Chapter Forty-Five
"And then, like, I was done with him!" Giselle exclaims, tearing a piece of naan. "So...I took a hammer and smashed his new car. It was goodbye to Martha, his car, not the girl he cheated on me with. I mean, like, who names their car that anyway?"
I'm laughing my lungs out by this point in the story. "Oh, jeez! Same! My brother named his car Sherry!"
"You have a brother? All I have are two younger sisters and a billion redneck cousins from the parts of the United States nobody cares about," she informs me. "Do you have a picture of him?" She pulls out her phone for the first time tonight since she has a rule to leave phones in the corner during dinner out, and quickly shows me a picture of a young girl and a slightly younger girl. "Bella and Colleen. Mom's really big on the two l's in everyone's names."
"They're cute," I say. They both look like they could be in middle school or younger. I take my phone and show a recent selfie my brother sent me with him pointing to a Florida sunset in an obnoxious you-wish-you-were-here way. "This is Brent."
Giselle steadies the phone, grabbing the side and really looking at him. "Oh, wow, now that's the definition of cute." She looks up, wiggling her eyebrows.
"Girlfriend," I tell her and she pouts.
"Of course!" She sinks back into her chair, stuffing more naan in her mouth but smiling still.
I laugh, taking my glass of icy water, the chunks of ice tapping the sides of the glass. It feels refreshing down my throat. "I'm glad you totaled that guy's car though. He was surely an idiot."
"Yeah, I know," she replies, dipping the bread into chicken tikka. "Some of my friends were asking me why I didn't hunt down the girl or total her car. Hey, she had no idea I existed. Why should I go after the girl when the wrong decision was made by that idiot? Society these days, man. Women against women, without good reason anyway. We need to support each other especially when barbarians like my ex walk freely around this planet."
"Tell me about it," I say. I decide I really like Giselle. Her morals and beliefs match with mine to the maximum.
Her and I are at Dhaba Indian Cuisine. It's a bit north from our dorms and a bit of a hike by foot so we took the train and walked around a little before arriving. It gave me a feel for the city and nightlife. Not to mention the feeling of taking trains. It'll take me a while to adjust to those. I'll be lying if I said I'm not a little scared of them. I've been a sheltered and stable white female my entire life. New York City definitely isn't the tight knit suburban town of Brownwood, that's for sure. Anything and everything can and does happen here.
When the check comes, we agree to pay separately and we stand, leaving the restaurant. I'm sure they're glad to get rid of their loudest customers. We're those people. The ones hyena laughing in the corner and the ones that elders shake their head at. Already, I feel closer to Giselle.
We walk back, talking about politics and boys and our favorite memories. It's easy to talk to her. Giselle's like a river and everything just flows about and with her. As we walk to the train a new way, I pass by his house. Or his hotel, really. Reigning over the other buildings in the area, it's humongous. I stare up as if he can see me but I know he can't.
Giselle animatedly talks about saving animals and wildlife and I nod as my eyes flicker sneakily back and forth towards the building and the front swiveling doors, expecting him to come out. I know he won't and I know I shouldn't want him to but I can't help but glance. How am I going to live in the same city as him without feeling like a drug addict sitting next a joint only a few days after quitting?
Okay, bad comparison.
"Let's cross the street," Giselle says, interrupting my thoughts.
I blink. Across the street is where he lives. "Um, why?"
She nudges her chin to the slow crowds in front of us. "This is going to take forever to go by," she informs me, inspecting the people. "There's only, like, ten people across the street."
I want to protest but what can I say? Sorry, my ex lives there? As if such casual words could describe what Lee and I hav—had. "Um...sure."
So we do. And I hold my breath we J-walk through tight traffic and reach the other street. I start squeezing my hands into fists when we walk by. It's like I just know that he's physically there. I can sense it. He's not at a meeting or anywhere. He's home. And he's about ten, now eight, feet away. Well, not counting the billions of floors.
Suddenly, the crowds from across the street realize it's too stuffy and cross the street too. Giselle and I link elbows as we start getting pushed around. Actually, Giselle is like a rhino and I'm just a tiny cat in this massive crowd.
"Mr. Richardson, evening," I hear someone say. My heart lurches.
"Evening, Thomas. Just going on a walk."
"At this time? That's strange for you."
"I can't seem to be comfortable. I can't sleep or work. Maybe a walk will do the trick."
"Maybe," Thomas replies.
I've been looking down this entire time, trying to blend in with the crowd. I want to see him but I don't. The crowd is still moving through but I steal a glance upwards, wondering if it's really him. I'm passing right by the entrance of his hotel but there are about four people shielding me from actually being in plain sight.
He looks absolutely perfect. In black pants and a dark purple button-up that's buttoned low, he stands by the doorman with his hands in his pocket, sleeves folded at his elbows. God, I miss him. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours and yet here we are again. Here I am, anyway.
