The Ssssmokin' Hero: Deku!

Od GinsengKalbern

37.4K 830 817

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! It's a green haired nutcase with the power of CARTOON LOGIC! Prepare for gag... Více

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter... something
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10

U.A : The Bing.com of Heroics (In a Good Way)

554 24 10
Od GinsengKalbern


It was another day in the illustrious school of UA, where things were now cooling down after the first few days of the semester...or was it a week? Sometimes its a bit jarring to suddenly forget how long ago it happens when so many things happen in such a short time. Perhaps that is the reason why Izuku tends to lose track of time often.

Or maybe its better to remember the events that happen rather than the dates that are associated with them. Time is nothing more than a construct after all. Or was that common sense? Maybe that one.

Regardless, if any one has learn anything about the Green Menace it is that seven times out of a quadrant of fish it is possible that he might forget one or the other. Either that or he actively ignores it as if it was neural SPAM. Whatever the case, it seems that today it's the time as lunch has already started and there is no sign of him anywhere. Meanwhile Mei and Mirio are having a friendly discussion at the lunch table.

"What the hell do you mean you would trap it with an electrified net over a fountain!? Since when do you have the time to set up a trap like that? Actually no, forget that! How the hell would you even have one on you in the first place!?"

"Wow, you might actually have a problem with your quirk if it goes through your skull instead of into it! You know I always have several of my babies with me at any time for emergencies! And what about you, mister 'phase-into-every-wall'? Your solution was just to literally stay in the kitchen freezer until dawn. Can you even handle the cold all night?"

"Well yeah, because while you have to actively move around and NOT get slammed into oblivion like a makeshift bongo drum, I can just stay there and wait till they get to me! They're cold-blooded, remember? As soon as the feel even a bit of a chill, they immediately start to lose momentum! That all the job done with the least amount of effort!"

"But there are thirty of them. THIRTY of THEM! Do you really think you'll have enough time to even find a freezer before they find you?"

"Of course! Malls are always filled with food stores, and what do they all have? Freezers! I don't have to waste much time to find one."

"Well I hope you find a way to get out of there, because if that door closes on you, you might as well let those things bite you in the ass and call it a day!"

This discussion has caused a bit of commotion with the other students, but decided to ignore it soon afterwards. Meanwhile a few of the girls from 1-A are having a conversation nearby.

"I don't know about you guys, but I get the feeling that today is going to be weird." says Asui.

"What do you mean?", asks Toru, who is eating her homemade bento.

"Well first Izuku gets called to the principals office, then Aizawa-sensei, then we just spend the entire morning class doing whatever. Then when we go to lunch, and we see the entire 1B class who are looking absolutely awful."

"Oh yeah! I was wondering about that. Did you ask them what happened?"

"I tried, but it seems like they were even too tired to even talk. Guess today's heroics class is going to be excruciating, ribbit."

"Ugh! I hope they're at least fun like the apprehensive exams, I don't want to do any long lectures about 'how to properly behave when confronted with the press'" says Mina anxiously.

"It won't be fun as it will be more... interesting I guess, ribbit."

"Yeesh that bad? You're sure they didn't just spar or something?" asks Jiro, who up until now had just been listening.

"Again, I wasn't able to ask but they were really out of it. As a matter of fact, one of them was even breathing very heavily. Almost like she would pass out at any moment."

"Who was it?"

"It was the girl with the vines for hair. I think her name is Ibara Sho-something, I can't remember right now."

"Damn, wonder what's going on to make her stress out so badly..."

As lunch was nearing its end, they figured it was best to put it out of their mind for now and went back to the two idiots who were still continuing with their argument.

"Ok I've just about had it with this idiocy! MIRIO! Why the FUCK would you choose BLACK MAMBAS over A GORRILA! IT DOSEN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

"I've already told you many times why, dammit! WHAT ABOUT YOU! Are you so MONKEY BRAINED that you can't see anything past just throwing hands WITH A GORRILA!"

