Zoom, located in Park City is the best kind of restaurant: totally unpretentious but with good food at a decent price. The grilled artichokes are out of this world. We each ordered one. Andy had the steak, I had the fish special and we both had a cocktail and wine with dinner, even though it was only about 5 pm.
"What's it like being a doctor?" Andy asked, taking a bite of steak and mashed potatoes.
"As with most things, there are things I like about it and things I really hate about it. I'm sure that's true for your job too." I took a bite of fish, which had the most exquisite buttery texture and it absolutely melted in my mouth.
"How so?" He asked, sipping his wine, drawing my attention to his beautiful lips, completely distracting me from the conversation.
"Uh... Well, I like the diversity of my patient population. My clinic accepts Medicaid, Medicare and private insurance, so I have patients spanning the entire socioeconomic range from homeless people without any insurance to lawyers and professors. And because it's family medicine, I see people in every stage of their life: newborns, kids, adolescents, college kids, young professionals, people getting married and divorced, people starting families, middle aged, retirees, all the way up to geriatric patients in their 90s who live in nursing homes. My job is a lot of things, but it's never boring. I guess the thing I don't like about it is that I spend a big chunk of my day doing busy work like signing forms, charting notes in the computer, reviewing labs, signing prescriptions. A lot of that stuff is central to the clinic, but it doesn't require a medical degree, and yet I still have to do it. I haven't even graduated residency and I'm already frustrated by that, so I imagine that doesn't get any better, and may even get worse when I'm out in the real world. What about you, what frustrates you about your job?"
"Same thing, I suppose. Regulations and codes can be annoyances, but helpful too, because they help to prevent errors, but mostly they're a source of frustration. I get frustrated by clients who don't know what they want and keep changing their minds about plans. I used to do a lot more design from the ground up, which is what I'm really interested in, but there was a lull in new construction after the recession in '08 and the housing market only started really picking up in the green sector in '12. I've always wanted to build my own house, but I've never been in one place long enough to do it."
"Are you planning on staying in Salt Lake City long term?" I reached for my wine and finished it off.
"That's the current plan. When I moved to Utah, I joined an architecture firm in town that specializes in eco-friendly remodels and new construction and I think I'm really going to like working there. Like you said, I'm drawn to the outdoors here. I love to snowboard in the winter and hike and camp in the summer, and there's really no place else like this in the states."
"Where did you grow up?"
"My mom was in the military, so we moved around a lot. We ended up in San Diego in the end, which is where I went to high school, but now no one lives there. With Mom gone, all of us kids sort of spread out. I'm the middle of three. My older sister, Jessica, lives in San Francisco and works as a software developer and my younger brother, Michael, lives in New York City and works in finance. My Dad lives in Scotland, he is semi-retired but was most recently in real estate."
"So your Mom was American and your Dad is Scottish? How'd they meet?"
"My Mom joined the US Air Force after graduating college, mostly, I think to avoid returning to the small town in Nebraska where she grew up. Her parents expected her to get married and take over the small hardware store they owned. She wanted bigger things though, had dreams of living all over the world, speaking different languages. I think that she thought that the Air Force would be a way of doing those two things: leave Nebraska and travel. She was eventually stationed at Mildenhall in England where she met my dad who was also stationed there as part of an attachment to the Royal Air Force. Some friends of Mom's dragged her to a party where my Dad and some of his friends were and they got to talking and hit it off. They were married a few months later and Jessica was born about a year after that. At this point she was working for some pretty high ranking generals, and he wasn't terribly excited about staying in the RAF, so he didn't reenlist and instead moved with us when she got transferred to Germany. That's where I was born. After Germany, we got transferred for a short time to Hawaii, which is where my brother was conceived, but they separated after that and my Dad moved back to Scotland and the rest of us moved to Texas. Eventually, she was transferred to San Diego and that's when things sort of settled down. She eventually left the Air Force and started working for a marketing firm as an executive secretary and stayed there until I was a senior in high school when she first got sick with breast cancer. My sister was already in college, and Dad had sort of been out of our lives for a long time at that point. It went downhill pretty fast after that and she died while I was a junior in college and Michael was a freshman."
"Where did you go to school?"
"Before she died, I was at UCLA, after she died though, I took some time off, and then transferred to Berkeley. What about you, what's your family history?"
