The room is eerily dark when you open your eyes. In fact, you're not sure where you are and can't see anything around you to help you figure it out.
"You're doing just fine now, my lady. That was extremely foolish of you to remove that necklace of yours. Admirable, but foolish nonetheless."
You immediately recognize Eir's voice in the darkness.
"I cannot see."
"Ah- yes. I'm not entirely surprised. The method in which I had to use to keep you alive can have some undesirable effects. Do not fear, your vision will return."
"Where is Loki?" Warm tears fall down your cheeks.
"We're still not sure, hon. But King Aster insisted that you recover here at the palace, away from the public, and your parents' prying eyes. When Prince Loki returns, I'm sure you'll be the first to know."
Her tone- gentler than you've ever heard it before, clearly an attempt to keep you calm, has quite the opposite effect on you. Your heart begins to race.
What isn't she telling me? What aren't they telling me?
"Is my baby okay?" A knot forms in your throat, suffocating you.
"Oh yes- she's absolutely fine, my lady. Thriving, even." You can hear the smile on Eir's lips as she gives you the news.
"She."
"Oh! yes- I'm so sorry if you wanted it to be a surprise! You're carrying a very strong and healthy baby girl."
A girl.
A flood of emotions take over you, tears falling even faster down your cheeks now.
If only Loki were here right now.
Your cheeks warm with a steady flow of tears, and Eir obviously takes note straight away.
"Oh, my dear. There's no need for all that. I know you must miss him terribly, but it'll all work out in the end."
"He's a good person." You grab for the bed, pushing yourself upwards in desperate need to get through to her- to make a point.
"Yes, my dear." She rests a gentle hand on your shoulder, soft enough to not startle you in your current state. "I've learned a lot since we first met. It's... well, I'll just say that there is a reason that I am here now. I believe that you and Loki- and Aster and Bragi too, the more I speak with them- could truly shift the fate of the realms- in a direction that it is far past due being shifted in."
A knot forms in the back of your throat.
How could I have possibly been so lucky to have such wonderful people like her show up in my life?
"Oh, Eir-"
"Hush now, my dear. You need to rest." She pats your shoulder again, and a wave of exhaustion sweeps over you unlike you've ever experienced before.
—-----------------
You can feel the heat of the fully risen sun when you wake.
You know that you should feel grateful for a full night's sleep- but you'd spent the entire eventide riddled with nightmares. It's like they just played on an endless loop- Loki never making it home, Loki returning years later a completely changed man- over and over and over again. The only consistent thing being that Loki was most certainly not okay.
Not fully returned to consciousness from your final dream, you begin to kick and fight. "No- no... No!'" Alas, your own screams rip you fully from your slumber.
As you slowly realize that you're actually conscious- you also realize that you're alone; not only without Loki, but without any sort of assistance from Bragi or anyone else in the palace.
This is fine. I'm not anyone special- why would someone be here waiting for me to wake?
You peel yourself out of bed- you can feel that the illusion of your size is gone once again. You're pissed- well, you want to be pissed but you realize that while you are massive- you're not blue. The raised markings that adorn your skin when you are in your Jotun form are most certainly not there- you've already committed the ridged texture of each of them to memory. Not even the smallest sliver of your vision has begun to return, leaving you feeling completely helpless still, and frustratingly unaware of your surroundings. Even though you're still unsure of where you are, Bragi has absolutely continued his work at concealing your appearance. This one's completely on you.
You begin to focus all of your energy on concealing your shape.
Okay- I've got this, I don't need to be able to see to do this.
You clench your fists and tense your core- every bit of concentration you have pouring into the morphing of your shape- a cry of tension pulling itself from your lips.
"Ástin mín- easy... you can do this, but you needn't be so hard on yourself in the process."
"Loki?" His name leaves your lips in
a sob of hope.
And then he appears- his indescribable, wonderful, cool touch on you like you haven't been pining after him- worried sick over him- for weeks.
"Fuck you!" You cry out, your words catching in your throat like thick, wet concrete.
"Gersemi-"
"Fuck you!" You scream once again- your anger overpowering the massive sense of relief.
"Gersemi- I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He wraps his arms around you, forcing you to accept that he is real. The wonderful, familiar scent of him floods your brain as he presses you into his chest. He's really here- in your arms, alive and unscathed. "Are you okay?"
"I- Yea- I- Well, I'm-" Your words are consumed by a sob. "Are you okay?" You suck in a sharp breath, trying to compose yourself.
