Written: February 24, 2024
I lay in my bed, tears slipping down my cheeks and onto the sheets. Can't Habu Babu just bite me already? Suddenly, I hear a knock on the door. Before I could respond, North walked in, weariness and concern etched on his face.
"Oki?" He steps into my room and sits by me. "Why are you crying?" North's voice carries a hint of agitation. He gets anxious dealing with emotions. All I can respond with is a choked sob.
North's concern deepens as he observes my distress, his own weariness momentarily forgotten as he focuses on comforting me. He reaches out tentatively, his touch gentle as he brushes away the tears from my cheeks.
"Hey, it's okay," he murmurs softly, his voice soothing in the midst of my turmoil. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm here for you."
I take a shaky breath, struggling to find the words to convey the overwhelming emotions coursing through me. Finally, I manage to speak, my voice trembling with raw vulnerability.
"I...I don't know how to say it," I admit, my words barely audible between sobs. "Something happened...with America."
North's brows furrow in concern, his expression darkening with the mention. He hates America and everything he stands for. Without asking any further questions, he pulls me into a tight embrace, offering silent solidarity and support.
"It's okay, Oki," he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm here now. Whatever it is, you're safe."
In that moment, enveloped in North's comforting embrace, I allow myself to release the flood of emotions that have been building inside me. The weight of my trauma feels slightly lighter, knowing that I am not alone in facing it. With North by my side, I find a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness, a beacon of strength to guide me through the long road ahead.
"Talk to me about it, Oki." North's gravelly voice was soft like a kitty. I take a deep breath, steadying myself as I prepare to recount the harrowing events that transpired with America. With North's unwavering support beside me, I feel a sense of courage welling up within me, a determination to confront the pain head-on.
"It was...horrible," I begin, my voice trembling with residual fear and anguish. "He...he attacked me. I tried to fight back, but..." My words falter as tears threaten to overwhelm me once more.
North's grip tightens around me, a silent reassurance that he is there to listen, to bear witness to my pain without judgment or condemnation. His presence alone gives me the strength to continue.
"He...he said awful things," I manage to choke out, my voice barely above a whisper. "He...he forced himself on me, North." The words hang heavy in the air, laden with the weight of unspeakable.
North's expression darkens with rage, a fierce protectiveness igniting within him as he listens to my account. His jaw clenches, his hands balling into fists at his sides, but he remains silent, allowing me to speak uninterrupted. When I finish, he talks in a strained voice, yelling louder than I've ever heard before.
"I SWEAR I'M GOING TO FUCKING SLAUGHTER HIM!" North hollers. Instinctively, I flinch, my hands protecting my head. North's eye softens slightly. He fixes his eyepatch and takes me into his arms.
In North's embrace, I find a sense of safety and security, his fierce protectiveness serving as a shield against the horrors of the outside world. Despite his initial outburst, his touch is gentle, his arms offering comfort and solace in the midst of my turmoil.
"I won't let him hurt you again, Oki," North murmurs, his voice a soothing balm to my frayed nerves. "I'll protect you, no matter what."
His words resonate within me, a promise of unwavering support and steadfast loyalty in the face of adversity. With North by my side, I feel a renewed sense of strength and resilience, knowing that together, we can overcome even the darkest of trials.
Wrapped in North's embrace, I allow myself to lean into his warmth, finding solace in the bond we share. In that moment, amidst the echoes of my trauma, I find a flicker of hope, a beacon of light guiding me through the darkness. With North beside me, I know that I am not alone in my struggle, and that together, we will emerge stronger than before.
He feels my wrists and suddenly freezes. North pulls back from the hug and examines my slashed wrists.
"Sheesh, Oki, your arms look like a cheap Chinese cutting board." He comments. With a heavy sigh, North hugs me as tightly as he can. My ribcage feels crushed and it's hard to breathe.
"I'm very angry, Okinawa." North admits in a low voice. "I need time alone so I don't blindly hit you." He gets up and retreats to his room. I sniffle, staring at the ground.
Suddenly, in the silence, a deafening crash came from North's room, followed by an anguished yell of frustration. I rush over to my brother. He is breathing heavily, turmoil in his gaze. He'd just flipped his desk over and threw a chair at the wall. His chest rises with deep breaths, trying to calm himself down in my presence.
Feeling a surge of concern for North, I rush to his side, my heart pounding with worry. As I enter his room, the sight of the overturned desk and the shattered chair against the wall sends a shiver down my spine. North's anguished yell reverberates in the air, echoing the turmoil within him.
Approaching him cautiously, I place a gentle hand on his shoulder, offering silent support in his moment of distress. His breathing is heavy, his chest rising and falling with each deep breath as he struggles to regain his composure.
"North..." I begin softly, my voice trembling with concern. "Are you alright?"
He looks up at me, his gaze filled with a mixture of frustration and vulnerability. With a heavy sigh, he nods, his jaw clenched tightly as he battles to contain the storm raging within him.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Oki," he murmurs, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I just...I can't stand the thought of anyone hurting you. It...it makes me feel so...helpless."
His admission catches me off guard, and I find myself at a loss for words. Despite his gruff exterior, North's vulnerability shines through, revealing the depth of his love and the intensity of his protective instincts.
"I understand, North," I reply softly, squeezing his shoulder gently. "But you're not helpless. Just being here with me means more than you know."
He meets my gaze, a flicker of gratitude glimmering in his eye amidst the turmoil. In that moment, as we stand together amidst the wreckage of his room, I realize that even in the darkest of times, the bond between siblings remains unbreakable, a source of strength and solace in adversity.
"Please, Okinawa, please don't cut your arms over this." North pleads. With a frustrated huff, North drags me to the kitchen and sets me on the counter—just like he did when I was little.
