Back home, I was told that I was quieter than I had been.
This is because many of my attempts to speak were likely to backfire.
Very likely.
"Honey," My mom shouted, from where I lay in the living room. My wheelchair couldn't make it up the stairs, so my mother had gone and bought a pull-out mattress from ikea.
I could feel the springs pushing into my back.
"Yeah?" I questioned, staring blankly up at the ceiling.
"Your brother is bringing Velma and Therese." She responded. "Both of them wanted to see you, make sure you were doing okay."
I felt an immediate, rising sense of claustrophobia. My nausea seemed to spread to my limbs as I forced myself into an upright position.
"I'd like to see them too." I shouted back, like I had been programmed.
"That's what I like to hear." My mom said, walking into the room. She smiled when she saw me already sitting up. She had a bowl of cereal in her hand, almost overflowing. She carefully walked towards me, the milk sloshing precariously to either side as she made her way over.
"They've been worried sick since the accident." She said, shaking her head. "Poor things have practically lost their minds."
"Maybe if they do, they'll find mine." I responded.
She handed me the bowl, which I accepted. I put it down into my lap and sat up, leaning over the setting. Milk dripped down my chin as I shoveled the cereal down.
Food didn't taste like it used to. I would gulp it down, hating every bite, wishing intensely to be back in Laurabelle Falls.
"Slow down, honey," My mom said, exasperation and disgust fighting the fake-sweetness she coated her voice with. "I don't want to have to change the sheets."
"Wouldn't it be easier if we could just make a new one?" I asked, once I had swallowed. "Like, if we could just wave... I don't know, a spectacularly carved wand, and they'd be just like new?"
She looked uncomfortable, and shifted. "I... Think I know what you're going for?"
"Yeah." I responded. I took another bite, grateful that she must have let it sit in there. The sogginess made it easy to slide down my throat. "It would rock if I could do that for you. Too bad I can't."
She gave me a long look. Her eyes were focussing hard on the sheets themselves, then hard on me. I met hers and held her gaze, unmoving, unflinching. I saw her tense, and sigh, and finally, head back into the kitchen.
The moment passed, and I sat the empty bowl on the side table.
I felt an odd guilt replacing my former hunger.
There were three loud raps on the door. My brother barged in, dragging his visitors with him.
Velma looked like she would be named Velma. Always did. Had soft, fluffy brown hair that was prone to frizz with glasses we weren't sure she actually needed. I called her a hipster behind her back to my brother, knowing she would have been offended if I said it to her face. Not that I meant anything mean by it; actually, I thought that Velma was super cool.
"Hey there!" Therese exclaimed. She pushed her way past Velma, her tight blonde curls pushing their way out of the beanie she was wearing. She was objectively a beautiful girl, but had never gotten out of the raccoon eyeliner phase that she had started in middle school. "How are you trucking?"
I smiled up at them.
I still felt an uncomfortable ich under my skin, still wanted to crawl under the blankets and disappear. But the happiness of seeing my brother's friends was still there, underneath that indescribable urge to be alone.
"I could be better, could be worse." I joked. "A coma really does make you well-rested. The sleep couldn't be better."
I was spending most of my time daydreaming and sleeping.
Velma laughed. Therese stared at me, her eyes wide and searching. The look on her face made it clear she didn't know whether or not she was allowed to be amused.
"Oh c'mon Therese," My brother said, walking a few steps to put a hand on her shoulder. "Lighten up a little."
"Sorry." She apologized to me, but looked towards my brother. I could tell that she was telling the truth when she said, "We were just so worried about you."
"We got you a goodie bag." Velma pointed out, holding up a gift bag. It was striped in creme and gold, with lines of glitter along the edges.
She walked towards me, and sat it down on the bed beside my legs. She sat herself down a few feet away, looked at me.
I reached down, slowly, feeling a little bad. Everyone had already gotten me flowers and chocolates and roses and teddy bears; a barrage of gifts from classmates, some of whom I had barely even talked to, were almost all thrown away. I couldn't possibly keep all of it.
I removed the lining, and squinted down.
"...Gel pens?" I asked, taking out the case. It was a set of ninety of them, in a big, rolled case. I admired the shining colors, each one in a see-through plastic tube.
"Yeah!" She said, "Your brother said that you were having trouble getting out of bed most of the time, and we wanted to make sure that you had something to do while you recovered."
School and physical therapy was grueling work. The pain of having my muscles slowly rebuilt three times a week, along with the exhaustion of constantly answering questions and dodging teachers, was leaving me without much energy in the day.
My eyes filled with tears.
"That's so thoughtful." I said, setting the package beside me.
"There are a couple of coloring books in there, too." She revealed. I reached back into the bag, grabbing the two thin books.
Adult Coloring Mandalas and Animals For Bored Adults Volume 7 were in my hands. I put the animal coloring book down, turning towards the mandalas. There was a lump in my throat.
"Thank you." I said, looking up at Velma. I glanced towards Therese, my eyes wide and watery. "I really needed this hope right now."
"Please don't cry." Therese begged, "If you cry, I'm going to cry, and I really don't need to cry."
I tried to regain my composure, sniffling a little bit and blinking rapidly to dispel the water.
God, I had needed this confirmation. I had needed it so, so badly.
"I really didn't think you guys remembered," I said, looking up at them.
"Remembered what?" Velma questioned. I laughed.
"Right, right," I relented, shaking my head. "Sorry, forgot we weren't supposed to talk about it."
They shared a glance, but one I still caught. Then, my spine suddenly felt rigid.
"We really don't remember," Velma said, apology in her voice. "Do you think you could enlighten us a little?"
"Not without superpowers." I teased.
"...Well," Velma said, looking a little uneasy. There was an awkward pause. "I'm really sorry we weren't able to come visit you sooner. Did you hear about our new puppy?"
"I saw some pictures on facebook!" I exclaimed. "His curls look so soft. What's his name again?"
"Winston." She responded. "We thought that was just a hilarious name for a dog."
"Oh, I totally agree," I gushed. I held up my left hand, turning my fingers into a circle resembling a monocle. Using the most ridiculous fancy voice I could muster, I said, "I do say dear Winston, for your treat tonight would you prefer caviar or steak tar-tar?"
Velma laughed. "He's about that spoiled, too."
There was an awkward silence stretching a little too thin, as all of us wondered what to say. I thought I knew exactly why, but hey, a lot of people think they know a lot of things and get proved wrong later on.
"...Do you guys want to watch a movie?" I asked.
"If we can finish before you head to therapy." Noah said, nodding briskly. "Just make sure you pick something that would have been on one VHS in '99."
I rolled my eyes, and passed him the remote.
"Here," I said, "Why don't you pick?"