Written: February 7, 2024
The schoolday passes in a blur. I meet Australia behind the school with Habu Babu. The air is charged with unreleased energy, winding up to its limit. "I'm making twenty dollars today, Ry." Australia says as Bartholomew slithers out of his backpack.
"Yeah? Well, I'm not going home empty-handed." I reply confidently, releasing Habu Babu alongside him. Our two snakes slither next to each other, poised to engage in combat.
"Don't get me wrong. He's an impressive snake... but I hope you're ready to walk home 20 dollars light-" Australia says before his sentence is cut short by Bartholomew's sudden lunge.
Both snakes hiss and lash out at each other. Habu Babu is a smaller snake but manages to dodge Bartholomew's attacks, getting behind him and striking. Bartholomew falls back, but quickly recovers, turning around and facing Habu Babu head-on. Bartholomew hisses sharply in agitation, but Habu Babu simply stares menacingly. A few seconds pass before both snakes lunge at each other, locked in a fierce melee.
"COME ON, NOW!" Australia cheers. "THINK OF ALL THE CRISPS WE COULD BUY WITH 20 DOLLARS!"
"Snakes don't eat that stuff." I scoff, watching the scuffle between Habu Babu and Bartholomew.
"They're for me, you dingus!" Australia retorts. "And if Habu Babu wins, which I'm betting he won't, you'd get the twenty bucks too."
The two snakes continue to lunge and strike at each other. Neither seems to be winning the battle. Habu Babu is quicker and more agile, but Bartholomew's size and strength advantage are quite evident.
"I'll probably spend it on some toys for Habu Babu."
"Huh? What toys? He's a snake for heaven's sake! What toys would he play with?" Australia asks curiously, glancing back and forth between the two snakes locked in the battle. Habu Babu and Bartholomew are now locked in an intense slithering contest. They coil and uncoil themselves around each other, one trying to subdue the other.
"You'd be surprised." I remark. I squint at the snakes, my eyes widening as I realize what's going on. "AUSSIE!" I shout! "I DON'T THINK THEY'RE FIGHTING!"
"Huh, what do you-" Australia analyzes the snakes. "Oh. BARTHOLOMEW IS A GIRL?!"
"THEY'RE MATING!" My hands fly up and grab my head. "GET THEM A ROOM!"
Australia's eyes widen, as the realization dawns on him that the two snakes' intense slithering was, in fact, a mating display.
"THEY'RE MATING?!" he yells in utter shock, gazing at the snakes making the snake equivalent of sweet, sweet love.
"GIVE THEM SOME ALONE TIME!" I shout, my hands grabbing my head as I struggle to come to terms with the reality in front of me.
"Guess I'll rename Bartholomew." Australia shrugged. "I'll call her Bertha." The two of us watch as our snakes "battle," coiling around each other. "Ry, this is insane." Aussie sighs.
"I'm gonna be a grandma." I chuckle. "The hatchlings will call me Obaa-chan."
"Grandma?" Australia raises a skeptical eyebrow. "You're not even seventeen!"
"Yeah, but I know that Bartholomew-" or Bertha - "and Habu Babu will have some beautiful babies."
The two snakes continue to engage in their amorous struggle, slithering around each other and coiling tightly against each other. Australia shakes his head. "This is the weirdest day ever."
"This is so much better than a fight." My hand finds Australia's. "We're gonna be grandparents."
"Y'know, maybe we can keep the twenty dollars and call the bet off." Australia squeezes my hand.
"Yeah. Maybe we can," I nod, as his hand holds tight to mine as we watch the snakes' slithering grow more and more intense. Australia's expression softens, and he gives me a tender, loving look, his eyes peering deep into mine. I can't help but smile, the warmth and affection in his gaze being too much to bear. A sense of comfort and security washes over me as I lean against him.
"You're the best, Ry." He tenderly squeezes my shoulder. The snakes finally part. Habu Babu hisses and slithers into my bag. Bartholomew-er, Bertha does the same.
"Oki!" Japan calls for me. "Oki-chan!" I hastily grab my backpack, Australia following. Japan meets us at the curb. The parking lot is empty, save for Japan's car standing alone.
"Does Australia need a ride home?" Japan offers. Tipping his fedora to cover his face, Australia blushes and bashfully shakes his head. "Oh, come on!" Japan takes his wrist. "It's no trouble."
"If-If you insist." Australia's voice was barely heard. Japan, Australia and I get in the car. Japan starts the engine and begins driving. A hushed hiss comes from Australia's bag.
"What was that?" Japan asks.
"Umm, nothing." Australia and I answer frantically.
"If you say so." An unconvinced Japan continues to drive without question.
As we drive, the tension in the car is palpable, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Australia's bag emits another muffled sound, prompting a curious glance from Japan.
"Are you sure there's nothing in there?" Japan asks, her brow furrowed in suspicion.
Australia and I exchange nervous glances, silently willing each other to maintain composure. "Positive," Australia replies, his voice betraying a hint of unease.
Japan eyes us suspiciously in the rearview mirror before returning her focus to the road ahead. The car ride continues in strained silence, punctuated only by the occasional rustling from Australia's bag.
As we reach Australia's house, Japan pulls into the driveway,
bringing the car to a stop. "Thanks for the ride," Australia says, his voice tinged with relief. As he steps out, Japan jumps out of her seat and talks with him outside.
"Australia!" I couldn't hear anything being said between them. After what felt like hours of them talking, Japan gestures for me to come out. I quickly join my sister.
"Uh, gee, Ry." Australia rubs the back of his neck with a nervous hand. "I-i'll really miss you." I squint.
"What do you mean?"
"Japan...well, Japan said she's taking you to, erm, get help."
"And I won't see you?"
"Not for a month or until you feel better."
After a few tense moments if silence, Australia traps me in a bear hug, the scent of cotton and eucalyptus wafting in the air. I reciprocate the hug, feeling a hearth of warmth radiate.
"Bye now, Ry." Australia whimpers in a quaking voice.
"Bye Aussie." I reply.
As we drive home, the weight of my separation from Australia hangs heavy in the air, the car enveloped in a somber silence. Australia's words echo in my mind, mingling with a cocktail of emotions—anger, sorrow, and confusion.
I turn to look at the floor, searching for some semblance of understanding. "I'm fine" I reply softly, the words heavy with unspoken turmoil. "But why now? Why like this?"
Japan's expression softens, a fleeting glimpse of vulnerability flickering across her features. "I've been watching you, Oki," she admits, her voice tinged with regret. "And I can't shake the feeling that something's not right."
The words hang in the air, a silent acknowledgment of the invisible battle raging within me. I feel a lump form in my throat, the weight of Japan's concern settling like a stone in the pit of my stomach.
"I just want to help you," Japan continues, her voice gentle yet resolute. "I want you to be okay."
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I struggle to find the right words to express the whirlwind of emotions churning within me.
"I know," I whisper, my voice barely above a hoarse murmur. "And I appreciate it. I just... I don't know how to fix this."
Japan reaches out, her hand finding mine in a gesture of silent support.
"You don't have to do it alone," she reassures me, her voice a soothing balm against the raw edges of my turmoil. "We'll figure it out together."
A surge of gratitude washes over me as I squeeze her hand, a silent vow of solidarity passing between us. In that moment, amidst the backdrop of uncertainty and apprehension, I find solace in the unwavering presence of my sister—a beacon of hope in the darkness that threatens to engulf me.
As the car continues on its journey, the road ahead looms uncertain and fraught with challenges. But with Japan by my side, I find the strength to face whatever lies ahead, knowing that together, we can weather any storm.
...Did I really write snake smut?