"Uh, North–"
"Shut up." He cuts sharply. "I'm going to make you food and it'll be so good, you'll never cry again."
Curious, I wipe my tears and ask. "What are you making?"
Pulling out some eggs and goya, the Korean responds, "Goya chanpuru. Your favorite."
Despite my initial hesitation, I can't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards North as he takes charge, his determination to care for me shining through his gruff exterior. As I watch him prepare the ingredients for goya chanpuru, I can't help but be reminded of the countless times he's looked out for me throughout our lives, always ready to lend a helping hand whenever I needed it most.
With each precise movement, North's frustration seems to melt away, replaced by a sense of purpose and focus. The rhythmic sound of chopping vegetables fills the air, a comforting reminder of the familiar routine of our shared meals together.
As the aroma of cooking fills the kitchen, I find myself relaxing, the tension in my shoulders easing as I allow myself to be enveloped by the warmth of the moment. Despite the darkness that threatens to consume me, North's unwavering presence offers a beacon of light, guiding me towards a sense of peace and solace.
"Here," North says, placing a steaming bowl of goya chanpuru in front of me. "Eat up."
I take a hesitant bite, the familiar flavors of the dish comforting me like a warm embrace. With each mouthful, I feel a sense of warmth spreading through me, driving away the cold tendrils of despair that threaten to consume me.
"Thank you, North," I murmur, my voice thick with emotion. "For everything."
North grunts in response, his gaze softening as he watches me eat. In that moment, amidst the simple act of sharing a meal together, I feel a profound sense of gratitude towards my brother, a reminder of the strength and resilience that lies within the bonds of family.
As we sit together in the quiet comfort of the kitchen, surrounded by the aroma of food and the warmth of each other's presence, I am filled with a renewed sense of hope, knowing that no matter what challenges may come our way, we will face them together, united in our shared love and determination to overcome.
I save the meaty parts of the chanpuru for Habu Babu. If there's one thing that snake loves more than rats, it's pork belly. As I finish my meal, I carefully set aside the meaty portions of the goya chanpuru, knowing that Habu Babu, my beloved pet snake, will appreciate the treat. With gentle hands, I place the tender pork belly into a small dish, making sure to remove any bones or unwanted bits.
Habu Babu slithers eagerly as he catches the scent of the savory meat, his tongue flicking in anticipation. I smile as I watch him coil around the dish, his excitement palpable as he eagerly devours the tasty morsels.
"Enjoy, Habu Babu," I whisper, reaching out to stroke his sleek scales. He responds with a contented hiss, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction as he feasts on his favorite meal.
As I watch Habu Babu enjoy his treat, a sense of warmth fills my heart, knowing that even in the midst of my own struggles, I can still find joy in caring for those I love.
North cleans up for me, then approaches to trap me in a big fat hug. "I'm going to hunt America down." He mutters gruffly. "Every time he does something stupid, I lose a brain cell."
"Then that means you should be clinically dead." I chuckle. North rolls his eye and smiles the tiniest bit.
North's embrace offers a sense of security, his protective presence a soothing balm to my wounded soul. Despite the gravity of the situation, his attempt at humor brings a small smile to my lips, a brief respite from the turmoil within.
"Maybe you're onto something there," North replies with a hint of amusement, his eye softening as he gazes at me. "But seriously, Okinawa, I won't let him get away with this. No one messes with my family—especially my baby sister."
His words are filled with determination, a silent promise to stand by my side and seek justice for the wrongs inflicted upon me. In that moment, I feel a surge of gratitude for my brother's unwavering support, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, love and solidarity can light the way forward.
"Thank you, North," I whisper, my voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
North's grip tightens around me, his silent embrace speaking volumes. He strokes my hair gently, eyes closed. "Whenever we hug like this, I'm at peace." He admits softly.
As North's fingers trace soothing patterns through my hair, his whispered confession resonates deep within me. In the warmth of his embrace, I feel a sense of tranquility wash over me, a moment of respite from the storm raging within.
"I feel it too," I murmur in response, leaning into his touch. "It's like all the chaos fades away, and it's just us, together."
In that tender moment, enveloped in North's comforting embrace, I find a sense of belonging, a reminder of the unbreakable bond between us. With each stroke of his hand, I feel a weight lift from my shoulders, replaced by a sense of calm and reassurance.
As we stand there, wrapped in each other's arms, I am reminded of the power of love and solidarity, the strength that comes from knowing that no matter what challenges may come our way, we will always have each other. And in that simple embrace, I find peace, knowing that as long as we have each other, we can weather any storm.
As the weight of my actions settles upon me, a profound emptiness engulfs my being. Each movement feels mechanical, each word devoid of emotion, as if I'm merely a shell of my former self. The realization hits me like a sledgehammer—I have not only lost my innocence, but I have also sacrificed a vital part of my identity. My mabui.
In the depths of despair, a chilling awareness takes hold—I have severed the connection to my mabui, the essence of my soul, in a moment of unfathomable anguish. My mother's spirit, once a guiding presence within me, now remains silent, lost amidst the wreckage of my shattered self.
The hollow ache within my chest grows with each passing moment, a relentless reminder of the irreversible damage I have inflicted upon myself. The weight of my despair crushes me, suffocating any semblance of hope or light that once flickered within.
In this dark abyss of despair, I am consumed by an overwhelming sense of loss, longing for the comfort and guidance that once flowed from my mabui. But now, I am adrift in a sea of darkness, abandoned by the very essence that once defined me.
As I confront the devastating consequences of my actions, I am gripped by a sense of utter desolation. The void within me echoes with the absence of my mabui, leaving me stranded in a world devoid of solace or redemption. And in this bleak solitude, I am left to grapple with the devastating realization that I have lost not only my innocence but also the very essence of my being.
Now this is where the exposition ends and the story begins...finally.