ONE YEAR LATERRRRRRRRR ‼️
Dear fuck... i've been standing out here in this hot ass sun wearing this tight ass uniform for hours. I'm getting so fucking sick and tired of it for real.
I tried to keep up with my straight face and listen to the Head Instructor with his annoying bullshit I could care less about. I'll be honest, I don't even know what the FUCK this man is even saying for real cause he just saying anything it really is making me worry cause he look like he snorts cocaine on the daily.
"I put in an order to the empire to send me a shitload of badasses and pillage-hungry murder machines." Commander whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is said. "And instead all I got was you cupcake cack clowns and a side order of fuck nuggets." He complained. What the actual fuck was he even saying... baldheaded ass motherfucker. "I can tell at a glance at least 50% of you are cock suckers." He assumed as he glared down at all of us. I would keep going with the list of all the things that this old man was saying but to be so honest with yall I wasn't trying to listen to this hoe at all. At this point he just venting out his feelings to us and projecting them onto us as if we give a shit. I'm so tired of STANDING HERE ON MY FEET AND ITS HOT AS SWEATY BALLS I HATE IT HERE WHY DID I COME TO THIS FUCKING PLACE DEAR LORD FUCK.
I'm sorry yall that i'm venting to you like this but you gotta understand that im just so done with my life to be honest. I've grown more mature in life so now I can finally realize and be able to speak my emotions all the damn time. Now when Eren starts acting a fucking fool, I can look him in the face and tell him that the reason that his bitch ass may be a fucking diabetic and half ginger is because first, his mama done swallowed to much of that sweet cream from all these fucking men and fucked a ginger. He really need to pipe the fuck down for real cause he knows, he gonna end up on Steve Wilkos to figure some shit out. Fucking stupid ass—
HOLY SHIT WHOSE BREATH IS HOTTER THAN THE SUN'S ASS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK-
"I know you hear me talking to you, cadet!" Oh my fucking god why he over here yelling in my face like get the fuck away from me. "Who are you!?"
I flinched slightly at his tone and looked right into his sunken eyes which made me wonder if this was the main cause of the way he was acting for real. "... Y/n L/n, sir." I said in a calm manner. I did not wanna be yelling all loud it's too hot for that shit.
"The fuck kind of name is that!? That sounds like a prostitute name! Are you a prostitute, Y/n!?" BRO WHAT WAS THIS NIGGA SAYING TO ME RIGHT NOW ISNT HIS NAME LITERALLY KEITH SHADIS...
"No sir, if I was a prostitute I wouldn't be here." I am so sick of this man in my face his breath smell like a can of bounce that ass for real he need to back the fuck up I don't know what the hell is wrong with these people all up in peoples face like if your gonna do all that then literally brush your teeth and chew on mints cause this is just trifling.
"Cut the damn attitude, cadet! You look like a prostitute to me! You might as well came here to get dicks shoved up your ass since everyone in your residence got killed off by dickless son of a bitches!" He got closer to my face which nearly made me gag but I kept it in... I was crying for help internally at this point. I didn't even say anything because I was so sick and tired of this old motherfucker who need to be placed in a nursing home yelling at me and calling me a prostitute just because of my name. I ain't got the patience nor time with this bitch.
By the grace of god he went away from my face to go scream at someone else, thank you jesus I can finally breathe non-contaminated air through my nose. I've never craved fresh air so much in my life that it almost made me fucking cry.
But from the corner of my eye I could see that Armin was looking rather pissed...It might be the fact that his imaginary cat... Mr. Whiskers was misbehaving again and he is trying to keep composure. It's really tough out here.
~
"Well ain't that some bull..." I said to myself with a sigh as I watched 'Sasha' wail as she had to run for SIX hours straight.
"Wow. Forced to run for fix hours straight and STILL don't know where babies come from." Eren said alongside me.
"Maybe I can teach her." Connie spoke. I gave him a side eye.
"Teach her what? That dicks can come in a micro size?" I rolled my eyes at him as he gave me a glare.
"Bro shut your ass up who is talking to you?"
"Nigga I don't need permission to speak. I speak whenever the fuck I want to." I spat.
"Connie, everybody knows that she would just laugh at your tiny balls." Eren added. He ain't lying though, it's true.
"Small potatoes make the meat look bigger!" Connie argued.
"Not for your case it doesn't." I said. Connie was about to say something smart back at me when Eren pointed out the failure wagon. Basically a wagon that carries all the failures who didn't even make it through their first day of training back to where they came from.
"Hah! If they couldn't make it through one day, how are they gonna handle titans?" Eren said. "Hell, me, Armin, and Y/n already did that." Eren spoke as he placed his hands on me and Armin's shoulders. I let out a small sigh as I placed my hand on Eren's hand that was laid on my shoulder.
"Eren, you saw titans?" Connie asked with shock in his tone.
"Well, yeah, it's not really something I like talking—"
"Eren, you've seen titans?" 'Mina' questioned a she turned to us. "That's SO hot." What the hell was she even saying? She looks like Dorothy except with a homeless looking attire and black hair.
"Actually, yeah, I totally saw a ton of them too. I almost killed one too." When I tell you that my eyes looked at him as if he lost his damn mind, it's the truth. Cause why was his little ass lying about killing a titan? His mama got killed by a titan but that's what she gets for sucking on ginger dick. But I don't even remember a single bit of him almost killing a titan with bus weak ass. That shit doesn't even happen in til in later episodes. Bitch over here lying tryna cover up the fact that his mama was playing "Monkey in the Middle" with dicks💀🙏 Now I gotta listen to him rant about it all night knowing that his bitch ass is lying.
