She did it again.
I frowned at Cindy as Lisa asked her why she did it with a hint of anger.
Cindy takes another shot and I angrily take the cup from her. Her eyes turn dark and she says words that made me hate her for the first time during high school. "He asked so I responded."
Lisa had surprise but I was not. I only gave her a firm nod and decided to stand with my arms crossed on my chest. She laughed as I went to pay for our table and said, "Do you really think you can always hide away? Stop being a coward and squirm around. Be straight up for once in your life, Emma!"
I stopped my hand from giving the waiter my credit card as something within me snapped. She wants me to be straight up with her? Fine.
I put my credit card away and gave the waiter a head bow with a small smile. Then I turned back and made my high heels angrily click loudly as I stopped in front of the table. She looked up with a defiant look. That's fine. I knew she was too stubborn to stand down anyway. That's exactly what I wanted so she could listen to me one last time.
"We are not in high school anymore. So I will be straight up and let go of my patience with you. You are right. Being a coward is letting others like you play around with my feelings as if they were a toy. I am not your toy. Mario is not your toy and Danny is not your toy. Unless you want to decide to shut that mouth of yours and let go of your pride for at least your friends, don't talk to me. I've had enough of tolerating your rude personality. There's a difference between being honest and being rude. You are supposed to be my friend, but I find myself doubting that again. This time, I won't waste my time with people who don't know how to be a friend. I already deal with enough children during the day to deal with this."
They both have wide eyes and Lisa has a hint of fear in her expression. Cindy stays stunned as I go back to the waiter with a trembling heart but a firm look. I give them my credit card and be kind to her one last time as I pay for everything. Lisa decides to stand and follow me out without giving another word to Cindy. Fury rises in her eyes and she stands to yell, "You bit--"
But we are out the door already and Lisa says with wide eyes, "I've never been more proud and terrified of you."
"What do you mean?" I say with a small smirk. "She asked me to be straight up so I did what she wanted. She asked and I spoke up."
"You're so cool," she says to me in Korean and we share a small giggle as she links her arm with mine.
But my heart cries because I've lost another friend. This month has been so hard. I think of them and I quietly cry. The only person who has seen those tears is Danny.
He accidentally walked on me when I went to the rooftop of our workplace one night. I needed fresh air and I ended up sniffling with new tears starting in my eyes. Danny had followed me because he had a question about the information of Jordan's grandparents in our system and I quickly tried to dry my eyes.
I was too late. He stopped and his expression softened. "Emma..."
I turned after wiping my tears away and tried my best to bring back my firm look. "What do you need, Danny?"
He quietly studied me and didn't know if to comfort me or ignore my tears. I started to grow impatient as I said, "What do you want? I'll be there in a few--"
He suddenly had his arms wrapped around me and I froze. My crying heart grew silent and my mind went blank. I was left dumbstruck for a moment until he softly said in my ear, "It's okay. It'll be okay. I'm here. I'm sorry but I don't want you to cry alone...I don't want you to forget to be gentle to yourself."
My broken heart found comfort for the first time that week and I let out a sob I had been holding in. It felt like a cry I had been holding in for weeks since Jordan's case came into my hands. So I hugged him back tightly and let my tears stain his shoulder. He wrapped his arms closer to me and didn't mind my muffled cries in his chest. He only kept quiet and let me pour my heart out for a long while. After that, he sat with me on the rooftop in silence and let me recover until I was ready to tell him everything.
I told him about Mario, but I did not tell him about the constant questions he asked me about Danny. I didn't want him to get involved in this painful part of our friendship. He still listened carefully and with a gentle expression as I finished off with Cindy. I sniffled and wiped my tears away as he let my story sink in. I did a small chuckle and shook my head with embarrassment.
"I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to see...this. I thought I was done with my friends breaking my heart."
Danny did a small smile and reached for my hand. I let him hold it and give it a comforting squeeze. I looked into his dark eyes even if I was embarrassed. My heart found comfort again and I was able to breathe as he softly said, "I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's always so hard to lose friends and have to push some away for your own sake. You are so brave, Emma."
I couldn't help but give him a small smile. He is not a man of many words, but he always knows what to say. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze and said, "Thanks, Danny. I'm sorry."
"No no. No apologies, Emma. It's hard. Your tears are true because you were a good friend and you loved them as such. Thank you for sharing it with me. I'm sure it was hard but I am always here for you just as you were for me. And you don't have to worry about ever losing me. I'll always be here when you call. Next time, please don't cry by yourself. Everyone needs a hug in their hardest times and if not, then at least I can listen."
I looked into his dark eyes and suddenly everyone grew silent. The world stopped and my heart no longer cried. My breath lingered at the edge of my lungs and my heart stayed at the edge of the rooftop. He also stayed within my gaze and let his heart melt. But as he looked at my lips, I looked away and I knew in the moment my heart cried again, Mario was right.
It is him.
But I kept this close. In a way, it was my comfort the rest of the week. My heart grew lighter and I understood what it was to have peace even on my busiest days. In my exhaustion, I still smiled and found myself talking about him more and more with Lisa. She gave me a knowing smile and said, "You talk about him so much. Have you two been hanging out more?"
"Yes. I think it's because he knew I was a little down so he finds ways to make me smile again." Spending time with him has become my favorite part of the day and I even find myself telling Kayla about it every time. She quietly listens with a warm smile as she continues to do homework.
