"Minahal kita sa gusto kong paraan. Minahal kita nang hindi mo kailangan—"
Nanginginig ang aking kamay habang binabasa muli ang email na nakuha ko mula sa St. Leonidas Admission Office... ngayon ko lang naintindihan ang email nila sa akin nung nakaraan.
"Shit! Bwisit! Tangina naman please wag... no please... let me in!" I almost shouted in whispers sa aking kaba habang tina-type ang username and pass code ng aking portal sa website nila.
The last schedule for their entrance exam was on January 28 and it's already January 30... hindi ko na-take 'yung exam ko? Or was my test permit even issued? I don't know. Hindi ko alam dahil wala naman akong email na natanggap na okay na lahat ng requirements ko.
Nanginginig ang aking kamay habang hinihintay lumabas ang test permit ko sa screen ng laptop and when I saw the date and time of my exam... I whispered shit and many other curses while my eyes is in the verge of throwing tears.
Tears of madness, most probably.
Muli akong sumigaw at nanakbo pabalik sa aking kama at saka nag lulumpasay sa galit.
I started crying out of madness and disappointment and I didn't even realize that me crying over this... me crying about one thing will be me crying over everything that's happening in my life right now.
Everything's a mess.
I keep on ruining everything.
Why's my life like this?
Do I have to suffer so much when in January?
Tuwing January na lang ba talaga lalagapak ang buhay ko at bibigyan ako ng reason to give up?
I kept on crying and I let myself cry and look stumble. I know I look stupid and weak right now but who cares? No body can see or hear me crying right now.
I'm all alone... just like what I have always been.
I sat down on my bed at unti-unting pinakalma ang sarili.
"I can't continue crying, I have an event, practice, and class to attend to." I kept whispering this line to myself until I finally got the courage to stand up pero dahil masyado akong oa sa nararamdaman ko ngayon ay mabilis akong bumalik sa kama para muling umiyak.
It's just 4 in the morning, I attended a practice na kayang kaya kong i-ditch instead na pumunta sa Maynila at i-take ang exam ko sa isa sa aking dream university for college.
I lost St. Leonidas main campus now...
"It's okay, Deanna... your interview for St. Leonidas School of Arts and Business is already set. It's okay," I repeatedly said. Paulit-ulit kong inalala na pasado na ako sa School of Arts nila at ayos lang kahit di ko natake yung main campus pero who am I lying to? Masakit para sa akin 'to.
"Think rationally, please, think rationally," I said nang paulit-ulit at saka nag isip ng mga paraan at mga baka sakali na baka may paraan pa.
Mas madali pa para sakin na tanggapin na bumagsak talaga ako kesa sa iisipin na what if pumasa ako kung na-take ko 'yung exam?
Mas gugustuhin ko pang bumagsak at mag fail kesa hindi mag try.
"Ginusto kong lumipat sa susunod na habang-buhay at do'n na tayo magkita
'Wag mo sanang kalimutan na sa puso ko'y laging nandiyan ka hmm"
Tumayo ako sa kama para patayin yung song sa spotify ng laptop ko dahil kanina pa on repeat yung kanta na 'yon.
Sakto naman at tumawag ang mommy ko... buti na lang ay tapos na akong umiyak kaya hindi na ako umiyak sa kaniya sa nangyari. Well, I wouldn't even cry sa harapan niya kahit na nasasaktan pa rin ako.
Crying in front of people, close friend, or a stranger isn't my thing. It will never be my thing. Most of the time, I would rather stay and act still kesa umiyak at mag mukang weak sa harapan nila. They might see me in the verge of crying but they will never see me crying.
It's hard for me to cry in front of people... but when I'm all alone? I will definitely cry even at the smallest thing.
"It's okay kaya hayaan mo na. Baka hindi talaga para sa iyo. Huwag mo nang ipilitin. Kung para sa iyo, para sa iyo 'yon," sabi ni mommy.
"But I worked so hard for that!" Naiinis na sabi ko.
Walang ibang may kasalanan sa nangyari kundi ako kaya mas naiinis ako sa sarili ko.
"Oh, anong gagawin ko? E wala na. Tapos na. May magagawa pa ba ako? It's your fault."
I ended the call with my mom dahil ayokong makipag talo, alam ko naman na ako ang may kasalanan pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan magalit sa lahat.
It's my fault and I hate everything.