~
I was sitting at a table between Armin and Mikasa and picking at my food (if it was even edible) with an expression of boredom. Even though I was hungry, the food still didn't make me crave for it considering the fact that it looked regurgitated—something that old people who didn't have no teeth would eat. It also didn't help that I had to listen to Eren's bullshit.
"And that's how I murder twenty titans with nothing but my wits, a paper clip and saran wrap." Eren said with a serious expression on his face. First, last time you said that you ALMOST killed A titan—not titanSSSS...of course he wouldn't know the difference with his stupid ass. Second, what wits? Third, you cannot afford a paperclip and saran wrap you were over here coming to my house for sugar every week, asking for milk, asking for eggs, asking for everything so I don't wanna hear none of that bullshit.
The small crowd of people all looked at Eren in awe at his words. Were they really falling for this shit? If the bitch really did kill twenty titans then why is he here then? Should he be somewhere else? That's when a certain question made me side eye Eren. Someone had asked what his mother's final words were. Why would he even tell anyone that his mom had died knowing that she literally screamed from the top of her lungs, "MY LAST ORAL" like it was some sort of prayer. Like hell nah.
"Guys, maybe we should leave him be." A man from the crowd said.
"No." Eren rejected, making the crowd gasp. He took one ANGRY ass bite out of his stale bread as he chewed. He really do think he in a anime... like no. "Her last were..." He took a small sigh before he spoke. "I'm so proud." NO SHE DID NOTTTT!!!! Eren was about to speak before a charming sounding hoe spoked over him.
"Tall tales, Yeager boy. So tall it almost dwarfs the titans." Thank god he cut Eren off cause what did hell was he even saying? But my newest concern was WHY THE HELL DOES HE SOUND LIKE THAT.
"Oh so you're the fucking comedian." Eren said as he glared at the charming man.
"You DO know that titans only have one weak spot right?" He asked with a shit eating grin. I assume that he also knew that Eren was a lying sack of shit that relies on praise. "Can you tell us where it is?" I heard Eren mumble something but I didn't care enough to even try to hear it. This shit was gonna go down so damn good.
"Ahaa! No worries, Yeager-boy, i'm just saying. You should join me if you know what's good for you. Me and my suit vest are destined for great things." The male spoke as he laid the side of his face on the palm of his hand.
"You're the best Jean! One day you shall rule!"
WHAT THE FUCK? Oh hell naw cause why the fuck did his vest TALK? This nigga is not only named Jean—but he has a fucking best that talks by itself? What the actual fuck I thought this was the military—hoes done put me in a freak show dear god.
"You're fine in that suit vest, huh?" Eren asked.
"I love you, Jean!"
Okay that bitch HAS to go bro.
"Yes. It was sown by baby seals and soaked with the tears of orphans—or was it the other way around?"
Baby it doesn't matter which way it goes cause that's probably the reason as to why that vest is TALKING.
"You look like Aladdin's walk of shame." Eren sneered. Okay that was pretty clean though not gonna lie.
"That's no way to talk to rich people." jean said as he furrowed his brows. Of course he's a rich whore.
"Get Tay-Sachs." Eren said back. Jean got up from his seat and Eren immediately followed suite.
"Alright you, Pion." Jean sneered as he got up in Eren's face. Just as about they were about to throw hands the bell had ring. Well damn, when action was going to finally happen in this shithole, it was stopped by the fucking bell like what the actual fuck. "I didn't come here to make enemies. Besides I can't afford to dirty up my new cufflinks." Jean spoke with that rich boy accent of his. He held out his hand for Eren to shake as he shared his name which is French for douchebag. Eren shared his name but slapped Jean's hand away instead before storming off. I sighed as I shook my head when I saw Mikasa go to follow after Eren. I for sure noticed how Jean got his rich ass turned down immediately.
"Well jesus christ." I muttered to myself.
"Hey Y/n..." I heard Armin speak. I turned to him with a hum. "...do you think that people will find out that Eren's mom was a stripper?" Armin questioned. I thought for a small moment.
"Possibly—he can't keep lying his way through cause eventually everyone shall now that his mom was-"
"W-Why hello there."
WHO DOES THIS MOTHERFUCKER THINK HE IS BRO? WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME HE WAS JUST AFTER MIKASA'S ASS LEAVE ME BE.
I turned my head to see Jean who had a blush across his face as he looked away bashfully.
"I-I just wanted to say that you look..stunning." Jean stammered. I know I do.
"...I would say thank you but I don't have a preference for guys who are rich to the point where they are spoiled and arrogant, only worrying about themselves and not those around them. Always flaunting how rich they are. Oh yeah, I also hate rich people accents. It's horrendous and I shall now respectfully ask you to gain a cryst in your vocal cards by straining your vocal cords severely so that it will approximately take you about a month or more to recover so that you' worn be able to speak in til full recovery. Please get away from me."
That felt amazing for me to say and I am so proud of myself honestly cause I really wanted to say a paragraph to someone in a very harsh way because it makes me feel better about myself. I know that it may not be good in other people's eyes but it looks good in mine. I could care less about what people think because in the end people are getting eaten alive by man eating titans.
Armin's Point of View‼️🌚
Holy fuck that was like the hottest thing i've heard in awhile. At first, I was going to like literally rip out Jean's throat but then as soon as Y/n said that I immediately refrained. Who does he think he is walking over here and trying to hit up with MY dark queen? Like be so fucking for real she wants me not you cause what the actual fuck was he even thinking. I also learned that she doesn't like rich guys who are very spoiled so I AM HER TYPE. ME. I AM HER TYPE BECAUSE I AM VERY POOR. DIRT POOR. IM NOT RICH SO I AM HER TYPE. She is my woman she just doesn't know it yet but in MY heart she is my wife. MINE. I WON BITCHES I FUCKING WON. SUCK ON THAT YOU BITCH.
😜🫶