The giant blimp was floating through Hell, shooting lazer beams destroying everything below it. Behind the wheel of this blimp was Sir Pentious and his Egg Bois.
"AHAHAHAHA! Those other cowardly ssssinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision! The power of my machines are unmatched!"
Sir Pentious then pushes forward two levers on his control pannel.
"No other demon can compare to the likesss of I!"
An Egg Boi with the number '23' on his back spoke up. "Gee! That was pretty swell, boss!"
"Yeah!" Egg Boi 666 spoke.
Another Egg Boi spoke up. "You really showed them what for! I liked it when you shot them with your ray gun."
"I wish he would shoot me with his ray gun."
Egg Boi '23' said sadly as he walked away. Another Egg Boi pat his back in comfort.
"At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of The Pentagram by day's end!"
He pushes a few buttons on the pannel.
"And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!"
All the Egg Bois yell and cheer, one of them even popped open a bottle of whiskey.
"Hell will be mine! And everybody will know the name of Sir Pen–"
Before he could finish two unknown voices rang out grabbing the attention of Pentious.
"EDGELORD!!"
Sir Pentious looked offended as he looked around angrily at his Egg Bois eventually turning to the two behind him.
"Pardon?! Who said that?! What did you jut say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?! *hisses* Speak up!"
The Egg Bois shook in fear. "That wasn't us Mr. Bossman."
Just then, a small bomb with a print of a skull on it breaks through Sir Pent's ship. It then lands right between Sir Pent and the two Egg Bois. The bomb proceeds to blow up, leaving red smoke behind.
As the smoke clears up, the owner of the scream is revealed to be Cherri Bomb with Y/N, the Demon King. As she prepares another bomb in hand.
"You looking for a fight old man?" Y/N's voice was smug.
"Why don't you get that tinker toy bullshit off our turf before we smash it?!"
Cherri throws up the bomb and catches it as a large pipe falls on top of an already dead Egg Boi, crushing him as the three momentarily look at the carnage.
Y/N grins sadistically. "....More!"
"Oh! You wanna go, bitches?! Well I'm happy to oblige! Ahahaha!
Sir Pentious is then backed up by his henchmen of Egg Bois.
"Good afternoon, I'm Katie Killjoy."
"And I'm Tom Trench!"
"Chaos out at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side!"
An image of Sir Pentious trying to be hip, followed by a drawing of Cherri and Y/N flipping the bird is shown.
"Between notable kingpin, Sir Pentious, self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse, Cherri Bomb and the Demon King himself, Y/N!"
"That's right, Tom! After the recent Extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!"
A live clip of Cherri, Y/N and Sir Pentious's clash is shown.
"Those three seem to be really going at it, huh?"
"Looks like they're fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!"
Katie proceeds to pull out a tooth and nail from her coffee before swallowing it. Tom looked at the live broadcast of the fight focusing on Cherri.
"And I'd sure like to nail her hot spot!Hoohoo!"
"Haha, you are a limp-dick jackass, Tom! Or should I say..."
Katie then poors her hot coffe on Tom's crotch.
"no dick?"
Tom curls over in pain sobbing and whimpering. "Ugh.... not again."
"Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho who's here to discuss her brand new passion project! All that and more, after the break!"
She crushes the mug in her hand as she turned to Tom, still a whining mess.
"Suck it up, you little bi-!"
The news cast cuts off and goes on a commercial break.
Back on the battlefield Cherri and Y/N got some help from Angel Dust, the pornstar.
"Heyyy, thanks for the back up, Angie!"
Angel laughs as Cherri shoots a rocket launcher.
"You kiddin'? This is the best action I've seen in ages!"
Y/N throws a ball of purple fire killing a group of Egg Bois.
"Where've you been, Angie? We thought you up and died or some shit."
Angel lit a bomb and gave it to Cherri.
"Oh, I wish! I've been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Your sister is lettin' me stay rent-free if I play nice."
They all cover their heads as the explosion sets off behind them, then grin at each other as they jump into the field. Angel starts shooting Egg Bois with his Drum Gun.
