his fingers.
"I simply highlighted certain facts that could be relevant throughout our relationship."
"That I am spoiled goods? That I am a creature of darkness? Or that you would rather take advantage of an innocent girl?"
"Come on, Persie, who said anything about taking advantage? That term has no place in this kind of agreement."
"You are a..."
He interrupted me by raising a hand, and I gave him a grimace.
"It's clear that we got off on the wrong foot."
"You're not exactly a genius, are you?"
"Always challenging, how fun. In any case, I think it would be a good idea to agree on the terms of this engagement so that you are comfortable with the actions we take together in the future."
I laughed softly.
"If you're trying to sympathize with me, it's not going to work."
"Very well, as you wish," he replied calmly, and looked out of the window again, smiling all the while. He didn't say another word until the carriage took us to the port. After alighting, Eneas offered me his hand, which I refused as I alighted alone. Then, however, I was forced to cling to his arm as he grabbed my wrist and placed his hand there. We were not the only nobles strolling there, and however comical the prince found my attempts to rebel, he would not tolerate any demonstrations there. He began to walk down the walkways, so I did the same.
"I see you don't want me to speak to you as your fiancé," he commented.
"I don't even want you to be."
"That will change in time, don't worry. But, if you prefer, I will speak to you as your prince and future king."
His tone had hardened, now devoid of any intention of joking.
"If it is more comfortable for you, you can remove all its emotional connotations from this commitment. I don't need you to love me: I'm not going to, and I don't care if you do. If you prefer, you can see this relationship as a charge, or a responsibility. That is, in fact, its nature."
Once again, the lightness and cruelty with which he spoke horrified me.
"How can you say it so easily?"
"It's the truth. I'm not trying to paint it pretty, Persie. I'm doing this for my people and nothing else."
He paused, and stared out at the peaceful sapphire and emerald waves.
"In Ethryant, the fortresses and cities are protected by huge stone walls. Instead, the only one Cavintosh needs is the ocean."
I looked sideways at him with a slight frown. The wind ruffled Eneas' dark hair and ruffled the edge of his jacket. He was very handsome, and any other young woman would have been ecstatic to be in my place. I was unable to see the man in a good light after what he had done to me.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Do you know what inspires me this island, its inhabitants? Compassion. The war against magic marked us all. It took my whole family from me. You lost your father. And you can't imagine how many people look out the window as soon as they wake up every day, afraid to see black sails on the horizon. You won't be able to remember, but the first years after the exodus were very difficult. Not only because we had to build a civilization, but because everyone was holding their breath. They believed that Queen Furya would arrive at any moment and destroy everything in her path. We were convinced that if that happened, there would be no survivors."
His tone was firm, full of resentment and bad memories.
"When they were afraid, it was to me to who they turned. Since I was child it has been my duty to bring hope to the Insurrection and to share the message of a promise of freedom. I would never delegate that duty to anyone. It is because of my lineage and my family name that I have succeeded, but it has taken me a lot of time and effort to bring all these people back to peace."
I nodded, thoughtfully, and responded:
"The truth is, I'm not sure what you love more: this town, or the sound of your voice."
Eneas let out a laugh in which I could glimpse a spark of irritation, and started walking again, dragging me along with him. We were the center of attention in the harbor. Everyone who passed by knew who he was and, consequently, who I was. If Eneas was right, and some people were living in paranoia because of the Queen, how would they see me?
"I've lost count of the speeches I've had to give in my life, Persie. Thanks to that I've learned to speak my mind and cheer up frightened crowds."
"Did you take me for a walk just to talk about yourself?"
"I have not told you about myself: I have told you about Cavintosh, about his origin and what he represents."
"I still don't believe you brought me here without a purpose."
He shrugged with a sigh.
"The night of the ball, you started shouting that you hated Fyodor and this island."
I gulped. He wasn't wrong.
"You know what your general has done to me since I was a child."
"Can you blame him? We had to decide by vote who would take care of you when you were rescued from Ethryant. We couldn't leave you in charge of a normal family, and we decided that Fyodor would be the most suitable for the task, since he had more children. He has lived in fear ever since, everyone knows that witches are dangerous."
