Chapter 51
Friday November 18th
Lennon's POV
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town" I sang the ending line to the twins, ending my broadway performance of wheels on the bus. They were both looking at me with smiles on their faces the entire time I did the motions and sang off key, which is probably one of my favorite things about being a mom. Even if I suck at something like singing, I can still count on the fact they'll still love me.
The twins were getting stronger every day in being able to sit up by themselves, and I was so happy that they're reaching new milestones and learning new things, but it was also bittersweet. Knowing how much they've grown and their dad wasn't here to see it. I'll just continue to celebrate it all enough for the both of us.
I did my own version of old MacDonald had a farm next, the twins fussing when I had stopped singing to them. I guess they really enjoy my performance. For the next little while I continued to sing songs and dance to them, and these are the moments that I love. Making them giggle will never fail to bring a smile to my own face, and I'm so grateful that if nothing else, I have my 3 little best friends.
I never imagined that my life would result in me being a single mom to 3 young children, and it was extremely hard but also so very rewarding at the same time. Every time Theo tells me I'm the best mommy in the world, my heart just melts.
"EW. Which one of you farted?" I made a face, looking between the two of them to find the guilty one. When I found the culprit, I got up and grabbed some diapers and wipes since it was time for them to have a change anyways.
I changed Atticus and then layed Delia down in front of me for her turn, and poked her little cheeks. I just can't ever get over how perfect my little babies are and how much of a gift they are to my life. Honestly, I think Hudson left them for me as a parting gift.
My moment with the babies was interrupted when I heard a knock on the door, and instantly all I could hope for was that it wasn't Harry showing up to plead for forgiveness again. I haven't spoken to him since I saw him at the hospital on Monday morning, and I didn't feel like breaking the silence now.
I left the twins in a safe space and peeked through the peephole, to be semi surprised when I saw my dad was standing there. Another person I wasn't ready to forgive.
I didn't want to open the door, but I couldn't exactly find a reason not to. It's not like I can pretend we aren't here, because my car's in the driveway. With an exasperated sigh, I opened the front door and crossed my arms over my chest. His face fell into instant relief that I actually opened the door, and momentarily I felt bad. He's my dad at the end of the day.
My brief regret allowed me to step aside and let him inside the house, and I hope that he doesn't make me regret it. Although now, I'm at such a weird spot because I'm done with the person that he was hating on and I don't want him to know that. I can't listen to any "I told you so". But he would also find out at some point if what he says is forgiving enough. All of it was up in the air.
I closed the door behind us and led him to the living room so I could be back with the twins, and I waited as he happily said hello to the both of them since it's been a few weeks since he saw the kids.
"Do you have time to talk?" He asked, looking at me.
"I have a few minutes before I go pick up Theo from daycare" I answered, sitting down next to the babies. I wanted to be near them.
"Lennon, I'm sorry. That's most important" My dad sighed.
I simply nodded my head.
"I just went overboard when I saw him here after what he had put you through. And it was shocking to see him here at all since he left without anything, but I acted inappropriately. I want what's best for you, and I wanted to protect you" my dad explained, and now it was my time to sigh.
"You and mom accused me of making a stupid decision, and regardless of how it plays out with Harry, the two of you had no right to stand here and belittle the two of us like that. And then punch him in the face? Dad, that's insane" I groaned.
"I know, I'm sorry. It's just that my emotions got the better of me when he started talking, i-I really don't know"
"He only spoke up because he was defending me from my own parents. He stood there and didn't say a word while you trashed him and said some really hurtful things, but he protected me when she spoke about me. The fact he was silent until it involved me shouldn't have warranted a punch to the face, he should've gotten a pat on the back or something"
"The punch was way out of line, I know that"
"And Theo saw it" I reminded. "So now he has an image in his mind of his grandpa punching someone in the face, thanks for that"
"I'm sorry"
"It's hard for me to accept that right now because I have a lot going on and I honestly didn't want to deal with this today, and it's hard to get over the fact that when my own mother suggested I ran back to the guy who left me because my fiancé died, instead of you telling her to calm down, you resorted to violence to the person who actually cared" I explained, and I cursed myself inside when I started feeling bad for Harry again. I'm still mad at him in a way for what happened, but there's no denying how much I appreciated him that night my parents came over. And I still feel incredibly bad for what my parents said to him.
"I'm sorry.."
"You know what? Where is mom anyways?"
"She's at home" My dad answered.
"Oh, so you mean she could have come over here with you and tried to fix things? But instead she stayed home, because she doesn't actually care about me, yeah?"
"Len-"
"Dad, stop defending her!" I groaned. "I appreciate you coming over here and apologizing, but you know that she was just as much in the wrong as you were, and she doesn't deserve to be backed up for that. She can't even say sorry to her own daughter?"
"You're right" My dad seemed at a loss for words.
"I haven't even heard from her since that night, you know? Not a call, not even a text. If there's anything that night showed me, it's that I mean less to my mother than I thought I did"
"Your mom loves you, she's just..."