"Y'know, no fights, no pranks, no 'problematic language'... Her words, not mine. These crazy bitches are no fun! I've been clean for two weeks!"
Cherri and Y/N look at eachother then at Angel is disbelief as they say....
"Ho–ly shit!"
"Well, sorta clean. Just clean as you can get from a shitload of Bolivian marching powder!"
A chain wraps around Angel as he gets thrown off to the side by Sir Pentious.
"Ohh~ Harder, daddy!"
Sir Pentious took this a little too literally as he looked at Angel. "Son?!"
Cherri and Y/N kick Pentious off to the side.
"Grr! You whores have no classss! In war, The side remembered is the side with the most ssstyle!"
Cherri decapitates an Egg Boi as Y/N sets on on fire as it screams while running around.
"Or the side that ain't dead."
Angel removes the chains as he take side between the two.
"Speakin' a style, is your hat like, alive or something?"
"Oh! Well, that's none of your GOD DAMN BUSSSSINESS! Now, is it?"
Y/N looked at the two and smirked.
"Hah, would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?"
Acknowledging the roast an Egg Boi next to Pentious cups his hands and lets out a 'Ooooooh'. However Pentious threw a pebble at him.
"I'm going to blow you to bitssss!"
Angel looks him up and down.
"Hm, kinky."
"Oh, not like that! Pervert!"
Angel notices an Egg Boi with a tentacle launcher which causes him to push Cherri to the side out of fear. Angel gets tangled up in the tentacles.
"Not so cocky now, are we?!"
"Y'know, you really gotta watch what comes outta ya mouth. I've been making these sex jokes the whole TIME! And it's obvious ya ain't catchin' on. I mean, it's just sad!"
Angel pulls out his Drum Gun from his thrid set of arms and shoots at Pentious.
"So, think you guys are gonna get in a lotta trouble for this?"
Y/N shrugged. "Eh, what's one little brawl gonna cause?"
"Glad you guys haven't changed! You know you're my favorite guys to party with!"
"You know it, sugar tits."
Y/N smirked at the two.
"You two ready to finish this?"
Cherri takes out a bomb and Angel his gun.
"Born ready, baby."
Angel, Cherri and Y/N pounce onto Sir Pentious and his army as they prepare to clash.
The royal family limousine was driving back to the hotel. Charlie hugging her knees and looking out the window, her jacket ruined from when Katie Killjoy attacked her, while Vaggie sits next to her, glaring furiously at Angel Dust and Y/N.
Charlie sighs as Vaggie's eye twitches at the two, who were amusing themselves by playing with the car window roller repeatedly.
Taking notice they both said 'what'
"'What?'", "'WHAT?!'"What were you DOING?!"
Angel sighs. "We owed our girl buddy a solid! Isn't that a 'redeeming quality'? Helping friends with stuff?"
"Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!"
Y/N brushed her off.
"Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred. Ehahahahahah! *inhales* It wasn't that bad, anyway."
Vaggie throws an unfolded pocket knife at the window roller.
"Aw, come on! I had to! My credibility was on the line! I mean, what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was tryna go clean? It just throws out my entire persona!"
"Your credibility? What about the hotel's?! Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!"
Angel lays down on the seat in different positions kicking his legs back and forth.
"No, no, no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look...uh, Y/N help me out here."
Y/N looks at Angel. "Sad!"
Angel snaps his fingers at Y/N.
"Exactly! And pathetic!"
Y/N moved over to Angel putting an arm around his shoulder.
"Like an orphan... with no arms... or legs... Oh! With progeria!"
Angel slumps down.
"Great! Now I'm bummed thinkin' about it!"
He began looking around the limmo.
"This thing have any liquor?"
"Can you please just try to take this seriously?!"
"Fine, I'll try. Just don't get your taco in a twist, baby!"
"Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?!"
Y/N yawned.
"Whatever pisses you off more."
Angel sat up next to Y/N.
"Is there seriously no liquor in here?!"
"I'm gonna kill them."
"Too late, toots. Wait! Would that make us double dead?"
Y/N and Angel looked at eachother as
Y/N spoke.
"Hah, and where exactly do we go? To Double Hell? Hahahahahahahaha!"
The two of them finally calmed down.
