WILLOW
I don't know why I'm here.
I should not be here.
I shouldn't have put on my favorite wide-leg jeans, my white sneakers and my favorite black hoodie with a little spider-man mask above my heart. I shouldn't have put on make up, I shouldn't have let Maya do my hair. And I definitely should not have rung the doorbell.
Technically, I didn't. Maya stands next to me with her arm linked with mine and a soft smile on her face. Why isn't she freaking out? I feel my entire body shaking as we stare at the white door.
I'm here, standing in front of the Bennett family's beach house, because of the girl beside me. She had read my conversation with Summer– she took my phone away from my hands when she read Summer's text, inviting me here, and before I could even take my phone away from her– she wrote something and hit send. I am here and it's her fault and she is not freaking out. She's about to meet the people she's been reading about on the internet and fantasizing about knowing and she not even shaking. She's just... there.
I could hear the laughter and loud voices from the inside that immediately stopped when Maya rang the doorbell. My heart skipped too much beats at once– it's not like I haven't hung out with Summer 24 hours ago. It was fun. We had fun– god, we even shared a moment when she almost had a panic attack from the storm. She invited me here. That made us friends, right?
You don't belong in her world, a voice in my head says and I blow out a long breath. I know I don't– that's why I shouldn't be here.
The world doesn't stop just because I want it to because three minutes later a redhead opens the door– a very drunk, very tipsy, very pretty redhead. Aurora Bennett stares at me like we've been best friends forever, showing me her perfect white teeth when she smiles and her eyes flickering with something... amusement? I don't know. She hated me three days ago, Jesus Christ. Her blue eyes land on my best friend next to me and she grins even wider.
"Hello! Hi!" she practically screams at our faces and a smile curves on my lips. Huh. Aurora Bennett is fun when she doesn't hate me. "Willow, hi. Come in, come in." she opens the door and leans against the wall for support, letting us get inside.
A tall man– athletic body, strong muscles, a pretty face with a head full of dark curls and gold eyes appears in front of us, towering over the three of us. I notice Aurora's face lighting up when she looks up at him and I immediately recognize him. Lucas Johnson. The captain of the Vancouver Devils at UBC. Holy shit, he is handsome. Girls from campus were not fucking exaggerating.
"I'm sorry for her," he says, his voice low and raspy but his eyes soften when he looks at the pretty redhead. "She's been drinking way too much. You must be Willow."
My eyes widen when I notice I haven't said anything yet and Summer is nowhere to be seen. I clear my throat. "I– Uh, yes. I'm Willow and this is Maya. Nice to meet you."
He smiles, showing off two dimples on his cheeks. "I'm Lucas. This is Aurora. I'm aware you're Summer's... friend, right?" he tilts his head and I can simply nod, feeling Maya freeze next to me. "You probably know who we are and... before we go in, I just want to ask, both of you, not to share the location of this house. It's the only place we can escape and be free for a few hours. Is that okay with you? Can we trust you?"
Something warms in my chest. Promise me I can trust you. That was the last message I got from Summer and it scared the shit out of me. Not sharing the location of her house because she is famous. Like her whole family and friends are fucking famous. I didn't understand but I said yes. I told her she could trust me because something in my mind said so. I wanted her to trust me and not with just the location of her secret house.
Well, house? This isn't a beach house. This is a whole beach mansion. After we promise Lucas not to say anything, he leads us through the hallway and I stared in awe at the whole house. It was big– so fucking big, like the ones you see in movies. It was filled with pictures, family pictures and friends. I didn't stop to see them but I could recognize Summer and Aurora in most of them.
The marble floor was white with strands of gold, contrasting beautifully with the entire decor. The walls were actually floor-to-ceiling windows with beige curtains, the lighting was nice and bright and the whole house screamed home. It was so full of love– you could practically feel it.
Lucas gave us a small tour, telling us where the kitchen and bathroom were and now he's leading us to the living room, I guess, where I could hear everyone laughing and talking. My heart started pounding in my chest, so fucking hard that I have to tell myself not to have a panic attack right now.
I feel Maya's finger squeeze in my arm and I want to kick her face for being nervous right now. Too fucking late, May! Aurora, who's clinging into Lucas like a koala, smiles and raises a red cup and I haven't noticed she had in her hand. The entire room turns their heads to her– to us and I lock my eyes with her.
Her beautiful hazel eyes find me across the room and she smiles so brightly that makes my chest hurt. Her smile makes me relax a little bit and I find myself smiling at her, too. Summer stands, wobbly legs and I wonder if she's drunk already. She doesn't look like a girl who drinks but once again, I don't know her.