"A cold hearted person? God forbid that's ever the 'love' that I show my children" I shook my head.
"You're a great mother Lennon, and your kids are lucky to have you. You do a better job at showing your love than your mother does"
"I don't need my mom to coddle me and hold my hand, but I would at least appreciate her being decent towards me and not talking down on every decision I make. There's no excuse for her or emotions getting the best of her, she's always been like this to me" I tell my dad.
"I'm not disagreeing, I've tried to talk to her in the past but I don't get through to her either"
"Yeah" I paused. "Whatever, we're getting off track. Thanks for coming by and apologizing. I know I haven't exactly given you a different opportunity to do so" I say referring to the countless texts and calls that I've ignored from him.
"Of course. I hope you're doing okay kiddo. Hug?"
I hesitated but let myself let go in his embrace for a moment, and I'm not going to lie, it felt comforting.
"Things are great" I lied, since I'm clearly not telling him the truth right now.
I walked my dad out, and then got the twins buckled in their carseats so we could go pick up their older brother. To my surprise, both babies were silent on the car ride and fully entertained by their toys, which left me with nothing but my thoughts.
If there's one thing that conversation with my dad showed me, is that I no longer have strong hesitation about weakening my relationship with my mother.
I've always known that the things she said to me was never motherly love, but I always brushed it aside because she's my mother. However, the fight between us that night really opened my eyes and the fact she hasn't attempted to apologize really seals the deal.
It will probably be hard, considering I am more conflicted about my father and I and since I'll probably end up forgiving him at some point, to keep her fully separated from my life and the kids. I'll definitely be putting some boundaries in place then, like no more showing up at my house unannounced and unwarranted advice about Theo's anxiety.
If I can't cut her off completely then I'll at least be making some changes to start off with.
I picked my little ray of sunshine up from school, and then stopped to get us some dinner from Chick Fil A on the way home. It's been that kind of week, or life.
Once back at home, Theo practically shoved his chicken nuggets in his mouth and I devoured my chicken sandwich. Even the twins enjoyed their little pouches.
"How was your day Teddy?" I asked Theo as we sat across from one another at the table.
"Good"
"What was your favorite thing you did at school?"
"Uhm" Theo thought "I went on the swings"
"Ooh awesome" I smiled.
"Rowan pushed Mia off the swings!" Theo gasped aloud, like the thought came to his head and he had to shout it out immediately.
"Oh no that's not kind at all" I shook my head, if I'm remembering correctly Theo told me once before that Mia was pushed at the playground as well.
"Yeah she hurted her leg" Theo told me, putting more fries in his mouth.
"Poor Mia" I sympathized. "Maybe Mia needs a friend to hang out with on the playground"
Theo shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe"
"Maybe Mia is a good friend for you" I suggested.
"I have fwiends momma" Theo said, with a hint of sass, and then started to count off on his fingers. "You, Lia, Atti, Hawwy"
I was expecting the first three names on his list, but I was very much in shock when Harry's name came out of Theo's mouth.
"You and Harry are friends?" I asked to clarify, even though he said it without hesitation. Between him asking for Harry the other day and now this, I guess I just didn't realize that Theo cared that much about him. It's not a bad thing at all, and if Harry and I weren't in the situation we were in right now, I could honestly find myself being overjoyed with Theo saying these things. Right now though it just makes separating from Harry that much harder.
The exact thing I was afraid of when Harry came back. Theo getting attached just for something to go wrong.
This is the reason I've been so harsh on Harry, because I didn't want to have Theo be filled with anymore confusion or loss in his life. The fact that Theo appears to be missing Harry's presence only confirms my initial fears.
"Yeah I tink so. But not my best fwiend, you're my best fwiend mommy" Theo nodded his head.
"You're my best friend too Theo" I told him, and I'll probably go ahead and say that to Lia and Atticus later to even out the score. "So you like when Harry comes over to hang out with us then?"
"He make good train tracks" Theo giggled. "He's nice"
I guess Theo's present stand offish behavior towards Harry kept me unaware of how much Theo seemed to enjoy having him around. Now it's something to keep in my mind...
"Yeah... he is"
"When he comin over?" Theo titled his head at me.
"I'm not sure baby" I bit the inside of my cheek.
"Hawwy is so bad at gold fish momma!" Theo laughed, and it's typical kid behavior to laugh when adults are bad at something. I'm still unsure why it's amusing to them, but it is.
"Go fish baby" I corrected, "Is he?"
"Yeah I beated him such many times!" Theo continued to giggle.
"Harry does sound bad at go fish" I chuckeled with him.
"And he put the cards the wrong way! He made a... a stack mommy! so I said no! Daddy does it like this and then I messed all the cards into a pile!" Theo explained and I stopped chewing the bite that I had in my mouth momentarily.
"Oh you told Harry how to do it like daddy does?" I asked, just double checking what I had heard.
"Yep!" Theo confirmed.
And then it all seemed to fall into place.
Oop 👀
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