"You tell me, albino! How about you put them opposable thumbs to use RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"

"My quirk is not even monkey related, you FUCKING TOASTER-LICKER! For a smart gremlin you're acting a little SMOOTHBRAINED RIGHT NOW!"

"OH REALLY!? WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK THEN!"

Mei quickly gets up and headbutts him on the nose, before diving from across the table. The last five minutes were then spent on the girls trying to pry the two off each other until a faculty member ended the fight and dragged them to the principals office. They would both have detention for a week, doing worksheets.

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Meanwhile, in one of the school bathrooms...

Lunch period is always the best time to rest up and refresh before continuing the school day, as many students meet up and have a chat or eat in relative peace. However, for Ibara Shiozaki it is only the few times apart from being at home where she could fully give thanks to her lord and savior. Occupying one of the stalls in the girls restroom, Ibara uttered her utmost thanks and worship to whom she dedicated her whole life and being to.

Born into a religious family, she was quick to join many others of her congregation. Like a fish to water, she became involved in the many ceremonies and activities of the church, by which she soon gained the respect of many of her lord's flock. While this sense of accomplishment and pride overtook her in a way she could not describe, it was not the reason why she continued her due diligence.

Not because it would give her prominence, but because she would soon be involved in her Lord's great plan. A plan to lay the foundation of which his divine being would build his new world order. A new world, where his children would roam in a life of complete freedom and fulfillment, where they can spend the rest of their days living the life in his example.

A new world where mayhem, chaos and the law of entropy would soon reign supreme over the folly of stagnation and order. A new world, with her at the forefront of its creation, where she would bring the Vessel of Loki to their temple and prepare for his arrival

When she was told by the high priestess that she would take on this daunting task, her heart soared with righteous vigor. Oh how wonderful to be given such a monumental task! Oh what joy! To think that she would be one to bear the responsibility!

BLAM!-She bursts out of the stalls and almost trips towards the sink. Her hands clenched harshly on the bathroom counter, trying in vain to control herself. Oh, but she was overwhelmed! Too Happy! Too Excited! So full of emotions that she just might... she just might... !

"BLEEEEAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!"

Now there's vomit on her blouse already, mom's spagettii.

While she was busy clearing her stomach of any leftovers of her lunch, she failed to hear someone else walk into the bathroom.

"Alright! Why do I hear coughing? You better not be smoking unless I get a-huh? Oh shit!" exclaimed Inko as she quickly rushes over to Ibara, handing her a hankercheif.

"*cough cough!* Th-thank*burp!*...thank you Midoriya-Sensei."

"No problem, sweetie. Was todays' hero training a bit much for you? I can adjust the regiment a bit if you have any issues."

"No! I-I mean, uh, I must have, uh, eaten something bad during lunch, yeah..."

"Really? I thought Lunch-Rush was supposed to be a good cook. You sure that was it?" asked Inko a bit skeptically.

Shit! "W-well I brought a homemade bento today! Made it myself too! Must've, uh, gotten the wrong ingredients...or...something." Please believe it, please believe it, PLEASE BELIEVE IT!

"*sigh* Well either way please head on over to the infirmary an let recovery girl know. Don't worry about class either, I'll let your teacher know."

"Yes! I'll be on my way now! Th-thank you ma'am!"

Ibara quickly rushed out of the bathroom, her face red of embarrassment. Inko proceeded to freshen up at the sink, trying REALLY hard not to look at the vomit next to her.

"That poor girl. Must have gotten cold feet during the exercise..."

When Inko was offered the job at UA she was at first very suspicious about the whole thing, since the principal knew more than he let on in regards to her identity. Even when he revealed the fact to her, she wanted nothing more than to personally snap his snout shut permanently.

Then she realized that it would have been a bad thing to kill the principal of a hero school within the vicinity of some of the most experienced heroes in all of Japan. Still, she had to make sure that she was still under control. That is until she was told that her husband was the one that was snooping around.

While she loves him dearly with all her heart, she sometimes has to wonder how he comes up with the most idiotic ideas. Flooding their emails with applications? Getting a doctor to recreate Frankenstein's monster with a quirk? Abducting a fucking kid to be his supposed 'successor'?!