She takes my breath away when I see her. She looks so perfect, so pretty, so... fucking beautiful that I can't look away.
"Everyone, this is Willow James. Summer's friend and this is..." Aurora tilts her head to my friend who hasn't said a word yet.
I open my mouth, suddenly aware that they're waiting for an introduction but it's not my voice who does it.
"Maya. Willow's friend. You're in my class, too." Summer voice is so sweet and pretty I could fall asleep to it. My friend blushes and I fight back my smile. "Thank you for coming, I've been waiting for you." she has?
Summer Bennett blushes at her own words and stands in front of me, her back to us. "Willow, Maya, this is everyone. Everyone, Maya and Willow."
I recognize the blonde and the curly haired girls as Summer's friend– the blonde I've seen a few days ago when she dropped Summer off at my dorm, Mila. That was her name. The other one is Ava, Logan's twin who I assume is the boy who's looking at my friend like a crazy man with a new toy.
Then, I recognize Summer's childhood friends thanks to Maya. Indigo, Violet and Lucas. Everyone– and I mean, everyone! Stands to say hi to us with a hug. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. Hugs me. And my friend.
Summer stays next to me with a soft smile on her face, she looks shy and so adorable I want to hug her.
"Sorry, we're huggers." she whispers next to me and leads me to a seat on one of the white couches. I'm pretty sure this costs more than my institution.
"You'll get used to it," Summer's blonde friend, Mila, says. Her light eyes find mine and she smiles. "It took me years but now I just accept it."
You'll get used to it, as in I'll be here often. I won't. I can't. This is a one time thing, I repeat myself as I slide next to Summer getting intoxicated by her strawberry smell. Why does she always smell so good? God.
"We've been playing Never have I ever," a boy, who's not Lucas, says. He looks exactly like the girl in front of me, Ava. The only difference is their gender which makes me smile– it's kinda creepy.
Logan can't stop staring at my friend and Maya became so shy that I'm afraid she's going to disappear. "Shall we continue?"
"Want to?" Summer leans in with a whisper. She's holding a shot in her hand and I turn my head to find those warm brown eyes on me. "I don't usually drink but," she shrugs. "It's fun."
"I probably shouldn't." I tell her– like we're the only two people in the room. We are not, so I turn around. "I'm driving."
"Oh, you can stay." Lucas places a shot of vodka in my hand and gives one to Maya. "We have enough guest rooms, we're all staying. You two can sleep here."
"But we have classes tomorrow." it's the first thing my best friend says, her cheeks turn red like she just noticed that she wasn't talking.
She brushes her pink hair away from her face and lifts her head with confidence.
Mila chuckles, shaking her head. "It's going to be okay. We're not drinking too much. Some of us are even ready to call it a night." her blue eyes narrow to the only person I know in this room, aside from my best friend. Summer chuckles, melting my heart.
"Some of us don't have to wake up at 5am for–" Summer hesitates. "Training."
"I don't understand why you go running at five a.m. You're already perfect." her sister says, she lays her head on Lucas's shoulder and I wonder if they're dating.
My stomach twists when Summer flinches at her sister's words but she doesn't say anything, instead, the game starts with an easy question.
My nervousness has been replaced by something warm in my chest– I can only focus on Summer's thigh brushing against mine. She looks happy, relaxed and she includes Maya and I like she's been friends with us forever. That helps me relax, too.
This is nice. It feels nice. Too good to be true but I tell myself just to enjoy the little free time that I have and disconnect my mind from my problems–my mom, the bills I have to pay, the showcase. Everything seems to fade away when I'm near Summer and that scares me so fucking much.
"Hey," the brunette whispers next to me– she's barely drinking but I can tell she's tipsy. She gives me a warm smile that makes my lips curve. "Want some cupcakes? We have some in the kitchen."
"From J&J?" I'm not the one asking, Maya leans in to connect her gaze with Summer. Her eyes shining with hope.
Summer nods, brown eyes moving between my friend and I. "Yeah. Lauren's my aunt, Lucas's mom. She made some for us."
"No funny business." Lucas chimes in, raising his red cup. "I promise."
Summer nods in agreement and then, she stands or tries to, anyway. She trips over her own feet, and before I can even think what I'm doing, I'm standing and catching her on my arms, wrapping my hands around her tiny waist and pressing her against my body so she doesn't fall. Her soft hands land on my shoulders for balance and she looks up at me, we're so fucking close– just like last night, when she cried and I held her in my arms. Oh, but this is different. This is so fucking different.
Summer blows out a breath and gives me a soft smile. "Thank you." she whispers, our eye contact never breaking.