"Pretty similar actually. My parents met in college at Columbia, my mom is actually from Salt Lake and my Dad was from Chicago. They settled in New York for a time, which is where my sister was born. Eventually they moved back to Chicago, to be close to my Dad's parents, which is where I was born. They split when I was about five and my mom decided to go to medical school in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and so we moved with her. She did her residency in Columbus, Ohio and that's sort of where I grew up. But she got remarried years later and now she lives in a suburb of New York City. I really wanted to leave the Midwest after high school, so I went to college In Portland at OHSU and then went to Northwestern in Chicago for Medical School. I didn't really see my Dad much when I was growing up and I feel like part of me moved back to Chicago to reconnect with him. Ultimately, I'm really glad that I did because I was there when he died. I mean, I was in town when it happened, not actually present at the time of his death. He had had a heart attack a few days prior, it was a pretty massive one, but it didn't kill him right away. The heart wall weakened though, and three days after the MI he had cardiac rupture and was dead within a few seconds, probably. My sister had come into town when he first got sick and the two of us were out eating dinner at my favorite restaurant, laughing and drinking and telling stories about our Dad probably at the exact moment that he died. At first, my sister was really upset that we hadn't been there for him when he died, but I've seen those codes before, they are horrible, messy affairs and the way that we did it was better for everyone. He had zero, and I mean zero, chance of survival, so it only would've been traumatic for us. At least this way we were toasting him with good food and drink, and I think he would've liked the tribute."
"Are you close with your sister?" Andy had completely devoured his meal and was finishing the last dregs of his wine.
"Very. She lives in Colorado with her husband and two kids. She's a financial planner. What about you, close with your siblings?"
"Absolutely. I got to see my sister for a minute during my trip to San Francisco. Don't get to see my brother much, but he's actually coming out here later this month and staying for two weeks so it will be nice to see him."
The waiter came by to clear our plates and asked if we wanted anything else. I was stuffed to the gills, again, but Andy ordered a Warm Blueberry & Cranberry Cobbler.
"Can I ask you a personal question?" My wine was gone so I was sipping my water as I said this. I placed the glass down and looked him in the eyes.
"Certainly, ask me anything." He finished his wine and set the empty glass on the table.
"What would Caroline say about you taking me out to dinner?" I swallowed hard, but kept my gaze on him.
"I don't imagine that she would be too happy about it. What would Sean think about me taking you out to dinner?" Andy answered back.
"We'll get to Sean in a minute. I'm serious Andy, you've spent the whole day with me doing breakfast, the hike, the slide, the nap and now this amazing dinner. I know we said that this wasn't a date, but it feels like a date. In fact, it feels like the best date that I've ever been on and I can't imagine that I would be too excited if my boyfriend was on the best date ever with some other girl."
The waiter returned with Andy's dessert and he took a moment, and a bite of cobbler, before answering my question.
"Before I answer your question, and I promise that I will, can I ask you something?" He took another bite of cobbler and pushed the plate toward me, as if to offer me some.
"Sure and no thanks." I said, trying to sound more polite than I actually felt.
"Would you have said yes if I asked you out on an actual date?" He took another bite of cobbler and laid the spoon on the side of the plate.
I pursed my lips and thought for a minute before answering. Fuck yes was the obvious answer, but didn't seem appropriate given that I probably should have had some reservations about dating him. But if I expected honesty from him, didn't I owe him the same? Shouldn't I tell him exactly how I felt so that there wasn't any ambiguity? "If you had texted or called me while you were gone, so as to indicate to me that there was a modicum of interest on your part and then returned to Salt Lake and asked me out, then yes, I would have said yes."
"And because I didn't text or call while I was gone I can't now ask you out? I'm asking, seriously, is that what you're thinking?" His voice was level, without a trace of sarcasm or malice, just curiosity.
"I'm not going to lie Andy, I was really hoping that you would text or call while you were gone, and when you didn't, I took that to mean that you weren't interested. When I saw you at the Taqueria with Caroline I figured the reason you weren't interested in me is because you were interested in her. But that brings me back to my original question: if you are interested in her, why are you taking me out on the best non-date ever?"
"I didn't call or text while I was gone because it didn't seem fair to Caroline to be communicating surreptitiously with someone else. I was planning to call you when I got back, though, to thank you for the rescue and for taking care of my truck and then I ran into you and Sean at the Taqueria. It was my impression that you two were dating, or am I mistaken?"