"But I'm supposed to be the chosen one!" I stalled. "You said I was the fucking chosen one! He knew it too!"
Eneas didn't even flinch, just looked at me like I was something disgusting he had found on the bottom of his shoe.
"You can't excuse Fyodor for anything! I've never done anything so bad as to deserve the way he's treated me!"
"According to him, none of these chastisements made you stop challenging him.
"I would not challenge him if he were not cruel and unjust!"
"So you admit to having challenged him?"
"I..."
"I think it's been reasonable. It hasn't been easy having an unstable witch who doesn't do what he tells her to do under the same roof as his children. If you had obeyed him from the beginning, she wouldn't have had to take such drastic measures."
His conciliatory tone did not fool me, I refused to believe his words. It had already taken me years of effort to stop believing all those things. I wanted to stop listening to all that, but Eneas kept talking.
"I thought spending time with Scilla would help you understand."
"She didn't..."
"Yes, Fyodor has already told me your complaints about your new teacher. While I admit she has certain shortcomings, you will have to make do with her. I meant that I thought you would understand how much pain Furya has caused, simply because she has the power to do so. Scilla strikes me as a perfect example, going from having everything to having it all taken away from her. Now she is broken, alone and bitter. She is just one more in a tragically long list whose extent is known only by the Queen herself."
I had my doubts, but I asked the question that had been on my mind for several days.
"She said Furya personally deformed her. What did she do to make her so angry?"
Aeneas sighed and, when he answered, he did so carefully measuring each word.
"Her beauty was the last thing she lost. Before that, it was everything she had left. That's why she helped the Insurrection, started passing information to us from the heart of the Ethryn court. When she was discovered, she had to pay dearly for it."
"Why did you say it should help me understand?"
"Because Scilla is the symbol of what we are fighting against. She is another of many victims, and, because of Furya, Ethryant is full of them. No one came out of the war unscathed, which ended with a ruthless woman who rages against her people sitting on the throne. The Ethryn have been suffering for years because of her, living in misery and being tortured. The wicked are the ones who have triumphed, enjoying the pain of the people as if it were good wine. The laws were destroyed, now only an unjust hierarchy remains, leaving the majority disadvantaged."
He looked at me with great seriousness, almost anger.
"We can't let all that keep happening, Persie, not if we have the power to change it."
I wrung my hands, not knowing what to say, until I answered:
"I assume you are referring to my power."
"Of course I am referring to your power. I won't lie to you, that magic inside you is dark, perfidious and pagan, and it shouldn't be in this world. But, alas, it is. The consequences of its mere existence have been catastrophic, and therefore we cannot ignore it. During the war it already became very clear that magic can only be defeated with magic. That is why you are here."
He stopped again and took my hand. His eyes were shining strangely.
"Out there, the Queen and her daughter have been plunging Ethryant into chaos for years. Just one of them could destroy Cavintosh, the only haven of peace we Ethryn have left. It is only a matter of time before they get bored and decide to expand their empire of darkness. Other kingdoms will fall, more people will die or be enslaved, more children will lose their families. Is that what you want?"
"No! Why...?"
"You said you hated this island, but look around you! People live in peace because of the work of the Insurrection! These people are here because we saved them from a life of horror! This is the only place where the Kraeman's laws live on."
For the moment his words had left me in shock, but when he uttered those last words I let go with a jerk.
"The same laws that allowed you to get my hand without me being able to do anything?"
"It's the laws, Persie, the laws my family established centuries ago."
"How do you know that people suffer in Ethryant? How can you be sure it's hell if you've never been there?"
Eneas raised his chin, contemptuous.
"I see. Fyodor warned me that you often ask inappropriate questions."
-Are the questions for which you have no answer inadequate?"
"I always know what happens in my kingdom."
"It's not your kingdom yet," I replied, smiling a mischievous grin that I had long wanted to give him. At last I succeeded in causing a reaction. His nose wrinkled, and there was a wrinkle between his eyebrows that I had never seen before, and it made him look quite unattractive. He was angry, but I refused to panic. Instead, I absorbed that anger and turned it into satisfaction. It didn't take him long to snap out of it, but I already knew I had hit a nerve.
