Chapter Nineteen - Awakenings
It was almost a mercy a few hours later when the Nurse entered to check Arin's vitals and give her the medication House had prescribed. The Nurse had frowned at Robyn and suggested that perhaps hospitals had visiting times for good reason and it was time both of them got some rest.
Robyn smiled prettily at him which Arin had to admit was certainly a skill given the unflattering nature of the hospital gown and robe her ebony haired friend wore and when that hadn't elicited the response she had wanted begged for another fifteen minutes.
The Nurse frowned again and crossed his arms giving Robyn a had no nonsense look. Only then, reluctantly, had she sighed dramatically and gone back to her own room.
Carefully Arin started a breathing exercise while the nurse clicked his tongue and fussed over the bedsheets and half eaten trays of dinner from them both. Whether it was a mixture of the relentless heat or the quality of the food itself it seemed neither Arin nor Robyn had been very hungry. She lay staring at the Black King chess piece as the man worked.
"You sure there isn't someone we can call for you?" The nurse asked kindly as he rolled the blood pressure cuff startling Arin out of her reprieve. She turned to look at him and blinked stupidly.
"Uhh sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Can you repeat that?" She asked
He gave her a kind smile, a genuine smile, the sort that crinkles at the eyes.
There is a knack to smiling, Arin considered as she watched him. The pulled back baring of teeth or the polite turn at the corners of the mouth are easy enough to fake but the eyes, everyone always forgets that part.
"I was wondering if perhaps there was someone we can call for you. Your friend's parents wanted to stop in earlier when I came on shift but Doctor House had said you weren't to be disturbed while he was in here." His eyes flickered to the abandoned chess set as if he wanted to say something further but he did not comment on it, nearly continued "Visiting hours are over but I thought maybe there was someone you could talk to? The phones there of course but if it's... difficult I'd be happy to call them for you first?"
She searched his features again, he said it in such a way that seemed to indicate he had experienced difficulties telling his parents or guardians about being somewhere they wouldn't expect, maybe the hospital or some small brush with the law in his younger days. He smiled reassuringly at her.
With a slight sigh Arin collected herself as best she could and gave a small shake of her head "Uhh...no. No thank you." She said evenly.
He looked even more concerned and opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off with a shrug and tried to explain concisely "I appreciate your concern. My Grandfather is my only relative and he's out of the country just now. I left a message for him but my phone got broken in the accident so I had to call his private cell because it's the only number I remembered. He doesn't check it very often. Anyone else I called would just result in a panicked reaction that wouldn't change my situation or help it in anyway." She raised her eyebrows as if asking if this information was enough to put his concerns to bed.
"I see." He said carefully as if he didn't exactly but recognised the line of questioning was not going to go anywhere. He busied himself making a note of her vitals on her chart. Finished he clicked his pen and pocketed it "Well if you do decide you need anything I'm Nurse Kimura but you can call me David. I'll be on duty tonight so just give a buzz any time and if you do decide to make a call the phone is right there." He smiled again and replaced the chart on the foot of the bed before leaving the room.
Arin watched him go and when the door slid shut released the breath she had been holding. She flopped back into her pillows and stared at the ceiling tiles. She was beginning to know the holes in them by heart. Minutes passed, the silence punctured only by the now familiar sounds of the equipment and the hospital backdrop.
The ceiling tiles acted as a plain canvas for her thoughts. As she lay there, her mind started to wander, contemplating the unfortunate and frankly random series of events that led her to this point. The morning of the incident at the mall She had been dreaming about the night her parents had died. It was an old dream and happened from time to time but try as she might she couldn't remember the details. Not exactly, more like emotions and impressions of things. It was understandable she reasoned that a small part of her could remember what had happened that night, but she had only been four...if she really strained, conscious as she was, the overwhelming sense of fear was all that she could really muster. Fear that was deep rooted and bordered on abject terror. That was it. Despite this it was as if her subconscious mind leaked small portions of memory out during the REM stages of sleep as a sort of pressure release and then wrapped it all up tight again. Would it do the same for these events when this was all over she wondered?
She sighed, she should have known the day wasn't going to go well after that dream, it never did. But no way in the seven universes could she have imagined it would go so far array. Unbidden, the image of Robyn floating face down in the water crossed her mind. It was a sort of ethereal moment that would have been well placed in a horror movie. She shuddered, feeling cold and shook her head as if to clear it, like an etch-sketch.
How could it have gone so weirdly in the wrong direction? The trip to the mall had started out fairly standard, Robyn trying on three different outfits, making her change her clothes into something 'more fashionable' before they went. Zen grinning at them both and holding her hand as they traipsed into shop after shop. Not for her of course, though she could always find something to look at in the windows of shops that they passed but "couldn't possibly be seen dead in" such as the non clothes shops, the ones with CDs, music, games, books especially. Zen knowing when the endless amount of fashion was getting too much for Arin to cope with and leading them all to get refreshments as respite. That was how it went. That was the mall routine.
