WILLOW
"What's on your mind?" my voice gets lost in the quiet and peaceful night.
The full moon reflects herself on the sea in front of us, the cold breeze makes my body shiver but I don't dare to move. Somehow, I want this moment to last forever. So peaceful, just me and her in the middle of the night.
Summer wraps her arms around her legs, her oversized hoodie hiding them underneath. We've been enjoying each other's company for ten minutes, no one had said anything and it was the first time in my life that I felt comfortable with someone. I don't even know her.
"Nothing." she whispers so softly that warms my heart. "Everything. I don't know."
A long sigh leaves my body while Summer gets more comfortable next to me. "Do you come often here?"
She shakes her head. "I used to. Everything changed when I..." she hesitates. "When I entered the Academy."
"How old were you?"
"I was four when I started ballet classes and fifteen when I started at the Academy." she tells me and I swear I hear some sadness in her voice. "What about you?"
My brows furrowed. "Me?"
"Yeah. How did you know, you could... uh, sing?" she chuckles softly, the sound going straight to my heart.
"Well, I was probably four or... five. My grandma got me some headphones so I could listen to music to..." not listen to my mom yelling at me. "I don't know, disconnected, I guess. I fell in love immediately with music. I love listening to the melodies, the lyrics, the voice behind it. As I got older, my... uh, my mom, noticed I could sing really well and she got me into these competitions–" I shake my head. "Thing is, I got invested in it. Writing songs, the process behind it, choosing a melody, creating art. I fell in love with it and I knew that's what I wanted for my life."
Summer listens to every word I say, like the always does but it's never felt so... personal and intimate with her. Maybe it's because we're alone at the beach in the middle of the night.
"You're really talented, you know?" my lips raise in a smile when she lifts her head to lock those big brown eyes on me. "Do you want to make a career out of it? Is that why you got into the showcase?"
My nose wrinkles as I stare at her. She's so pretty. "I... uh, yes. I think, I don't know. One of the reasons. It's just a great opportunity for me."
"What's the other reason?"
A moment passes while I think if I should tell her. There's nothing to be ashamed of. She has money, I don't– but that reminds me I should not be here pretending we're best friend because we are not. We're from different worlds.
"The money and the, uh, the scholarship." I whisper like a secret, moving my gaze away from her to the sea in front of me. "We haven't talked about this but, uh, it's fine if you want to split the money. I'm good with the scholarship."
I feel her intense eyes on me and I feel like I'm burning under her eyes. Stop staring at me! I want to say, but why? A full minute passes, my green eyes find her brown ones again and her whole face softens before sighing. "I don't want the money, Willow. I'm doing this for you and because I need... something new, fun, different."
"You don't want the money?" my voice comes out a little higher than I intended.
She shakes her head. "I told Professor Queens that if we win, the money is all yours. She said that it was fine." Summer shrugs and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. My eyes follow the movement like it was in slow motion.
I try to ignore the fact that if we win, 17k will be mine. I don't want to look desperate by reaction to it. "How is this any different than what you do? I mean, you're dancing."
She hesitates for a moment and my heart sinks when she moves her head back to the waves. I force myself to do the same.
Summer blows out a shaky breath before speaking. "What we're doing is different from my dance classes with Madame Daisy. With you, I feel... free. I get to decided what music I'm dancing to, which moves, my clothes, my hairstyle and... it's fun. The Academy is different." her voice is low, soft like she's telling me a secret.
"Do you not have fun there?"
She freezes at my question and my heart twists thinking I asked the wrong thing but she parts her lips before I can apologize. "I used to. Dancing used to be fun, it was the thing that made me feel alive, good, happy. Now... it just feels like a job."
My heart stings at her confession. "You don't want to have a career out of it?"
"Yes. No. I don't know." I turn my face to find her with her eyes close and I try not to memorize those countless freckles under her eyes and nose, how the moonlight shines in her face. I try. I really do try. "I've been writing a lot these years, whenever I have time. I'm majoring in Literature because it's something I like, you know— reading and writing." she chuckles like it's the most stupid thing she said. It's not.