Pagkatapos kong tumulala ay saka ko napagpasyahan na bumalik sa study table ko para mag gawa ng email para sa St. Leonidas.
Good day, Leonidas!
How's your day? I hope you are doing well. My morning is not good as I have realized that I accidentally missed my SCET last January 28, waiting for a confirmation email about my application since mines was incomplete. I thought I have to wait for an email, then I realized that I missed it after I open my portal.
I am from Laguna but I chose to take my SCET in Manila, however, can I take my exam on SLIU-Laguna since they still have a schedule this February.
I hope you can reply to my email as soon as possible. I'll try to contact the admission through landline, too.
This is my last hope and logical solution to my situation right now. Just like any other Leonidas aspiring student, I also worked hard and studied to get into St. Leonidas International University.
I hope you can reply to my email and give me an answer if I can still do something about it or just accept my fate.
Thank you so much! I hope you are well.
"If it is meant to be, it will happen no matter what happens," bulong ko sa sarili ko habang hinihintay ang results ng winner sa quiz bee.
Nanonood lang ako ngayon dahil hindi naman pwede mag participate ang officer ng English Club.
"Pres," rining kong tawag kaya mabilis naman akong lumingon para hanapin kung saan 'yon nanggaling.
"Tawag ka ni Ma'am Rae sa library."
"Bakit naman?" Seryosong tanong ko.
"Naka simangot agad? Ewan... parang kasalanan ko na naman," bulong niya. Ewan ko anong pinagsasabi niya.
Tumayo na lang ako at hinabilinan ang ilang officers dito. I walked towards the school entrance at naka salubong ko ang ilang teachers at binati sila ng mahina.
"President pala si Miranda ng English Club," rinig ko sa di kalayuan.
Hindi ba halata? Kita ng President naka lagay sa likod ng Polo Shirt ko.
Hindi ko rin alam bakit naiinis ako sa lahat kaya naman binilisan ko na lang ang paglalakad patungo sa Library.
"Bakit po?" Agad na tanong ko kay Ma'am Rae na ngayon ay nakasimangot na rin.
"Anong handle mo? Bakit hindi pa kayo nagsisimula?" Agad na tanong niya. "Yung sa senior high, nasan na ang mga participants doon? Diba ikaw nag handle ng senior high? Nasan?!"
May mga ilang students na nasa library na rinig na rinig siya. I could feel my blood starting to boil from her tone and was about to speak but my eyes landed on the girl beside Ma'am Rae. My forehead creased with her expression, tuwang tuwa na naman.
"I'm so sorry but may I know your first concern first? My handle? My handle is actually Jail Booth, that's where you assigned me. And, nagsisimula na po kami kanina pa, you can go out and see it yourself po."
I gulped and lick my lower lip. "Second, what do you mean na nagkakagulo po sa Senior High? The participants? Each advisers has the list, nasa kanila po. Just like what you told me, ieexplain sa Head teacher and sila na ang bahala. If I may, gusto niyo po ba kunin ko sa mga teachers yung list?"
I explained with my fixed serious face. Tinignan ko naman ang babaeng nasa gilid ni ma'am na ngayon ay naka frown na.
This bitch. Sinusubukan talaga pasensya ko.
"Sabi ni Steph." Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong umirap nang lumingon si Ma'am kay Steph.
And suddenly, naging soft naman ang expression niya na parang maamong aso.
"Nagkakagulo po kasi kanina—" malumanay na sabi niya with her soft-like-conniving face.
"Nagkakagulo?" Hindi ko siya pinatapos and because of that I could sense how she step back dahil sa kaba.
Lakas ng radar. Magsisimula ng kung ano pero hindi kayang panindigan.
"Ayusin niyo nga!" sabi ni ma'am bago mag walk out.
I looked at her numbly and waited for her to speak. I'm aware with how I look at her, alam kong gagawin na naman niyang issue ito but the heck I care?
Naiinis ako.
Ang aga-aga pero nagagalit ako.
"Beh, kasi nagkakagulo kanina sa mga participants—"
"In what way?"
Hindi siya nakasagot agad.
"Ginawa mo ba 'yung dapat gawin?"
"I did."
"Ganito kasi, wala yung mga participants at mukang hindi naintindihan ng mga teachers ang gagawin. Ikaw kasi naghahandle ng SHS tapos ngayon nagkakagulo na, ginawa mo ba talaga?"
"Si Ma'am Abalo ang head, siya ang nag explain."
