Death Day - 09.08.2014
He was my greatest love.
I've often heard that a girl's father will be her first love. Your great love, your first pain and so much more.
For me, that was not my father. My big brother, Seungcheol, was my first love.
Ever since our parents left us, he took care of me.
He was the reason why I could go to school in the morning in good shape, the reason why I didn't hesitate to put a smile on my lips and the reason why I carried my self-confidence with me through all my thirteen lives.
He was the one who showed me what it meant to be loved, to be understood and to stand up for myself.
Seungcheol, was my big brother, my father and my only friend in my first life.
I on the other hand was his pride and joy.
Every evening when he arrived home, he would tell me about the little adventures he had had that day at work.
He helped me with my homework, even when my education and our upkeep cost him his school-leaving certificate. He had sacrificed so much for me.
When we sat together to do my chemistry homework on August 9, 2013, he could barely contain his laughter.
Seungcheol never understood why I was so bad at school. He didn't understand why I didn't improve after he explained the tasks to me several times.
It didn't take long, a short time of frowning later, and the first drop of blood landed on my paper.
The little bloodstain was right in front of me.
Where did it come from? I had asked myself back then
It was my blood.
Seungcheol looked at me in shock at first, unable to explain the blood coming out of my nose, but acted quickly and held some tissues from the kitchen roll under my nose.
He couldn't explain why I was bleeding from my nose.
We were sure it couldn't have been from overworking myself, so he took me to a hospital.
For the next four weeks, I was not allowed to leave the building, go to school or sleep in my bed at home.
I was diagnosed with stage three cancer with little to no hope of recovery.
The next year went by far too quickly.
I lost my hair, was barely alive and could hardly do anything other than lie in bed.
I didn't even want to think about what a struggle my big brother must be facing, how much he must be suffering mentally.
The cost of my stay was probably as much as my entire life so far in one go.
How on earth could Seungcheol afford that?
I closed my eyes for the last time on 09.08.2014.
I was glad that I was no longer a burden for my big brother.
After 14 whole years, he was finally rid of the responsibility that came with raising a child.
My big brother, my first love.
The reason for all the happiness in my life and the person who started it all.
Thank you for giving me a good start to my first life.
I still think of you today, Seungcheol.