"Then, be a writer." I shrug.
She finds me watching her and I don't break our contact. It feels too good to break it. "Dancing is my life."
"Is it?"
Summer sighs and gives me the saddest smile I've ever seen on her. She always looks tired, but tonight? Under the moonlight, just the two of us? She looks completely exhausted. Like she's about to pass out. Her face pales and she looks in front of us once again.
My mind wonders what secrets does she have? Is her life that good? Is she happy? She just admitted that she doesn't enjoy dancing like she used to– why does she keep doing it? Are her moms forcing her? I mean– I know some parents are a piece of shit, my own mother is like that but her moms seem nice people, right?
"You can't sleep?" I ask once I notice she's not giving me an answer. I just want to hear her voice. I could spend hours just listening to her. That's not normal, a voice in my head whispers.
"Nope." she presses her lips together. "It's hard to fall asleep when you have so much in your head." My lips curve. Yeah, tell me about it. "You?"
"Same." I nod. "I... I still can't decide which song we're gonna use."
"We have time."
"It's two months away."
"Still. It's enough." she shrugs. "We can go tomorrow to my house. Use my mom's studio so you can play around with sounds and– whatever you do, to help you listen to your songs in a different way."
I suck in a breath. "I've never been in a professional studio before." my voice comes out in a whisper.
"Gotta get use to it, Willow James. I'm pretty sure you gonna rule the world." she smiles, her hazel eyes shining under the stars and my heart flutters. Fuck me. "So, what do you say?"
A professional studio. Mia Bennett's professional studio. Mia Bennett, who had worked with international artists. A grammy winner music producer. Fuck.
Maya's voice rings in my head. Use her. I don't want to use Summer but she's giving me a once in a lifetime opportunity, right? I need to do everything I can to win this showcase and this... This is it.
I nod. "Okay, sure. Let's do it."
❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅
SUMMER
"Did I tell you to take a break? No! What are you doing? Get up, c'mon. Let's go." two hands clap in front of my face two seconds after my body gives up on me.
I feel like I'm burning alive. I think my feet are bleeding and my legs shake when I stand up again. Eight hours. Eight fucking hours without a break. Eight hours without even a sip of water. Eight hours of dancing the same choreography over and over and over again. I don't feel human anymore.
I wince when my feet touch the floor again and the room spins making me close my eyes to concentrate for a moment.
"From where?" my voice shakes as I ask, I'm trying hard not to fall on the floor.
"From the beginning." her voice cuts in the air. It just Madame Daisy and me again.
"From the– It'll take hours. I have to go home." my eyes widen as I find her eyes. There's no emotion in them. Nothing. Nada.
"I have homework and–"
She laughs loudly, interrupting me. "Homework? Summer, sweetie. Homework is not important. What's important is for you to get back on your feet and start dancing, come on."
"But–" my throat closes, my stomach twists in a knot.
She raises her brows at me. "But what? Are you tired? Sore? Exhausted? Well, welcome to the life of a ballerina, Bennett. You're not special just because you're the prima ballerina. You have to do this perfectly and– let me tell you, it's not perfect. I told you I need the best version of yourself, and I'm pretty sure you're giving me your worst. What the hell is wrong with you? You're getting fat, weak, slow. If you keep being like this—" she shakes her head, leaving me to finish that sentence. She'll kick me out. "Also, you have to start coming here by eleven. Need you to practice more hours."
Every word she says cut deep into my heart. My eyes sting with tears that I refuse to let them fall. Fat. Fat? I haven't eaten anything for weeks. I don't even remember the last time I ate. The last time I slept. The last time I was happy. "I can't take more hours– I have colleg–"
"Drop out, Bennett." she walks around the studio searching for her phone. "You don't need it. I'm making you the best ballerina in the world, why the fuck would you need a degree? If you don't take this seriously just tell me and I'll let you go. I chose you because you have potential but... Sweetie, you're getting very boring for me." she presses her lips together.
