There was certainly an aray of different things in Charlotte's life that confused her, for example the fact that she was strangely allergic to strawberries but nothing strawberry flavoured, how she can't fall asleep in dead silence and never had been able to, how both her and Jordan shared the same shade of green eyes when both of their parents held brown eyes and lastly how she seemingly had been unable to release herself from the hold Thomas Shelby had on her. The hold so strong it captivated her for over a decade, the hold so strong that two years away from him hadn't even chipped or lifted the colossal restraints he had on her. Yes, time away may have disguised the heavy weight and created an illusion that it had become significantly lighter. Delusion was all that was.
Because Tommy Shelby returns like autumn and Charlotte falls every-time.
As expected,Charlotte found herself contradicting and rethinking all that she had done these past couple of weeks. Returning back to Small Heath was like opening many minuscule old wounds, that all together felt extremely overwhelming as they hit her all at once. Small Heath in general opened up a particular wound that she had successfully patched up over the years, suppressing and blissfully forgetting the significance the city once had on her. However this certainly stung to re-open because it wasn't just a memory it was her whole life, and even returning for a couple weeks made her question how she went so long away from it. It was home. An ignorant mistake Charlotte had made was holding small heath higher then London, when she first returned to small heath London was her home and that was final. However now, circumstances had changed and naturally she felt as if London was when she was away from home this time, vice versa. The problem with this was it meant it opened up her old life, and all of it. Small heath and her old life came hand in hand with one person and one person only,tommy. Revisiting her old life, was opening herself back up to the main part of it and that she couldn't do,no matter how much she desired to.
One thing she had told herself was that maybe, just maybe she didn't really desire her past relationship and what they used to have but instead she only felt this way because here in small heath, a life with tommy was all she had known. So maybe just possibly, being in this environment fooled her into believing it was what she wanted, when really it wasn't. Although even this thought alone made her feel pathetic, of course this wasn't the case regardless if she wishes with all her being that it was, it was not. Tommy Shelby still made her feel how he always had done even if the feeling was bloody unwanted.
What did confuse her though, was that she did feel the familiar sense of heartbreak after what had happened with Stanley, albeit it wasn't anywhere near comparable to her first heartbreak it still hurt. If she still felt that way for Tommy how is she heartbroken at the thought of the loss of another?
Charlotte was aware that she wasn't in love with Stanley, but undeniably had love for him. Don't get her wrong, she thought she was in love at the time but of course tommy worked his magic and solely by his presence reminded her of the love they shared and quite frankly she didn't feel an inch what she felt for tommy, for stan. However, he was there for her when Tommy wasn't and if she felt comfortable to be in another relationship after her previous one, that to put it lightly fucked her up, then he must of been special. Although once again she could easily contradict herself, if he loved me why would he hurt me?
Yes, Tommy had hurt Charlotte, and awfully. However internally solely, she was just as aware as the next person that he would never lay a hand on her, no matter what anger consumed him.
God was she confused, and blimey does she bloody well pick 'em.
Now, she locked up her home in small heath swallowing her desire to fuck everything else and stay where she was,home. However her better nature overrules all, she has things to do and a life to live in London now. So clearing her throat as if to disregard all her thoughts she made her way over to the betting shop to bid her goodbyes to the Shelby's.
"Good morning Miss Windsor" a man addressed her, polite fully bowing his head as he did so. "good morning" she smiled in return glancing down to a girl who shyly stood behind her father's leg. "um- miss Windsor this is my daughter, she's been banging on about you since she saw you at the pictures" he nervously chuckled as he spoke. "please call me charlotte" she smiled before turning her attention towards the girl who was no older then eleven.
"Frances?" charlotte tilted her head at the familiar girl. "yes!" she eagerly nodded in excitement "i told you Charlotte would remember you" her father added as charlotte only smiled wider. "you were a lot smaller last time i saw you" charlotte laughed as the girl flushed a deep red, still clinging on her father. "how is your wife?" charlotte innocently questioned, now recognising the family. Although she soon regretted doing so as the man's face dropped almost instantly. "oh um we lost her last year,consumption" he nodded, swallowing his emotions. "oh i'm so sorry to hear that, i hope you and your family are doing okay" she sincerely smiled before kneeling down to the small girl. "Frances how would you like a girls day when i return to small heath, we could go to the markets?" charlotte propositioned, watching as the young girls face lit up glancing up towards her father who nodded with a smile on his face. "yes please!" she widely smiled, riddled with excitement. Hugging the young girl, all attention was turnt to a heavy slamming of a door just down the road, revealing two of the Shelby brothers.
"Dolly!" Arthur bellowed towards the girl, who instantly caught on to the man's tense behaviour beside her. "Well thank you so much, and i'm so sorry to hear about your wife" she smiled, eager to let the worried man be. "She's conversing with the fans Arthur" john added in an over the top toff accent, earning a hearty laugh from Arthur and a playful eye roll from Charlotte as she made her way over to the pair. "Shut it you" she laughed as john pulled her into his arms. "can 'ave a laugh with me best-mate can't i?" john chuckled "or is that not a thing with celebrities?" he added, finding winding her up rather amusing. Playfully pushing his shoulder she let out a genuine laugh at his banter. "i'm still same old me john boy" she shrugged with a smile on her face.
