"What's your body count?"
"Is that them?"
"Better to have loved & lost...
Tally the trauma."
I once did.
I am now.
I was burned.
Favor the results of my vow.
Accolades handed out;
For how well we take it.
How well we scored,
Or how we carry the bad bits.
Open and free,
What an interesting recipe.
Self-possession breeding jealousy,
The inevitable sting of inclusivity.
Honesty becoming insecurity.
It's not about a connection,
But your reputation.
My success, stability.
My looks & sanity.
Not loved but mere utility.
It's so hard in this environment,
To decipher what's legitimate.
Are you dating me to boost your status?
Or because you really enjoy us?
I know the answer.
You tell me we're different,
That I need to remain free.
Worried you could sabotage it for me.
Tell me you love me,
As you hold me at arm's length.
Admiring, not harvesting, my strength.