Listen to Hard To Sleep by Gracie Abrams while reading this!
Jj's POV:
"You need to stay the fuck away from Lillian," Rafe said. "How am I supposed to do that?" I laughed out. I was so mad at him. He had the privilege of dating Lillian and threw it all away without thinking about it twice.
Lillian was different now, she was always tired and stressed and I couldn't see the flash of passion she always had in her eyes. It's like he just turned her heart off, just like that.
At the same time, I was more than happy they were over, I always knew he was bad for her. Lillian is sweet, and caring and it's like she has the sun inside her body, everything she touches becomes happy and bright, she cures people.
Rafe is the opposite, rude, doesn't give a fuck about anything or anyone and everything he touched becomes angry and unhappy, for example, Lillian.
I on the other hand would never damage Lillian, if she had been with me I would have protected her and saved her from the mess Daniel was, not like Rafe. I deserved her, I wanted her, I loved her for her, not Rafe. And finally, I could have her, we had been getting closer in the past few days, lots of deep talks and comforting each other. I just hoped she saw it in the same way I did.
Rafe didn't answer my question, he just stood in front of me speechless for a few seconds before his fist hit my face with the hardest force I had ever experienced. I felt my blood vessels break as he did that, stumbling on my feet. Soon enough we were back to wrestling and he was getting me, that was before a security guard entered the room.
"Do we have a problem here?" He said loudly. Rafe immediately let go of me. "Pardon me, officer. No, there's not an issue. I just. Actually, yes. No, there is an issue, we have a criminal trespass in progress here. Beep, call it in, right? I'm in violation of all kinds of shit, sir, but this young gentleman," I said, playing with Rafe's tie. "Don't touch my shit." he spat out quickly. "Uh, caught me, sir, and he's about to take me away. And that's what you should do, escort me out of here. You got me." I said, trying to save myself from the situation.
"You know what, I don't get paid enough for this, sort it out," the security guard said leaving the room.
"Get the fuck out Maybank," Rafe said to me. "Yeah don't worry, but if you get a chance do tell Lillian that she was looking extra hot today in that dress, can't wait to see it on my bedroom floor." I said to piss him off.
I hadn't even seen Lillian (even though I knew she looked stunning) but Rafe being the idiot that he was fell for my lie, coming up to me and punching me in the jaw.
Topper's POV:
Dinner had just finished and the dances had started, I went to look for Lillian, we had this tradition of always dancing together at Midsummers since we were kids. I was still so surprised at everything that had happened.
I hated Rafe for doing that to her, and the fact that he cheated on her just as she was starting to heal from Daniel, just thinking about it made me want to kill Rafe. I scanned the yard where the event was being held to find Lillian, but I couldn't find her, what I could find was a concerned Sarah looking around the yard for someone.
I walked over to her, "Hey Sar, " I said. "Hi Top, what's up," she said with a distant tone. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "Rafe," she said and I rolled my eyes. Of fucking course. "What did he do now?" I asked. "I genuinely don't know, it's like they were fighting in code. Can you go to Lillian and check up on her for me? I tried but I think she needs you right now," Sarah said to me. "Of course, where is she?" "Girls' bathroom," Sarah said and I nodded heading there.
Once I was in front of the bathroom I knocked before entering. I heard soft sobs coming from the last stall. "Man entering the girls bathroom," I said just in case Lillian wasn't alone. "Topper, what the fuck," Lillian said. "Hey," I said with a delicate tone. There was a long pause.
"You know don't you," Lillian said to me. "Yeah I do, do you want to open the door so we can talk?" I asked her.
"Nope," she answered fast. "Top I love you but can you leave," Lillian told me. I hesitated doing that but something else came into my mind. I sat down on the opposite side of her stall.
"No Lil, I'm not leaving. I'm sorry, we can sit here in silence or we can talk, you pick," I said and I could hear her sigh. She didn't say anything for a while, but I hoped that the silence was comfortable for her.
"It's just that Rafe," Lillian said before taking a pause. "I put so much on the line to be with him, I almost stopped talking to the pogues because of him like three times. I got kidnapped, I got raped, I got a gun pointed at my head for being in a relationship with him. And the worst part is it's not his fault that all of that happened. I made choices and they led me there and even after all that I still would've given up even more to be with him. I would have given up everything. But he just left it there, he got bored and left, in the worst way possible," Lillian said with a stuffy voice.
"And when that happened, he wasn't even sorry. He just flipped the switch and who he was before came back. Now he's back into drugs, not applying to brown and we're over. It all fell apart. And yet again, I'm still so fucking in love with him, I would still sacrifice everything for him. I care, I wish I didn't but I do." Lillian said, quiet sobs escaping her mouth.
"Can I give you a piece of advice?" I asked her and she murmured a quiet 'yeah'.