"i've missed that smile on you dolly" Arthur nodded, glancing to john who agreed. "well i'm sorry to break it to you, but i'm off back to London" Charlotte bit her lip, however still holding a smile on her pretty face.
"can you not just come home for good Lottie?" john questioned, a small frown on his face. "i work in London now johnny boy" she shrugged, her smile now morphing into a saddened one.
"we can sort that out" Arthur protested "yeah get curly to take ya" john shrugged once again.
"in an ideal world" she chuckled, fighting her own urges to stay home.
"can you atleast come back for the garrison reopening lotts?" john bargained once more "that i can do" charlotte replied, an amused smile on her face. "yeah me new pub dolly, your gonna love it" arthur smiled proudly.
"yeah it'll be suited for a hollywood sensation" john spoke once again in a toff accent, earning a round of laughter as charlotte playfully pushed him once more. "right i'm off to say goodbye to pol, your doing my head in" she chuckled as she hugged the pair goodbye. "we love ya Lottie" " i love you too now fuck off!" she laughed, stepping into the betting shop as the brother's continued as they was, also laughing as they descended away from the shop.
Tommy was already aware that Charlotte had walked into the betting shop, just by the reaction of all the men inside. It was a mix of men who looked at her as if she was eye candy and others who looked slightly intimidated by her presence, a reaction that only Charlotte would receive.
"morning scud" charlotte smiled "morning lotts, Tommy's in there" scudboat replied, however he bit his lip as the colour drained from his face at the last bit of his statement. Charlotte only chuckled and shook her head "don't worry". It wasn't the first time that had happened, however she couldn't blame anyone, it was purely habit for Tommy's men to direct her towards him, it was what they always had done.
Scanning the shop for polly, Charlotte was interrupted by Tommy who had stepped out of his office, having seen the whole interaction.
"you okay Lottie?" he questioned,not taking his icy blue eyes off of her for a second. "have you seen pol?" "she's at the shops, she'll be back soon" he replied, watching as she lightly nodded her head. "i'm going back to London today" she sighed, watching as his face faltered slightly before he glanced round now noticing the small audience they had received, all most likely curious at what was being said. He simply gestured his head towards his office door, charlotte following him with a sigh. "i know what your thinking, just because i'm going back to London doesn't mean i'm going back to him." she spoke as he shut the door behind her "I've made sure he won't contact you again, you don't have to worry about him" he nodded, almost reassuring himself "is he okay?" she frowned, growing slightly concerned.
"he's not dead" he bluntly replied, the pair both aware that he wasn't to happy about that. "but you've hurt him?" she sighed, picking at her cuticles.
"he hurt you" he swiftly replied this time, as if his actions were more then justified. As charlotte watched her ex lover, she couldn't help but feel a pit form in her stomach at the pure hurt that radiated off him anytime he was in her company. "are you okay tommy?" she frowned, biting her lip. Taken aback slightly by her question, he sighed heavily glancing out the office window's for a split second, now noticing half of the betting shop looking in. In a matter of seconds he shut all the blinds of his office, the pair now sharing an intense amount of deja vu as they met each other's gazes the tension in the room now taking a different form. Whilst doing so the majority of the betting shop held smirks and whispers at the action, assuming something else was taking place inside his office.
"you haven't answered my question" charlotte broke the silence, not removing her eyes from his. "i am" he sighed, although charlotte knew he was lying, of course she did. "your lying" she sighed "i want you to be okay tommy" she bit her lip, almost feeling wrongfully responsible. "do not blame yourself charlotte" he firmly but gently spoke, it was genuinely amazing how well the pair could read each other.
"i don't, i just wish this didn't happen and we wouldn't be having this conversation" she shakily sighed, scowling herself for already fighting back tears. "if i could take it all back i would, and i'm so sorry Lottie" he rasped, his voice holding foreign emotion. "i know you are, but it's done"
she bit her lip once again, glancing down at her hands to avoid her tears falling. "don't get upset Lottie" he sighed, stepping towards her and wiping a tear that unfortunately did fall. Charlotte's breath hitched at the gesture, the proximity between the pair now significantly smaller. "and look at you now eh? you wouldn't of gone off and done all of that if i was still holding you down here" he attempted to reassure her, in all honesty he knew full well she was better off without him regardless of how much he wanted her back. "you weren't holding me down tommy, i was in love" she shrugged, meeting his gaze. "if it meant things could return to how they were, i would give it all up in a heartbeat" she admitted, her voice appearing more raspy then usual, displaying the emotion she was attempting to withheld. Tommy bit his lip in pure regret,it wasn't so much because of her words but because he was seeing the extent of her hurt now.
