As I entered my room and plopped down on my bed, I could feel my body relaxing. Everything felt so much better now that I spent time with those that make reality so easy.
After uni, Marcus decided we should go out and have a day to ourselves. We went to a pub and ate SO much food. Drank beer and danced and sang on the top of our lungs in a parking lot of a useless building. Completely forgot homework and drove around.
Derek called mummy and told her we'll be home late. Marcus dropped me home at 3 am, tired but so so happy and fresh. I'm an extrovert, love going out and making people happy and to do exactly that today made me feel so alive.
I dropped back on my bed, stretching my limbs and yawning.
I laughed when I heard Bruno trying to get on the bed but was too small to do so. I picked him up and laid him on the bed as I got up to go to the bathroom.
Changing my clothes, I remembered the guy from the uni. The one who wore a leather jacket at 9 in the morning! How pathetic! How desperate can one be to get attention? I chuckled at the thought of him.
I remembered how he blew the smoke out his mouth and thought he was looking hot?! The expectation of some people, my gosh.
He didn't look like a mix and he was definitely not Pakistani. What is he doing here? The only white guy I know in our town is Derek. His parents are missionaries and has been raised by his grandparents.
I wonder who he is now. it's too late to stalk, I'm too tired to do so and I don't have time to spend time on Someone who wears leather jackets and smokes cigs so early in the morning.
I spit the toothpaste out of my mouth and changed into my pajamas. Loving the soft feeling.
I laid back in bed, cuddling Bruno. I thought of my arranged marriage. Whether it's real or just a joke. Whether my dad will give me the choice of the date or not.
I sighed, laying on my back. I remembered what Marcus told me. You are the main character of your life, you are the only one who can control your life.
I closed my eyes, repeating those words and building courage to show my dad attitude. I really need to show him that I'm in control of this. He chose the guy and marriage. I'm choosing when I'm getting married and that's period.
Before I knew it, this pep talk I was giving myself turned into praying to Jesu and then turning to softly snoring while Bruno lays on my stomach. The blanket covering both of us while the moon light makes our room a little shade of pretty purple.
Drool slipped out my mouth like a river into the sea. I felt a tickling, feather touch on my cheek which made its way to my temples, and slowly it went on to my nose and then lips. I was too lazy to be awaken from my sweet sweet slumber so I just moved my hand around. I'm sure that act looked like a dying witch but I couldn't care less.
I heard laughs and an unusual heaviness on my bed which made me open my eyes. I saw Debi's face a little too big to see in the morning. I flinched back from her and turned my face to the side, figuring out what's going on.
I saw Marcus, sitting on the bed looking as innocent as a toddler with Bruno on his lap. Derek with a phone in his hand on the end of the bed with Nick looking over his shoulder.
I yawned and turned to my side.
" What are you guys doing here? " I said, completely ignoring how they were tickling me with God knows what just seconds ago. What I said casually seemed like a joke to them because they burst out laughing.
I side eyes them and snatched my phone from the bedside table, looking at my face, everything's normal except for the dried drool on my cheek.
" What's funny? " I said as I also let go of a laugh.
" You looked so funny " Debi said in between laughs. I laughed too.
" You were gone for like a good 3 minutes " Derek said as Marcus was dying of laughter.
" Shut up, now. It can't be that funny " I said as I closed my eyes again but got shoved to the side by Debi as she stuck out Derek's phone so I could see the video.
I clicked play and the video started.
Debi was in the side of my bed with the paper of a straw, stroking it across my neck, lips, and cheeks. As I moved my hand like a dead sorcerer and kept snoring. Everyone laughed and so did I.
I shook my head and lightly slapped Debi's head for doing that.
I sat up and stretched my arms over my head and looked at the time. 10:18.
I had a lecture to attend at 11:30 and two more lessons after that.
" Are you guys already done with uni? " I spoke my mind.
" Debi and I had a class really early. We planned to come here after. " Nick replied and I nodded.