"We've been on a couple of dates, but I'm not interested in him, if that's what you mean. I take it that that means that you and Caroline are dating?" I was determined to clarify this point, I wanted there to be no grey areas at all.
"Yes, Caroline and I are dating." He said it so matter-of-factly, without enthusiasm or apology.
"So then what are you doing here with me?" I needed to know. I needed him to say it. To say that he wasn't interested, that everything that I had been feeling this whole day was one-sided and that I was crazy to be so attracted to him.
"As I said before, I owed you dinner."
"So now your debt is paid."
"It would seem so."
"I should get going. I've got to get home so I can get some sleep." I got up from my chair and bent over to pick up my purse. When I stood up again, Andy had also risen and was ready to go. He had taken two bites out of his cobbler. The ice cream hadn't even begun melting yet.
When the waiter brought the dessert he put the check in the middle of the table. When I stood up, I instinctively went to grab it, but Andy was too quick by far, and had had a credit card ready and handed it to the waiter who was walking by.
"I've enjoyed our day together Jen." Andy put his hands in his pockets, which only heightened his appearance of impossible cuteness.
"I have as well, I'm sorry there won't be more." I turned to go.
He put out his arm to stop me, "why won't there be more?" He looked genuinely puzzled.
"Because Andy, we're dating other people! We can't continue to go on amazing non-dates with each other and date other people at the same time. That's not how this works." I was getting angry now.
"But I thought we were friends? Isn't this what friends do, they go out, on non-dates." He kept his cool, despite the fact that I was this close to losing my temper, which only heightened my irritation.
"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be friends with you Andy. First of all, I'm your doctor, well, I was your doctor, I shouldn't be out with you socially to begin with and second of all..."
I've fallen in love with you.
"Second of all, it doesn't matter, it just... it just isn't a good idea." I could feel emotion in my voice just below the surface. Tears were close and I did not want to cry in front of this man. "I need to go Andy, I'm sorry." I walked out of the restaurant, clutching my purse to my side, I could feel a ball of ice forming in my stomach and throat, squeezing my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I walked out of the restaurant onto the sidewalk and was overwhelmed by a blast of heat. Park City was a good ten degrees cooler than the Salt Lake valley, but it was still hotter than piss in August.
I turned away from the parking lot where we'd parked his truck and started walking in the direction of Main Street. I thought that there might be a cab there that could take me back to my car at Ruth's diner which would cost me a fortune, but it was almost worth it for the quick getaway. I was about to cross the street when Andy caught up with me. "Jen, wait, let me explain!"
"You don't have to explain, ok? I get it, you're not interested. You're dating Caroline, I get it." The tears were coming now, there was nothing short of a fainting episode or a seizure that would stop them now. "I should've realized from the start that this could never work. That a guy like you would be interested in someone like me. And to your credit Andy, you never led me on. I have been living in a fantasy since the moment I met you which is ridiculous because you were my patient and thus completely off limits to me. But then we met in the canyon and you kept staring at me... I thought that maybe... but then you never called or texted on your trip and I should've known. I should have figured it out that you weren't interested, but I'm stupid, ok? I'm a stupid girl and I can't get it into my thick head. And of course you would be with someone like Caroline, she's perfect for you and I'm sure you guys are perfect together and you will have perfect, little, gorgeous babies with blonde hair and fake boobs."
I was really beginning to lose it now, people on the street were beginning to stare. "And no, I can't be friends with you, alright? I can't even be in the same room with you without wanting to touch you. And that's not what friends do, ok? Friends don't touch. Not like that. And they don't kiss and they don't do any of the other hundreds of things I've been thinking about doing to you. Oh God Andy, I'm so sorry, I can't believe I'm saying this. Look, I've got to go, I... Andy? Are you alright?"
Andy was decidedly not alright. As in medically not all right. He had looked fine moments ago in the restaurant, but his face had started swelling and he was coughing and his lips were swelling.
"My thongue feels thunny. I.. canth breathe tho well."
"Oh fuck Andy, do you have your epi pen? You do have one right, for the mango?"
He shook his head. "Didn thinhk I nheed hit."
I pulled out my phone and dialed 9-1-1. The operator picked up after two rings. I also took hold of Andy's arm and directed him to a patch of grass on a small hill above the sidewalk, seated him down on the grass and them laid him down flat.
