Hiii friends! New chapter!
Little later than usual but actually also a little earlier than I initially thought I'd be able to upload the new chapter haha. Hii! Still loving overcompensate? I've streamed it 679x now 🥹 (and the edit 17 times but I try to just stream the regular one lol)
Excited for you to read this chapter! Can't wait to hear your thoughts. I know I promised I'd make it up to you this chapter but I actually made a mistake, it's next chapter lol but I won't spoil anything else so just please enjoy reading and I'd loooove to hear your thoughts on this! Thank you so much for being here, means the world, much love!! ♥️♥️
Word count: 3514
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"Hi Ty", Lucas said with a soft smile as Tyler walked back out on to the balcony again. "Hi", he said, scratching the back of his elbow. He saw that Josh was in between Steve and Lucas, a blanket over his legs, cuddled up to Lucas specifically but his legs were resting against Steve. He felt another feeling of jealousy, but he didn't know what he was jealous of; was he jealous that Josh could cuddle up to his best friends while Tyler could really use that right now; or was he jealous that he was not one of the people Josh was cuddling up to? He hated that he was jealous and had that thought, and he sighed softly, wanting to push that thought away. He didn't even know exactly what was making him jealous.
"Uhm... where were we?" Tyler asked as he sat down on the couch - alone, as Josh was sitting with Tyler's soulmates. "We're... continuing the game right?" He asked. "I... sure, yeah", Lucas said. He looked over at Josh, who nodded softly. "You wanna stay here?" He asked Josh softly, but Josh shook his head. "N-no, it- it's fine", he said softly. Lucas hugged Josh tightly and he pressed a firm kiss on his cheek. "Love you J", he said. "Love you too", Josh softly replied as he got up with his blanket and drink. He walked around the table so he didn't have to walk between Tyler's legs and the table - he wanted to avoid that. He then sat down in his spot, next to Tyler, but there was a much bigger gap between them than usual. Josh pulled his legs up on the couch again, the blanket covering them, making himself small and more protected. Tyler glanced at him and he saw that Josh's eyes were still raw and irritated because he'd been crying. Luckily, the actual crying had stopped.
"So... It was your turn, Ty", Steve said. "Mkay", Tyler replied, looking down at his hands. He didn't wanna look at Josh, 'cause he didn't know what to say or think or feel. It felt tense, and awkward, and he wished he could have another damn drink.
"Let's see... Here we go", Steve said. "What's the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?" he asked. Tyler hummed. "Lots of people seem to think I'm homophobic, for some reason", Tyler said. "Because of the religious undertones in some of my songs or earlier work. Don't get how that correlates but..." he shrugged. "And I've seen people assume I'm racist. Also don't know where they got that", he said. "Maybe 'cause I'm from Ohio or something but... neither of that is true in the slightest", he said. "Definitely not", Lucas and Steve both agreed.
"Alright baby, here's yours", Steve said to Lucas. "What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?" he asked. "Have babies", Lucas said. "Start a family of my own."
Josh smiled softly at that. Lucas was such a kindhearted and caring person. He could so easily visualize him being an incredible dad.
"Steve, if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?" Lucas then read aloud. "Uhm... my past addiction?" Steve said. "Other than that... right now, I'm pretty happy with who I am, so... I don't know", he said. "I guess if I could change one thing, it'd be to... not 'wait and see' so much, but actually speak my mind when I feel or think something", he said. Lucas hummed. He knew Steve meant how he didn't tell Tyler he was still in love with him but he was waiting for Tyler to come to him, and then it was too late. 'Cause both hadn't spoken their minds and had been waiting for each other, without telling the other.
"Joshie, you want a question?" Steve asked. Josh nodded. "If you could tell your former self one thing right now, what would it be?" He read aloud.
Josh bit his lip as he looked down. "Uhm... I uh..." he trailed. "I- I'd tell him to... to not let people speak for me", he softly said. "Or... or let them convince me of something when I... when I don't have that... information or recollection of thoughts, myself", he said softly. "So to... trust myself more... believe my truth over someone else's truth."