"Of course it is. I am the last Kraman, the rightful king. Furya and his daughter are the only thing standing in our way."
"Our?"
"You will be my queen, Persie. I will make you more powerful than Furya will ever be, you will be the savior of Ethryant."
I clenched my fists with all my might.
"Really? Just like that? You think when the Queen sees you have a witch on your side she'll just give up? If you make me face her, I'll die. I have nothing to do. I am not, nor will I be, anyone's savior."
Eneas gave an unexpectedly benevolent smile and put his hand on my shoulder. When I tried to pull away, he grabbed me with an iron grip. Then I realized that there were many more eyes on us than before, but we were on a catwalk far enough away that no one could hear our conversation. He had led me there. Another calculated move.
"Take your hands off me."
"I'm trying to talk some sense into you, but you're not making it easy."
"I said, take your hands off me."
"You're being selfish, Persie, but I hope it's because you don't see the big picture. Here's the situation: your new father is preparing an army to wage the greatest war in history. Thousands of men have been training for years, myself included. All we ask of you is that you spend your mornings with Scilla."
I gave him a baleful look, and placed my hand over his, twisting his fingers until he had no choice but to let go.
"Am I the selfish one now?"
"I'm afraid so," Eneas grunted, rubbing his hand. -"You have the chance to save hundreds of people and you refuse."
"I don't refuse. It's different to refuse to marry you than that."
"Is it?" he replied, shaking his head. He had changed his tactics, he was treating me like a child again. "You are Ethryant's only hope. The chosen one. That exempts you from all the evil attributed to your powers."
He smiled, conciliatory, and looked out to sea again. There was no ship in sight, just a vast, peaceful blue expanse. The barrier of our fortress, as he had called it.
"I have already told you that you now have a new responsibility. It is as heavy a burden as mine, and I fully support you."
"What a comfort."
"The fate of an entire kingdom depends entirely on you, and there are many people who expect you to live up to it. You have the potential to do a lot of good, but I need you to make the most of it."
He grabbed my hand again, but this time gently, giving me the option to pull away. Intrigued by his next move, I allowed it.
"I do know what Ethryant is like. We have spies in every city, and in every layer of society. And they need help. In the streets there is violence and fear, and in the palaces, vice and cruelty. I fail to understand how you expect me to stand by and watch such a desecration of my family's legacy. Do they not inspire you with the slightest compassion?"
"Yes, but..."
"Children starve to death. The powerful abuse their servants. Every corner of my kingdom is stained with blood, and I will not stop until I cleanse it, until I purge the evil from it. For that I need you, Persie, you and no one else but you. They need you."
I swallowed hard. Eneas really seemed to be speaking from the heart. What he had described was exactly the concept I had always had of Ethryant, the one I heard in every rumor and every horror story. Lokih's arrival had thrown everything into question, with his stories about his world and his culture. But... he was the only person I knew who thought that way. I guess I had preferred to believe that the place that so fascinated me was a beautiful and different realm rather than a hell on earth. But, after all, he was an Ethryn. I was used to it. Eneas was telling me the truth, plain and frightening. Was I... being selfish?
"You are the one the prophecy points to, no doubt about it. They're waiting for you out there. What are they going to find? A girl who doesn't work hard at her training, who defies her superiors and is willing to let them languish in their misfortune?"
I wanted to retort, to deny any of that, but I just looked away. I didn't want to believe any of it, but the mere fact of hearing it hurt.
"It is vital that you collaborate, Persie, remember every time you see Scilla that this is what we are fighting against: all the pain inflicted on innocents."
"I won't be able to fight for anything."
"All of Cavintosh has faith in you. All you have to do is put aside your grudge and start listening to the general and me. We're all on the same side, and that's how the people should see us. Fyodor is not going to punish you again, on the condition, of course, that you stay away from Rodion. As your betrothed, I would also prefer that you do so."
I twisted my face before answering:
"There is nothing between Rodion Aursong and me anymore."
"I'm glad to hear that."
Cautiously, he brushed a couple of strands that had escaped from my braid away from my face. I continued to stare at him menacingly throughout, but the truth was that what he had said had affected me. I had been naïve, I was now aware of that.