"When a person hurts you or makes you feel miserable, loving them is the worst thing you can do to yourself. It hurts so much, it's like being stabbed in the chest a million times. But at the same time deep down you know you love them and that you can't turn that off, that's how love works. But when someone you love hurts you, you have the opportunity to make a decision. Think of the good times and wonder what happened, remaining the same person they can hurt repeatedly, or you can change, grow, and become the best version of yourself, finding someone who will highlight that instead of scribbling over it with a black marker. It will hurt, and again, and again, and again, but one day, it won't. And that day is sooner than you think, even though you can't see light doesn't mean it's dark out. Lillian, you have so much to live for, I love you, Sarah loves you, I hate to say it but the pogues love you, Ethan loves you, your parents love you, basically everyone on the island loves you," I said to her.
"Rafe doesn't though." Lillian said.
Lillian's POV:
"Lillian, I love you, Sarah loves you, I hate to say it but the pogues love you, Ethan loves you, your parents love you, basically everyone on the island loves you," Topper said to me through the stall door.
"Rafe doesn't though," I said.
What Topper said was all true, I had so much to live for, but the fact that Rafe wasn't part of the list made me want to just rip it apart.
"Oh Lil," Topper said softly and I opened the door. I stood up and threw myself into his arms for the longest hug we'd ever shared. I sobbed in his arms thinking back to everything that Rafe had ever told me.
"It's okay, you'll get through this, you always do," Topper whispered. Was I? I don't think I will ever get over Rafe, or what he did to me.
After a while of me collecting myself, settling my makeup, and Topper and I just talking I was finally able to leave the bathroom. "I'm going to find Sarah, Kie, and Pope," I said to Topper. "Ok, but don't forget our dance," he chuckled and I nodded. "Thank you Top, so much," I said to him hugging him. "Of course Lil anytime, remember I got your back no matter what," Topper said to me. Topper left and went to his friends and I started looking for mine.
I heard grunting come from a room, but the voices were similar to my ear. I ran into the room and saw Rafe and Jj beating each other up. Can I ever get a fucking break?
"What the fuck," I yelled. Both of them stopped and turned around to look at me. "Lil I can explain," Jj said to me and I cut him off. "I don't give a shit, come with me Jayi," I said to Jj and he smiled and ran over to me.
Rafe looked at the both of us with an expression I couldn't bother to decode, I needed to stop caring, "Don't ever touch my friends again," I said to Rafe, my voice still collected.
"Let's go," I said to Jj and he followed me to a bench just outside. "Excuse me, could we get a first aid kid please," I asked a waiter who worked at the country club. He nodded and quickly came back to me with one, I thanked him and took it. "Sit," I said to Jj. "I'm sorry Lil," Jj said. "For what?" I said. "For beating up Rafe," Jj said to me. "Who?" "Rafe," "I don't think I know him," I said and Jj smiled. "That's my girl," Jj said, making me chuckle.
"So," I said. "How have you been doing," I said while opening the first aid kit on my lap, careful not to ruin my dress. "Better now, you look beautiful Lil," Jj said and I smiled, "Thank you J," I said to him. I put some of the hydrogen peroxide on a cotton disk, bringing it to his bloody face. He hissed at the stinging pain.
"How are you?" Jj asked me. "I'm ok, excited for this event to be over," I said and Jj laughed. "Are you going to sleep over at the Chateau?" he asked me and I thought about it. It had been ages since I had done that. "Actually yeah, you guys got space?" I asked and Jj smiled. "For you always cupcake, you can have my bed I'll take the couch," he said making me smile at him. Our bodies were turned, one facing the other, I kept cleaning up his wounds softly with the cotton disks. I saw him about to say something but hesitating.
"What?" I asked him. "Nothing," he said. I frowned at him, "Tell me," I said. "I just wanted to tell you that I'll always be there for you, no matter what, even if you killed a person I'm still going to be there for you," Jj said and I laughed at the last part.
"Thanks Jayi that means a lot," I answered.
"No Lil, I mean it. I know you haven't been very happy lately, you don't have to say it but we've noticed. I want you to know that you can talk to me about the hard stuff as well, I get it, I really do," Jj said. "I know J, trust me I do," I said and he looked at me with a 'are you sure' face. "Then do it, tell me what you've got in your head, and I'll listen," Jj said and I thought about it.
"I just want it to feel how it used to, I just want to feel passion and happiness, I want to be able to appreciate the little things like I used to, I want to be able to stop complaining about everything and just get over it," I said to Jj.
"Then do it," Jj said. "What?" "Stop complaining," Jj said. "You literally just told me to tell you how I felt," I said, starting to get pissed. "I know Lil," Jj said and I looked at him with a confused look.
"Close your eyes," he said. "No," I said defensively. He sighed with a small smile on his face and blocked my vision with his hands. "Okay, now what are you thinking about?" Jj asked me. "That your hands are cold," I said and she chuckled, taking his hands off to reveal my already closed eyes.