"Ayon na nga, mukang hindi inasikaso ni Ma'am Abalo, binigay lang ata 'yung papel na binigay mo at hindi inexplain. Inexplain mo ba sa kaniya ang gagawin?"
Tangina. Bobo ka ba? Bakit hindi?
"Inexplain ko," maikling sabi ko.
"Kung inexplain mo bakit nagkakagulo? Beh, ang nangyari kasi hindi inexplain ni Mrs. Abalo at basta basta na lang niya binigay sa teachers 'yung list kaya ayan nagkakagulo," she said, keeping her soft manipulative face.
I looked around to calm myself pero biglang nahagip ng mata ko si Mrs. Abalo kaya mabilis ko siyang pinuntahan para itanong kung inexplain ba niya sa mga under niyang teachers 'yung sinabi ko.
"Yes, of course, I did."
"Stephanie said nagkakagulo raw po ang senior high department."
"Ano?" Nakakunot noong tanong ni ma'am. Lahat ay busy at mainit ang ulo kaya sa mga ganitong events nagsisimula ang initan sa pagitan ng mga tao.
Bukod sa pagod, pikon. Pero hindi naman kasi nakakapikon kung walang tanga sa paligid.
"Sinabi ko. Inexplain ko rin. Nasan siya?"
Mabilis na nilapitan ni Mrs. Abalo si Steph na kanina pa nakatingin samin.
"Stephanie, anong sinasabi mong nagkakagulo?"
"Kanina po kasi nagkakagulo sa mga participants..." hindi niya matuloy yung gusto niyang sabihin.
"In what way, anak? I did explain sa lahat ng under ko 'yung gagawin. Kailangan 'yung list diba?" Steph nodded. "Oh, 'yung sakin, nasa akin. Kung nagkakagulo, inexplain ko sa kanila 'yon, hindi ko na 'yon kasalanan. If something or may misunderstanding, I explained what they needed to do, tapos! Sila ang may mali kung ganon. Hindi ko 'yon basta binigay basta basta sa kanila.
"Ma'am, wala po akong sinabing basta basta niyo lang po binigay."
What the fuck?! I excused myself dahil marami pa akong trabahong kailangan tapusin.
Wala naman kasing gulong nangyari kanina, saan naman niya kaya 'yon nakuha?
Agh! God, it's just morning. Ayokong magalit.
"Hi, Deen!" Sabi nung nakasalubong kong grade 11 na lalaki pero dumeretso lang ako sa paglalakad at mabilis siyang inirapan.
May girlfriend tapos kung kani-kaninong babae babati. Para ka namang sira niyan. I wonder, alam kaya ng gf niya mga kalandian non behind her back?
Gosh, and men expects that girls will be trust issues free from them? E, all of them are good-for-nothing-liars.
"Kamusta?" I asked Mira and Choi.
"Ayan sila oh, ayaw mag bail. Aba, bahala sila dyan," sabi niya saka tumawa dahil nagreklamo 'yung ilang students na ayaw mag bail pero gustong lumabas.
"Ate Deen!" I heard a girl's voice kaya mabilis kong nilingon at mabilis akong ngumiti sa kaniya.
Nanakbo siya papalapit sa akin at saka ako niyakap nang mahigpit.
"Ate, I missed you! I tried to look for you yesterday kasi may ibibigay ako pero ate Mira said umuwi ka raw agad after ng performance." Tumango ako sa sinabi niya.
"Ate, aattend ka po ba ng Seniors Night?" tanong niya ulit but I smiled before shaking my head into a no forms.
"KJ 'yan, wag mo na siyang tanungin," sabat ni Mira bago tumakbo palayo dahil may tumakas.
"I won't," I said.
"Bakit?" Malungkot na tanong niya.
"Reign, mauubos lang social battery ko doon saka di naman ako kailangan don," I said habang hawak pa rin ang kamay niya. She's just a grade 7 student, naging ka close ko na rin.
Kita ko naman paano sumimangot 'yung muka niya kaya nakipag usap muna ako sa kaniya ng ilang minuto bago ako umalis dahil hinahanap ako sa Student Council.
"Hi, ate Deanna!" Kahit nagmamadali ako sa paglalakad ay nagawa ko pa ring lingunin 'yung mga juniors na bumati sa akin. I stopped for a few seconds to hug them and waved my hands because I really needed to go.