Lee does a casual stare around, turning his head swiftly left to right as if deciding when it's best to step into the mass movement of people. The guy on my right shifts right then and Giselle and I are for one second in Lee's sight. Lee's eyes land on mine but he doesn't register me as he turns his head back to the left. Quickly, his head turns back as if he just processed what he saw but I look away and walk faster, dragging Giselle.
"Wow, you're in a rush," she comments, squeezing through people and trying to catch up.
"Yep. Excited for our dorm," I lie. We get to the station a couple minutes later. In our dorm, we chat a couple minutes or maybe an hour, talking more about our lives. We make a list of what each person is going to bring: tv, lamps, etc. Around one in the morning, we both leave.
Even on the drive back, my heart feels like it's been thrown against a wall. No more.
The rest of July is boring and bland. Time flies by and I feel like this girl not ready to be a woman standing in the center of the world as it flashes by in rapid speed, lifeless even though I'm breathing. I do school work, go to actual work, take care of Mom, move her to Manhattan, pack up my Brownwood life and room, check in with Brent and Candy every other day. I don't see Mark often anymore. I wonder if it has anything to do with Anne. I'm still patiently waiting for the explanation to come out by itself. No more petty spying and lying.
Before I know it, it's orientation at college. I feel empty everyday. I wonder if it's serious. Mom hasn't made any changes since last time. Madam Jin has stayed out of my hair. Peter calls once in a while, actually. Both of us feel lonely. Him being in another state alone and me being alone surrounded by the same things and people yet somehow alone. Everyone's away for college or doing their own thing and managing their own lives. Once high school ends, it's different.
"I'm going to miss you so much!" Candy says one night she's over. She's helping me pack. This week is the last week before classes start. The red in her hair has faded and now she's back to brown hair. Her style has changed. Now, she wears minimal makeup and elegant shirts with jeans. Is this what growing up is?
"Hey, you'll be too busy having fun at Cornell!" I tell her, reaching over to steal some popcorn from the big red bowl on her lap. Even though it's summer, we have blankets on blankets over us with the air conditioning cranked high. We're watching a horror movie. So much for packing.
"I'll be drowning in work," she says, sighing. "Why am I going to this school again? I worked my ass off to get to a good college and now that I got it, I have to maintain it to graduate college for a good job. Life just doesn't stop!"
"Preach it, sister," I agree.
"Promise we'll keep in touch and you'll come visit me and I'll come visit you," she says. It's highly unrealistic we'll see each other often. Our schools are three hours apart with Brownwood in the middle but more on the New York City side. But I believe in us.
"Of course," I promise because I really think we could make it, knowing us. We survived high school drama, didn't we?
Screams and blood take over the television as the movie continues. Near the end, I feel Candy's shoulders shaking from crying and I know it's not from the movie. I end up crying too. We both sob silently, both of us not acknowledging the distance that'll be between us for the first time. I imagined this with Karen once. I always thought this would be us. But people lose their chances and there are always more people who deserve you and life truly goes on. Candace Jones has been a good best friend and even though we're both crying about how fast our lives are changing, I know everything will be all right.
Somewhat, anyway.
I look at the house I've lived in for the better part of my life one last time.
It's not like I'm never going to come back. I am. It's not like I'm dying or the house is being sold. It's not. But this is the physical representation of me leaving and growing and becoming an adult. It scares me. It scares me so much. If you think about it, seventeen or eighteen or in my case, nineteen, is nothing. Your parents get such little time with you. You get such little time being carefree. I wish I did more things better. I wish I made my mother happier. Because even when she wakes up, and even when our lives return back to normal—which it will— it won't be the same as living with her.
Nothing is weirder than actually moving out. As a teenager, when you get angry or when you're mad at your parents, you say you'll move out. You say you'll move out fast as you can and you'll never turn back. Looking at it now, I don't want to leave.
I drag the suitcase out onto the porch.
It's goodbye for now.
The night before school starts, it happens.
Giselle has a tub of ice cream on her crossed legs and a spoon in her mouth as she watches the small television in our dorm room. Tomorrow's the big day. It's also eleven o'clock since we both can't fall asleep. "Great, it's time for the eleven o'clock news," she mumbles with the spoon between her teeth as the screen changes. "Maybe this will help me fall asleep."
I shut the book I'd been trying to read. Some biology summer work. I still don't have a major and it makes me feel like this unlabeled blob that has no idea where she's headed in life. Giselle is majoring in Social Work. She wants to be a social worker for reasons I do not know yet but she says she does not care about money. I wish I had a good heart but if I major in something, it'll make a lot. I've known too much sadness from not having enough meaningless paper. Mom's painter paycheck didn't really cover a lot and her medical bills currently aren't helping. I have to start looking for a new job since I quit that penguin job in Brownwood.