"Sorry, you're stuck with us, bitch - get used to it."
"¡Con una mierda, malparido hijo de-!"
(For fuck's sake, you bastard son of-!)
"Listen, who cares if some jack-offs got hurt? Most of 'em are ugly freaks. Look around! You got a bunch a fuckin' Harlequin babies down here!"
Vaggie smiles smugly.
"You're one to talk."
Angel motions to his body.
"Hey! This body is flawless! Everyone wants summa me."
Y/N spoke up.
"I've seen the fan letters. Very disturbing."
Charlie finally decided to talk to the two.
"That was really uncool, y'know."
Vaggie once again lost her shit.
"'Uncool?!'"After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel! All thanks to them and their selfish bullshit!"
"Does that mean I don't have a free room anymore? Ah...well, shucks."
The group entered the hotel as Y/N and Angel went directly to the fridge to grab a snack. Pulling put ice popsies.
"Eh, it's probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y'know, to feed all the wayward souls you got in here! Ahahaha! Ahaha...! eh... ah."
Charlie went out for a while to make a phone call. After a few minutes she came back inside. Y/N made his way over.
"Hey, listen Charlie, I–"
He was suddenly cut off by a knock on the door. Charlie looks at Y/N contemplating if she should open the door, she decides to anyway. In the doorway stood a demon in a red suit with a microphone cane.
"Hel–"
Charlie, in shock, slammed the door in his face. Glancing at Y/N she opens the door again.
"–lo!"
She slammed the door in his face again as she called out to Vaggie who answered with an annoyed 'What'.
"The Radio Demon is at the door."
"What?!"
Angel takes the popsicle out of his mouth. "Who?"
"What should i do?!"
"Uh well– don't let him in!"
Disregarding what Vaggie just told her she opened the door again.
"May I speak now?"
"You may..."
He reached his hand out to Charlie.
"Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! Quite a pleasure!"
He looked over at Y/N with a smile.
"Y/N, my dear boy! How are you?"
Charlie glanced at her adopted brother.
"You know Alastor...on– on like a personal level?"
Y/N sighed.
"We've done business in the past."
"Right, right, uh huh, uh huh, ok."
Alastor lets himself in the hotel.
"Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on a picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929! Hahahahaha, sooo many orphans..."
Vaggie points a harpoon at Alastor.
"Stop right there, cabrón hijo de perra! (bastard son of a bitch)I know your game and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here, you pompous cheesy talk show shitlord!"
Alastor moves the harpoon away with his finger.
"Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here... ł ₩ØɄⱠĐ'VɆ ĐØ₦Ɇ ₴Ø ₳ⱠⱤɆ₳ĐɎ..."
"No! I'm here because I want to help!"
"Say, what now?"
"Help! Hahaha, hello? Is this thing on? *taps on his mic* Testing, testing!"
Alastor's mic suddenly opened up its eye. "Well, I heard you loud and clear!"
"Um, you want to help? With...?" Charlie questions with confusion.
Using his shadow he teleports behind the three.
"This ridiculous thing you're trying to do! This hotel! I want to help you run it."
"Buuut... why?"
"Hahaha, why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom! I've lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I've come to crave a new form of entertainment! Hahaha!"
"Does getting into a fistfight with a reporter count as entertainment...?"
Y/N chuckled. "You did what?"
"Hahaha! It's the purest kind, my dear: Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment."
"So, does this mean you think it's possible to rehabilitate a demon?"
"Hahahahaha! Of course not! That's wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! No, no, no, no. I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners!"
He looks over at an offended Vaggie, then to Angel who just shrugs and finally Y/N who looked away.
He continues.
"The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is this! There is no undoing what is done!"
"So, then. Why do you wanna help me if you don't believe in my cause?"
"Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure!"
He pulls Charlie closer as he twirls her around resting his hand on her back.
Charlie removes his hand.
"Riiiight."
"Yes, indeedy! I see big things coming your way and who better to help you than I?"
Y/N decided to make his way over to Vaggie and Angel. He sat on the armrest of the couch next to Angle.
"Uh, so... uh, what's the deal with Smiles over there?"
