in the past year or so,
there's been a specific running joke about me.
i'm called a computer
for my computational thinking skills and logic.
i've been thinking about it.
i don't dislike it, of course.
it's a compliment, and i think it's cute.
i am a programmer, after all.
it seems pretty accurate.
even though i'm an emotional person.
the smallest things can trip me up
for days on end.
and when my emotions grow chaotic,
out of control,
i fall back on rationality.
i write.
i write and write,
dissecting every part of my feelings.
i take them apart,
piece by piece.
it's a systematic analysis.
i try to be objective about my emotions
which sounds like an oxymoron.
but i do.
it's not just for understanding my thoughts.
i fall back on logic
when i'm desperate for a reason.
for an answer. for something.
i lay out the pros and cons,
i lay out my emotional biases.
i lay out the causes and effects,
i lay out a logical conclusion.
at the end of the day,
i suppose being called a computer
wouldn't be accurate.
i am a computer with feelings.
doesn't that just make me a human?