Weekend's passed, and all i did was staring at the ceiling in my room.
My parents didn't know that i almost died because of what occurred in these past few days, I just told them that I'm not feeling well and that's why Ate brought me to hospital, they only thought that I had a fever.
I remembered what they said to me after they knew that I'm sick.
"Kakalakwatsa mo yan! kaya nagkakasakit ka!"
"Buti at lagnat lang ang inabot mo at di kapa namatay!"
"Sabihin mo lang kung gusto mo ng mamatay tutuluyan kita!"
"Palibhasa palamunin na nga may gana pang magkasakit, dagdag gastos!"
"Tatanga tanga wala pang kwenta..."
My sister always called me to check if ever i did anything again.
I closed my eyes as i heard the deafening sounds of the ringtone on my phone again.
"Pshh... What?" I heard a sigh of relief on the other line.
"I just wanted to know if you're fine" Sigh...
Silence fills...
"Have you eaten?" She suddenly ask
"Not yet"
"You should eat then you have to take your medicine properly and..." I cut her off.
"Yeah. I know, I know, I'll eat later I just don't enjoy the food right now." I heard her sigh...
I took the little sanrio from the table in side and play it in my hand, I'm still lying in bed.
"Did you take your medicine well? How's your feeling? Did they scolded you again?" I stared at my dark ceiling.
"I'm tired I'm sleepy, I need to rest... I gotta end the call bye!" I said to avoid her questions
"Wai--" I cut her off.
I put the phone on the table in my side.
I stared at my dark ceiling and i next toured my eyes in the four corners of my messy room, I was put in this situation again, I know my grades are dropping because I'm skipping school these days. I'm constantly feeling nauseous again, turning back to my bad habits, and hardly anything brings me joy anymore.
Sigh... I bit my nails as what i used to everytime I'm thinking something.
I came back to reality when I heard a deafening knock on my door.
I stood and get up from my bed and walked towards the door to open it.
As I opened the door the raises eyebrows of my mom was the first front i glimpsed.
She looked at me from head to foot with her raising eyebrows after she say something.
"Gusto mong magpakamatay sa gutom?" She still raised her eyebrows as if she just being forced to came here and invite me.
She didn't let me to say something and just quickly turned around and walk away.
I secretly smiled a bit, even though she used to say it through those words, Atleast she invited me, I should be thankful.
I get out from my room and carefully closed the door so as not to make any noise that will make them think that I'm not glad to join at them for the dinner.
I saw Mama and Papa that started to eat when I got there. I smiled a bit at Mama when she looked at me but she just rolled her eyes when she met mine.
"It's good to see that you're feeling well now" Papa said while eating and didn't even throw a glanced on me, dahan dahan naman akong umupo.
I cleared my throat.
"Ang layo sa bituka masyadong nag iinarte, masamang damo yan Hector hindi pa mamamatay yang anak mo." And as a bitchy side of my mother she will always make her way to keep me dumb.
"Divina. pwede bang kahit ngayon lang, nasa hapag kainan tayo." The half of mouth on my mother was opened and she raised her brows as if she couldn't accept what was he heard from Papa.
I was frowned too when I looked at Papa, what i know is that it's not my birthday, so why did he suddenly defend me from Mama? Oh! Did he defend me? or he just wants to eat at peace.
Silence fills while we're eating and I can feel the heavy tension between the three of us.
"Uhm..." Pinunasan ni Papa ang kanyang bibig bago magpatuloy sa pagsasalita.
"Arnheid. Have you choosen a course for college?" Dad suddenly ask.
I cleared my throat and wiped my mouth before i speak.
"uh, I'm planning to choose the Fine Arts po, cuz i believe that it'll be easier for me to pursue the course that I'll choose if it's my desire."
"At ano namang pakinabang dyan?" Taas kilay na tanong ni Mama
"It's actuall--" Dad cut me off
"How about Law? I think it'll be good for the sake of our family if we'll took a one path, The field of law."
"but that's not my passion P--"
"It's not all about your passion Arnheid. It's for the sake of our family, what will populace say if they'll know that none of our childs followed the Attorney's field." How he can say that it's not about my passion when it's all about my future someday? I bit my lower lips and take a deep breath, I know that he's holding himself to raise his voice and trying to be calm. That's why you have too Arnheid, calm down yourself and talk well.
"Your sister refused to be a lawyer and took the different path, she already ruined her future. And no one's gonna follow the field of law in our family except you. You're the only one who remain to fulfill it." As what I said I'm just a second card and I'll be always a remaining second card, Right I'm the only one because I'm the one who left over. And now they're asking me to fullfil the responsibility of my sister's left. Like i can't avoid it.
****
Napatigil ako at lumingon sa likod ng tinawag ni Professor Rex ang pangalan ko.
"Wait right there." He walks towards me, and I took the headset from my ear.
"Can we talk?" I wondered because of the tone of his voice, I nodded.
"Your other subject teachers kept asking on me of what's happening on you, and the others noticed that you're skipping your other subjects and it's been a while since you went to your major." I just stayed dumfounded.
"And i saw your grades are dropping, I tried to complain to your other subject teachers that you don't deserve a low grades and convinced them to atleast adjust it to stay at the top because most of the head of the school knows you and to your ability but some of them told me the same that you're not studying hard now and you often skipping your class." I'm out of words
"Do you know that it can affect you from being a top one? And worse you're a representative of the graduating class, and you'll may not be the valedictorian." I suddenly looked at Professor Rex when he said those words.
'No it can't be! They're expecting me to be the valedictorian, I can't afford to fail them!'
"What can I do sir?" I tremendously ask
"You have to study hard again Ms. Forester, Fucos. Don't let the negative of yours ruined you and ruled over you, you'll be the one that will dive them and screw it."
Lumabas akong lutang sa office ni Professor Rex, marami pasyang sinabi na mga kailangan kong gawin at kung ano ang kailangan kong habulin na mga missed stuff ko.
I went to rooftop to inhale air, I need a space and a quiet place to think something.
I'm in the top of the rooftop, and right here I can see the whole surroundings, I used the rooftop as my comfort zone, because whenever I'm at here everything seems to be fine, it's like my escaped.
It's already 4pm now, An hour of my comfort zone, I let the cold wind embrace me. I closed my eyes and unfold my arms as if I could touch and hug the comforting wind. I let the air fly my hair and just let everything goes on, I really love this hour that makes my own kind of peace, where all my doubts I realease In every second I feel ease, Just like I always wished.
I cherish this time because i know that later will be a nightmare, A night for me becomes my fear, I'm scared of night because it's not a rest time of mine, it's a time to suffer, there's no night that my tears missed to visit me, And I used to it.
"Buti pa ang mga puno, they can dance with the wind when the moments feels too serene to rejoice as its finest."
I thought the wind of this hour is the most calming, I never thought that the owner of that husky voice and calm as an ocean waves will made me feel cozy.
I saw the sweetest smile of him appeared on his face like a sparkling ocean that shimmers in eyesight with flowers vibrantly and smiling at sunlight as I opened my eyes.
Him. The guy who never get tired of saving my life standing in front of me.
'I mark time with affection, as my heart beats in my breast.'
Itutuloy...
#LIFE'S SUCKS