"You fell in love with a storm. Did you really think you would get out unscathed?" Nikita Gill
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XXIII.
Lily could hardly hear the herald as he announced the Season's debutantes into the grand reception hall over the noise that her heart was making. It was not a steady thunder, but an erratic, irregular beat that sounded entirely unhealthy.
By the expression upon Jackie's face, Lily could surmise that her cousin was feeling much the same way. Jackie looked entirely unlike herself. She was always beautiful, of course, but the way that she was dressed was in stark contrast to her regular apparel. Her light blonde hair was swept up in divine twists and braids, all pinned to suit and celebrate the enchanting tiara that sat atop her head. Jackie's green eyes caught Lily's briefly, and it was not an expression of support that she offered, but one that simply said, "What are we doing here?"
Belle had certainly outdone herself with the dresses that both Jackie and Lily were wearing, and both girls were nervously fidgeting with the white gloves that reached past their elbows.
Cecily, on the other hand, might have been the happiest woman to have ever lived on that very evening. She looked twenty years younger and ever so elegant in her own deep emerald gown made for her by Belle. She was tastefully draped in jewels to match and sported her own fabulous tiara.
"There is nothing to be nervous about, girls," Cecily assured them while simultaneously smiling bigger than Lily had ever seen before. Her eyes were simply filled to the brim with pure delight. "We shall enter proudly, and the both of you will curtsey to Her Majesty. Hold your heads high. Your hands will be perhaps the most sought after this Season. The return of the Beresfords to London society will be much talked about, and I certainly have two extraordinary horses in the race."
"Grandmamma, we are not horses," Jackie uttered as the lady in front of them was called upon, and she nervously entered the hall on the arm of her mother.
"You are right," Cecily agreed, before she turned to face both Jackie and Lily. "You are my granddaughters, and don't you ever forget who you are. You are both rare jewels, and brilliant ones at that. I pray you have the experience in the Season that you deserve, and that so many young ladies yearn for. You will command every ballroom you enter and know that you have not a care in the world for what might come out of it. Your fathers have worked hard to secure you dowries that will give you choice ... but choose wisely. Marriages tend to have a habit of lasting decades, and it does not do to realise the merit of one's partner on their deathbed."
"I fear I shall never command a ballroom, Grandmamma. A printing room, perhaps, but a ballroom?" Jackie murmured nervously.
"And that is where Grandmamma comes in, dear one. Watch and learn, and soon enough your tongue will whip your opponents just as well as mine does."
Lily trembled as her grandmother took her arm once more, collecting Jackie's as well. As she stepped forward to be next introduced to the queen, and to society, she truly felt Callan slip through her fingers.
In reality, Lily knew that he, and any prospects of him, were already gone. But it was at this moment that Lily Bennett truly vanished, and Lady Cecily Beresford materialised.
And just as Lily had never been called 'Cecily' in her life, she had never felt like more of an imposter then she did right at that moment, and the hypocrisy of that realisation was not lost on her.
"Presenting Lady Cecily Beresford, daughter of the Duke of Ashwood, and Miss Jacqueline Beresford, daughter of Lord Jack Beresford, escorted by the Dowager Duchess of Ashwood."
***
The opening ball of the Season was a glittering extravaganza of diamonds and flowers and music and compliments. Lily had already quite forgotten the name of the host, but not five minutes after being greeted by them, Lily's dance card had already been written upon four times.
She wasn't allowed to refuse a dance. Unless she was genuinely incapacitated or otherwise engaged, one simply could not turn down a partner.
Jackie, likewise, was inundated with suitors who seized her dance card mere seconds after having been introduced.
Lily felt much like a fox in a room filled with hunters and she had nowhere to run. Of course, she knew exactly where she wanted to run, but it was no place for a fox. Not anymore.
"My Lady Cecily, how do you do this fine evening?"
Lily heard her name, her society name spoken behind her by a familiar voice. She was still on the arm of her grandmother, and was closely followed by her parents, and the entire party turned around.
