Empty empty empty empty empty empty with no words. just this suffocation. Tired. my body is dragging itself into love then out of it. Delirious oscillation through day and night. there's nothing holding me up. everything suffocates. I have no metaphors left for anything. I dissipate everywhere the wind touches. Trucks' rgb lights drift in and out of the haze. I need something familiar. The gust pushes my tears back. In the city between hills melting into each other, I'm the moon behind the mass of heaving clouds and I'm the heaving clouds skimming the moon, trying to get close but never enough. Im the disappearing electric wires through your car window. I'm your car window unmoving and invisible. Tired body. Will someone drag me back home? Can you tell me where home is? I'm so tired of looking for empty spaces and incomplete spaces and spaces that need filling and spaces filled enough already so I don't have to give as much. Can you please come get me and drag my body out the door? I don't think I'm unlovable or incapable of love, I'm only unfillable but I take any love I get. Cold blood under my scalp. There is something warm about this vacancy. Nothing left to give. Tell me what you need, I'll squeeze out of this warmth and bring it to you. I don't know how to be when I'm not giving. I see your cup spilling from the edges and believe I'm fulfilled. A child rests on her mother's hip, head on her chest. Quiet. Fairy lights on a tree, white and dead. A dense green where the leaves overlap. This unlit sidewalk becomes my new home. Would you pick me off the floor and nurture me into something beautiful again? What does it feel like to find smiling girls again? Anything new and different doesn't fill me up. But i let their tides carry me. There's enough room. I let the sea drag me through // 21:36
I know I know I know all the right things but it hurts I don't know why anymore I can only succumb to this leftover love which comes masquerading as loneliness the only thing I can't ask for is the only one I need // 21:49