Cally's Pov
I stared at her beautiful face, I never thought i could stare at her face like this. She found peace when she's sleeping, i gently touch her forehead that seems like she's a porcelain perfection, my softened finger went to her lips, I have desire not but to stay with her in this position.
I want to freeze everything and just admire her beautiful face like a greek or norse goddess, her eyes, her mouth, her facial structure. her beautiful white soft skin, i admire it so much, i want to feel it in my hands, fingers, my skin. she's like an angel that given by God, I wanna feel how it feels like to touch a likeness of God's creation.
But i can't do nothing, her eyes couldn't even gaze into mine, her beautiful eyes that holds a lot of heavy feeling, her emotionless eyes that hiding a lot of secret battles on her life, if only I could do anything to took her sadness away from her, I will. I want to wept her tears by my softened fingers, and embrace her in cold by my warm arms.
I remembered what happened lately that almost can lose her from me.
I was walking in the road, to look for her.
"babaeng yun din talaga, bakit kailangang biglaan pang tumakbo" I murmured.
Napakamot ako sa batok, i don't know where to find her, I'm just worrying if she might try to end herself again. ano rin bang pumasok sa utak ko at pinilit ko pang ibigay sakanya ang beer just for our little interaction.
I'm Cally, and yes I'm inlove with that girl who didn't even care about my existence.
I saw her first in our school, we've been classmates since when we're grade seven but took a different sections in the next grades, I don't know if she just forgotten me or she really doesn't know who am i.
It was a third week of class when she transfered unto our school, she entered in our room with a emotionless face, she always wear a headset that made me wonder if is she's good at singing since hindi ko pa napansing sinasabayan nya ang kanta.
It starts with curiosity turns out into interest, I started to ask about her informations, where she lives and I even follow her thru their house to make sure that she came safe.
I noticed that she's so obsessed at studying she's the top one on our room that made my girl classmate hate her which is Dara, because she replaced her into that position, I always keep my eyes on her to make sure that Dara wouldn't do anything bad to her.
One day because of jealousy Dara planned to have a revenge on her for putting her in the top two, but i didn't let that thing happened, after she can do anything i reported that to our Dean to prevent the bad things that will happens to her.
But i thought i really prevented the coming problem on her life, until a fake pictures of her with a edit nudes spread unto our campus, and i witness how she handled with that challenge, I witness how she run unto the comfort room and cried a lot. I thought she couldn't survive of those sorrow, but then, i saw her again trying to stand and wiped her tears alone, which made me fall for her even deeper..
I know she's fighting a silent battles alone, i see it on her eyes, i see how she's exhausted and tired, i wanted to comfort her and cheer but she always didn't allow someone to interrupt her, she never let her guard down, she's always afraid to trust. I wanted to tell her that how strong she is, i wanted to assure her that I'm proud for her, I wanted to tell her that I love her for being she is, I wanted to tell her that having a terrible life isn't the reason to end your self because that's the reason why I love her even harder.
And when the time that I saw her stunned in the middle of the road i was trembling and dither, i went blank, she didn't listened to the repeating horns of cars. It seems like she lost her gist and ready to accept the annihilation of her life.
I dragged her as fast as i can, I didn't meant to said those words to her and I felt guilt when i saw her poor eyes crying, I was just mad because I can't afford of losing her even though she's not mine.
And I never thought that accident will repeat again lately, I repent that i gave her the three beers which is the reason why she's so drunk and couldn't even help herself to move on her site when she languished, I was so scared when I saw the big truck approaching towards her, the people are dither but no one's have a courage to help her, but I did everything and didn't bothered my fear just to save her once again.
I thought i will definitely lose her but thanks God that the truck was stopped. I didn't deliver her to her house and brought in here instead, Because I know how her family treat her, and besides i don't know what to say in her family.
"aghh..." I came back to reality when i heard her moan.
I stood to cook some food for her, baka magising na sya maya-maya.
________
I slowly open my eyes, and noticed that I'm in a room that I'm not familiar with, dahan dahan akong bumangon at napahawak sa ulo dahil masakit ito.
i toured my eyes in the four corners of room, it's wide and comely designed.
I turned to the door when it slowly opened, the man entered while carrying a Bed tray, I frowned. he was the guy who gave me a three beers.
"buti gising kana, you have to eat this to get well." I just stared on him.
"uhm!" he awkwardly fake his cough
"lalamig na yan" he averted his eyes.
"where am i?" i tried to get up but my head sting which is the reason why i stopped and touched it.
"Are you okay?" he ask with a concern of his face
"Isn't it obvious?" he bit his lips
"You're in my room" I frowned, i bit my lips thinking what happened on me, napatingin ako sa lalaki. hindi ko naman siguro to nilandi at hindi naman ako nanghihila ng lalaki kapag lasing.
Mukhang alam nya kung anong nasa utak ko at nag salita na ito.
"You lost cognizance in the middle of the road which is the reason why you almost hit by the truck, that's why I brought you here." he explained
"Since i don't know where you live..." he added, I nodded.