"I can't pretend to read this anymore," I say, shoving it aside angrily. Everything has been irritating me lately. It's nerves. I get up, stretching. "I have a good remedy to our insomnia. Honey milk usually works for me."
Giselle looks over, her messy bun bouncing. Her eyes shine. "Can you make some?"
I roll my eyes. "Fine, you psycho."
She blows kisses. "Love you."
I show her the bird and slip out of our room as she laughs. We've gotten close over the past few weeks. I miss Candy but parts of Giselle remind me of her and as bad as it is to compare both good friends, I'm happy Giselle temporarily replaces Candy because I'd feel extra empty if I had completely nobody. It's a horrible thought but I'm only human.
The narrow carpeted hallway and fluorescent lights really give off the college dorm vibe and sometimes I still can't believe I'm here. I swear yesterday I was in high school, complaining about finals or something. I hate time. I hate everything.
See, I'm so irritated about everything. I need to go see a doctor.
Though our floor has a kitchen, it doesn't have much of anything and you have to buy the food to cook yourself. However, if you go to the second floor where there are lounges and study rooms, there is also a food packed slightly bigger kitchen. Oh, and get this. Even plastic chairs to sit on!
I take the elevator down, excited and nervous and the same butterflies that have been bubbling inside of me all day. First day of school. I had almost forgotten how scary those were.
I'm skipping into the kitchen when I see a figure opening the fridge. I can tell it's a male by the arms. He's wearing a gray shirt and in his purple boxers but his head is looking inside the fridge. I'd be alarmed but I'm busy focusing on the elephants on his underwear. I tilt my head because the elephants look creepy. Something's off about them.
The guy shuts the fridge, holding a gallon of milk. He turns and suddenly jumps ten feet into the air, yelling and grabbing his heart. "Jesus, fuck!"
I step back, holding my hands up. "Sorry...."
"Who the hell just stands there in the dark?" he whisper-yells.
"Who the hell whisper yells when we're the only people on this floor?"
"I asked you first."
"Why are you here, you creep? It's eleven," I point out.
"Same goes for you!"
"I can't sleep so I came down to make—" My eyes wander to the honey out on the counter.
"Honey milk!" we both say at the same time. And then this weird stranger starts laughing and his teeth are nice and straight and it makes me laugh because this whole situation is not even funny but it is and I'm just losing it because I'm extremely nervous for tomorrow.
I take a good look at him after we still. He's tall and has nice arms. There are glasses perched on his nose but they look like those 3D movie theater glasses with the lenses punched out. What a fake loser. He also has a beard, nothing outrageous but just a beard. His eyelashes are also long and pull out his hazel eyes.
"Ivory," I say, extending a hand. "Nice fake glasses. Fake-o."
It seems he's evaluating me too because he smiles and firmly takes my hand. "Daniel," he says but he puts pressure on the 'n' and says it in a Spanish accent. "And they're very much real, thank you very much, girl I just met."
"You're Spanish?" I ask.
"Si," he says, laughing. His laugh is deep and he reminds me of a lumberjack for some reason.... "Well, I live in Spain every summer with family and friends. But I'm a small-town boy—I mean man—from Boston suburbs."
I get out two mugs from the cabinets, one yellow and the other blue. He uncaps the milk and pours it evenly into both mugs. "And you?" he asks.
"From here, New York. But also small town suburb girl here. Oh, I mean 'woman'," I say, gesturing quotations when I say woman. "I still feel like twelve years old."
"You certainly don't look twelve."
I turn to stare at him. He wiggles his eyebrows and grins. "Nice one," I admit.
"Thanks."
"Nice boxers."
Daniel looks down, noticing maybe for the first time that he's in his underwear. "Shit!" His cheeks darken. "I didn't really think I'd run into anyone this late."
"Don't worry, they're cute," I say. The elephants are still calling to me. The trunks look weird. I bend down, until I'm eye-level. "There's something about your boxers...."
"Um."
I tilt my head again, cupping my face with my hand and examining. "It's the ears! They got the ears wrong. Elephants have fat, big ears. These look like cat ears or something."
Daniel coughs and looks away and then back down at me. "Don't you think you should give me your phone number first?"
I'm confused at first but then suddenly a billion bells ring in my head and my eyes accidentally sort of wander there and I gasp and stand up. "Oh, jeez, sorry!"
He turns away quickly to the mugs, squeezing the honey in rather with unnecessary strength. "No biggie," he mumbles, mixing the milk with a spoon and putting them in the microwave. Daniel doesn't look at me.
"Do you...do you have a—"
"Don't even ask, I swear to God—"
"You do! Wow!" I say, my jaw dropping. "Woah!"
"Shut up! I'm a hormonal male and it's almost midnight and your tank-top is really not helping! It's not my fault. I don't control my body!" Daniel's yelling, banging his head on the cabinets repeatedly.