"Do you do that now?" Lucas asked. "I try to", Josh softly nodded. "It's hard sometimes but I... I try to." "That's good, baby", Lucas said. "Uhm... Tyler, next one for you", he then said. "If you had the ability to erase something that you did in the past, what would it be?" he read. Tyler hummed, thinking about it for a few seconds. "Uhm... lie to my loved ones", he said.
"Ty..." Lucas trailed. "Your turn", Tyler said. Steve looked at Lucas. They were both wondering whether that was a dig at Josh, or not. They surely hoped it was not. They saw Josh look away and down to the ground, and Lucas' heart shattered a little more again. He looked at Tyler, but he also wasn't looking at him. He wondered if he knew what he'd said was out of line, and that he realized that now whether he had said that on purpose or on accident. Lucas still really hoped he didn't think that answer through soon enough.
"Uhm... Okay Lukie, here's yours", Steve said, not wanting to make it any more awkward. "If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?" he asked. "Oh... Well, it kind of depends", Lucas said. "Sometimes I just need to be in a bad mood for a while. Be sad or angry or stressed or whatever. But if it's taking too long... I really need someone to cheer me up, 'cause otherwise I'll lose my mind", he said with a soft laugh. "So... A little bit of both", he said. "Depending on the situation, too."
"Alright, you give me a question", Steve said to Lucas, who generated the next one. "What is the darkest thought you've ever had?" Lucas read aloud.
"Huh", Steve said, then he let out a soft huff, smiling softly for a second, but it wasn't a true smile. "That one's a difficult one to talk about", he said. "Uhm... I know a lot of questions are answered by me saying something about my past addiction, but... A lot of time and shit went into that, so..." he trailed. "So that's to be expected", Lucas said as he grabbed Steve's hand comfortingly. Steve nodded softly.
"When I was doing loads of drugs every time, I was... scared, and in denial... Stressed, sad, angry, lots of feelings that I felt. Lots of emotions", he said. "Drugs would numb that, most of the time... not all the time", he said.
"One time the guys and I were in Europe, specifically Paris... Lots of people got lots of great memories about Paris and I never told anyone that there's one memory of that city that is my least favorite. I try not to think of it too much but... After a show, we should be leaving to go to the next city, yet I sneaked out to go and find drugs. I... met a guy who had something I'd never used and I paid him for it and I used it as I was walking by the river. I... Something went really wrong inside my head, and the drugs didn't make me feel any better or any more numb. It made everything worse. I was getting sick from it rapidly; sweating but feeling ice cold, I was throwing up, my head felt like exploding, then all of my fears and worries were extra loud in my head, as if there were three or four people around me yelling in my head about everything that I did wrong, everything that went wrong, everything that would be going wrong soon..." he trailed.
"I was lying on the ground under a bridge near the river in Paris when screaming at my own mind to stop torturing me, while physically sick, while... While I was losing myself", he said. "Crying the whole time, and I didn't know how to stop it. My body felt so weak that I couldn't get up on my feet, I was going through it extremely badly. Uhm... It got so bad that I was genuinely trying to find ways to stop all of it, meaning... finding ways to immediately kill myself", he said. The others were quiet, Lucas had tears in his eyes, and Tyler and Josh's eyes were watery as well.
"Thinking of how I could hopefully find more drugs so I could overdose, or how I could crawl to the side and let myself fall into the river and hopefully drown, maybe find something sharp and bang my head against it, go back up on the bridge and drop myself on the concrete below, or lie down on a road so that someone could run me over. It all went through my head", he said.
"...and I was gonna do it", he said, looking at his hands. "But the drugs made my body so weak that I physically could not get up. Even if I wanted to - which I did - I couldn't. Everything felt numb and on fire at the same time and all I could do is cry and scream and that was it", he shrugged softly. "At some point I passed out and my phone was stolen and I woke up at like... I don't even know, noon or so? Was there all night and morning on my own", he shrugged. "When I woke up I felt like everything had died down and the immense pain and screaming and all that was gone... Dragged myself back to the venue where no one was because the venue wouldn't let them stay there. I didn't have a phone anymore so I just... sat there", he said. "Eventually Eric and Miles found me there. We didn't make it in time to that next show", he chuckled. "Canceled that one."