"Besides, you will not only help your future subjects. You will also help yourself." added Eneas. I frowned.
"What do you mean?"
He cocked his head to one side, still smiling.
"There are only three witches in the world, and you are the only one who has not been involved in any massacre. It is inevitable that they will compare you to Furya and Hecathe. I won't lie to you, maybe they already do. A witch doesn't have it easy anywhere, but, if you marry me, all that will change. When you save Ethryant, no one will be able to deny, Ethryn or insurrectionist, that you will be a hero. Everyone will love you. Everyone will respect you. As queen, you will be untouchable, no one will dare to harm you. They will see you as a savior and protector, they will not remember your predecessors. You will be safe and at peace. You will have... everything... that... you... deserve..."
I closed my eyes and, for an instant, I allowed myself to imagine it. It was a beautiful dream, even if it wasn't mine. I knew that the future Aeneas wanted was too improbable and came at too high a price, but I had no other options. There were people out there suffering, and I was the only one who could help them. The choices had already been made for me, I might not even be able to decide whether to cooperate or not. Deep down, all I wanted was to turn my back on Aeneas and Fyodor, to refuse to fight for them after what they had done to me, to make them pay for everything. But I was also terrified of the consequences of that, and I didn't want to abandon the Ethryn either. The prince's words were very tempting, and probably, until it was clear to me what to do, the easiest thing to do was to say:
"All right. I'll do it."
By the time we got back to the mansion, there was someone waiting for us at the door. I twisted my face as I recognized Rodion's light hair and military uniform, but Enas' reaction was to put my hand back on his arm and smile arrogantly. It wasn't jealousy or possession. Rather, he seemed to be enjoying himself. As we approached my, apparently, adopted brother asked:
"How was the ride?"
"Very nice, Captain, thank you."
They both looked at me, waiting for my reaction, which irritated me quite a bit.
"Yes, it was," I replied dryly, at which Rodion's jaw twisted. No doubt the prince was gloating.
"We have discussed certain points of vital importance, it has been a most profitable meeting."
"I'm glad it was so," he said, though we could almost hear his teeth chattering. Eneas held out his free hand, with his most charming smile.
"Captain Aursong, I had hoped that we could get along despite the... recent revelations. After all, we will soon have to fight side by side. We must not let trifles divide us."
After a few moments of tense, noose-like silence, Rodion forced a smile and shook Eneas' hand.
"Of course, your highness. I would be honored to be a subject of both of you."
The prince nodded, satisfied, but I could tell he was watching me out of the corner of his eye, analyzing any reaction. Maybe he was calculating his next move, or maybe he was just having fun. Arrogant, calculating, evil bastard... I wanted to call him all those things when he said:
"Darling, let's go inside, your father must be waiting."
-How many times do I have to tell you not to call me darling?!"
He let out a laugh.
WI'm sorry, I can't help forgetting that there's already someone who called you that, isn't that right, Captain?W
When Rodion understood what I meant, he looked at me with confusion, and I bit the inside of my cheek. He had never called me darling before. In the beginning of our relationship he tried to call me sweetheart, but it felt weird to both of us, so we just called each other by our first names, although he would say "my love" from time to time. Now he must have been wondering who the person was that he let call me darling, but over my dead body I was going to confess that there was a man who appeared to me in my dreams, whose appearance was a male version of mine, and was the reason I had a modicum of self-love.
"Let's go," I grunted, so Eneas and I entered the house, leaving Rodion behind. In the foyer, Fyodor Aursong was waiting for us with his arms folded and his face stony.
"Did you have fun, Your Highness?"
"Indeed, General. Persie, I think you have something to say to your father."
I wanted to glare at him, but I limited myself to reciting what Eneas and I had rehearsed in the carriage.
"Lord Aursong, I am sorry I acted selfishly and had a defiant attitude. It will not happen again."
As soon as I began to speak I regretted doing so. The eyes that looked at me with a surprised gesture were the same ones that had witnessed my pain over and over again with real enjoyment, the eyes of an abuser and a psychopath, and there I was, groveling. What the hell was I doing? How had I agreed to do that? Those thoughts were like a cold water jug that replaced all the guilt that Eneas had awakened in me with his damned speech. However, I forced myself to keep talking, it was too late to back out now.
