“No, no Tony, don’t touch that. Thor! Put the knife down! Oh my god, I am going to kill Fury! Pepper, Pepper honey put your seatbelt back on, no don’t climb tha- Clinton Francis Barton! What the hell do you think you are doing up there?” Maria was having a hard time getting the little heroes settled for take-off. Technically she was supposed to take a jeep and drive from New York to Florida, but there was no way she was spending 17 hours in a car with seven small children, she just hoped she would be able to get them all strapped down and ready for take-off before Fury realised what she was doing.
Then she had a brilliant idea.
“Who wants to play let’s see who can stay quiet for the longest?” she asked hopefully.
“How stupid do you think they are?” Bruce asked without looking up from the instruction manual he was reading. He seemed to be the only one who wasn’t trying to drive Maria insane, except for Natasha who had sat down near the back without making a fuss and was singing softly to herself in Russian. The anti-ageing effects had erased almost all of their memories from before they had been that age the first time, so no one really knew what was going through Natasha’s head, or even if she understood English.
“Well do you have a better idea?” Maria asked him as she tried to pry Clint’s nimble fingers off a metal pole connected to the ceiling. She made a mental note to remove all climbable furniture from the facility as she didn’t think Fury would be too happy if one of his best agents killed himself falling from the ceiling.
“Anthony Stark if you don’t sit down right now I will personally pull all of your hair out!” she screeched as Tony sat down in the pilot’s seat and pretended he was flying it, complete with making little “pew, pew” sound with his mouth, imitating a fighter jet.
“You can’t boss me around, I’m Tony Stark, and nobody bosses me around. Who are you anyway? The guy with the eye-patch called you hill, is that your name? That’s a funny name. What’s his name?” Tony questioned endlessly and finally Maria dragged him by him by his legs and locked him an a soundproof holding cell near the back of the jet. One had been installed in each jet after Loki had escaped so easily with Thor’s help after they captured him in Germany, and for once Maria was thankful for the God of Mischief.
“The next person to talk goes in there with him,” she threatened and, after a second round of annoy the shit out of Maria, and after she had figured out how to work the anti-release seatbelts, they were finally ready to go.
“What is your name?” Steve asked quietly, praying he wouldn’t get put in the cage with the loud boy, Tony.
“My name is Maria, and now we are all going to be quiet, ok?”
There was no reply. Maria smiled to herself, this might not be too bad.
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“I need to pee!” Pepper screamed after they had been flying for just over an hour.
Everyone had been quiet up until now, but as soon as Pepper broke the silence everyone else assumed that they could too.
“So do I,” almost everyone added.
“There’s no bathroom on the jet,” she replied, hoping they would leave it at that.
“But I need to pee! “ Pepper repeated her lip quivering in a way only small children know how, making Maria’s heart melt.
“Alright, give me a minute and I’ll find a rest stop. Who else needs to use the bathroom?”
“Me,” the children chorused, and Maria wondered just how she was going to take care of them alone, she teared up as she thought about how Phil should be helping her, but pushed the thought aside and radioed a nearby helicopter pad for permission to land.
“Base to XP-70 permission granted,” someone crackled over the speakers.
“Finally, some good news,” Maria whispered to herself.
“Everyone get ready to land,” she called to the kids as she prepared the quinjet for landing.
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“Nu-uh I dowanna go in there, it’s for girls,” Tony complained as Maria tried desperately to drag everyone along behind her while carrying Natasha and Steve, who seemed to have gone back to his weak, non-superhero, self, and wouldn’t stop coughing.
“Yea, it’s for girls,” Clint agreed.
“Well you can’t go in to the men’s room by yourself, and I’m not letting you stay out here by yourselves, so you just have to suck it up and go in, but if you need to use the bathroom as badly as you said then I suggest using it now as we have ten hours of flying to do and I’m not stopping again.”
Tony pouted for a minute before grumbling something that sounded like “fine” and walking in to the bathrooms. Maria ushered everyone in after him and it suddenly dawned on her just how awkward this was going to be. The girls she could handle, she had a niece who she used to babysit and was almost a pro at the bathroom run but boys, that was a whole other story.
