Warning: lots of swearing and dirty jokes. Can't believe I forgot that in the last part lol
Professor Red: This is a very powerful artifact. You'd be messing with some forces we don't fully understand.
Rainbow: That sounds like a dare to me.
Professor Red: Oh my Origin.
Blue: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Purple: We yell, 'oh shit.'
Blue: ...That'll work.
Green: When life gives you lemons, what do you do?
Rainbow: Make lemonade!
Green: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it's own shit.
Blue, near tears: I have the sex appeal of a math book!
Purple: I don't know, dude, I've never met anyone that opened a math book and didn't say "fuck me".
Green: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Red: it was autocorrect.
Green: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?
Red: Yes.
Blue: Rainbow, are you drinking... drinking hydrogen peroxide?!
Rainbow: It says H2O2! That means it's the sequel to water!
Rainbow: *Gasp*
Prof. Red: wHAT??
Rainbow: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Prof. Red: *inhales*
Blue, in another room with Purple: Why can I hear screeching?
Prof. Red: All in all, a 100% successful trip.
Rainbow: But we lost Blue!
Prof. Red: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Rainbow: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Professor Red and not do the thing.
Rainbow: Well there's a clear right answer here.
Rainbow: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*
InfectedGreen, singing: I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need...
Prof. Red: A family.
Blue: A better love life.
Purple: Mental stability.
Rainbow: *clueless* Bagels?
Purple: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.
Blue: Being a fish.
Purple: Well, shit.
Purple: My assistance will be an act of beneviolence.
Rainbow: ...Don't you mean benevolence?
Purple: No.
Prof. Red: That's a nice argument. Why don't you back it up with a source?
Blue: My source is that I made it the fuck up!
Green: Oh man, you have any shaving cream?
Red: No, I don't like the way that it tastes.
Green: Wait... you eat shaving cream?
Red: No. Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?
Green: Red, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.
Red: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?
Hypno: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*
Rainbow: Hey, Hypno, how was your day?
Hypno: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at nothing* Hell.
Blue: *whispers* Who hurt you?
Prof. Red: Where's Blue?
Purple: Don't worry, I'll find him.
Purple: Rainbow sucks!
Blue: Rainbow is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Purple: Found him.
Blue: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?
Purple, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that's what.
Prof. Red: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.
Blue: Please never become a surgeon.
Blue: don't we need proper equipment for these kinds of experiments?
Professor Red: only if you're a pussy
Rainbow: You're not gonna shoot a puppy, are you Professor!?
Prof. Red: Yeah, in the face, why?
(He was incredibly unhinged in SSO)
Blue: Cant you at least compliment me?
Prof. Red: You have eyes.
Blue: Yeah, that works.
Dark: Don't go to the kitchen.
Nightmare: Why?
Dark: I saw a spider.
Nightmare: Well, did you kill it?
Dark: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...
Blue, being robbed: Please! Have mercy! I have a family! A wife and kids... a dog...
Red: Literally none of that is true, Blue.
Blue: Okay, but I'm sexy! That's gotta count for something, right?
Dark: Are you busy?
Rainbow: Yes.
Dark: Cool, listen to this...
Red: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Green: That's great, Red. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.
*in a group chat*
Blue: First one to reply is gat.
Blue: *gay
Blue: Wait...
Purple: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.
Rainbow: ...what happened?
Purple: I made a VERY bad mistake.
Professor Red: Welcome to my room. As you can see, I've knocked over many chairs because I get so tilted at the towers.
Rainbow: Uh, this isn't really tilted. Or a tower.
Professor Red: Well you see, it's a gamer pad. Not many steves come in here because I get friendzoned so frequently. But that's okay.
Rainbow: I'd like to be in the Friendzone! I like friends!
Professor Red: It's not as pleasant as you think. They don't treat you like a friend. They treat you like an item. Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory to these steves; But unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get respect.
Rainbow: I'm not a gamer, so maybe they'll respect me!
Professor Red: That just makes you a beta cuck.
Rainbow:
Professor Red: that's the difference between you and I, Rainbow Steve.
Professor Red: I'm an ALPHA GAMER
Blue: I'm going to dunk on you.
Professor Red: Bring a ladder.
Blue: Your lab is in the bathroom?
Dark: that bastard Professor said this is the perfect place for my work. I'm just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary.
Professor Red: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?
Purple: Do it or you're straight.
Professor Red: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!
Nightmare: You're such a dumbass (affectionate).
Dark: Aww, you're such a whore (complimentary).
Blue: How are you talking like that in real life?
Dark: Witchcraft (derogatory).
Nightmare: Am I in trouble?
Elder Blue: Take a guess.
Nightmare: No?
Elder Blue: Take another guess.
Blue: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?
Red: *sucking on a popsicle*
Purple: Pfft, you practicing for when Green gets here?
Red: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*
Purple: *Concern*
Rainbow: Operation no more distractions is a go!
*not even 10 seconds later*
Rainbow: Oh, look! A butterfly!
Rainbow: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?
Hypno: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.