"Can I– uh, send a text message? I'll tell them not to wait for me." I swallow the big knot in my throat.
Madame Daisy smiles, showing me her white and perfect teeth and nods. "Hurry up."
I physically can't hurry because my legs do not work but I make it to my purple bag. I search for my phone trying really hard not to start crying. Trying hard not to let her words take over my mind. Trying. Trying. Trying.
Willow and I went to bed at four a.m last night, we made plans for her to come to my house tonight. She agreed and mom was more than happy to let me use her studio with her but if I'm still here I doubt that'll happen.
I open my sister's chat, hesitating in what to say to her. They're not waiting for me– Aurora is probably at the rink, she's probably at practice and she won't see this message until she's done but I send it anyway. I need to get out of here. I'm risking an injury if I still force myself to dance, so I move my fingers around the keyboard.
summer bennett: rory, i don't know when you'll be seeing this but when you do please, please come pick me up from the studio.
"Bennett! Let's go!" her voice makes me jump but I hit send and I pray my sister comes for me.
I don't even know how much time has passed when I hear the sound of someone knocking at the door but my head snaps to the left and I swear a sob of relief leaves my body when I notice the red hair on the other side of the door.
Madame Daisy tilts her head, stops the music and walks to the door. My legs feel wobbly, my arms shake, I can't even breath properly but I force myself to stay on my feet. I can't break in front of Madame Daisy. I can't. I can't. I can't.
The door opens and those blue eyes that had kept me safe from my entire life come into view, she doesn't look at me, though.
"Hi. Who are you? We're in the middle of a class." Madame Daisy says looking at my sister.
Aurora smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. "You know who I am. I know who you are and I know this class ended five hours ago, I'm here for my sister."
Daisy raises her brows and fights back a smile. "We're in the middle of a class, you're welcome to stay." she repeats.
My sister nods her head and then her eyes find me across the room. Her eyes widen, her lips part and her face transforms into the face my mama, Luna, gives when she's mad. Oh, this is absolutely not good. "I'm taking my sister home. You're welcome to stay." she hisses.
I start packing my things before Aurora gets more mad than she already is. Moving faster than I can, ignoring the way my body aches. "Hey, you're not going anywhere. We're not done."
"Yes, she is." Aurora's sharp voice makes me shiver. "You might not be done, but she fucking is."
"Who do you think you—" she closes her mouth, Aurora raises her brows daring her to keep talking.
I start walking to them when I have all my things but as I'm about to step outside to the cold night, Daisy's grip on my arm stops me abruptly and I can't help but flinch at her touch. "You're not going anywhe–"
"Hey, don't fucking touch her!" my sister pushes her hand away from me. My heart goes absolutely crazy in my chest and I feel dizzy. I can't break here. Aurora takes a step forward, keeping me behind her like the protective sister she is, and my eyes close trying to fight the darkness coming to get me.
My sister leans in to Daisy, blue eyes fill with fire. "Don't fucking touch my sister again, you got it? She's here to dance, she's not your fucking puppet, she's not your fucking doll. If I ever find out you did something to hurt her, I'll destroy you."
"Rory, c'mon. It's okay. Let's go." I beg, I don't want to get in trouble with her.
"I didn't do anything. We're in class." Madame Daisy says softly, I feel her eyes on me but I don't dare to look at her.
"Great. She'll see you tomorrow." Aurora grabs my hand and walks me to her car without waiting for an answer.
We both get into the car quietly, she turns the engine on and looks at me. "Summer–"
"Not tonight." I beg. "Just... take me home."
"Home?" she tilts her head.
"Yeah. I'm meeting Willow there." I lean my head against the window and close my eyes for a moment.
"We need to talk about this." she says softly. "I'm sorry it took me so long to read your text. I was in the ice and I... I'm sorry."
I try to smile at her but my face just makes a weird movement. I don't even have strength to smile at her. "Thank you, Rory."