Okay that last one might be for the best. When he told her about what was going on with the kid's family, she was absolutely appalled. Good god, how bad is it that a kid is actually MORE comfortable with a high-rank villain than with his own flesh and blood. Its a good thing they decided to 'unofficially' adopt the kid.

It would be nice to have everyone live under the same apartment, but with Hisashi (Aka All for One) travelling most of the time and Tomura wanting to continue the legacy they had to settle with seeing each other only a few weeks at best. Thankfully they make the most out of it when they visit.

Speaking of visiting, it appears that the visit this morning actually bore some fruit as she was happy to see that her son was no longer with 1-A... more or less that is.

You see, while it is possible to transfer him to the business course it would have to be until the next semester, meaning that he would have to stay within the hero course till then. Inko demanded that he doesn't, threatening to take him out of the school altogether. It wasn't that part that was threatening, but the fact at how ALL FOR ONE would react if Nezu didn't give into her demands. Instead, they made a compromise.

Izuku would still attend with 1-A, but as a 'teacher's aide' for heroics, and since Inko herself is a teacher, she gets to decide how to teach. Namely, just taking the leash off and letting him go to town and/or fighting them herself.

Is it cheap? Yes. Would this be considered a grossly abuse of power? Definitely. Will they learn something from this? They will if she has to beat every lesson into them.

As a matter of fact, it is now 1-A's turn to receive a lesson. After finishing up at the sink, she quickly calls for a janitor before heading out to her classroom.

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BAM!

"ITS MEEE! COMING TROUGH LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!", yells All-Might as he bursts through the classroom door startling the class. From there the classroom bursts into a wave of excitement and awe at the number one hero.

"Holy crap it's him!"

"That's his silver age costume! I can't believe it!"

"So manly! Can you tell us your workout routine!?" asks Kirishima

"NOT RIGHT NOW, YOUNG KIRISHIMA! I HAVE A CLASS TO TEACH!"

All-Might then takes out a card with the word battle written on it, "I KNOW YOU ARE ALL ANXIOUS TO GET THINGS MOVING FOR A WHILE, SO TODAY WE ARE GOING TO DO SOME HANDS-ON ACTIVITIES! THIS WILL HELP FORGE THE FOUNDATION FOR YOUR FUTURE, AND TO HONE YOUR SKILLS TO BECOME EXCELLENT HEROES! NOT TO MENTION!.."

Several cases emerge from the wall, further hyping up the students.

"WE HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF GETTING THE GEAR YOU REQUESTED FOR THIS CLASS, AND ONE ALWAYS TAKES TIME TO MAINTAIN A GOOD IMAGE, BUT ENOUGH TALK! GO GRAB YOUR CASES AND LET'S GET READY TO-"

CRASH!

"WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP FOR ONE GODDAMN MINTUE!? I CAN HEAR YOU FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BUILDING!"

As fast as the students enthusiasm rose, it dies just as quickly as a woman's scream vibrates through the classroom. The next few seconds are met with dead silence as the rhythmic sounds of footprints soon reach the classroom. As All-Might forgot to close the door, the entire class sees a green-haired woman in what appears to be light tactical clothing standing in the doorway, with her arms behind her back.

She gives a once over to the classroom with a serious expression, putting the whole class on edge as they have no idea who this woman is nor her business here.

They start to become more anxious as Bakugou begins to shiver with fright. Then they begin to outright PANIC internally when ALL-MIGHT begins to shiver in nervousness.

Whatever the case, the woman ignores it as she smoothly walks to the desk. As she faces the class, the students pay attention as they listen intently to her introduction-only to jump in fright as she suddenly slams an object onto the desk itself. Looking closer at it, it turns out to be a stopwatch.

"I've heard from Aizawa-Sensei that this class has an issue with wasting their time. While I could care less on this whole 'Heroics' class, I will agree to the fact that losing precious seconds is the difference between life and death. There is plenty of time to bask in your victories, but there is almost never enough time to learn from your defeats. My name is Inko Midoriya, and I will be your combat instructor. Before we begin today's lesson, I will say this now; you WILL be suffering many defeats, and as you are you WILL NOT be ready by the end of the school year."