"This is 9-1-1, what city are you in?"
"Park City, Utah. "
"What is your address?"
"Uh, I don't know, we're just off of Main Street in front of Zoom restaurant."
"What is your medical emergency?"
"My friend is having an anaphylactic reaction to something, probably mangoes. He is still breathing, but he has significant angioedema in his face, lips and tongue and he is definitely going to need some epinephrine and Benadryl. Please send an ambulance immediately." I kept on going without breaking a sweat. "His pulse is..." I felt for the pulse in his neck, it was strong and slightly fast at about 90 beats per minute, "strong and about 90bpm. I don't have my stethoscope, but his breath is getting somewhat labored and his airway is definitely swollen, he may need to be intubated if it gets much worse. His respiratory rate is..." I counted his breaths, 6 in 10 seconds, "...36 breaths per minute."
"Are you some kind of nurse, ma'am?"
"No, I'm a doctor, but I can't do him a damn bit of good without epi, is the ambulance on their way?"
"Yes ma'am, they're en route to you now. I'll stay on the line until they get there."
"Andy, I want you to look at me ok? You're going to be fine. The ambulance is on their way. I want you to focus on your breathing, ok? I want you to try to take slow, deep breaths, ok? I know it feels like you can't breathe, but the ambulance will be here any minute and they will get you the meds you need and I'm not going anywhere, ok? I will be right here the whole time. Ok?"
He nodded, his lips had doubled in size and the skin around his eyes was getting swollen. I grabbed his hands in mine and sat down right in front of him so that he could focus on my face. People were starting to gather around us now. I looked up at the crowd, "Do any of you carry an epi pen?" The people in the crowd were shaking their heads, but just then I could hear the sirens of the ambulance and my heart sank back into my chest. "Andy, you're going to be just fine, the ambulance is here and they're going to take care of you and I'm not going anywhere, alright?" He nodded again. "The EMS are here now." I said to the lady on 9-1-1, "I'm going to sign off, ok?"
The ambulance pulled up and three EMTs jumped out and headed towards us with a gurney in between them. The first one, holding the clipboard spoke first, while the other two guys carried their bags and put them next to Andy. "What's going on, sir?" Andy stuck out his tongue and pointed up at me. I had let go of his left hand and was going to let go of the right, but he held on to me tightly, so instead I pivoted around to his right side to get out of the way of the EMTs.
"This is a 32 year old male with history of allergies to mangoes and trazodone. We just finished dinner at Zoom, we didn't have any mangos that I was aware of, he was doing fine until about 7 minutes ago when his lips and tongue started swelling. Last time I checked, which was a minute ago his pulse was low 90s and breaths were 36 a minute. He needs some epi and some Benadryl and I'd like to take him to the hospital."
"Are you his wife or something?" asked one of the EMTs.
"No," I said firmly, "I'm his doctor."
One of the EMTs on the floor had already pulled up a syringe of epi and was about to plunge it into his right deltoid in his arm. "Andy, this is going to make your heart race, ok? I'm right here," I said. He nodded again. The other EMT had taken out a face mask and was putting him on some oxygen and checking a set of vitals including blood pressure and oxygen saturation. His blood pressure was slightly low at 106/64 and his pulse was racing after the epinephrine at 172. His breathing had sped up too after the epi, but was probably still only in the high 30s.
"Sir, do you think you can stand up so that you can sit on my gurney here?" Andy nodded and, not letting go of my hand stood up, staggered only slightly and sat on the gurney. I leaned forward and said into his ear, "You're doing great hon, everything is going to be alright. Just keep breathing." I gave his hand a squeeze, and he squeezed mine back. They started rolling him toward the ambulance. "You coming with us ma'am?"
"I am." I said. I let go of Andy's hand as they rolled him into the ambulance bay and then one of the EMTs helped me get in as well, and I moved so that I was sitting on Andy's left side, and I grabbed onto his left hand again. I winked at him and he chuckled softly.
The doors to the ambulance were closed and within seconds we were flying with sirens blazing. I checked his pulse at his wrist and his heart rate had come down to the 130s, which was still fast, but also strong. His lips were really enormous at this point, but his breathing seemed calmer, less frantic. One of the EMTs was giving him another injection, "Benadryl?" I asked.
"Yep, 50mg IM." He said, and plunged it into Andy's other arm.