Her face softens. "Always, Sunny."
The ride home is quiet, too quiet and even then I can't fall asleep.
Willow and I stayed up late enough to catch a glimpse of the sunrise last night. It's so easy to talk to her, I didn't want the moment to end. We talked for hours and when we weren't talking, we fell into a comfortable silence in the middle of the empty beach.
It's been years since I felt comfortable with someone who I don't really know and I found myself thinking that I want to. I want to get to know her. I want to spend time with her, she makes me feel like myself again but does she want to spend time with me? I'm bringing her home tonight.
I don't do that with people I just met, God knows how many people have used me to get to my moms or my sister but Willow... She's different, I've never felt this way before with someone.
I told her to come by the house by 8pm, I assumed my sister will be in bed and my moms probably in the living room watching a movie– I promised her they won't bother us but I mean, c'mon. Have you met my moms?
It's 7:50 when we get to my house– I barely made it thanks to Madame Daisy. My body feels like it's about to give up in any minute but I have do to this. I promised her and this is a great opportunity for her. Willow has a great future ahead of her.
I grew up surrounded by talented people and trust me when I say I can recognize real talent. Willow is one of those people.
"Are you staying?" I ask Aurora once she parks her car.
She shakes her head. "I'm going out with Lucas."
I raise my brows. "Again?"
Aurora tries to hide her smile and I notice her cheeks turning pink. "It's not like that. We're going out with the boys."
I smirk, rolling my eyes at her. "Thank you for coming for me."
I open the door, stepping outside the car just as she nods with a smile and drives away, leaving me standing at my front door. I ignore the way my feet burn and I search for my keys in my bag. The house seems quiet and if I'm lucky enough, Millie will be asleep. Ever since she found out I like girls, she teases me with all my friends– I don't need her to make Willow uncomfortable.
"Mom?" I lock the door behind me with my phone in hands. Willow hasn't texted me yet. Is she still coming?
"We're here!" her voice echoes from the living room and I move my feet to them.
My lips curve when I see them laying on the couch, mama is hugging my mom, resting her hands on my mom's stomach and they're watching a movie. Of course they are.
"Hi, Sunshine." mom says, her face lighting up with a smile. "How was your class?"
"You look tired, Sunny. Have you eaten anything?" Mama says before I can even answer them. "Grandma Lizzie made lasagna, there's some for you and your friend. I can heat it up for you."
I shake my head softly. "I'll ask Willow, I'm not hungry."
"You're not?" she narrows her eyes at me. If there's someone who can read me very well is my mama and that scares me so much. She cannot know I'm breaking. It'll disappoint her.
I'm starving. "I'm fine. It's okay if we use the studio, right?"
My mom brushes her red hair away from her face and nods. "Of course. If you need anything just tell us, okay?"
I walk to my childhood room and change into more comfortable clothes. I wince in pain when I see how hurt my body is. Filled with marks and bruises, my feet are literally bleeding. My leg hurts so bad, that I can barely put my foot down. I take care of the bruises as quickly as I can and I put some socks on. No one wants to see the horrible bruises of a ballerina. I try not to close my eyes when I see myself in the mirror, not recognizing me. I am so pale and tired, the brown in my eyes is so dark and boring, not a single light of life. Leaving my hair down, I grab my phone again expecting to find a message from Willow but there's nothing there.
Maybe she is not coming.
My stomach growls in rejection when I lift my water bottle to my lips. It's not enough. I know it's not enough and my brain also knows because I feel so fucking dizzy and tired, I'm scared I'm going to pass out.
"Summer! There's someone at the door!" my mama screams for me and I try to run but it's impossible. Every step i take feels like someone stabbing me.
My hands shake when I reach for the handle, my heart pounds so hard that I can hear it in my brain. I open the door almost in slow motion and there she is. Jade-green eyes sparkling, soft smile in those puffy soft lips, brown hair piled up in a ponytail. She's so beautiful it hurts.
I need to stop this feeling.