"Hey there," said Beck, running a nervous hand through his hair.
"Hi," I said with a fake cold indifference. On the inside I felt like crap. Did Beck really not care about me? Was Tori his girlfriend? Is that why he couldn't be with me? Because there was obviously some sense of responsibility or loyalty he felt to someone else stopping him, since it was obvious he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. "What are you doing here?'
"I'm here because, although we're still broken up," he said warningly, "You're going through a tough time. You need a comforting face around.
'I'd feel more comforted with your lips pressed against mine' I thought. It was only until after did I realize I had mumbled aloud.
"Jade, I'm here for you. Platonically." He emphasized the word platonically so much that a four-year-old toddler would hear the innuendo.
He stood and I sat in an awkward silence, neither of us knowing what to say yet. "How's your face I asked abruptly after a minute or two.
Beck shrugged, his usual nonchalance clouding his expression. "It's a little painful but it'll heal with time." Beck had always been a 'suffer in silence' type, one of the things I always liked about him. He would always be open to listen to my problems. And he'd never ever tell another soul. He was the only person I've ever felt safe confiding in, but that new girl Tori, I think one day, a while from now, I could trust her. And that might be what scare me the most about her.
"You might need these antibiotics more than me," I joked. "André gave you a shiner that was actually pretty good—for him."
Completely changing topics, "Are you still going to Hollywood Arts after you get out of here?" He looked worried; like he was afraid I'd say no.
"Why wouldn't I?" I deadpanned.
"Well I mean, everything's gonna be so different to you. And they might make you re-take some courses and just... everyone and everything is gonna seem so different," he said, repeating himself.
"As long as you, Cat, Gepetto, New girl, and Mr. right Hook are there I'll figure my way around," I shrugged. I'm Jade West, I don't back down from a challenge, and Beck just totally laid one on the table, whether or not he knew it or not.
"Translating into, 'I'm badass Jade West, therefore I accept the challenge," said Beck in that all-knowing way. I smiled to myself. It was comforting to know that there was somebody else out there who understood me so well. Sure he only knew half of me, half of my complexities, and I knew that's all he'd ever know, despite the crash, because there are some places in my mind that I'd never tell anyone. I'd only tell all my shit to somebody I planned to marry or something. Beck was great, but we weren't that close. Yet. Although who knows, maybe I've already lost my virginity to him... but I have no idea. Holy crap I could've lost my fucking virginity to him!
"Have I lost my virginity to you?" I asked, unable to not ask.
Suddenly a stunned look passed over Beck's face, like he couldn't even believe I had just said that. The long silence that passed over us started slowly killing me. Had I lost my virginity to Beck? I'm an idiot! Oh my god! Who just asks that question! Eventually, after a good five minutes, but what seemed like eternities to me, he finally responded. "Yeah."
Holy. Fucking. Shit! "You took my virginity," I muttered. It's like I couldn't wrap my head around it. My innocence, or what was left, my purity was stolen from me. Taken in the night. And I can't even remember it. I was no longer a virgin. I feel like a thousand options that I hadn't yet realized had been taken from me. Wow, not that I'd ever want to, but my options of being a nun, down the tube. "You took my virginity," I repeated, as though it was my montra, like I couldn't live without saying that continuously. I had loved Beck enough to... and he had loved me enough to... HE STOLE MY VIRGINITY! I felt.... Numb. Suddenly I had the sudden urge to touch my breasts, see if anything had changed. Reach down between my legs and see if anything felt different. I felt like it should be. It was almost... incomprehensible.
"I'm so sorry, Jade," he said. I didn't know whether or not I was sorry that he took it or glad we were closer. I know I must sound completely wonky for being glad my innocence had been taken from me, but the mind works in mysterious ways, ways I wish it didn't.
I don't respond.
"Jade? Are you okay?"
No response.
"Jade?"
"You should leave," I replied abruptly.
"Yeah. Maybe I should," he said. In the blink of an eye he disappeared, and I was left alone with my thoughts, but no longer with my innocence.
Tori Vega
I'm an idiot! Why would I send Jade's ex-boyfriend in with her? They both still have obvious feelings for each other. Why would I do that? Damn love! If I wasn't so in love with Jade I wouldn't want the best thing for her, which at the moment is Beck. No. If I didn't love Jade I wouldn't be pacing out here, worrying my head off, afraid they'll get into another make-out session as I stand outside the room, seemingly encouraging this. I have to know what's going on. Just as I'm about to rush into the room, ready to aid Jade in whatever she needed, Beck walked out of the room.
He was walking at a slightly slower than average pace and his body language seemed relatively normal. But if you really want to know what Beckett Oliver is thinking about you look into his eyes, I remember noticing this when I was still figuring out if I was lesbian or not and thought I liked Beck. But when I looked into his eyes, they were completely blank. Not good.
I grabbed his arm, "What happened?"
"It was all going fine," said Beck. He talked as though he were in a trance. I wondered if he even knew he was speaking. "Until she just out of the blue asked about her..." He trailed off. I looked at him expectantly. When he didn't answer I vocalized my intense gaze.
"Asked about what?"