Pagkarating ko sa office ay ka-agad kong ginawa ang mga trabahong naiwan ng ilang officers dahil lahat kami ay may kani-kaniyang trabaho.
"Deanna," I heard a familiar annoying voice. Huminga naman ako ng malalim bago siya lingunin.
I raised my brows to let her know that I'm waiting for her to speak but it took her a few seconds bago siya nagsimula.
"Bakit ka ganiyan? Ano bang ginawa kong mali sa 'yo?" She asked out of nowhere and as much as I wanted to roll my eyes on her ay pinigilan ko.
Tinignan ko kung may iba pa bang tao kaming kasama pero wala. For goodness sake! Ayokong nakakasama 'to na kaming dalawa lang. Baka mamaya ay saktan niya sarili niya tapos ipalabas na ako ang gumawa non sa kaniya.
"Tapos ngayon hindi ka man lang magsasalita? Ano ba ako dito? Hangin?"
Instead of answering her, I remained silent. Napipikon ako.
"Hindi ko alam kung bakit ka laging ganiyan sakin... wala naman akong ginagawang masama sa 'yo—" I cut her off from laughing.
She looks nothing but a whole damn laughingstock in my eyes right now.
"Wala kang ginawa?" I asked in a mocking tone. She frowned and I could feel her anger boiling her up.. pero hindi niya 'yon gagawin.
I know her so well... so damn well.
"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Nakakainis ka na kasi..."
I opened my phone at ipinakita sa kaniya 'yung screenshot ng convo where she wholeheartedly claim my work as hers, pretending that she made it... pretending that she worked so hard for the work that I did overnight.
"Are you sure you did that?" I asked pero hindi naman siya nagsalita agad... she looks taken aback from the screenshot I just showed her. "Thought none of them will snitch you?"
Jokes on you.
"You told Mrs. Abalo that I purposely avoided you... that I purposely gave your paper an unjustified score? Knowing damn well that that is AI generated essay?"
Tumawa muna ako saglit dahil nanginginig siya sa galit ngayon pero hindi siya makapagsalita. "The next time you accuse me of things I didn't do, make sure I don't have any proof of your unjustified actions. You are an honor student, a student leader even!" I rolled my eyes on her and was about to walk away when she started crying so loud.
She started crying as if I hurt her purposely... as if she's a victim of a scandalous drama in showbiz. Girl, that won't do with me.
Bago pa may dumating ay umalis na ako, I left her there alone, crying.
Bahala siya sa buhay niya. As if I care? Ipakalat niyang pina-iyak ko siya. Ilalabas ko lahat ng proof na meron akong AI generated at puro plagiarism ang thesis nila.
I hate myself now... my younger self won't even care about these things. She can handle this better but I'm very different now. I will give anyone who wants war, a war. I'll give them what they want. I'll be petty and let's see who's the bigger petty.
If she wants to act like a victim, then go. Let's see who's better in manipulation.
***
"Umiiyak daw si Steph," bungad ni Mira sa akin while I'm sipping frappe.
"Anong sabi?" tanong ko.
"Wala, wala namang sinabi. Pero sabi ng mga kaibigan niya ikaw raw huling kasama." I laughed at that. "Dapat di mo na pinatulan."
"Hindi ko pinatulan," I firmly said.
"Eh, bakit umiyak?" tanong nilang dalawa ni Choi.
I looked in my peripheral vision if the snitch people in our school is minding my business and when I confirmed that they're listening, I started my fight.
"Hindi ko alam? Nasa office kaming dalawa then umiyak na. I saw Kier nga pala kanina," I said. Mira's forehead creased.
"Kier Gallado?" Gulat na tanong niya and I nodded.
"Yup. Thought he'd visit Stephanie but to my surprise, he was with another girl. Break na ba sila?" I curiously asked. I saw the snitch group gasp, especially the gay one who ruin almost everyone's reputation in our school.
"Naging sila ba talaga?" Choi asked, sobrang naguguluhan so I act like I didn't know much.
"Huh? Hindi ba? Hindi ba 'yon yung nasa stories niya and kausap niya sa notes?"
"May girlfriend 'yon! Ano ka ba? Nagbalikan nga sila agad non," Mira added at pinagpatuloy ang kwentong alam niya.
I smirked inside... got you.
If I stay silent, she'll continue making noise that will surely taint my name... just like what she did before.
As if I'll let her.