The class stares at their new teacher in shock, reeling from the fact that she just admitted such a statement to them. Even All-Might is wondering what the hell is the woman thinking, but wisely chooses not to interrupt.

"I don't care if you are a beginner, I don't care if you have fighting experience, I don't care if you had been taught by a licensed pro hero. Villains WILL NOT go easy on you, they WILL NOT be fair under any circumstance, and tutelage from a Pro Hero is useless if they decide the best course of action is to just PUNCH them an hope for the best. Before you can even THINK of using your quirks of anyway, I will teach you how to FIGHT."

She picks up the stopwatch again and switches it to timer mode. "When we get to Gym Gamma, you will all have 15 minutes to get yourselves dressed and ready to go, so there will be no talking nor messing around...Get to it!"

The class immediately picks up their cases and bolt out the door, making sure not to make her anymore angry than what she appears to be. All-Might for his part looks at Inko, a blend of anxiousness and exasperation gracing his face.

" Mrs. Midoriya, is it really necessary for that kind of method? You know they are heroes, not soldiers. First-years no less!" he asks.

Inko looks back at him deadpan, "Like you have a right to ask me that. Do you even have any teaching experience?"

"W-well not really, but-"

"Then please let me take care of this, just for today. I know they have you to teach heroics as well, but I want to make sure that get to learn something."

"Okay, now you're just just being mean! Just because I have no teaching experience doesn't mean that I don't have anything to teach them."

"Yes, but they just barely starting to get to the nitty-gritty of things, and I want to make sure that I know what I'm dealing with before anything else."

"What was wrong with my teaching plan for today then? That's exactly what I was going for!"

"Putting children into a cheesy Hero-Villain scenario with them beating the crap out of each other for several minutes does not count for a good idea, All-Might."

"Neither does having you systematically doing the same to them!"

"Yes it does, and you want to know why?...", Inko asks as she makes her way towards the door.

"..."

She looks back with a VERY wide grin.

" ...because before they can learn how to win, I have to teach them what it means to lose...", she replies before heading out to Ground Beta.

All-Might could only sigh in defeat as he trudges alongside her. He knows how she can keep Izuku in check, but he can't help but feel sorry for the students. The only thing he can hope for at this point is to make sure she doesn't go overboard. Which he'll probably fail at soon, if her temper is anything to go by.

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The entire class of 1-A are currently waiting in Gym Gamma, all dressed in their costumes in idle conversations until their teacher arrived. Even then, the atmosphere is more tense due to their first impression with Mrs. Midoriya. Few in particular are still anxious about what the lesson will be about, given the teachers' short speech.

"Man, Midoriya-sensei really is terrifying, isn't she?" asked Sero

"She is! She might be a gorgeous woman, but that look! I thought I was going to get a heart attack!" replied Kaminari

"Gentlemen!"

Both of them looked at Iida "We are not here to ogle the female teachers here, we are here to learn from them! She might be intimidating but she is hear to teach us the ways to defend ourselves."

Mineta butted into the conversation "Speak for yourself! Did you not see her ample chest? Her slender legs? I wouldn't mind being dominated by such a-"

THWACK! Bakugo drove is fist down his head, quickly shutting him up.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP BALL HANDLER, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW YOUR DAMN FANTASISES!", He yells quickly getting the class attention.

"Hey Bakubro, what do you think we'll be doing today?" Asks Kirishima

"HOW THE FUCK SHOUDL I KNOW!?"

"Well you know Izuku right? That means you know Midoriya-Sensei too!"

"IM NOT HIS FRIEND DAMMIT!"

"Then how the hell you know about Izuku then?"

Bakugo gave him a harsh glare, "Like I'd fucking tell you, Rocky!"

"Well if you're not gonna spill anything, then I might as well do."

The boys as well as the rest of class 1-A turned their attention to Jiro.

"You fucking better not e-!"