Hanging out with them, being with them both like that, good and bad aspects of it all was her safe space. The easy to be place where she wasn't judged, where she didn't need to think, just comfortably exist. That's what she wanted. Besides... they had been having fun before it all went wrong...hadn't they? A strange empty feeling gnawed at her chest. She plucked at the blanket over her as if the action could serve as a physical manifestation of her frustration and willed the feeling to go away. She turned away from the ceiling and watched the forming clouds glide through the royal blue sky through the window. The moon's glowed softly bathing the silent clouds in its embrace. A moon-bow was forming. Watching the world outside offered some solace from her thoughts momentarily, a gentle reminder that life continued outside these walls. She watched it until the scant clouds turned into a steely blue and gray fluffy blanket and the sky above them began to disappear. Rain... she thought briefly, looking away.
Her gaze flicked to the empty visitors chair that had been taken up so much the last few days by the enigmatic diagnostician. Gregory House. Strange name for a strange person. He terrified her and yet, despite everything he represented and how annoying he had proven to be there was something about him that had made the time he had spent with her both insufferable but also, strangely compelling.
She actually found herself missing his presence. He had become a constant in the spiral of anxiety and stress that was the hospital. She pondered this and what real conversation with him would be like when she wasn't worried that he was a Doctor. The chess game had absorbed that feeling of panic almost completely and when it was over the Anxiety and fear of her surroundings flooded back but not so much the fear of him...which made no sense. He was unpredictable, unconventional and nothing like she expected, she couldn't anticipate his thoughts or his actions. Apparently she liked that about him, she reasoned. The constant strategising, as if the whole world were some giant game to be played, solved and won called to some part of her. Maybe the same part that spent time looking through medical journals and watching lectures online. Maybe the part of her that clearly was insane?
She wasn't sure but in that thought and in that moment she couldn't help but wonder what he was up to if he wasn't here bothering her. He didn't have any other patients to occupy his time that much she had gathered. So What did House do when he wasn't in the hospital or throwing soda cans over random strangers he had just met? Did he have a family? A partner and kids? Somehow she doubted it. People without families, people on their own, had a way about them that she recognised in him.
She pondered briefly how different the entire episode would have been if she had been Robyn, with her parents and grandparents in attendance. House definitely would be staring down the barrel of a lawsuit that was for certain in such a circumstance.
She puffed air between her cheeks. In truth she probably could have tried harder to contact her Grandfather but really, what was the point? She had learned from experience that often it was easier to deal with things on her own than involve the great man himself. Not that it was likely she would get him anyway but rather some assistant or akward intern only a scant few years older than her that would fall over backwards in an attempt to endear themselves to her grandfather using her as the proxy. Arin sighed again and turned to look at the phone thinking about what the Nurse, David had said. She bit her lip.
She could of course have called the housekeeper, but then again that would only have served to have the woman in more of a flap than she herself was and they weren't that close really. The only thing worse than a suck up would be the employment obliged. Then ultimately she would have called the Grandfather and the assistant or intern whatever would come into play. Double the problem with less of the solution. The last thing Arin wanted was more stress in an already stressed to the max situation. But there was actually one other option...
She sat up, her feet dangling over the side of the bed and reaching over picked up the handset and dialed, she gripped the plastic in both hands and held the phone to her ear as if the weight of the thing was too much for one hand alone. It was late at night here in New Jersey and an hour ahead where they might still be. The answer came by virtue of the fact the call went to voicemail. Now she was trapped if she didn't leave a message then the unknown number would cause alarm bells and then she would lose control of that situation as much as she had this one. The beep that indicated she could leave her message blared in her ear making her physically flinch.
"Uhh. Hi. I mean Hello, Hector," Arin began, exhaustion weighing heavily on her voice, she cleared her throat, "It's me, obviously. I assume you aren't home yet so I hope I'm not disturbing your vacation."
She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts before continuing, "So umm I'm not at home...we were at the mall, Robyn had an accident." Quickly she began to explain. "She's ok,I mean she's not ok, she's fine, she's going to be okay. I hit my head trying to help her, it's not bad so, like, don't panic. Anyway they're keeping her here for observation, me too I guess...that's where we've been for the last 48 hours."
Her grip on the phone tightened, "And yeah, I should have called sooner but my phone's broken, i left a message for Grandfather but I don't think he's checked his personal phone yet." Or even remembered he has one for family use...she thought. She took a deep breath, "I don't know if you'll get this message tonight, but I wanted to let you know what's going on especially if you come home and I'm not back yet."
A hint of vulnerability crept into her voice as the beep sound warned her she was out of time and the message was about to cut out, "I...I'm in way over my head here, I really wish you could just...come get me...I..." whatever she was about to add died on her lips as the message cut out. For a moment she held the phone handset in her hand and listened to the dial tone then gently placed it back on its stand.
A slight weight seemed to have lifted from her in calling someone. David was right it seemed. She settled back into the bed, hoping for a peaceful rest before the morning brought the impending sense of gamblers remorse.
***
Hours later Arin lay tangled in the sheets, her mind unable to find the calm needed for sleep. It seemed almost ironic she mused as she shook the slightly damp material out to try and get comfortable. She could just imagine what House would say if she were exhausted and sleep deprived with dark rings around her eyes come morning. She rolled her stiff shoulders absentmindedly, he would probably decide that it was some symptom of something other than her dislike for the sterile environment and the scratchy hospital gown making it challenging to settle into a comfortable position and just turn off.