I got home at nearly 6PM and as usual, mag-isa lang naman ako kaya ako na ang nagbukas ng ilaw sa buong bahay. I decided to take a bath muna and instead of studying ay mas minabuti ko na lang manood.
Hindi ko alam ang gusto kong panoorin so I continue browsing sa Filipino Movies in Netflix and it seems like halos lahat ay napanood ko na so ang ending, I'll re-watch The How's of Us na lang.
Inabot ko muna ang phone ko na nasa study table bago ako humiga sa kama. Nagsisimula pa lang naman ang movie kaya nag browse muna ako sa phone ko. I scrolled through my feed and I see that every friend of mine's enjoying the end of the month.
I was about to turn off my phone when I saw that I have an unopened email... bigla namang nanlamig ang katawan ko ng makita kong logo ng SLIU 'yon.
I whispered so many damn in my head... contemplating my life.
What if my admission was really forfeited?
It's still one of my dream school... mas matatanggap ko pa talaga kung nag fail talaga ako sa exam kesa sa hindi ko 'yon na take.
My world lights up and I thank the universe when I saw what was written in the email. They sent me a link to where I need to answer some questions. I need to explain why I was not able to take the SCET and some documents or proof.
It's kinda scary kasi what if di nila tanggapin reason ko? But, I'm good with words.. kaya ko 'to.
Instead of watching, I answered the gform and sent a pdf with the proof that my school was so busy with many events and as a student leader and drained honor student, I was reckless enough to forget the exam. I also told them that I did not get any confirmation on my application.
World is not always hard, you know?
I whispered on the back of my mind as I smiled... genuinely.
"Mommy, I can commute naman," I said. "Sabi ni tito hindi niya raw ako maihahatid. Wala naman pong grab dito sa Laguna," I said as I watch her walk around the kitchen through my laptop screen.
"Wala ka namang alam masyado sa Laguna, e! Sinasabi ko na kasi sa tito mo na turuan ka mag maneho pero hindi ginawa. Sa susunod na buwan mag enroll ka na sa driving school!" Pagpapagalit niya.
My exam will be hours from now in Sta. Rosa. I tried searching on how to get there but I can't seem to understand how but I know makakaya ko naman saka nag bigay naman ng tips 'yung kaibigan ko nung junior high how to get there.
It's currently 3 in the morning. I couldn't review nang maayos kaya nag give up na lang ako.
"Mag uupdate ka ha," I nodded.
She smiled. "Do your best. Alam ko namang magaling ka, dapat kang pumasa doon ha. Dyan din nag aaral pinsan mo." I nodded once again.
"I'll do better, ma."
I need to achieve more.
I got in Sta. Rosa at around 11AM so I decided to take JoyRide even though I'm really scared with this vehicle pero wala naman akong choice. Sa Nuvali ako nag lunch and I also bought some snacks and latte. After that, nag JoyRide ulit ako papunta sa St. Leonidas Laguna.
Ang init at ang layo... this school is not commute friendly. Kairita tuloy ang init.
"Mag eenroll ka, hija?" Tanong nung driver nang makababa ako.
"Hindi po. Exam lang po."
"Mahal dyan diba? Saka ang daming nag eexam, oh." Sabi niya kaya tinignan ko yung school. Ang daming mga sasakyan at mga estudyante.
"Mag senior high ka na?" Tanong niya ulit habang hinahanap ko yung wallet ko sa bag.
"College po," sabi ko.
"Anong kurso?"
"Film po."
"Ah ganon ba? Director pala 'to e. Swerte ko naman naisakay kita para sa future sasabihin ko sa anak ko na naging pasahero ko yung nag didirect sa sikat na pelikula."
Lihim akong panangiti sa sinabi niya. I handed him my payment and a tip. I also thanked him before I walked towards the entrance.
I really thought na kunti lang makakasabay kong mag exam pero I was dead wrong. Ang dami pa rin. Ang daming mga group of students na nag-uusap at nakaupo sa stairway ng Flor Natasia Almojuela building.
Nagsimula ko nang akyatin ang entrance but hindi ako agad nakapasok dahil kailangan i-scan 'yung bar code sa test permit. I opened my tote bag looking for my test permit pero hindi ko agad siya nakita.
Nanlalamig na ang kamay ko at nanginginig pero hinahanap ko pa rin sa bag ko kahit na alam ko na if my test permit was here, then I'll simply find it here. Pero wala.