"Either I say it or I get Midoriya-sensei to do it.", well that shut him up quickly.

"Okay, so what's the deal with those two? I know they got some sort of history going on, but that's about it.", says Kaminari.

Jiro took a deep breath and began to explain.

"So essentially their 'rivalry' began right when they got their quirks at the age of four. They got into a disagreement over whos was better, and it got out of hand. Next thing you know, the entire playground and the area around it was trashed."

"But that can't be it right? There has to be more than just one fight.", asks Asui.

"You're right, and there was more than one. As a matter of fact, there is a whole catalog about all the 'incidents' that took place there from then to now. The locals started calling it 'The Musutafu Misadventures', but it's also referred to as just 'The Incidents'"

"Good Lord! So much delinquency from these two and nobody saw fit to solve the situation?", asks Iida.

"FUCK YOU FOUR-EYES!"

"You would think that, but no.", says Jiro confusing the class.

"What? How? Surely they must have some extensive records within law enforcement or other authorities, even if they aren't arrested right?", asks Yaoyorozu.

"It is because of the strange happenings that occur within their borders." says Tokoyami, now joining into the conversation. They stayed quiet, prompting him to continue.

"For reasons that no one could fathom, strange and mysterious events happen whenever the one called Izuku is involved. Whenever he is around, the area bends to his will regardless of what reality dictates."

"So things just happen... because he makes it happen?", asks Kirishima.

"Such as the darkness surrounds the lone flickering light, so does reality around an anomaly such as Izuku."

From that statement, there were no further inquires. Not that they could anyway, as Inko had finally arrived at the area.

"I apologize for the delay, as there were some last minute changes to our routine.", says Inko as she took her place within the other side of the field and took a stance.

"Now then, BAKUGO!"

He immediately stiffened up in fear when his name was heard, already dreading the upcoming fight. The rest of the class quickly went to the sidelines.

"Do you remember what my quirk is!?"

"T-telekenisis ma'am!"

"What is your quirk then!?"

"I can make explosions ma'am!"

"Then which of us has the stronger quirk!?"

"I have strongest quirk!"

The class cried out in protest over that statement, but was quickly shut down by a glare from Inko.

"Then that is your first mistake, because your quirk is only one part of your overall strength. What is the point of punching if you can't land a hit? What's the point in being fast if all you do is avoid and dodge? More importantly, what's the point of having a quirk if an enemy can quickly learn how to disable and counteract it? I want to make this clear and I want to make sure that all of you remember this; A quirk is only as useful as the individual that wields it. No point in having a quirk if it makes you stagnant."

Inko now faces Bakugo, who immediately grits his teeth in painful anticipation.

BOOOM!

Then pales in horror along with the class as she suddenly throws a punch to the ground, cracking the hard concrete and causing a shockwave.

"Now then Katsuki..." says Inko, a feral grin growing on her face. "Show me how useful you are."

"...*oh fuck*..."

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Hellos Hellos, Kalbern Here!

Now then, before we begin let me just apologize for taking a damn long time to get this chapter out. Bits and pieces were being put in, but for the most part I had to deal with a lot of crap.

Sometime ago around September was the first year without my cousin, who passed away back in 2022. He was younger than me by only a few years, and healthier too (I'm in my 20s and I'm fat so yeah). Nevertheless one morning, without warning I was given the news. That hit me harder than I thought, and when the next year rolled by it hits me again. That mostly took the wind out of my sails for a while.

Also, I've been preparing to move out of my apartment for a while now as rent prices have increased, and to be honest there was nothing else for me where I am now. I will move back to Mexico with my family by the next month, and I will continue writing from there.

I don't know about you, but I feel like I might have done a bit better with this chapter compared to my other ones, but either way I hope its enough to humor you for the while.

Also, to those who have read and reread my stories I'd like to thank you guys very much, as your reviews and comments push me to continue with this project. I appreciate all of you and wish nothing but the best for all of you.

Untill next time folks!

P.S I also been thinking about renaming the names of the previous chapters for that extra oomf, what do you think?

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