"I'm absolutely fine, my love." He tucks your head underneath his chin.
"Oh Loki- so much has happened- I cannot see."
His voice drops far lower than you're certain you've ever heard it do so before. "What do you mean, you cannot see?"
"Hnoss had her baby!" You immediately shift the subject- and your tone, perhaps overshooting your attempt at softening the news and what you did. "She was struggling, and then- well she was really struggling, and I took off my necklace to put on her."
Loki stiffens against you.
"I had to, Loki! She was in so much pain. She thought she was going to die- I thought she was going to die- I just-"
"You needn't explain yourself to me." He lets out a held breath, his chest softening against you once again. "I'm not remotely pleased with your actions, but I understand them completely. At least someone was bright enough to put your necklace back on you."
You grasp for your pendant, a tingling wave of relief washing over you as you press it into your palm.
He takes a slow, deep breath. "Will you- has anyone- Do you know if your vision will return?"
"Yes." You smile, "Eir told me that it will return."
"Eir." Her name rumbles in his chest. "That audacious old witch."
"I'm quite certain she kept me alive, Loki." You peel your cheek from his chest, carefully reaching up to rest a hand on his face. "Not just me, but our baby girl as well."
"Our baby girl-" His voice goes hoarse, cutting off the tail end of his words with a raspy sound.
Unable to see his expression, you listen as intensely as you possibly can to him. His tone, his breathing, you're pretty sure you can even hear his elevated heartbeat.
It feels as though his silence has sucked the air out of the room when a warm stream of tears flow through your fingers and past your palm, still resting gently on Loki's cheek.
"Are you alright?" Your voice is shaking.
"Alright?" He shifts his body the rest of the way onto the bed, pulling you into his lap. "Gersemi, this is the greatest day of my life."
Oh
A thick knot forms at the back of your throat, the pressure of it reaching all of the way down into your belly, and up to your cheeks, forcing a flood of happy tears out of you.
"I hope she turns out exactly like you." He presses a kiss into your forehead.
More tears come at his words, and a final wave of acceptance that he is really here, and this is really happening hits you like a ton of bricks.
"Oh, Loki-" You shift yourself in his lap in an attempt at somehow getting even closer to him, clawing at the leather of his tunic. "I love you. I love you so, so much."
"I no longer know who I am without you, Gersemi. I need you, more than I need the air that I breathe; I love you more than all of the stars across the nine realms. Body, mind and soul- every single part of me is yours."
Your lips are on his before he can say any more, salty tears of joy and relief escaping his eyes and yours, mixing together through breathless kisses.
This kiss is different from any other you've experienced; you're kissing as though your lives depend on it. Every square inch of your body dissolves into his. You twist your fingers into his hair, desperate to somehow pull him even closer. Suddenly, the blood in your veins is like fire, making them throb. You can taste your shared breath and feel the powerful thud of your combined heartbeats as you both cling to each other, unable to get as close as you both so desperately need in this moment.
With swollen lips, you break the kiss, panting. "Take me." With shaking fingers, you fumble with the heavy metal zippers of his clothing. "Please- I need you, I've missed you so much-"
His breath catches. "Gersemi- no. You're far too weak-"
"Weak!?" You growl, grabbing ahold of his shoulder and with the element of surprise on your side, quite effortlessly pushing him underneath you. When you toss a leg over him to get fully on top, he can no longer hide his very obvious arousal.
"You want me." You purr into his ear.
"Always." He pants, placing demonstrative kisses at the base of your earlobe, across your jaw and down your neck.
With your head spinning from the sensation of him teasing your neck, determined, you somehow manage to reach between the two of you, unfastening his trousers with a single hand and slipping it inside.
He lets out a resounding gasp when you run your palm along the length of him and back down, wrapping your fingers around the base.
"Gersemi, wait-"
"No." You squeeze him harder, his arousal throbbing along with his heartbeat against your palm.
He involuntarily presses himself against you, losing his breath before speaking once again through clenched teeth. "We need to move; someone could walk in at any moment here."
Oh.
Oh gods- I don't even know where I am.
"How far are we from my chambers?" Your cheeks warm at how clueless you feel.
"Not far, I'll carry you."
Before you can protest, Loki has scooped you up into his arms, and begins taking very quick strides toward your room.
Your stomach does a flip at the thought of the things that the two of you are about to do when you arrive, and more specifically, the things you're going to do to him.