" I have a class in the afternoon " Derek said as he sucked a lollipop stolen from my desk.
" I have a class in an hour, it's important" I say and Marcus nods.
" let's go out today, after you both are done with your classes " Debi suggests.
" Oh, definitely" Nick agrees. Going out with my favorite people would be the best right now. But I still need to talk to papa. I need to receive answers and give a strong statement.
" We can go out for dinner maybe? I need to be home early today. " Marcus side eyed me, knowing what happened and what needs to be cleared. Debi nodded and loved the idea.
As they got busied in a conversation I went to the bathroom. Brushing my teeth, taking care of my skin and getting ready.
I came out the bathroom ready to just go out the door, finish my classes and have this problem faced. I went to my desk, grabbing my bag and a few notebooks that I would need in the day.
Marcus and Nick were on the bed, watching something on Nick's phone, Bruno in the middle. Debi was sitting on the floor playing a board game with Derek as music played in the background.
I sang along to the lyrics and collected my things. I went into my closet and looked through some shoes that would look good with my outfit.
I wore black trousers with a pretty floral frock shirt with shawl on my shoulders. I paired them with my ankle cross Mary janes. I carried my bag and turned to face my friends who have made my room their home.
I take my phone out to see the time. 10:47. I'm early. I could spend it in the library catching up on what I missed yesterday. It wouldn't be enough but who cares?
" Alright guys, I'm leaving. " I said as I kissed and petted Bruno having my hand licked in response.
Derek gets up with the lollipop still in his mouth and grabs his bag. Also ready to leave.
" See you guys later " Derek said, and waved following me out the door as all of them waved lazily.
We walked down the stairs to the formal living room and saw papa in a meeting with someone. Just as I saw him I almost tripped down the stairs. I coughed silently and walked faster to avoid him. Derek has other plans because he greeted papa which got his attention and he noticed me walking down the stairs and into the side of our front lawn, completely ignoring him.
I waited in the back of the car for Derek. Crossing my arms, my bag sandwiched between my side and my arms. My fingers, patting my arm. Frustrated because of Derek and his golden retriever self. Through the window I could see him walking to the car, smiling.
He entered the car and smiled at me, placing his bag between us. I glared at him.
" He asked about you, didn't you greet him?" He said in his awful American accent. I sighed and glared harder.
" Shut up " I said as the car drove off.
I sat at the kitchen counter as I had my face in my hands, contemplating whether I should text my dad to speak to him or just go to him without any explanation. I sighed and stared into space with an annoyed expression on my face.
The tick tock of the clock grew louder as my thoughts went completely silent. Punching the counter out of irritation, I jumped blowing on my knuckles even though it was of no help and rubbing it. It felt like my bones were slowly shrinking as I wanted to scream of how badly it hurt.
Just then, papa entered the kitchen as a cherry on top with a stupid suited man behind him. I froze in my position, leaning down with my hand under my mouth and my other hand rubbing my hurt hand. I saw dad biting his lip to hold his laughter in which makes me even more angry at him.
I collected myself and grabbed my water bottle from the counter and walked away from the awkward scene. I speed walked to the living room, leaving the formal living room behind and passing the pool table.
I remember how papa told me when he was re designing the house he put the pool table there to give it a more modern look. Because he said his daughter won't flip rotis in the kitchen but instead flip the pages of files.
I was so so proud to call myself his daughter then. But now disappointment and anger fills my vein. Not allowing any comprehension to have any place.
I angrly walked to the living room. I sat on the fluffy L shaped sofa and stared at the wall. I sighed and closed my eyes to prevent tears. I went on to grab my phone from my pocket but all I felt was the fabric of my pants. Just then I realized I forgot my phone on the kitchen counter where now, my dad is. I face palmed me out of irritation and regret.
My lips in a tight line, I decided to just watch the show I started a few days ago. I grabbed the tv remote from the table that's placed in front of the sofa. I pressed the red button to turn the TV on but the screen was still black.