"Her virginity." Her what? Did he just say?
"What did you say?" I persisted. I knew it would only hurt to hear him answer, because although I always figured Jade had lost her virginity to Beck my suspicion had never been confirmed nor denied by either the good looking Canadian or Jade. Hearing him say it out loud would finally make it real.
"I told her the truth," he muttered. "That I took it." And in that moment gravity backfired. I felt like I was falling up. Jade's car accident, her hospitalization, her memory loss, and even her kiss with Beck, they were bad. But I could handle them. If Jade had old me in person I wouldn't be anything more than mildly-annoyed I wasn't my love's first, if Beck had told me I'd be a little angry, but comforted that I know that in the end Jade's mine, not his. Now it was different. Hearing that along with everything else, and not even having the comfort of knowing Jade is mine, it was like that one footstep that set off the minefield that was inevitable to blow. Suddenly breathing became harder and my head got dizzier. I reached out randomly, not really caring what I was touching, just looking for something to hold me, something to ground me down to what was left of my miserable reality. Finally I found the edge of a chair, I stumbled over to it and sat down awkwardly. I just couldn't... I didn't... I couldn't deal with that. I needed some comfort. After sitting there for five minutes, processing alongside Beck, I finally proceeded into Jade's room. Even if she didn't remember me, she was the only thing that could make me feel whole again.
Slowly I got up from my chair again and walked into Jade's room. She looked deep in thought before I startled her out of it. "Trina right?" I could tell from the way she was saying it she did know my name, but was just calling me the wrong one to spite me.
"Tori," I said, playing along. "How's it going?"
"Why should I tell you anything?" Jade questioned ferociously.
"It may surprise you," I responded matter-of-factly, "But we were actually really close before you..." I drifted off, afraid of bringing it up. I know it sounds stupid but I felt bad talking about the crash, almost like saying the word was a sin.
"Crashed?" She said promptly. I chuckled. Of course Jade would seem okay with talking about it. "It's not a bad word. But anybody that thinks it is obviously doesn't know anything about me," she spat. Only I know better than to believe in that façade.
"I know you well enough to know you're not comfortable talking about the crash at all. I can tell you, just from how well I know you that you'd rather talk about anything else, but have too much pride to admit that." I saw a stunned look cross Jade's face. Her muscles tightened and she almost inconspicuously sat up a little more.
Crap! Had I taken it too far? Maybe that was too much. Maybe I should ease off... But before I could even apologize Jade's normal, uncaring demeanor returned.
"You don't know a thing about me," she responded simply, leaning backwards again, her muscles never un-tensing.
"If you say so," I mumbled under my breath.
"I do say so," said Jade, catching what I didn't mean for her to hear.
I awkwardly played with my thumbs. I barely remembered being Jade's friend. We were enemies, then frenemies, and one day we were suddenly girlfriend and girlfriend. I was so used to being her girlfriend, I'd forgotten how we'd even become so close. I didn't know what to do. When we were girlfriends and she was upset or angry or confused I knew exactly what to do. All I'd have to do is tickle her tummy or kiss her earlobe or just wrap my arms around her, all of which I desperately wanted to do. But I couldn't exactly do that without freaking the crap out of my beloved.
"Why are you here?" Jade questioned.
"So you can get to know me better," I decided to say.
"I don't want to know you any better," she deadpanned.
"Maybe I'll be worth your time," I said.
"Or you'll just be a waste." I smiled. That's my Jade.
"I guarantee I won't," I promised. Jade seemed to muse over the idea. "Come on Jade, it's a challenge. You don't back down from challenges. Prove me wrong," I teased.
It took her almost a minute to respond but she did, "Fine." She rolled her eyes and sat up attentively. "Tell me about yourself."
"My name is Tori. I'm eighteen, making me a senior at Hollywood Arts. I love to sing. I've become addicted to black coffee. October 21st is my lucky date. Some of the craziest stuff I've done is being trapped in an R.V with practically no water, embarrassed my ex-boyfriend on a nation-wide web-show, fought a guy in a gorilla costume and broke both my arms, and kissed a girl." I saw Jade's eyebrow rise at those statements, but mostly the last one. "I'm not usually a very daring person. I now have a fear of gorillas. If I ever have kids I want to name one of them either Nancy or Walter. Someday I want my name to be known on the big screens," I said, concluding my monologue.
"Why did you fight a gorilla? What girl? Nancy and Walter are both horrible names. Are you and Beck dating? Are you and André dating? What's you exact relationship status. I have twenty dollars says your name will never see the big screens," replied Jade, quick and full of attitude.
"I was fighting a gorilla to get the part in a movie, which I didn't get due to my injuries, a girl doesn't kiss and tell, the names have a special significance, and I don't like Beck or André in that way. My relationship status is... complicated," I replied, just as rapidly as Jade had dished out the questions.
Jade quirked her eyebrow up and responded, "Wasn't worth my time." With a simplistic smirk she closed her eyes and lay back down on her bed. Lucky for me, I knew that even if it didn't seem worth her time now, at least she knew a little more about me, and I was one-step closer to her heart. Even if it was just one step on a long road, it gave me hope.