"Jesus Christ, baby", Lucas said softly. He moved so he could wrap both of his arms tightly around him "I'm so so sorry you had to go through that all on your own. Gosh that- that's- fuck, baby, I had no idea", he said softly. "It's okay", Steve said as he pressed a kiss on Lucas' head. "I kind of... pushed that memory away so far that I barely think of it still. Like... In the past, with the question whether I had a secret that I didn't tell you about, I just... never thought of this 'cause it feels like it never happened to me, because I was so under influence of so much shit back then and it feels like a different lifetime, like I saw it in a movie instead of it happening to me. I never... never meant to not tell you, but... When you asked the darkest thought, that's when my mind immediately went to that night in Paris", he said.
"So... sorry that I didn't tell you this before", he said. "Don't be", Tyler softly said. "I... It's okay", he said softly. "I... know what it's like to push something away so much that it eventually feels like it didn't really happen to you but like a very distant memory of something you've seen in a movie or a show, so... I get it", he said softly. "Thank you", Steve smiled softly. Tyler returned it, then he lit a cigarette as he wiped the few tears away. He let out a shaky sigh. "Man", he softly said. "That was a tough one."
Josh looked at Steve, who met his eyes. He didn't know what he said, but Steve saw in Josh's eyes what he wanted to say, or what he felt. He sent him a soft, warming smile, and Josh knew that was enough for Steve. He knew he understood. Josh sighed shakily too.
"Let's do the next question", Steve said. "This one's for Joshie again. What song makes you unconditionally sad?" Steve asked. "Uhm... Tonight", Josh said softly. That made Tyler turn his head to Josh slightly, but his eyes were still cast down. That was his song. "...for the same reason it's my favorite", Josh said with a soft smile. "Kind of a... bittersweet relationship I think", he said.
"Tyler's song, hm?" Lucas asked. "Yeah", Josh softly said, his voice cracking a little. Tyler took a drag from his cigarette as he shifted in his seat a little bit. He cleared his throat. "Uhm, next one for me?" He asked. "...yeah", Steve said. He wished Tyler would've acknowledged Josh's answer, but he didn't.
"Can you pin point the moment in your life where you were the happiest?" Steve read aloud. Tyler pursed his lips slightly. "I don't know. I don't think so", he said. "There's been happy moments but... Not really a moment that was the happiest. It always feels like I can be happy up to a certain point, but no further", he said.
"I guess... one of the ones I can remember the best is when I played the I Prevail show with the guys, and when I won my first award. Also when I played my first show outside of Ohio... and the release day of my first album. Uhm... when I knew I was getting another sibling, as a kid, too. Having both of you agree to being my partner were two of my happy moments that I will never forget either. But... nothing that's truly the happiest. Nothing that made me mind-blowingly happy. Just don't feel like I got that in me, that I can feel that", he shrugged.
"I love you Ty", Lucas said. "I love you too baby. Next question for you?" He asked. Lucas nodded and Steve generated another question. "What would your best friend say is your best quality?" Steve asked. "Uh... My empathy, I think", Lucas said. "Hard agree", Steve said. "Yeah, absolutely", Tyler nodded. Lucas smiled softly.
"Steve, here's yours: If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?" Lucas asked. "Right here, close to you guys", Steve said. "Close enough to see you two and my family and friends plenty, while still in the place that always felt most like home. So... Right here in Detroit", he said.
"Now the next one... oh, it's a group question. I think we've had this one before... Share a secret that none of the others in the group know about you", Steve said. "...I think, after that question that I told you about, you really know everything about me now", Steve chuckled. "Got nothing left." "Oh you're definitely getting a free pass on this one 'cause you basically already gave us the answer", Lucas said. Tyler nodded. "I uh... I can't really think of anything", he said. "I mean, I did pay a little more for David when we were still together... not just the apartment but anything for most of when we were together including a big down payment on a new car for him", Tyler said.