I sighed out of annoyance but slapped the remote against my head to somehow make it work. I clicked on the button again but the screen was still black. So I decided to take out the batteries and tuck them in again.
I clicked on the button after doing the act and the screen turned on. I tried clicking on Netflix but the screen wouldn't move.
I groaned and tried it again and again until I was annoyed to the point where I was ready to throw the remote on the couch. Just then a hand appeared into view, with batteries in it. I looked up to see who it was and boom. Papa.
I sighed and suppressed the anger that was willingly filling my eyes. I dropped my head down ready to continue dealing with this stubborn remote. But then a big wave of guilt came over me and I picked up the batteries from his hand, mummering a small thank you.
I dropped my head again and began the task of changing the batteries of the remote. I tried to not think how papa was acting like nothing had happened. How he didn't decide big things for me that I would have lovedd to do on my own. Because if I did let myself think on what he's trying to do here then all the pep talk I gave myself would go down the drain and I would throw a very upset tantrum.
I shook that away and changed the batteries. I felt him walking over the couch and sit beside me. It was as if I was chained to sit there so I wouldn't run through the door and jump into an ocean, and not dare to come up being so tightly sick of this tension.
I bit my lip until I could taste blood, still ignoring papa like he wasn't ever there. Goosebumps arising on my skin like the teacher's pet's hand when asked a question.
I exhaled and dropped the remote on my side, finally deciding to face this situation. I looked up to him and crossed my arms, grim look on my face clearly amusing to him.
I saw his lip twitching and I lost it. All the questions I hid in myself all because of the shame I felt, asking him questions like a dumb kid and not getting any response in return, nearly came out. I bit my lip harder and turned to him. I raised my eyebrow, referring to his amused actions.
He coughed and sat back, crossing his arms and looking in front of him. This time my lip twitched but I copied his actions anyways.
I bit my lip and prepared myself for I'm about to do.
" Uh " surprised by myself I cover my mouth with my hand. Papa not noticing what happened and just continuing to act like a student waiting to get his results back, biting his nails and fidgeting the skin on his hand.
At that moment I realized that I'm not speaking to an enemy. He won't attack me, I don't have to be all laid back with him. He has understood me all of those times when I couldn't even understand it myself. Of course, he would listen.
But then again, his work comes before anything else, that's what nana used to say. Would he put my desires before his work?
" Marcus ne call ke thi " ( Marcus called ) he began and lifted his head to me. I side eyed him and hummed for him to continue.
" He asked the same questions you did. " I turned to him, being clueless to Marcus' actions.
" Phir? " (Then?) I asked, the first time speaking to him after ignoring him on purpose.
" Ab toh Kuch nehi ho sak ta " ( nothing can happen now ). He said and my breath got caught in my throat and my chest started burning. Not fair. These words scattered themselves all over my mind and for a moment, I spaced out.
I sighed and looked in the space in front of me. Wanting to be anywhere but here. But this time, instead of running off like before I stayed, planted on the couch and praying for God to put a steady voice in my throat.
From the corner of my eye I could see papa getting up to leave. I collected all the courage in me and spoke up.
"Papa" I spoke in the silence with a firm voice. Just as I said the word papa stopped and looked at me.
" Date ka decision Mera he " I said, still staring in the space in front of me, not bothering to turn to him.
I could hear papa sigh. The same sigh he sighs when he is lightened by something and I knew that he would not disagree.
" Zaroor beta " he said and carried on walking. I heard him walking until I couldn't hear his steps anymore and just collapsed on the couch. I breathed in as tears made their way to wet the couch.
I turned to lay on my back as I used the back of my hand as a tissue to clean the tears.
The feeling of emptiness was making its way in my heart but I didn't let it win. I thought of how I was with papa and suddenly a smile crept on my face.
It made me happy how at least one thing is my decision.