We arrived at the hospital in no time, and were shuffled into the ER and into a trauma bay quite quickly. I did my best to stay out of the way, knowing full well that when it came time to give the history I would be ready, but not wanting to take charge and pull my doctor card the moment we walked into the ER. The EMT gave a report to the ER doc, and must've said something about me being a doctor too, because the ER doc looked over at me. "You're his doctor?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes. He's allergic to mangoes, has had anaphylaxis before and wasn't carrying his epi pen. We had just finished eating dinner at Zoom when he had sudden onset angioedema in the face and difficulty breathing. Since he didn't have an epi pen on him, I called 9-1-1."
"And not a moment too soon, I think." Said the ER doctor. "This doctor here saved your life buddy, you owe her big time." Andy smiled, or at least I think he smiled, his face was so distorted it was hard to tell.
"Do you know his past medical problems?" The ER doc had turned to Andy and was looking at his face and tongue and listening to his lungs.
"Yes," I said, "he has a recent past medical history of priapism due to trazodone and right scrotal skin tear from a bike accident, no surgeries, no other past medical history and no current meds," I stopped, "Right Andy?" He nodded. "And mangoes are the only thing that we think he's allergic too. He doesn't smoke, drinks alcohol occasionally and no drugs. And if he's been following doctor's orders he's not currently sexually active, but he's also a fucking moron who doesn't carry an epi pen, so who knows?" I said this last with more than a hint of sarcasm. To his credit the ER doctor didn't look the tiniest bit scandalized by my little diatribe, and Andy was definitely chuckling if not, in fact, smiling.
"Right, well buddy, I think you were probably moments away from us needing to stick a tube down your throat, so I'd like you to stay here for a little bit until your swelling gets better. You'll need to have someone stay with you tonight so that they can make sure that you don't puff up again. We still don't know what caused this and it could happen a second time when the meds wear off." Andy nodded. "Will you be able to stay with him tonight Dr...?"
"Dr. Parks, Jennifer Parks. Yes, I can stay with him."
"Alright then. Andy, we're going to give you a breathing treatment which should help with your chest tightness and some medication called ranitidine which will help with the swelling. And we're going to give you some fluids and I'll check on you in a minute." We both nodded.
The nurse came in with the nebulizer machine and I watched as she set it up, bringing the tube up to Andy's mouth. He took a few deep breaths and coughed, breathed in again and coughed. She let him hold the neb mouthpiece and then started hanging a bag of IV fluids and attached this to the IV which had been placed by the EMTs. He really was looking better, puffy certainly, but no longer in extremis. The nurse checked the neb machine, deemed the treatment over, and taking the mouthpiece from him, asked if he was feeling better. He gave a thumbs up sign.
I sat next to his bed, holding his hand, and I could feel exhaustion creep over me again. I squeezed his hand, "Look, Andy, I would be happy to stay with you tonight, unless you want me to call Caroline. I'll do whatever it is that you want."
He turned his head toward me, it was hard to see if he was looking at me exactly because he was so puffy, but he pointed his finger at me and said, "You shtay. You're myh dhocthr."
"Ok, I'll stay. I am your doctor. But I'm going to try and rest a little bit here, ok? You'll be safe here and it will give me an opportunity to get some sleep, ok?"
He nodded, "Ohkay. Sohrry."
"Don't be sorry. Just be well." I pulled a chair over to the right side of his bed, switched hands so that my right was holding his left and sat down. I think I was asleep in less than a minute.
I woke up a few hours later, covered in a blanket, Andy was sitting on the side of the bed, remarkably less puffy, but certainly not back to normal. The doctor was handing him some prescriptions.
"Oh good, you're awake. I was just telling our patient here that I want him to continue to take Benadryl 50mg by mouth up to four times daily for worsening itching, hives or swelling and ranitidine 150mg by mouth twice daily for the same. He also will need to get an epi pen, you should do that tonight before leaving the hospital. We already gave him some prednisone here, and I don't think he'll need a taper. If the swelling looks like it's getting worse, give him another dose of epinephrine and return to the ER."
"We both live in Salt Lake and our car is over by Zoom. Should we stay the night here in Park City or drive back to Salt Lake tonight?"
"I think you're safe to drive back to Salt Lake, but he can't be left alone."
"He won't be, I'll stay with him."