Josh already knew that information as Tyler had told him that earlier. He didn't realize Steve and Lucas didn't know that yet.
"Jeez Ty", Steve sighed. "...Still can't wrap my head around that but... it's in the past, we're leaving it there, I'm not gonna comment on it anymore", he said. "I agree", Lucas said. "Still very much dislike that, but... we can't change it, it's happened, we're not gonna keep worrying about it", he said. Tyler nodded.
"My secret is... that Rich and I actually started seriously looking into surrogacy", Lucas smiled softly. Tyler let out a soft gasp. "No way", he said. "Yep", Lucas smiled. Steve wrapped his arms around Lucas to hug him. "What! Oh gosh baby that's the best secret in the world. I'm so happy for you", he sighed. Tyler got up to sit next to Lucas too, hugging him tightly as well. "You're gonna be such a good dad, and Richard too. I love you so much", Tyler told him. "I can't believe you're actually taking steps towards that now. You're gonna have an actual little human to raise, I can't believe it", Tyler said. "A little Lukie. Or maybe... a Lucie", he said with a soft laugh.
"That would actually be the cutest name", Lucas laughed softly. "I can't wait for that. We're definitely not there yet, we're still figuring a lot of stuff out... but we're going in the right direction", Lucas smiled. "I won't have as much time with you guys once there's gonna be little humans though", he said. "We'll just come over to your place more often! We're gonna be uncles, and we'll be very present uncles", Steve chuckled. "We absolutely will", Tyler smiled. "I love you. Love you so much. I can't wait for you to have your biggest dream come true", Tyler said a she kissed Lucas' cheek firmly. "I love you all so much too", Lucas smiled. Tyler and Steve let go and sat back, then Lucas looked over at Josh, who really wanted to congratulate and hug him too but he didn't know how to initiate that. Luckily Lucas understood that, so he was the one to get up instead. When he did, Josh did too.
"I'm really happy for you too", Josh told him. "You're such a beautiful, kind, loving, wonderful person, Lucas. There's gonna be no one in the world who's gonna be a better dad than you are going to be", Josh said. "However many babies you'll get, I'm so sure they'll grow up in the most loving and accepting home where they will always feel comfortable and safe. You're gonna give him the best family to be a part of, with the best childhood and the best dads they could ever wish for."
"Gosh J, you're making me cry", Lucas laughed softly as he wiped some tears away, before he hugged Josh as tight as he could without breaking the boy. "I appreciate you so much, Josh. I love you", Lucas told him. Josh closed his eyes as he embraced Lucas. "I love you too, I appreciate you more than you'll ever know", Josh softly told him.
It felt kind of bittersweet to Tyler, 'cause what Josh was saying was so heartfelt and beautiful; but somehow he felt distant from Josh because of what happened earlier, and he couldn't feel the same happiness he would've felt if that dang question didn't happen, and if he hadn't heard Josh admit to lying to him that day. He couldn't be angry at Josh, but he wasn't exactly happy with him either right now. He didn't know how to get over that; Josh had offered to explain but it didn't feel right to Tyler. He'd lied for a reason; Josh didn't wanna tell the truth. Having him tell it now, felt wrong. But he also didn't know how to move past this. He didn't know how he was supposed to sleep in one bed with Josh later. He didn't know how to look at him and act like everything was fine, or talk to him like it was. He just didn't know what to do or how to do it.
He didn't want to feel like this and he wanted him and Josh to be alright again, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Josh had somehow betrayed him. It hurt, and he just needed a while to be able to get over that and move past it. He couldn't help that.
He hoped they could be alright again, but right now, he needed a moment.
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Ohhhh mannnnn
More back story about our soulmates 🥺 Ty's trying but still struggling with the whole lying thingy between him and Josh rn. But next chapter I promise I'll make it up - for real this time. 😌♥️
What did you think? I'd love to hear!! Thank you sooo so so much for being here, makes me so happy. And thank you for the votes, it helps boost my story and it means the world to me ♥️
See you this Wednesday with the next chapter!! ♥️