I'm on the floor, trying to clutch my stomach but I can't breathe because I'm laughing so hard. "This is quite a way to get the girls, Daniel," I chide. "Oh my God! You animal!"
"I just met you! You can't judge me!"
"I'm not! But, wow, what a first impression," I tell him, standing again and wiping my eyes. "I love college." I walk over and pat him on the shoulder. It's already like we've known each other forever. "You good?"
He looks down at himself and then at me and shrugs off my hand. "Yes. But stay away."
I'm dying in laughter again. I walk over to the small table they have in the kitchen full of napkins and pens and random magazines.
The microwave beeps as I get some napkins for us, my laughter subsiding into a sly smirk. I take my mug from him swiftly and he glares. I hand him his napkin. "Thank you though, for helping me relieve the high end stress from life and the inevitable first day of school tomorrow," I tell him.
Daniel smiles boyishly and runs a hand through his hair. "It's been real," he says jokingly. "See you around?"
"Oh yeah," I say, "Don't worry. I'll be here almost every night for my honey milk. These nerves won't quit till I get used to this city." I take a sip of my drink. "Not bad for an amateur, Danny boy. It's sweet. Sweet as you, of course."
"Nice one," he says, laughing. His face calms and he looks down and bites his lip. "Can I...Can I have your...um..."
"My what?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Nothing. Nevermind." Daniel's face is red again. "See you around."
I smirk. "See you."
When I return to my dorm, Giselle's eyebrows raise in a way like she knows everything that's happened. "Where's my drink?" she says, noticing my one mug. But she says it in a way where she's asking for the real juicy story.
"Oops," I say, grinning. "Some things happened. I met a boy."
"What? Really?" Giselle straightens. "Tell me!"
I get on her bed and tell her about our...interesting meeting and we're both laughing through the funny parts and I tell her what Daniel doesn't know. I left my number on the napkin I had given him. It was spontaneous and crazy but I feel good about it. I was also going to kiss the napkin all flirty but I have no lip gloss on.
"You're good!" Giselle exclaims, giggling once I'm done. I smirk and head back to my bed but my feet stop when I see the news. My heart stops as well.
"News has just arrived that businessman and young CEO Lee Richardson of all Richardson merchandise has just publicly announced his engagement with Penelope Adams and another shocking surprise—the baby they have kept under wraps! Lee Richardson himself held a press conference today alongside his fiance, confirming the swirling rumors over the past year, and reporters themselves got a glimpse of the beautifully custom made diamond ring and Penelope's baby bump! Wouldn't we like to all be Penelope Adams at this moment?"
I drop my mug.
It shatters and so does my world.
storm pt. 1 - just the surface of the beginning :)
and woo new ship! #ivaniel or maybe #davory
truthfully daniel is someone i did not plan but i just wanted a bit of a goofball in this serious storm and i added him. at first, i was going to put Ivory with Mark but idk anymore and now she might end up with anyone!!!! so yeah props to me for bad planning & falling for all my characters
HAPPY SUMMER, LOVES! ♥☀
i'm done with finals (ooh, rough grades) and i'm just DONE with school! i mean my summer is busy af: volunteering at a local hospital, my job, AP work, pre-SAT prep, working out for upcoming sports, driving school, oh and a social life BUT YAY IDC BC AT LEAST ITS SUMMER AND I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FLYING POTATOFUCK I WANT!!! i forgot the taste of freedom! and summer! oh, the love of god I LOVE FUCKING SUMMER can u tell
hot dogs and fireworks and summer flings and grass and sand between your toes and sun kissed skin and sipping illegal things and friends and fun and the beach and bonfires and boys and chlorine water and waking up late and sleeping late and oh THE SWEETNESS of summer and ice cold lemonade on a burning day I REALLY LOVE SUMMER
i used to hate it, believe it or not. winter was my favorite season. and then i grew up :/
so i hope this chapter adds a bit of jazz to your day! hope everyone's having a good day. please do rant about your good day or maybe your bad day. idc i like listening to you. i'm so at peace with myself and my life and i just found myself again after a really bad time with finals and family problems and this emptiness that leaks through in this chapter but I'M BETTER NOW
SO go out there and do something crazy because it's summer and we're not caged and be impulsive in the good way! stay hydrated, take pictures of everything, laugh with people you love, eat food, work out, sleep, read, bREATHE :)
i just came back from a bonfire w friends and the other day we went swimming and i wore a bikini for the first time and now i'm going to go try vodka bc i can (I DO NOT ENCOURAGE BAD THINGS LIKE SMOKING AND DRINKING OK DONT DO IT) and it's been really good and all my friends are falling in love and i'm in love with myself and this summer so it's wonderful AND IM REALLY HAPPY
find yours. ♥