"Ok, well, you guys are free to go." The ER doctor, whose name I never got, shook our hands and departed.
"You ready?" I looked at Andy, he looked like he'd been beaten over the head with a wet fish.
"Yesth." He said.
"Let's stop by the pharmacy to pick up your epi pen and your other prescriptions, ok? If I'm going to be doctoring you all night, I'm not going to do it without the proper medicines."
We picked his medications up at the outpatient pharmacy just before they closed. While we were waiting for the meds, I called a cab to take us back to the truck at Zoom. When we arrived at his truck, he dug into his pocket, found his keys and handed them to me without saying a word. He opened the door for me, but I shook my head, "That's very gallant of you Andy, but if you faint walking around the back of the truck I'll never get you home. How about you let me put you in first, ok?"
He laughed and nodded. We walked around to the other side of the truck, I opened the door for him and he sat down, buckling his seatbelt. I walked back around, sat in the driver's seat and put on my seatbelt too.
"I'm taking you to my place. It will be easier for me to care for you there, alright?"
He nodded and raised his eyebrows twice, giving me a thumbs up sign, "Thah wahs my plahn all alhong."
"You're a fucking dick, you know that, right?" I turned the key in the ignition and the truck came to life with a roar. I put her in drive and pulled out of the parking lot and into the night, headed back to Salt Lake City.
∞∞∞
When we got to my apartment I could tell that Andy was feeling better but also exhausted. He'd been up early, we'd done that huge hike, he'd nearly suffocated to death and he was now full of 100mg of Benadryl. I made him stay in the car until I could come around and help him out and he put his hand around my waist to steady himself as we walked toward the front door. I don't know how necessary this was, but I let him do it anyway.
I put my key in the lock and turned the handle, and heard Max running to the door. "Max! Baby, oh my God I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about you." I hadn't been home to let him out in more than 24 hours, and I was sure I was going to find a mess somewhere to clean up. Sure enough, as we walked into the kitchen, there was big puddle of urine and a pile of poop right in front of the sink. "No worries Max baby, I deserved that. Come on sweetie, let's go outside."
I took Max out to the side door which led to the small back yard, cursing myself again for not having a dog door and let him pee and poop and frolic to his heart's content while I got Andy situated.
I showed Andy where the bathroom was, handing him a fresh towel, a new toothbrush and told him that I would find some jammies while he was washing up. I then went to my closet, picked out a t-shirt and a pair of guy's exercise shorts which I had stolen from an ex a few years ago. I also picked out my jammies (a Rage Against the Machine shirt I had found at a thrift store in college) and some short sleep shorts. I changed quickly and went back to the kitchen to clean up Max's mess.
When Andy emerged from the bathroom, he found me on the floor on my hands and knees in the kitchen just finishing lysoling the floor with antiseptic wipes. I turned around and could see that he was sort of waiting on me for directions. I pointed to the jammies on the bed, indicating that they were for him, and went back to cleaning the floor. He emerged once more from the bathroom looking rather ridiculous in the shorts and t-shirt that I had given him because they were way too small. "Thish shirt isth too small. Feels like I can't take a deep breath."
"Just take it off" I said, "we can survive one night with you going shirtless." He did as I said, and I inhaled sharply. Maybe we wouldn't survive. He was beautifully made, if slightly blotchy from the urticaria on his neck and chest. I pointed to the bed, "You go there. I'll join you in a minute." His eyebrows raised twice. "You know what I mean fool. Just go lie down before I feed you a mango." He laughed and I rolled my eyes.
I went to the bathroom, shut the door and went pee. How the fuck had this happened? One minute I was practically throwing myself at him, the next I'm telling him that I never wanted to see him again, and now he was sleeping, shirtless, in my bedroom not ten feet away. Granted, he looked like a well-muscled version of the Pillsbury Dough Boy, but still, WTF? I grabbed my tooth brush from the holder on the sink and brushed my teeth vigorously. Should I say something about my little tirade before he blew up like Snoopy balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? Did he even remember?
I looked back at the sink, realizing that I'd had the water running the whole time, and turned it off, mouth still full of toothpaste. It seemed cruel to bring any of this up right now, especially considering what a close call it had been. And just like that, it hit me exactly how close a call it really had been. Andy would've died today if it hadn't been for the prompt arrival of the paramedics. His airway would've closed and he would've suffocated and there is virtually nothing I could have done. My arms started shaking and I dropped my toothbrush into the garbage can. The panic spread throughout my whole body and tears welled up in my eyes. My chest felt tight and I could hardly breathe. Fuck! Was I having a panic attack?