This time, it's Lisa who has that knowing smile and says, "Wow. So it's real. You have replaced me."
"Hey!" I gave her a side hug as she continued to cook for us. "You know you are my first love, babe."
"Liar! It's Gharig!"
"Ew! Don't even say that name."
We shared a laugh but my heart fluttered because the only name that lingered on my mind was Danny.
The weekend arrives for that wedding. I feel bad for Leanne. She had a thing for this Daniel guy. I almost thought they would be a couple during college, but life truly teaches you harsh lessons when you wait for too long. But she is always quiet about her feelings. She lets them out slowly or pushes them away for work. This time, they seemed to have disappeared so suddenly. She even seems excited to go as she tries on dresses with me.
Today is my last day until I get the finishing touches of my dress. I took Kayla with me instead of Leanne since she had an emergency surgery to run to. She gave me a thumbs up as she accommodated her glasses on her face. I chuckled at her excited expression and said, "Thank you for coming with me, kid. I promise I will not take you to your horseback riding classes late this time."
"Wonderful. If you do, I will fight you."
"Hey!" I playfully said to her. "Don't test me."
We shared a giggle until I got a phone call and I saw it was my boss. I quickly answered and heard his angry voice telling me to get to the office immediately. So I apologized to Kayla and dropped her off at her class early before racing to my job. I am greeted by Danny standing there with a small posture and his eyes shining with shame. That look makes my blood sizzle and I firmly listen to my boss yell at us for a misunderstanding.
"You don't have the authority to choose that for the grandparents!"
I clench my jaw and firmly say, "Our job is to protect the child from any danger. You are angry because we are doing our job right?"
"Watch that attitude, Ms. Nam. You and your little partner may have screwed over for us! They will sue us!"
"They will not," I say. "It's clear that the grandparents are not complying with our agreement. It would be a bad idea if they sued us. It will--"
"Danny. Tell her what you have been hiding from us. Tell her!"
Those words are like a stab and I am scared to look at him. Shame made him sadly look at me and say, "Jordan wishes to stay with the grandparents. During the interview, she said she wanted them. But I could tell she was lying. Sir! She was lying! I know! I was a foster kid myself!"
"Shut up! You have no say in this!"
"Sir!" I firmly say this and he finally stops glaring at Danny. "Please respect Danny. Remember that he is part of a deal to expand our work. This must be a misunderstanding. Danny." I look at him and beg the skies that he shows innocence. "How...Why did you hide this? You should have reported it to me."
He sadly looks at me and says, "I hid it away because I know they threatened her. I've seen that look before. I know she's lying. She begged for help, Emma."
"But that's not your place to decide," my boss firmly says. "Ms. Nam is right. You should have reported it to her. She is not your friend at work. She is your boss. If I see that you can't even respect your superior and stay in your position, how can I trust you for this business deal? I don't know how it works in Korea, but this is not how we work here in the States." He sits down again and lets out a long sigh that makes the room heavier. "I'll be reporting this to Mr. Jung and we'll see what he says about you. Emma. Let's make an appointment with the psychologist and I want you to be there for another interview with both grandparents and the child. Danny. You are suspended from work until I get further instructions from Mr. Jung."
"Yes, sir," I say with a heavy heart. Danny only does a sad head bow and we step out of that cold office together.
He quietly follows me to my office as I quickly set up the different appointments before that man decides to find another reason to make my heart boil. I look at Danny who keeps a small posture and his eyes stay down. My heart sinks at his shame and gently say, "Danny...Don't worry. I'll figure something out. I'll make sure you don't get in trouble."
"No," he softly says. "I must own up to what I did. It's fair. I should have reported it to you. I just...I thought I could help. He's right. I'm just part of the tech team. I should stay in my place."
My heart is stabbed at his solemn words because they are a lie. He is so much more than that. He is so much smarter and his mind is beautiful as he connects with children. He doesn't seem to see it because, from the start, he never had parents to remind him how special he is. So I stand up and decide to start myself. I decide to remind him just as much as he helps me forget and give him a small hug.
His muscles tense up with surprise until he gently lets me hug him longer and brings me closer. This time, I whisper in his ear and say, "I can't do this without you. We have started this case together and we will end it together. Stay strong. We'll figure it out."
He is surprised at my words as he pulls away and studies my determination. He then lets a smile start on his lips and his eyes shine beautifully again. Hope. He reflects the hope I want to see in Jordan, too. So he gives me a determined nod and says, "We can do this."
"Yes!"
"We'll save Jordan. We'll give her a home."
"Yes, we will."
"She will be able to smile again."
"That'll be enough."
"You are enough."
My brows rise at those words, but his lips suddenly crash into mine and I'm left frozen. It was a quick peck and I was left dumbstruck again.
The world is silent again as I look into his dark brown eyes that shine with hope. He has his childish smile on even if I am shocked. Nerves, excitement, and happiness mix in his expression as he says, "I'm sorry. But I can't help it anymore."
I can blink again and my mind is blank. All I hear is my voice saying, "Don't hesitate next time."
Surprise runs through his shining eyes but his grin reaches his ears and my heart has never melted like this before as he nods. He takes a step back with a nervous scratch on the back of his neck. I only chuckle and close the distance again.
I didn't know that silence could become a beautiful song.