"Ok, now what are you thinking," Jj said. I stayed silent. "Say it," he said. I sighed, "I don't know Jayi," I said, opening my eyes. "Lil, listen when you're alone even for a second what does your mind always drift to?" Jj asked me. "Rafe," I shrug. "Okay, now think about the things you love," Jj said. "Do they make you think of him?" Jj asked. "Yeah," I said.
"Hear me out here. If I sit here and give you advice, no action will happen. When you're unhappy with your life you have to get your ass up and do something. So let's do this, tomorrow, we're going to have a day when we do everything you love with all the people you love," Jj said and I listened intrigued by his point. "We're going to make new memories to replace the old ones, baby steps," Jj said. "That sounds fun," I said. "I know right, I'm the best," Jj said and I laughed.
"Thank you, Jayi, I don't know what I would do without you," I said meaningfully. "Me too Lil, me too," Jj said, standing up and giving me a hug. I loved Jj, but strictly as a friend.
Rafe's POV:
After Lillian caught Jj and I fighting I just went back to my friends. What Jj said got me so mad I could've punched a wall right then and there, wouldn't be the first time. I needed to do some cocaine but there were people literally everywhere so I had to wait until I got home.
"Yo Kelce," I said. "Hey what's up man," Kelce asked me. "Yeah, yeah not much. Yo, I was wondering if you could help me out with something," I said. "Yeah of course," Kelce said. "Maybank's here, get him kicked out, better if hurt," I said. Kelce grinned. "That's my boy, back to hating pogues I see," Kelce said. "That never stopped," I laughed.
"Rafe," Rose called out, walking towards me. "Yeah?"
"You and Lillian need to dance together, go get her," Rose said. Here we go. This was my last dance with the girl I loved most in the world. The one I lost.
"Ok," I said turning around and going to look for Lillian. I scanned the whole courtyard but couldn't see Lillian so I entered the club to find her but she wasn't there either.
I heard someone chuckle from afar. But it wasn't someone. It was the chuckle I had memorized in the past months, the chuckle I had fallen in love with. Lillian's.
I was able to tell where she was pretty fast. I walked there quietly and saw her. She was hugging Jj, really tight, too tight, tight enough for me to punch the shit out of him again. "I love you Jayi, thank you," she said to him, pulling away from the hug. What the fuck. She loved him. Was it romantic? No, no way. "I love you too Lil," Jj answered, looking deep into her green eyes.
Their eyes held the contact for a pretty long time, both of them smiling and not saying anything. They said something about plans after the event and both took different ways. Were they going on a date? No. She wouldn't move on so quickly. Right? Would she? I followed her and she started dancing with Topper, something they had always done, then with Sarah and Kie.
Once I noticed they were done I tapped her back. She turned around eyeing my face and rolling her eyes. "What do you want?" she said with an annoyed tone.
"We need to dance, Rose's order." I shrug. I wish I could just pick her up and kiss her. She looked so beautiful it hurt. It hurt to look at her, knowing she wasn't mine, knowing that this was the last time she would be in my arms.
"Fucking god," she mumbled. She followed me to the place where everyone was dancing. A slow love song started playing and all the couples started dancing. I took her waist and she placed her arms around my neck, just like she once did.
We were so close yet so far apart.
I took a second to take it all in, her scent, it hadn't changed, the way her body felt draped to mine, the way her warm skin felt on mine. We started moving slowly, I held her tight but not as tight as I wanted to, that was nearly impossible. She was looking at the floor, holding me loose and without any sort of want. Could I blame her?
"Is anything going on with you and Maybank?" I worked up my courage to ask her.
"You lost the right to know," she answered distantly.
"Just fucking tell me Lil," I said hoping she would say no. I didn't know what I would do if she said yes.
"Don't call me that," she snapped.
"I'll call you what I want to," I said.
"Would calling me Lola make you happier? Make you less bored?" she said. Damn, all of this was because of my lies. I kept my mouth shut, I would find out anyway.
"I can walk myself, I've got legs do you see it?" Jj screamed, grabbing everyone's attention. A security guard was kicking him out. Lillian turned around to look at him, a smile immediately entered her lips.
"Lil, Sarah, Kie Pope, it's time to go," Jj yelled and cheered. Kiara and Sarah who were dancing together both ran over to Jj, Pope said a few words to his dad before leaving, with a slightly afraid look on his face and lastly, Lillian jumped out of my arms and ran over to the group.
She jogged over to Jj and jumped in his arms, he picked her up and turned her around the both of them smiling and laughing. My jaw clenched immediately. This was it, Lillian was gone.
Notes from the author:
I'm actually so proud of the Midsummers chapters but I'm not as much for this one so sorry if it was a little boring. This one is a little longer so I hope you guys enjoyed that.
Pls vote and comment what you think about the story, the chapter and lillian and rafe if you feel like it, I LOVE seeing your comments sososo much istg thank youuuu!!!
Love you guys sm! X!