Glancing towards the semi open door, she noticed the soft glow of the corridor lights casting gentle shadows on the walls. The rhythmic beeping of the machines both in her room and those she could hear close by in the quiet space provided an eerie soundtrack to her restless night, further amplifying her sense of isolation. Everyone else seemed to be asleep. Why did it elude her? She felt more in control than the first night and she had managed to get some sleep then.
She considered. Maybe the looming appointment with House in the morning, the sense of anxiety and uncertainty over that, was serving to add to the insomnia. It was a gamble she had played for. But now, as the reality of the impending exam sank in, the stakes felt too high, and she was unsure if she was truly ready to face the consequences.
Another half an hour later and it was clear that unlike the previous night exhaustion was not going to claim her. The sterile environment offered no solace, and her mind, if it would not be allowed to rest, craved stimulation. Was desperate for it, it seemed. Like a desperate thirst.
Again Arin shifted in the uncomfortable hospital gown, the fabric itself wasn't bad per say it just wasn't what she felt comfortable in. She rolled and stretched. Now on her side her eyes landed on a folded wad of paper resting on the floor beside the bedside table. Curiosity piqued, she pushed up onto her elbow and reached down for it and unfolding it revealed an article on local immunotherapy. Confusion washed over her – why would this be here? Did House leave it on purpose? She sat up further, half remembering that Robyn had picked it up from under the chair and promptly dropped it as if it were poisonous. House must have left it by accident when he had collected the pile of papers he had been reading when she woke up.
The words from the abstract danced before her tired eyes, and despite herself within moments she found herself drawn into the world of potential treatments as the researchers outlined their method and conclusions, it was well written and fairly compelling. As she read, Arin's initial annoyance transformed into fascination. The article delved into the intricacies of local immunotherapy as a potential treatment option for allergies and asthma associated symptoms. Basically targeting specific areas of the body's immune response with local sources that shared some of the allergens associated with the symptoms themselves. Like the old wives tale that a teaspoon of local honey every day would desensitise you to pollen and hayfever symptoms. It seemed nonsense yet the article argued that just as allergies could develop from long exposure to certain things so could, in turn, treatment.
Settling back into the pillows she continued reading. Much of it, especially the intricacies of the medicine behind the discussion, was way above her understanding but she followed along as best she could. Maybe she would ask House about it in the morning.
Fully intending to put it on the cabinet beside her and try again for sleep she reached for a drink of water as she finished the paragraph she was on. Her eyebrows pulled down into a frown, the article was now passionately linking lowered immune responses as a symptom of an allergic response causing fever and in some cases white blood cell count changes. That seemed strangely familiar. Absently she slid the water glass onto the table and continued reading.
She didn't have any allergies, yet as she considered a lot of her symptoms did seem to link together as the researchers suggested would be seen if their theory was correct. Lowering the article and allowing it to drop onto the blanket on top of her knees Arin stared at a spot of moonlight on the wall. Just as she had when she had played chess with House hours before she began processing the events that had led to this moment. Replaying them in her head over and over like they were parts of a persistent puzzle piece waiting to be solved but try as she might the final solution just wasn't there.
She rolled the article and clenched it as she considered what to do. There was something missing...something obvious that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She made a noise of frustration. Now what? she could sit here and make herself more and more annoyed or, an idea formed. If she were awake anyway and couldn't sleep she could take a walk. A short one where she maybe happened to retrace her steps to see if it jigged anything loose in her minds eye.
With the article still in hand, Arin carefully slipped out of bed and reaching up her made sure the gown was well secured. The hand not holding the article she closed around the mental pole of her IV stand and careful of the tubing gave it an experimental push. It moved silently along the floor at her bidding. Perfect. Quietly bringing it with her she walked to the door and poked her head out into the corridor.
The space was deserted except for some staff quietly moving like ghosts here and there. None paid her any heed however, so emboldened by this and partly not willing to stay still much longer lest they did notice her she moved away towards the elevator bank. The soft padding of her footsteps barely made a sound, the IV stand gliding along the linoleum like a hot knife through butter.
Arin felt her heart rate increase as she jabbed hurriedly at the call button and waited. What would happen if one of the staff noticed her? She wondered she wasn't exactly sure what the rules were about being out of bed but House hadn't seemed happy last time that much was certain. What would the night shift people do if they decided that she wasn't supposed to be there? Would they tell her off? March her back to bed? She wasn't exactly sure what time it was she realised, casting around for a clock, but it must have been really late by that point as it had been getting on when she had called Hector. She doubted somehow patients were permitted to wander freely at night.
The elevator binged obscenely loud causing Arin to jump despite the fact she had been watching the numbers change as the carriage moved towards her call. She took a breath to calm herself as the door opened and quickly she darted inside. Her hand hovered over the button for the ER back to where this all started but then she hesitated that wasn't exactly accurate was it? It had started somewhere else technically. She pressed a different button instead and followed the faint memory of the previous day's search for soda, eventually arriving at the vending machines where she had first met House.