I slid down the door of the bathroom and put my head between my knees, focusing on my breathing. The worst of it seemed to pass almost as quickly as it had come, and gradually the shaking subsided. I took a few more deep breaths and checked my pulse, it was fast, but strong and regular. I rolled over onto my knees and slowly lifted my head up. I saw stars for a few seconds, but didn't feel lightheaded.
I turned the water back on and washed my face and put in my night guard. The water felt cool on my skin and I pondered whether or not I could quickly take a shower, but opted against it, in case something happened to Andy and I couldn't hear him. After drying my face on a towel, I opened the door and turned off the light in the bathroom. I went back to the front door and grabbed my purse which had the meds we'd picked up from the pharmacy. I brought them back into the bedroom and laid them out on my bedside table.
"Do you need anything else?" He was laying in my bed, on the opposite side from which I usually slept, with the sheet on legs and his naked torso fully exposed. He shook his head no. "Ok, I'm going to go grab Max and lock the side door, I'll be right back."
I went into the yard, whistled softly for Max who came running and went straight to his bowl. By being gone all day I had also inadvertently starved him as well. I gave him a big scoop of kibble and a whole handful of Zuke's and went back into the bedroom.
"I should offer to sleep on the couch, but I'm not going to for two reasons. One, I'm exhausted, and this is my house and my bed and two, I need you close, in case something happens. And before you offer, no, you're not sleeping on the couch either. Face it Andy, you're just going to have to sleep with me."
"Ah thucths." He said, snapping his finger.
"You're a real comedian. Here are the rules, ok? If you feel short of breath, or you're having any change in your breathing, you wake me up. If the swelling worsens, you wake me up. If you feel nauseous or lightheaded, you wake me up. If you feel anything at all out of the ordinary, you wake me up. Got it?"
"Goht it." He gave me another thumbs up sign.
I crawled into bed next to him, getting under the sheets. Rolled over to my side of the bed, checked my supply of emergency medications and then turned out the light. I rolled back to face Andy and listened to the sounds of his breathing. It was slow and steady and without wheezing.
"Thankhs Jen, for savhing my lifth."
"I didn't save your life, the EMS guys did. But I know what you mean and you're welcome." I fluffed my pillow underneath my right arm.
"Jen, will you sihng to me?"
I smiled. "Sure Andy. Anything in particular?"
"Surpristh me."
I thought for a minute, then settled on one of my favorites.
There was a time I believed
Life was over for me
There was time I believed
My life was over
I feel strong today
Thanks to your help
I'll find my way and
I too will lend you a hand
When you need one
Sometimes I get so down
I feel like
This the end
Like there's no way in hell
I can get over this mountain
The sun has come out
Beyond the shadow of my doubt
I am walking on this earth
Stronger than ever
There was a time I believed
There'd be no love for me
There was time I believed
I'd get no lovin'
I feel love today
Thanks to your help
I'll find my way and
I too will lend you a hand
When you need one
Sometimes I get so down
I feel like
This the end
Like there's no way in hell
I can get over this mountain
The sun has come out
Beyond the shadow of my doubt
I am walking on this earth
Stronger than ever
There was a time I believed
There'd be no money for me
There was a time I believed
There'd be no money
I feel rich today
Thanks to your help
I'll find my way and
I too will lend you a hand
When you need one
Sometimes I get so down
I feel like
This the end
Like there's no way in hell
I can get over this mountain
The sun has come out
Beyond the shadow of my doubt
I am walking on this earth
Stronger than ever
There was a time I believed
There'd be no peace for me
There was a time I believed
There'd be no peace
I feel peace today
Thanks to your help
I'll find my way and
I too will lend you a hand
When you need one
Sometimes I get so down
I feel like
This the end
Like there's no way in hell
I can get over this mountain
The sun has come out
Beyond the shadow of my doubt
I am walking on this earth
Stronger than ever
I am walkin' on this earth stronger than ever
I am walkin' on this earth stronger than ever
By the time I'd finished the fourth and final verse Andy was fast asleep, breathing comfortably. I pulled the sheets up above my shoulder and shut my eyes and fell instantly asleep.