I hate myself. I just recently turned 13, and my dad passed nearly three years ago. I hate my quadrobics form, the way I look, the way I write, the way I talk, the sound of my voice, my art, the way I look, my sex assigned at birth, I just hate everything about me. I just wish I could be an ocelot, or a little hummingbird, flying around the world with my dad. I don't even know why my joyfriend said yes when I asked them to date me. I'm a mess all the time, I get overly emotional, anxious, depressed, angry, and I do it way too often and quickly. I've been questioning myself my self, my sexuality, my gender, whether I really am a therian, or if I'm just making stuff up so that the person I love would like me more. I really just hate the person I am. This body isn't me, so why am I stuck in it? I hate everything about it. And the kids on my bus aren't making it any better. "Are you gonna get, like, a penis? What about half a penis, half a vagina?"
Recently, I brought a few people o the bus with me, and they were pestering me and my friends, including my partner. "Are you two gonna fuck?" "Yeah, they're going fuck each other wit their vapenises!"
They all call me by she/her, and use my deadname, even though I have told them all many times about my proper terminology. I use any and all pronouns, except she/her. Speaking of that, not even my little brother is respecting my gender, name, or relationship. He has been incredibly transphobic towards me, my person, and any other trans or nonbinary people we know. It all makes me want to punch him in the throat.
I don't Know if I'm really a therian, I hate my body for what it is made of, nobody I know has been respecting me, except for a handful of people, and I'd honestly rather be an ocelot or a hummingbird. I really miss my dad. My anxiety and depression really only started after he died, and haven't gotten any better for three years. The brightest thing in my life for five months has been my romantic relationship with Gluon.