Zuzile Mfusi
Now that eggs make me less sick, I was able to help out MaNgcobo in the kitchen with breakfast because that's part of the package of taking care of my fiancé thirty days post-unemployment.
I quit my job at the hospital, under stern instruction from Kabelo who claims that I do not need to work when he is alive to take care of me. It was a hard decision to make, especially because I studied for more than seven years to get that job. On top of that, he has no idea the amount of hardship I had to face in that work environment, not being accepted, and being stereotyped by the men there.
But I did it anyway. I cried a lot those days, and being at home was depressing me to the point of no return, but I guess taking care of him while he was still recovering from his accident took my mind off of things a bit.
I still really haven't wrapped my head around the idea. Even my body is struggling to adjust, I still wake up super early just to realize I have nowhere to go.
I've also added a month to this pregnancy, and another month means more weight that I cannot carry by myself. I'm two months away from meeting my baby girl.
At least he shows excitement about that. Our union, not so much. I low-key feel like he's still holding that whole Sandile thing against me, and it always makes me wonder how much he heard that day.
He has an off day today from work, he doesn't have those often so I'm a little happy he is, we can spend some time together, and maybe start talking about our wedding.
When I get back into our bedroom, huffing and puffing from taking the stairs, I'm surprised to find him awake, showered, dressed, and looking fancy.
"Morning baby, I was about to wake you for breakfast." He smiles at me and comes to kiss me on the forehead.
"You shouldn't have baby; I'm going to a meeting." He says fixing his watch.
He's dressed casually, jeans, sneakers, and a black plain t-shirt. Nothing professional about that. I watch him as he brushes his hair, I'm in disbelief.
"You could have at least told me that you had plans," I complain.
"It slipped my mind baby, I'm sorry. Did you plan something for us to do yini? I can always cancel." As if he would.
"No, I had nothing planned. You can go to your meeting."
He walks closer and cups my cheeks.
"Don't sulk, baby, I'll try to come back early okay." I just nod.
The word 'try' tells me that he didn't plan on coming back early in the first place.
My whole mood has been ruined completely; I figure I might just bury myself under the covers until Mvelo comes back from school.
•••
MaNgcobo offered to tend to Mvelo because I wasn't feeling like myself the whole day. Clearly, Kabelo and I have different definitions of early.
He left before ten am and it's past two pm and he's still not back. I try very hard not to be a nuisance, but what he does to me hurts, it really does.
I just got out of the shower, and I'm sitting on top of my bed naked, trying to catch my breath, I need to catch my breath a lot these days. My phone rings on top of the stand and I stand up to go answer it.
It's Sandile calling me. I still haven't saved his number, but I memorized it because he does call me at least two times a day, and sometimes I answer, sometimes I don't.
Today is one of those days where I answer.
"MaMbatha." His creamy voice comes through into my ear.
"Hi Sandile." He really doesn't give up.
"What are you up to today? I wanted to take you out for lunch maybe." He jumps straight into it.
He takes me up on this offer every chance he gets, and I obviously always decline because he's not just any man, he's my ex. Being seen with him might spark a lot of controversy.
"Nothing hectic, but..." he interrupts me.
"But what my Zu? I've been begging you for a whole month to just have lunch with me, nothing much. Why are you denying me that opportunity?" I sigh.
He's forcing me to take this conversation in this direction and I didn't want to.
"You are my ex Sandile, we haven't spoken in four years, and I was the one that wronged you. Do you think it's easy for me to just want to meet up with you?"
"I'm glad you made mention of that. You wronged me but I hold nothing against you, hence I'm asking you to lunch. Please don't overthink this, I understand that you are in a relationship, I'm not trying to come between that, I just want to catch up with my friend." The word friend makes my scalp itch.
He's making this difficult for me.
"It's just lunch MaMbatha. Two friends catching up. I'm sure your husband won't mind." He definitely would mind, this is Kabelo we are talking about.
But do I mind? Nope! He's also not here, he barely even has time for me. What more do I have to lose? And like he said, it's just lunch. As friends.
"Okay, we can go to lunch, but I'm going to have to find a babysitter first."
"Ask Helen, I'm sure she wouldn't mind! Thank you MaMbatha, I'll send you the details for the restaurant."
I can't believe I just agreed to have lunch with my ex.
•••
"Where are we going, mommy?" I think this is the third time he's asked me this question.
"You are going to visit Aunty Helen because Mommy has a meeting," I explain with as much patience as I can offer.
"Who is Aunty Helen?" trust Mvelo to ask a mountain of questions.
"She's my friend baby."
"Okay." He goes quiet again.
I don't know why but Helen was too excited when I told her about this lunch meeting with Sandile, and I know the moment she sees me, she will want details. If I lose my marriage because of this, it's her fault for giving Sandile my number behind my back.