Joe stood behind them dressed immaculate in a dark coat adorned with gold buttons. His breeches were ivory, and he appeared to have recently had his hair cut. And if Lily had not known that Joe had only recently returned to Ashwood, then she would have truly believed that man standing before her was her brother-in-law.
How was it that Lily could tell the twins apart so easily? Lily certainly could not, and it was only on fact alone that she could smile, and say, "Ed, I didn't know you were coming to London for the Season."
"How are you this evening, Your Graces?" Ed greeted Adam, Grace, and Cecily with a bow of his head, before giving them all a warm and familiar smile.
"Well, thank you, Ed. Like Lily remarked, I had not realised you were joining the festivities," Adam commented.
"I enjoy a party every now and then," replied Ed. "It takes me back to my university days."
"Are you on the hunt, Lord Evesham?" Cecily queried. "There are many fine ladies here. I am certain any one of them would make a suitable match."
Ed laughed, a little awkwardly, Lily observed.
"You are not wrong about the delightful company, Your Grace," Ed agreed, "but I think I am resigned to simply dancing."
"Please do inform me if you change your mind," Cecily demanded. "I have quite the authority on some of the Season's most sought after candidates ... besides my own precious ones."
"I do not doubt it, Your Grace," Ed replied tactfully. "May I have the next dance, my lady?"
It took Lily a long moment to realise that Ed was speaking to her. She fumbled with the dance card attached her to wrist, unsure of which dances had already been claimed. But in seeing the gap for the next, Lily nodded.
It was probably because her brother-in-law was very much not a suitor for Lily that Adam gladly released her, and Cecily reluctantly released her.
The moment that Ed had Lily on his arm and was leading her towards the dance floor where the couples were assembling to begin the next dance, he murmured, "I am sorry that this has happened to you."
For a moment, Lily was quite certain that she had misheard Ed, because what she thought he had said made no sense at all. "I beg your pardon?" she asked.
"I know that face you are making very intimately," Ed replied quietly, and yet tenderly.
"What face?" Lily was very aware that many of the guests inside that ballroom were watching her.
Ed was the first man she had chosen to stand up with, and this would certainly be a talking point in the drawing rooms of London tomorrow morning. It seemed that everything she would do would cause talk, and the very notion was horrid.
"You love someone, and yet you cannot be with him. Why?" Ed inquired rather boldly, and yet his voice could be heard by no one but Lily.
Lily's eyes flared. Considering she had worn a mask for the first part of the year as Lily Bennett, she was performing very poorly in that moment at pretending to be a serene and demure young lady. "How could you possibly know that?" she hissed.
"Would your grandmother disapprove?" Ed pondered. "I don't see how there could be much opposition if your father thought you were truly happy. You are blessed there beyond reason, I hope you know."
Lily did her best to control her contorting facial expressions as she took her place in the dance sequence. She stood opposite Ed, who, to his credit, seemed to genuinely be trying to show his compassion.
But to Lily's credit, she somehow managed to remember the sequence in which she needed to move throughout the dance, and, by some miracle, her dancing did at least appear graceful and elegant and on par with the other ladies dancing.
She was already going to be spoken about the following day. Lily wanted to limit the topics of conversation. Though, she certainly did not want anyone speaking about the ghost of Callan McCarthy on her face. It was bad enough that she had to live with it, let alone have people gossip about a failed attempt at love.
When Ed re-joined Lily at the conclusion of the dance, he smiled sadly at her. "I apologise for the frankness of my question, but I feel for you keenly. I know what it is like, and when I saw it on your face, I felt compelled to offer you my sympathies from someone who really understands."
Lily refused to confirm anything, but she could not stem her curiosity as she asked, "What of your experience?"
Ed pressed his lips together before he sighed, and said, "I have some knowledge on the subject is all. I hope you do not begrudge my intrusion, but we are brother and sister, are we not? I would think Joe would want to lop off one of my ears if he knew I'd sensed something was amiss and did not say anything."
While meant to be compassionate, such a comment, and a visual, made Lily laugh, and it felt so good to laugh. But to the onlookers, the Lord Evesham dancing with and subsequently delighting Lady Cecily Beresford was cause for several whispers, and out of the corner of her eye, Lily could see that there were gentlemen waiting with acquaintances of her parents and grandmother so that they could be introduced.