I get lost in those warm chocolate eyes for a minute, then I remember we have a lot of eyes on us. I clear my throat, dropping my hands like her body was burning me and she takes a step back. "Uh, yeah. You're welcome." I say, her cheeks are pink– probably from the cold and the alcohol. "Are you okay?"
Summer smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Wanna help me bring some cupcakes?"
I hesitate, looking down at my friend but Maya simply nods at me. "I, uh..." I feel Maya's hand trying to push me forward to Summer and I'm tempted to step on her fingers. "Sure."
"Follow me." the girl starts walking towards the kitchen and I follow her, keeping my eyes on the floor.
My heart pounds hard in my chest and I feel a little bit of anxiety forming on my body. Not now. It's just Summer.
Summer, who's making me feel things I never felt before. Summer, who's so pretty, and delicate, and tiny that makes my stomach hurt. Summer, who's someone that does not belong in my world.
She enters the kitchen and my eyes find the chocolate chip cupcakes I love so much, my stomach growls at the smell. Summer searches for a plate in the white shelves and I take the time to look at the drawings in the refrigerator.
There's one that seems old and like it has been drawn by a toddler, maybe.
I see, what I assume is two adults figure, and two little girls. One of them has red hair and the other brown hair, just like the adults. A lot of hearts surround them and flowers.
My eyes move to the little girl with brown hair– Summer, I assume. I notice how she's not close to the other figures and my heart squeezes in my chest.
"I drew that when I was three." her voice fills the quiet kitchen. Low, sweet, soft, almost like a melody. I feel her getting close to me and stopping when she's in front of the drawing. "I don't remember it but when my moms went looking for my stuff at the home I've been staying, this drawing was with my things." I hear the nostalgia in her voice and I turn my head to look at her side profile. God, she's so pretty.
Summer stares at the drawing with love and I find myself not being able to move my eyes away from her. "I used to feel guilty sometimes, you know? Growing up." she whispers like she's telling me a secret and I just listen. "I lost my parents when I was two because they decided to save me and then I met this incredible family and I wanted to be part of them, instead of wanting my parents. I don't even know their names and... I don't miss them. Does it make me a bad person?"
My heart twists. "You were a baby, Summer. You went through something traumatic at a young age, it's normal that you don't remember them." I find myself whispering, too. "You can't miss someone you never met. Specially if you grew up loved by the amazing family you have."
Summer smiles and blows out a long sigh. "They're pretty amazing." she murmurs softly. "They took one look at me and they decided they loved me. They decided that I was their daughter, no questions asked. My moms weren't even married when they adopted me."
I tilt my head. "Is that even legal?"
Summer's chuckle makes my heart flutter. Her eyes lock with mine and she shrugs. "I have no idea. Money can solve a lot of things."
Yeah, tell me about it. "You're very lucky."
Her eyes soften at my words and she parts her lips, without looking away from me. I could probably count the amount of freckles in her cheeks and nose. What the fuck? No. "I had fun last night." she smiles. "It was... it was nice, hanging out with you. Even if it's for the showcase."
My heart flutters and butterflies explode in my stomach. No, no. It's not butterflies. I smile at her, taking a step back when I realize our proximity. "It was fun," I agree and her eyes shine. "I was surprised when you invited me here tonight. It's not like we're..." friends, I don't dare to say.
The light of her face disappears, her smile falls at the same time my heart does. She probably knew what I was going to say and I want to kick myself for hurting her. Again.
I catch the hurt in those beautiful eyes before she turns around to the marble counter. I part my lips to apologize, but she interrupts me with a chuckle. A fake chuckle. So fucking fake that it hurts. "Yeah, no. I just– we had plans tonight so I thought it'd be better if we practice here, you know." she shrugs, not looking at me. "I have a guitar here. It's my mom's but we can practice a little if you want."
Summer hands me a plate with cupcakes and walks away from me before I can say anything. She leaves me behind with my heart in my hands and a heavy feeling in my chest. I hurt her. We were having a moment and I hurt her, again. This is why I don't belong in her world. Summer is happy, free, loved and I'm broken. I can't bring her down with me. She's the sun and I'm... no one.
I follow the path to the living room again, where everyone is standing– looking drunk and tired. Lucas grabs Aurora and she clings to his waist. He's giving her a piggyback ride but... in front? Aurora hides her face in Lucas's neck without saying anything and he looks at me from across the room. "Summer will walk you to the guest room. Make yourself feel at home, okay? There's food in the fridge, water and everything you need."
I don't say anything– I don't want to stay here, but my friend nods and smiles. "Thank you, Luke." Luke? He's Luke now? I was gone for like five minutes.