When I arrive at her complex, she's already waiting outside. As soon as the car stops, she opens the driver's door and gives me a wide smile.
"Mind your language and what you say because we have a recording device in this car," I mutter to her before she can even say anything.
She laughs and holds her mouth; you can see the excitement all over her face. But she has to hold it in, I'm not taking any risks with Mvelo, he reports everything to his father.
"Chomi! How? Why?" that's all she says.
"You gave him my number and he's been pestering me since then. I thought I would ignore him but it's getting harder and harder." She gives me a side eye and I just chuckle.
"You have to tell me all about it when you come back! Where is my little prince!" she says excitedly going to open the back seat door for Mvelo.
"Hi pretty boy, you look exactly like your daddy!" Mvelo giggles.
"Do you want to go for a swim?" She bribes.
I swear he couldn't have gotten out of that car any quicker. If it were up to him, Mvelo would live in the water.
I left her with a few rules and promised to be back before six and then I took off. I'm only dedicating two hours of my time to Sandile, anything after that would be me starting trouble with Kabelo. I now consider this a late lunch.
I arrive at the restaurant and tell him I'm here. He tells me where he is sitting so I can easily find my way to him as soon as I get inside.
I spotted him sitting in the corner very quickly, and as soon as he saw me approach, he stood up to welcome me. He was very shocked to see me, and I figured it was because of the massive baby bump I was carrying.
He came to give me a subtle hug and I got a whiff of his cologne, a scent that had me weak in the knees instantly.
"How are you?" he asked as he pulled a chair for me to sit.
"I'm good, as you can see." He laughs shyly and casts his eyes on the tablecloth.
I know that was the last thing he was expecting to see.
"I guess there is no need for this then." He says showing me the bottle of red wine he had ordered.
I'm surprised he still remembers what I used to drink. Although my taste has evolved in the last few years, I still love me some Merlot!
"One glass wouldn't hurt though." I take my chances.
"Hha, you want your husband to kill me." I just laugh.
This is what I recall being with Sandile feeling like. Just a moment filled with laughter and innocent joy.
"You don't know how happy I am to finally get a chance to meet up with you. I've been fantasizing about this day for the last three years." Our eyes lock and the level of sincerity I see in them whisks me away.
"I'm sure I didn't look like this in your fantasies," I say referring to the pregnancy.
"Yes, you didn't. you look a lot more beautiful in person" My cheeks heat up like an electric stove.
"Umuhle my Zu." I smile at him, although I can no longer seem to stare at him because my heart is racing.
"Thank you Sandile. You aren't too bad yourself." He laughs, his irritating ugly laugh.
I didn't think I would still hate it four years later, but I still do.
He starts bombarding me with questions as I surf through the menu for what I'd like to have, and we just get to know each other all over again, despite the fact we haven't seen each other in four years.
It's not as awkward as it was over the phone. He's set up a comfortable zone for me to just speak freely and be myself.
"You have a son?" he asks in the middle of our conversation; I was waiting for this question.
"Yes, I do. His name is Mvelwenhle." I tell him.
"And how old is he?"
"He's turning seven this year." He gives me a side eye, evidently confused.
"He's not my son biologically, but he is my baby."
Oh okay, I can see from the way your face lights up when you talk about him that you really love him."
"I do, he's my everything." He offers me a warm smile.
"And when are you expecting the little one?"
"The doctors said around May."
"Oh so you are really close, how are you still driving in your state." I shake my head.
"I'm pregnant Sandile, not paralyzed."
"I understand, but it's not safe for you. I just have your well-being in mind. I wouldn't want anything happening to you or the baby." Still caring as ever I see.
"So what about you? Any wife? Any children?" he chuckles, revealing his dimples.
Oh, what a beautiful man he is.
"Nope. Don't have time for all of that. I'm working on myself."
"Aw, since when because last I checked you were all about starting a family."
"The one I wanted that with left me." He says, staring me right in the eye.
I can't take the heat, so I look away.
"Sandile I..." he cuts me off.
"No, I needed that, I wasn't ready for all of that, and I realized that when I started spending more time with myself. I know I may never fall in love ever again, but I'm grateful for the opportunity that God gave me to get a taste of it." He says that whilst taking my hands into his.
I suddenly become emotional, and the tears burn my eyes.
"Why are you crying?" he asks with a small smile on his face.
"I'm sorry for how I left, and how I treated you. You didn't deserve that, especially when you were the only person who was kind to me for years. It ate me up inside that I hurt you."
"I'm over that now my Zu. And I forgave you a long time ago. Now I just want to be a good friend to you, because I know we can never be more than that." I nod.
I don't know how that could ever work.
How can you possibly be friends with someone you are still in love with?