Lily covered her moth with her gloved hand before Ed's sentiments settled upon her. He had seen it on her face because it was there. Lily was mourning something had never happened. She was mourning something that could never happen because of her own choices.
A very painful thought entered her mind at that very moment. What if she had never masqueraded as Lily Bennett in the first place and she had met Callan through her father's business with him? Would it all have been different?
"Does it ever pass?" she whispered to Ed.
"Only if you want it to," Ed replied in a tone as equally low.
Lily could see Ed's experience in his dark eyes, and she wondered who the lady had been. She clearly was not far from his mind, which would explain why he was not in search of a bride on this night. What prevented them, she wondered?
Had Ed masqueraded himself as someone else and fooled his lady?
Lily's thoughts were once again disrupted by a voice behind her greeting her with, "Good evening, my lady."
That voice.
Lily had heard that voice before, and upon turning around and being met with the cold, grey eyes of Sir Richard Frogmore, did Lily remember where she knew it from.
----
Hope you enjoyed it! I'm sorry to leave you on such a cliffhanger, except I'm not sorry and I want you to suffer:)
You guys, I need to talk to you because I'm going crazy and I can't talk to anyone else about this so I just need to get this down. I'm like 85% certain bf is going to propose to me at the Taylor Swift concert.
Here's my evidence:
My ultimate dream proposal is to be proposed to during Love Story at a Taylor Swift concert when she sings "He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring". I have showed bf tiktok vidoes of this making comments like "Oh, how gorgeous is this!" without directly saying it.
He had told me "we're going to have an amazing February and he can't wait to spend it with me" --- WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT FEBRUARY HUH? I'M ONTO YOU!
I have sent him the link to the ring I want AGES ago, and we recently had a conversation where he literally tricked me and told me that he thought that was a wedding ring and he didn't know engagement rings were a thing. I am that gullible yes, but he came clean and told me he was joking after the fact.
He told me he has "a plan".
He told me it's not happening on Valentine's Day (which is fine by me lol)
But my suspicions were really confirmed today when I'm at his house and we're looking for some documents and I went to search in the drawers in his spare room and he FREAKED OUT and did not want me to touch them. He claimed it was because they were "messy" and please, this man makes his bed using hospital corners. I wasn't allowed in the drawers.
Later in the day we're talking about the Taylor Swift concert because I'm still not done making my outfit and we're discussing the surprise songs we want and the songs we're most looking forward to and I'm saying "ATW10MV, My Tears Ricochet, Tolerate It, Long Live ..." and he goes,
"What about Love Story?" WITH THE SLYEST SMILE ON HIS FACE EVER!
MY HEART YOU GUYS MY HEART.
I played it so cool. I should be an actress. I was like, "Oh yeah, I love Love Story, it was the first song of Taylor's I ever heard." Fun fact, before I knew what ADHD hyperfixations were I got hyperfixated on that song and listened to it over 1000 times in a row. I wish I was joking. iTunes used to keep track back in the day.
He thinks he can fool me. He thinks he can surprise me. Now all I want to do is raid his drawers.
But I'll also feel very dumb if I'm picking up crumbs that are totally unrelated hahahahaa.
I'm FREAKING OUT. The next time we speak "bf" might be upgraded to "fiance" in my author's notes. But if he doesn't propose then I'll let him have it for not picking up the hints.
But I'll also have to forgive him because he's beautiful. I was stimming so bad the other day (fellow ND people assemble) and he immediately gives me his hand and tells me to fidget with it. He is the only person in the world I don't have to mask my ADHD in front of and that is so nice.
I am very lucky, but again, if he doesn't read my mind and know that Love Story is where I want it then they'll never find his body :)
Wish me luck you guys, I'm seriously going to go crazy this week. I am so nervous I feel sick and I just want to be excited because Taylor and I will be breathing the same air again this week and it's been 6 long years!!
GAHHHHH Vote and comment!!! xxx