"Heck.." I whispered dahil sa kaba.
"May problema ba, ma'am?" Tanong nung guard. I looked at him with a scared eye. I shook my head.
"None po. I think I left my test permit." I said in a monotonous tone kahit na kinakabahan na ako at nanginginig sa kaba.
"Ah ganon po ba? Pwede po kayong mag paprint doon sa office na 'yon," sabi niya sabay turo sa nasa gilid na office ng building. I nodded and thanked him.
Nang malapit na ako sa office ay binuksan ko na ang cellphone ko to open my portal account nang biglang nag black out ang phone ko.
"What the fuck?" I said to myself nang bigla itong mag shut down at hindi ko mabuksan. It's not lowbat. Nasa 60 percent pa ito kanina.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I hissed... trying my best to calm down but I could not find any reason to calm.
I only have 15 minutes left. It was clearly written in our guide letter that the examine should be at the venue 30 minutes before the exam. Nanginginig ang kamay ko trying my best to open my phone but it wont just open.
What's wrong? What the hell did I do wrong? Bakit nagkakaganito? Nahirapan na ako sa byahe kanina... hindi ko natake yung exam ko nung nakaraan and this is my last chance pero what the hell is happening?
I know I put my test permit on my bag last night! Paano nawala 'yon ngayon?!
Mas lalong akong nanlamig nang makita kong halos wala ng mga takers ang nasa labas ng building.
This can't be. This can't be happening.
"Please open," I wished. I wouldn't be able to print it if my phone's locked.
I fear that I came here all for nothing. I am so scared. I am damn scared that everything around me is falling apart once again dahil puro kamalasan ang nangyayari sa buhay ko.
A hot liquid start to form in my eyes so I tried to do my breathing exercise but it did not help. Mabilis kong pinunasan ang luha kong hindi pa tumutulo at triny na buksan ulit 'yung cellphone kong bigla na lang nagloloko.
Time is ticking...
I am losing everything I wanted.
Why is the world so harsh to me?
I just want to take my exam.
I hate crying in public but I don't care anymore. I started sobbing and I let my tears flow... I couldn't feel anything but fear and sadness... and a bit disappointment for myself.
I started crying even though I really hate crying in public. But, who cares? No one can see me here and if they do? So what?
I kept on crying while trying my best to open my phone when I felt a strong presence of a tall body figure standing beside me.
Unti-unti kong inangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya even though punong puno ng luha ang mata ko na gustong-gustong kumawala.
My tears started to fall more when I looked at the man standing beside me... shocked.
I couldn't see him properly because of the liquid formed in a little circle in my eyes. I wanted to sob more but I just couldn't...
He stared at me for a few more seconds before he finally cleared his throat. He was looking at me intently... as if he needed to figure me out...
As if needed to help me with whatever...
As if he's willing to do something to stop me from crying.
The crease on his forehead grew more pero nang matauhan siya ay agad siyang may kinuha sa bulsa niya.
He handed a handkerchief to me with his eyes concerned.
"What can I do, Miss? Do you need help?"
He asked na parang nagpapanic din. Another tear rolled down pero agad ko 'yong pinunasan ng kamay ko at mabilis na tumalikod sa kaniya.
I got my handkerchief from my bag at mabilis na pinunasan ang muka ko. I needed to calm down for pete's sake! Bakit ba ang iyakin ko ngayon?!
Maybe... maybe I can ask for his help... kahit hindi ako komportable ay nilakasan ko na ang loob ko.
They say that once in a while, asking for help or accepting help from someone is not bad at all.
"I lost my test permit. My phone shut down and now I don't know how can I open my portal and I'm already late," I explained now that I regained my calmness.
I looked at him directly in his eyes...
His eyes. His handsome round eyes na akala mo ay nangungusap.
Oh, Lord! He looks so innocent waiting for me to tell him what he can do to help me.
We stayed like that... as if we didn't have other important matters to do. As if I do not need to take my exam... and as if he was built to stand up in front of me and stare at me with unreadable emotions in his eyes.
In this moment there is one thing I know for sure.
I haven't felt this in my eighteen years of existence.
It was like the words in fiction and the sparkling chemistry on screen come out alive to be part of this moment.
Looking at him while he stares at me...
I wanted him to help me.
I wanted him to save me.
Just... just like how his bright and golden view of eyes' saving mine from crying.
An escape.