I stood and face him.
"where's my shoes?" I ask
"uh! wait I put it there" binuksan nya ang isang cabinet at kinuha ang sapatos ko mula sa pinaka ilalim.
"here!" he handed my shoes, I took it and started to wear.
"hmm, I think you should atleast eat." I looked up him, he seems a bit shy and uneasy. I stand up.
"My bag?" he took my bag underneath in a drawer and handed it to me. after I received it I walk towards the door.
As i opened the door i heard him yelled "Wait!" I stopped and i turned at him.
"Kumain ka muna nagluto ako ng food" tumingin ako sa pagkain na naka lagay sa Bed tray, para saken pala yun, i look at him.
I smiled "thanks." maikli kung saad at isinara na ang pinto bago lumabas.
Malaki ang bahay nila at bumaba pa ako ng hagdan bago maka labas.
I viewed my timepiece. It's already 10pm in the night and the periphery's already sombre, I'm now walking in the corner of road. At halos ako nalang ang naglalakad dahil wala ng katao tao.
Napaisip ako kung ano ngayon ang sasabihin ko kay Mama, For sure i won't just be scolded, and I'll receive worse than that.
Hindi ko agad naalala ang nangyari kanina, I didn't expect that i almost died again. And for the second I was salvaged of that same person.
I felt guilt when I remembered that I'm being rude on him lately after what he have done into me, Actually I didn't meant it, I just don't know how to deliver my gratitude into him that's why I depart and refused to accept his food instead, I was shy after all.
I remembered what happened lately, I don't know why did I let those thoughts of me to ruled over me again. But there's still have a part of me that favour with that decision, I know that I shouldn't be like this and more on to positive, but a side of me regretting that it didn't happen. what if that truck really hit me? Where am i be now? am i resting now? what if that guy didn't save me? then will everything be alright?
I sigh to stop those thoughts occupy my mind.
I stopped when i noticed that i arrived in front of our gate. I slowly open it trying all not to make any noise, dahil baka tulog na sila Mama.
Dahan kong binuksan ang pinto at sumilip sa maliit na uwang.
The lights are turned off already, I guess they were already sleeping now, i carefully step to enter unto our house. Nakahinga ako ng makapasok ako ng tahimik.
But i thought that relief were triumph.
I shriek when my mom pulled my hair really hard, thought i can escape this misery but i think this is really meant for me. Now i wish that I really got hit of that truck.
I tried to let go of her but she slapped me several times. And as always, the only thing that I can do is to let my tears pour again, I couldn't do anything and get revenge of her because she's still my mother, this is how life is so unfair when it comes to me.
"arghh!" i cried as hard as i can but i covered my face into my pillow to hide those silent screams.
I'm tired! I'm freakin tired! When will it be over? why is the nights always so hard for me? why do I have to cry so much before falling asleep? why do I have to be like this?
I stand up and put the blade in my study table, I cut my wrist again, I cut it a countless times, the blood flow on the floor, my arms are almost brim of
my own blood.
The next i cut is my legs, I let the blade to amputate my veins, i cried so hard because of mixed pain, I covered my mouth for they can't hear me, I hold my breast when it started to congested.
Napakapa ako aparador upang hanapin ang gamot ko, I'm started to breathe heavily, sumandal ako sa pader ng mahawakan ko na ang bottle ng gamot ngunit sa kamalasan ay nahulog ito.
Mabilis akong yumuko upang pulutin ang nagkalat na gamot, it's all dark at nandidilim rin ang paningin ko.
"ahh!" I stand up dahil mas lalo akong nahihilo kapag nakayuko, marahas kong binuksan ang mga drawer para maghanap ng gamot ngunit masyadong madilim, kumapa ako sa mga pader para buksan ang ilaw ngunit hindi ako nag tagumpay.
Bumagsak ako sa sahig dahil sa panghihina ng tuhod, I hold my chest and closed my eyes, Mas lalo ng bumibigat ang pag hinga ko, ramdam ko rin ang pag hina ng tibok ng puso ko.
I opened my eyes when i felt that i touched a small pieces of circle in my hand, right! Isa siguro to sa mga gamot na nalaglag kanina.
I quickly took it and put in my mouth, Kumapit ako sa studay table upang kumuha ng suporta para makatayo, I opened the bottle of I don't what it is, I drank the liquid inside of that bottle, and it's too late when i know that it was a coke.
I can see that the atmosphere seems spinning, I hold my head. What is happening? Bakit parang mas lumalala ang nararamdaman ko? Mas lalo akong nahihilo, i breathe so heavily, ramdam ko ang unti unting pang tigil ng tibok ng puso ko.
I walk towards the bed to rest my body but before i arrive there the next thing happened was i felt my body topple on the cold floor, I tried all not to close my eyes, but my heavy eyelids badly wants to rest.
'The night feels a bit too chilly to suffer, it's time to sleep.'
Itutuloy...
#LIFE'S SUCKS