Summer gives a cupcake to every single one of her friends and Maya takes one from my plate, moaning after she takes a bite. "God. I love Lauren Johnson so much and I don't even know her."
I roll my eyes. "Can you act like a normal person?"
Her eyes widen. "I am! Everyone here loves her."
"Of course they do, they're family." I whisper.
I place the plate in the coffee table while everyone says goodnight. We've been here for an hour and a half and they've been here for hours, probably. After they all leave, the living room is a mess. Red cups everywhere, four pizza boxes on the floor, beer bottles, vodka, it's a disaster.
Maya seems to notice at the same time I do because she leans in to grab the cups but a voice stops her.
"You don't have to do that," Summer exclaims. "We have a... uh, housekeeper. She's coming in the morning."
Of course they do. "I don't mind." Maya says with a smile. "It's nothing."
"No, come on." the ballerina insists. "Follow me, I'll show you the guest room. There's clean clothes, new toothbrushes and everything you need. Are you guys hungry?"
"No." I say, at the same time my friend says, "Oh my god, Yes."
I narrow my eyes at her, trying to kill her with my gaze. "I'll bring you pizza to the bedroom. You like pizza, right?"
"Who doesn't?" Maya chuckles and I tilt my head at her. What the fuck happened in those five minutes I was gone? Where's my shy best friend? "Thanks, Summer."
Summer smiles at her, not even looking at me, and then gestures us to follow her to the guest room and we do. Maya and her talk like they've been best friends forever and I stay quiet behind them with a heavy chest.
This is going to be a long night.
❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅
My phone buzzes at one thirty a.m.
I've been laying in this bed for two hours now and I can't seem to find my sleep. Maya is snoring in the bed next to mine and I've been staring at the blue sea I can see from the window. The blue sky and the full moon almost mocking me because I can't sleep. This is the most comfortable bed I've been in and my brain doesn't turn off.
I keep wondering if Summer is looking at the same view I am. She told me her room was across from mine so I guess she's not, but somehow I wish she's looking at the moon at the same time as I am. The thought alone scares me but I can't shake it off my brain.
A few stars twinkle in the clear sky and I count them for the third time before grabbing my phone. It's already October 1st. September gone in the blink of an eye. If you had told me four weeks ago I'd be in the house of a hockey legend, under the same roof with people who I don't know but the entire world seems to know. I would have laughed. I still have no idea what I'm doing here.
My chest squeezes when I read the notification bar.
do not answer: willow i need 400. for yesterday.
do not answer: are u awake???? i need money
do not answer: willow wake the fuck up i need money
I also have four missing calls– all from her, just a few minutes ago. I turn off my phone and leave it by the nightstand. I can't keep giving her money. I can't keep doing this to myself but how the fuck do I stop it?
I groan, hiding my face with my hands as I sit on the edge of the bed. I stare down at the pajamas Summer gave us– mines are white with little red hearts all over it. Something I would never use but these are so comfortable I feel like I'm floating. I remember Lucas telling us we could go outside if we wanted to. I'm pretty sure it's freezing but I make my way outside the room, tiptoeing my way downstairs and trying not to wake anyone.
This is not my house, I can't just walk around it.
There's a glass door next to the kitchen that leads to the beach. Their backyard it's the fucking beach. I keep praying that I don't trip over something as I make my way to the sand. The door is open, which I find weird, but they're billionaires. I'm sure this is the safest place on earth, come on.
My toes curl when I step into the cold sand. The breeze immediately making me shiver but I keep walking, until I find someone sitting in front of the sea. My heart squeezes at her sight. I could recognize her anywhere.
She has her legs up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them, looking so tiny that it hurts. The wind blows her wavy hair, I can barely see her this late at night but I see her. I do. She's right there.
My feet take me to her before I can even think about it. My heart pounds in my chest, almost can hear it in my brain. Summer looks beautiful in the moonlight. So bright, so alive, so precious that I'm scared to break her. I can't do that to her. She's too soft for my life.
I can't seem to stop my way to her, though. I stop behind her, clearing my throat so I don't scare her. "Bennett." I whisper in the cold night.
I see her freeze. I hear her suck in a breath but she doesn't say anything. I deserved that. I hurt her. "Can I sit?"
Summer hesitates but nods without breaking her gaze from the waves in front of us. She looks cold, only wearing a white pajama with cupcakes on them. So Summer. I take a seat next to her, cross legged and I focus my gaze anywhere but on her.
She blows out a long sigh and without saying anything, she rests her head on my shoulder. My heart skips a beat and butterflies take off in my stomach.
But I don't say anything. I just feel. I disconnect.
I let her.