“Ok Tony, Bruce, you guys don’t need help, do you?” she asked hopefully.
“Of course I don't, I’m a big boy. I don’t need help!” Tony exclaimed as if she had just asked him if he wanted to eat his weight in broccoli. Bruce’s reply was similar enough, if a bit politer, and he handed her the manual he had been reading and asked her to keep it safe, as if it were some kind of bible.
“Of course Bruce, I’ll take good care of it for you,” she replied, trying unbelievably hard to not sound patronising. She had to remind herself that she was speaking to one of the world’s greatest scientific minds, albeit a younger version.
“Steve, do you need to use the bathroom?” she asked the tiny, frail looking boy who had almost fallen asleep in her arms.
“Nuh-hu,” he mumbled before snuggling in to her shoulder and closing his eyes once more.
“Clint? Thor? What about you guys?”
“I don’t need help, I’m a god!” Thor thundered (no pun intended) and ran over to a stall. So far he seemed the most advanced psychologically, aside from his complete lack of an indoor voice, but then again he was thousands of years old, or he had been at least.
“Where’s my mommy? She always helps me.” Clint asked and Maria didn’t have the heart to tell him that his parents were both dead, and instead hoped he didn’t still possess the highly irritating skill of being a human lie detector.
“Well, your mommy and daddy are, uh, on a holiday, yea, so they asked me to mind you while they’re away.” She prayed he would believe the lie, and thankfully, after thinking it over for a moment, he seemed satisfied with her answer.
“Can you help me?” he asked sweetly and Maria just hoped this wouldn’t go terribly wrong.
“Alright, just give me a minute sweetie. Natasha? Natasha honey, will you sit beside Steve for me? Good girl, just sit there and Pepper, Pepper you sit beside them, I’ll get to you in just a minute just give me a sec. Bruce? Good you’re done.” Bruce had just finished up and was washing his hands.
“Bruce you watch Steve and Natasha ok?” she asked as Clint started dragging her into one of the tight cubicles and, before the door was even shut, pulled down his pants and began peeing. Maria hurriedly shut the door and heard the sound of Tony washing his hands.
“Tony are you done?” she asked, hoping he wasn’t.
“Yea,” he replied, and Maria was momentarily distracted with all the trouble Tony could get himself into and she didn’t notice that Clint had turned around and was now emptying his bladder onto her new jeans that she only got to wear when she was off duty.
“Shit,” she yelped only to hear Tony shout “language” back to her.
“Clint, no, turn back around.”
“Sorry I thought I was done but I wasn’t,” he tried to explain, but Maria was only half listening as she tried to wipe at her jeans before the smell set in.
“I’m really sorry, I din’t meant it,” Clint continued, looking as if he were about to cry.
“Oh no honey it’s fine, really don’t worry, just, uh, wipe yourself so I can help everyone else, alright? Don’t worry about it, I don’t even like these jeans, I was going to get some new ones,” she lied again, while handing Clint a giant wad of toilet paper, but at least he didn’t burst into tears.
After Clint’s incident as Tony had called it, Maria got Pepper and Natasha sorted quite easily and convinced Steve that he should use the bathroom as they wouldn’t be stopping again, and thankfully he seemed to have more common sense than Clint and didn’t splash Maria.
“Ok, is everyone done?” she asked wearily, silently vowing to never, ever, have kids of her own.
“I need the bathroom again,” Tony exclaimed, knowing very well that Maria was on the verge of strangling him.
“Ok, you’re all done? Great,” she answered herself without giving Tony a chance to make another cheeky remark.
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This is so fun to write! I have a feeling there's going to be lots more chapters so I really hope you guys like reading this aas much as I love writing it.
Next chapter is almost done and should be up tomorrow.
Oh and these havent really been edited. I read over it once and corrected any mistakes I saw, but if you see any don't be afraid to point them out.
As always let me know what you guys think, and any ideas for things you want the littlevengers to do.
Have a nice evening (morning, day, night etc.)
Littlesemble! (don't even ask)