Commanding all her will power to look his way once more, he closed the distance between them, wiping another stray tear. "can you answer a question for me Lottie?" he hoarsely spoke,tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "yes" she weakly nodded "are you still in love with me?"
swallowing thickly at his question, she bit her lip as she pondered on her thoughts.
yes.yes.and yes.
in fact ever since i first saw you again i haven't thought of anything but you.
"i don't think so tommy" she responded, just above a whisper.
"good" he nodded "good?" she repeated, utterly confused.
"i don't want you falling back in love with me Lottie, i'm no good for you" he truthfully spoke, of course if he was being selfish his response would of been completely different.
As if he could of made this any harder for her, tommy and his fucking gentleman ways. This was the old tommy, her tommy.
Taking a step towards her, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "don't do this tommy" she pleaded, her eyes now bloodshot with tears. Stepping away at her request, he sighed heavily in an attempt to dissipate all of his own emotions.
"go and do what you do best lottie, you need anything please come to me" he rasped, displaying his concern.
"i will tommy" she nodded heading to the door, glancing back at him one last time before she left,wincing at the loud thud that came from his office as she made her way to the front door, eye's flooded with tears.
Stood next to Alfie, Charlotte smiled and thanked all the individuals that complimented her talents after her performance that night, you name it, politicians, members of the royal family, gangsters, ridiculously wealthy men all contaminated the packed club that night and single handedly made it their mission to converse with Charlotte Windsor. Everyone was aware of her, and it stunned her even now. "Alf" charlotte attempted to let him know that she was planning on leaving very soon, she still wasn't in the mood for social gatherings after what had happened with Tommy yesterday and quite frankly all she wanted was her own bed. Although, of course she was interrupted with yet another tap on her shoulder. "Miss Windsor" one of the many wealthy men that had conversed with her that night had returned, a couple behind him. "i'd like to introduce you to one of my associates,he's here with his fiancé." he continued earning a false smile and a nod of her head. "It's lovely to meet you Miss Windsor" a wealthy american shook her hand "this is my fiancé, Grace Burgess" almost choking on thin air, Charlotte tried with all her might to keep a straight expression. "Charlotte" grace nodded, her false and polite facade making it's return. In all honesty Charlotte fought the urge to go for her right there and then, unleashing the years of anger, however of course her "reputable" self couldn't do that, it was one of the downside's of fame.
"grace" she bluntly replied, not even an inch of a smile on her face. "you two have met?" her partner perplexed. "we used to work together" charlotte simply added, they were nothing but acquaintances anyway. "perhaps we could have a conversation charlotte, for old times sake" grace smiled, of course it was an disingenuous one at that.
"for old times sake" charlotte nodded bitterly, nodding over to Alfie who had recognised the woman's name from the stories Charlotte had told him.
"did you enjoy the show?" charlotte questioned as they made their way away from unwelcome ears.
"i did, don't get on your high horse though charlotte" she scoffed.
there's the grace we all know and love.
"there wouldn't of been a show if it wasn't for me sweetheart" she sarcastically smiled, completely uninterested in the conversation.
Rolling her eyes, grace glanced round to ensure her partner was unable to hear her before continuing.
"what did you do to him that was so soul shocking, he's never been able to get over you?" she abruptly questioned, taking charlotte by surprise.
"excuse me?" she frowned in response
"tommy" grace clarified, watching as charlotte fought a shudder at his name even leaving her mouth, inviting unwanted memories.
"grace, if your asking this because you'd rather have tommy by your side tonight instead of your fiancé, then that's a conversation you should be having with him, i'm not with tommy and haven't been since i left, it's nothing to do with me, he's all yours."
she firmly stated, confidence radiating off of her as she spoke. "is that all?"
she further questioned, amusingly watching as the blonde now stood speechless. "i'll be off now grace, lovely seeing you again" she sarcastically smiled once more, before leaving her stood alone as she made her way towards the exit.
Reaching the outside of the club, she sighed heavily at the series of events that have happened the past couple of days. Regret. She should of stayed well away from Small Heath, because as it seems it's brought everything else back into her life with it.
Cursing herself underneath her breath at the fact that Alfie was meant to take her home, and now she was walking down a dark alleyway instead in hopes to avoid the crowds who recognised her, she picked up her pace at the sound of unwanted footsteps behind her. Glancing back every so often she found herself growing heavily uneasy at her current state of affairs, she was pulled out of her thoughts rather rapidly by two men harsh fully restraining her from moving, revealing a third man who was now stood in-front of her.
"you know i wasn't to surprised your security made it this easy to get to you, i was surprised that Tommy made it this easy though" the man hauntingly chuckled, as she attempted to free herself from their hold.
"what are you fucking doing?" she frantically questioned, feeling their grip tighten as she spoke.
"Darby Sabini, Nice to meet you"
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once again so sorry for the slow updates, i've been so busy😫
as soooonn as i can i'll make sure they return to every day. enjoy🫶