"From now on I promise to collaborate with my training with Lady Scilla, to participate in the activities of the Insurrection and to be of all possible help to my fiancé. Help in the liberation of Ethryant as much as I can. "
Suddenly my knees were trembling and I felt a hint of nausea. Every word that came out of my mouth was like a stab at my pride, my dignity and the shields behind which I had protected myself from the suffering accumulated over the years.
"I'm glad that..." the man I hated started to say, but I quickly interrupted him.
"But in return, I want the Cavintosh law enforcement agencies to restrain any public display of rejection of me, or possible attacks on my person encouraged by the fear of witchcraft."
There was a pause, but Fyodor nodded.
"Of course my men will protect you, Persie. I would never let anything happen to the future queen. I'm glad you decided to cooperate."
I was already regretting it. I had never gritted my teeth harder in my life.
"I am retiring," announced Eneas. "Lady Persie, it has been a pleasure."
He kissed my knuckles and walked out the door Rodion opened for him. When he slammed it shut, the sound accompanied the creak of my pride cracking. As soon as the prince was out of sight, the general gave me an icy look of warning and, without another word to me, left.
I turned to Rodion, who still had a tense jaw. He didn't say anything either, just looked at me with a mixture of sadness and reproach before walking away down the hall. I checked that his father was far enough away before following him.
In that corridor were the doors leading to the library and the living room. It seemed that he was about to enter the second one, but then I exclaimed:
"Rodion!"
When he turned around, he exhaled a sigh:
"Persie, it's hard enough for me to get away from you, don't you...?"
"If you think I intend to throw myself into your arms, you are very wrong!"
He reacted as if I had just slapped him.
"Rodion, just answer me this, do you still love me?"
"You know the answer to that," he replied, his black eyes shining.
"Well, if you love me, why did you send me away?"
"I..."
"Why did you make it end?!"
"I had no choice!" he stormed. "Neither of us do! You know I couldn't do anything, I tried! Neither did you!"
"You don't need to remind me that I don't have a say, because I already know that! But you could have at least helped me, you gave up as soon as your father ordered you to! Damn it, Rodion, you didn't even try!"
He put his hands to his head, breathing deeply through his nose.
"Your fiancé is the prince of Cavintosh!"
"I don't care! The only thing that matters to me is that it's not you."
Tears escaped from his eyes. Rodion took a step closer, but I stepped back.
"What was between us didn't matter to you."
"It was everything to me."
"If it were, you wouldn't have messed it up like that! You wouldn't have let them take it away from us so easily!"
"I was ordered to...!"
"Orders, orders, orders, orders!" I exclaimed. "All those meaningless orders matter more to you than me, more than our love! You'd rather fight for the man who separated us than for me!"
I was breathing heavily and had trouble speaking clearly, but I made an effort.
"Do you think I wouldn't like to be able to fight for myself? I can't! I'm trapped on an island whose inhabitants hate me for something I didn't choose to be, and if I try to rebel I risk ridicule or punishment from your father. I told you who I really was and you didn't listen!"
"My father..."
"I told you what he has done to me all my life and you still didn't care!"
"Why are you trying to make me the one to blame for this?"
"I'm just telling the truth. You're a... submissive coward who won't see the truth even if it's right under his nose."
"Persie, you know I love you..."
"If you're so determined to get it over with, stop looking at me every time we're together as if I've broken your heart! Because... just know... it's been the other way around." I put my hand to my mouth to hold back my sobs. I hated crying in front of other people. "So leave me alone. Stop looking at me and acting like I've hurt you. I can't stand it. I can't stand it!"
I turned my back on him and ran to my room, which looked more and more like a cell. I fell to my knees and hugged myself. The white dress spilled all around me, and my bejeweled braid seemed way overdone. After taking several deep breaths, I began to remove the beads braided in my hair. I watched them fall to the floor one by one. Slowly, I stood up and lifted my pretty heeled shoe. The sound of the beads and gems crunching under my foot was truly satisfying. My magic roared and swirled, mixing with my hatred until it created a deep and immense darkness. In the end, I was nothing more than that. And soon, when the time was right, I would show it to the Insurrection.