Vaggie looked at Angel.
"Wait, you've never heard of him before? You've been here longer than me!"
Angel just shrugs. Vaggie blabs away about the origin af Alastor as Angel and Y/N just listen, of course Y/N knew all this already. Angel decided to interrupt her rambling.
"Ya done? *Laughs dryly* He looks like a strawberry pimp."
"Well, I don't trust him!"
Y/N laid his arm on Vaggie's head.
"To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?"
Vaggie walked away to have a chat with Charlie. After making a deal with Alastor he decided to look around eventually stopping infront of Vaggie.
"Smile, my dear! You know you're never fully dressed without one!"
"So where is your hotel staff?"
"Uh, well-"
Alastor looks around the room adjusting his monocole.
"Ohohoho, you're going to need more than that."
He walks over to Angel.
"And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?"
"I can suck your dick!"
Mic feedback can be heard as Alastor tries to process what he was just offered.
"HAH! No."
*scoffs* "Your loss."
"Well, this just won't do! I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up."
At the snap of his finger, a new fireplace has replaced the hotel's worn down one as he approaches it and picks up the mysterious figure covered in soot, which then opens its eye and stares at the group behind him.
"This little darling is Niffty! Y/N you remember her, don't you?!"
"Sure do, a handful but she's a real help."
"Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends! Why're most of you all women? *lifts Charlie with no effort* Are there any other men here?! *puts Charlie down* I'm sorry, that's rude. Oooh, man! This place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch! Which is weird because you're mostly all ladies, no offense. Oh, my gosh! This is awful! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!"
Suddenly a cat like demon teleported in the hotel sitting at a poker table as he looked around.
"What the fuck is this?"
"Ah, Husker, my good friend! Glad you could make it!"
Husker points angrily at Alastor.
"Don't you "Husker" me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot!"
"Good to see you too!"
"What the hell do you want with me this time...?"
"My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay!"
"Are you shittin' me?!"
"Hmm... No, I don't think so!"
He pushes Alastor off him.
"You thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?! You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?!"
Alastor grins almost laughing. "Maybe!"
"I ain't doing no fucking charity job. Even if it is with Y/N. Hey, kid."
Y/N nodded. "Hey, Husk."
Alastor teleports behind Husk.
"Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment! With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry my friend, I can make this more welcoming! ...If you wish."
He magicly makes a bar appear and summons a bottle of cheap booze, holding it out to Husk.
"What? You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?! ...Well, you can!"
Vaggie then jumps in.
"Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! No! No bar, no alcohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of mouth…brothel…man cave!"
Angel tackles Vaggie pointing at the bar.
"SHUT UP! SHUT! UP! We are keeping this!"
Angel moves up to the bar trying to make a move on Husk.
"Hey~"
Husk shut him down immediately.
"Go fuck yourself. "
"Only if you watch me!~"
Charlie excitingly rushes to Husk.
"Oh, my gosh! Welcome to The Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!"
"I lost the ability to love years ago."
"So, whaddaya think?"
"This is amazing!"
Vaggie crosses her arms. "It's... okay."
"Hahaha! This is going to be very entertaining!"
Alastor then starts to sing after a while however his song was interrupted by the hotel doors exploding. The whole group looks outside to see Sir Pentious and his battleship.
"Hah! Well, well, well. Look who it is harboring the striped freak ad demon boy! We meet yet again, Alastor!"
"Do I know you?"
"Oh, yes you do! And this time, I have the element of SURPRISE! Ahaha! I'm so evil!"
With a snap of a finger, an otherwordly dimensional portal opens with tentacles and shadow demons emerging from it, destroying Sir Pentious' ship while he is inside. Alastor finishes it off as he clenches his fist with a few drops of blood dripping off his hand. Alastor grins menacingly in satisfaction for a moment as the others look at him in shock and horror.
"...Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya? My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha! You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now..."
Alastor uses his magic to change the sign atop the hotel from "Happy Hotel" to "Hazbin Hotel".
"...Stay tuned. Hahaha...!"
"Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?"
Just a quick note, I'll be writing the songs a different way then I would do normal dialog.
Hope you enjoy!