1226 palabras
Word count: 1226
Perchance
Perchance
Perchance
Perchance
"Heh, I wouldn't wanna be my valentine either. " - Raven Madison
Valentine's Day. The day where love or loneliness was in the air, depending on who you are. For people like RavenMadison, it's definitely loneliness.
Cartman is both. One could say he's a hopeless romantic. The week of Valentine's Day for Cartman brings up a bundle of FAT mixed up emotions, but one thing he knows for sure is that he has a secret romantic interest.
That being none other than his worst enemy, Kyle Broflovski.
Cartman sighed as he walked into school, Valentine's Day is in just a few days, and it's been driving his mcfatty heart crazy!
"Teehehee! I want him!!!" Said the tiny fat cupid flying fuck, pointing at the exotic weed colored hat Jew boy.
"Ughh shut the FREAK up cupid me! I know, we both do, but you better keep yourself in check or I'll kick you in the nuts! Perchance. " Cartman replied annoyed, rolling his shit stained and blue piss orbs.
Cartman took a deep breath and went to meet up with the gang.
"Hey losers, Valentine's day is coming, I bet you all are single haha! " Cartman teased.
Kyle crossed his arms. " Oh shut the flip up Cartman, like anyone would want you either, you have more FAT than love! "
Oh if only you knew Kyle... heh...
The Fatty thought to himself.
"Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Where's your Valentine KAHL? HUH?" Cartman flipped out
Kyle's face became ALMOST as red as his hair, "She's just.. she goes to a different school!"
Cartman's heart DROPPED. He had so many thoughts running through his mind, perchance.
"She? I thought he was gay!
Who the FREAK took my ginger boo from me??
Is she allergic to anything?
Heh, I'd choose some random girl over me too. "
"Dude, you are so lying!" Stan laughed at Kyle, Kyle quickly turned to shoot him a glare, which shut him up.
Cartman was going to get to the bottom of this, perchance.
After school, Cartman not so stealthily followed Kyle home. Not stealthily because he causes hurricanes in Texas, California, and Florida every time he walks. Because he's fucking fat.
"Cartman! What the freak are you doing?" Kyle yelled at him, Cartman tried to hide behind a tree, but there's no tree in the world big enough to hide his fatass.
"Nun' what's up with you?" He asked, leaning on the tree.
"I don't have time to deal with you piggy just leave me alone!" Kyle yelled at him and stormed away
"Curses! Why hath my weight forsaken me once again! I curse thy KFC! Why hath thou made me like this? " Cartman yapped.
He knew he was going to have to find another plan.
Meanwhile, in Kyle's house, he knew he was going to have to find a Valentine.
Kyle was pacing around his room, meowing RAPIDLY. "Freak freak freak! Fatass is onto me! He'll for sure find out I'm a loser with no Valentine! Why can't I be a hot babe like him??"
The truth was, Kyle actually had a big FAT (almost as fat as fatass) CRUSH on Cartman!!
But he didn't want to admit it or admit that he's actually a smol bean cinnamon roll loner....
The next day, the day before Valentine's day, Cartman was EXTREMELY upset. Who could have stole his bookie pookie ginger gem away from him!!!
He was about to FREAK and start throwing shit but then he heard cupid me in his ear!!
"Teeheheehe we have to make them fall OUT of love! It's the only way teheheheh!"
"GAHH!! No!! NO!!WE CAN'T DO THAT! ". Cartman screamed out loud. Suddenly everyone stared at him, Kyle then gave him the FATTEST side eye.
"Sorry guys... 𝓜𝔂 𝓭𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓼...." Cartman said looking like a fucking fat freak.
"Cartman what the hell? Stop acting like a freak...." The green hat gay said to Cartman, puzzled.
Cartman stood flustered and embarrassed," SHUT UP KAHL!! YOU'RE THE FREAK!! After all only a freak would fake having a valentine heh!" He said, deep down he really hoped it was true.
Kyle was filled with shame and rage. "Shut the freak up Cartman!! That's it! No more Mr. Nice guy!! Order up, knuckle sandwich!!!"
Then suddenly before Kyle could beat the fat out of Cartman Cupid Me appeared with a bow and arrow.
"Teeheheehe~"
"NO!!" Cartman yelled and tried to get Cupid Me under control, but to everyone else he looked absolutely fucking delusional.
Again everyone bombastically side eyed Cartman.
"Uh..I-uh..," Cartman couldn't speak, he just cried and ran away home as fast as his fat gyatt could allow him (meaning it took for fucking ever cos he's so morbidly obese).
At home Cartman cried his fat blubbery face into his pillow.
"You should have let me get him tehehehe! He could be all ours!" Cupid Me kept on saying.
"Shut the FREAK up Cupid Me.... I just.... Ugh I don't know what to do! Oh golly gee! Perchance! Perchance!" Fat Tits protested.
"Hmmm" Cupid Me looked at him intently.
"Okay I'll give you a choice, "
Cartman looked up (which took a good 2 minutes with his obese blubber weighing him down)
"You confess to him tomorrow or I will shoot the arrow for you, teeheehe"
Cartman stared annoyed, "What! That's so lame!"
But then Cupid Me vanished. And Cartman knew what he had to do.
The next day, Valentine's day.
Cartman hurriedly went to school early and told Kyle to meet up with him.
"Okay I gyatt this!" He said he was about to shit his pants from the anticipation (and the taco bell he ate) until Kyle finally showed up.
"What do you want Fatty...." Kyle said crossing his petite and fragile smol bean arms.
Cartman took a fat breath.
"Kyle I.... I know you have a valentine...but... I want to let you know that...."
Kyle raised his red eyebrows, and then Cartman finally looked into his green orbs.
"I...." Cartman stopped. He couldn't do it. Kyle already had a valentine, it wasn't worth it. Perchance
"What is it Cartman....?" Kyle asked with a genuine expression on his gay fucking face.
Cartman gave up. He couldn't do it, he's a pussy. Perchance.
"N.... Nothing forget it.... I hope you enjoy your day with.... your valentine... " He sighed and started to walk away.
"WAIT!"
Cartman turned around to Kyle pulling him in for a KISS!!!
Cartman was so shocked he shit his fucking pants!
"K-Kahl...why? I thought you had a valentine--"
"I LIED! I just didn't want to look lonely! I'm sorry Cartman, but I have feelings for you!" His eyes sparkled, in the most gay way possible.
"Kyle... I, I love you too! Perchance! " Cartman said excited that he started to pee his pants as well.
After that Kyle and Cartman spent their gay little Valentine's day being fucking gaywads or something and ate gay chocolate.
Once the day was over Cartman came back home and told Cupid Me the great news.
"I just can't believe that he confessed to me Cupid Me! I thought it was over when I gave up... who would have thought?"
Cupid Me whipped out a devious grin.
"Uhm Cupid Me what's that gay devious look for....?" Cartman said, gayly puzzled.
Cupid Me replied in a giggle.
"Oh nothing.... Just that sometimes a Cupid's arrow is necessary for matchmaking tehehehe"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy Valentine's Day kittens!