When I told you "I'm fine" you were lied to
▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|• 0:35
Mess It Up • Gracie Abrams
Evangeline Emrys
It's been days since the Triwizard Tournament announcement.
It's been days since I reunited with my brother.
And what greeted me as soon as he came?
A full blown argument between us.
"You are not going to fucking enter" I seethe.
"It's just a stupid contest."
"Exactly!" I scrunched my face, "it's stupid. It's below you."
"Yeah, but I'd still like a try."
"A try? Are you fucking hearing yourself?"
"Careful, Ev. I'm still your older brother."
"Yeah?" I scoff, "can't see it by how immature you're acting."
"I'll be fine. I'm a fucking Emrys," he crossed his arms.
God, what the hell did he mean by that?
"AND NO ONE WILL CONTINUE THE LINE IF YOU DIE!" I scream exasperated.
"I won't fucking die. You're over reacting."
"What the fuck? What if you lose your life! These games get people hurt."
"I'm not those people. You just gotta trust me." He said looking offended.
"Haven't people died because of these? Even the greatest wizards died!"
"And how would you know? Not like you actually left the house."
Wow. I scoff
God this was a new kind of low. And I wasn't going to fucking tolerate any of it.
I spun on my heel, walking out of my dorm. I didn't bother to turn at Wylan calling out my name.
The one person I believed would protect me is using my parents' 'protection' against me.
The fucking paradox.
I didn't know where I was going, all I knew was that my feet were trudging to wherever. I didn't care where I went. I didn't give a fuck who I bumped into. I just had to get out of there.
It was suffocating. Almost like how I felt in that prison of a home.
Fucking stupid men and their stupid egos. Fucking sheltered brats and their invalidating ways.
I ran as far as my feet could take me. In moments I was back at the astronomy tower. I was stopped by the railings that showed me the castle grounds.
"Been crying?" a shrill voice asks as my nose catches a whiff of bourbon
I look back and see a silhouette of a man.
"None of your business," I reply waving him off.
"Oh come on, that's no way to greet a friend now, is it?" My hair was brushed to the side and the voice nearing me.
I turn to look, scoffing. "Since when did we become friends, Berkshire?"
He dramatically placed his hand on his chest as if to look offended. "Pardon, I assumed since we had the same friends, we were to. And you were particularly very open to me when I was crying that night."
I remember. We never defined the ground between us. Were we friends or were we not. But one thing's for sure. And everybody knew it. Everybody felt it.
There's been tension between us. Some kind of rift in the atmosphere when we're in the same room.
And it was here now.
I don't know if it was because of what happened between him and Daphne or some other occasion. But nonetheless, it was there. Looming like some kind of shadow that follows me and appears when the sun is around. He's the sun, obviously.
I wipe my tears away. "It's really none of your business, Berkshire."
"Come on, princess. You've got me when I was low, shouldn't I have you too?" he asked leaning at the railings.
"Not exactly low right now" I say peering over how high up the astronomy tower was, trying to crack the tense vibes between us.
He turned to me, eyes sharp. "I'm serious, Evangeline. And by the looks of it, I'm the only one around for your right now."
My breath hitches as I saw what he was pertaining to. I saw my friends, lying on the grass. Stella, Neandra, Pansy and Helene were accompanied by Blaise and Draco.
I sigh, closing my eyes.
I felt a hand move my chin. "It's alright, princess. If you're worried I'll tell, there's no one to tell anyway."
I open my eyes and swat his hand away, "it's nothing. I'm just 'over reacting' after all."
He furrowed his brows, "what? 'over reacting?' Your feelings are and always will be valid," he stares at me again.
"I'm fine, really" I say, my eyes starting to glisten at his words.
"You're human. It's alright not to feel fine sometimes. It doesn't make you any less weak."
And God, those were the only words that took for me to begin unravelling.
His expression softened as I started crying.
For a moment he stood there, ignorant of what he should do. Silence feel before us and before I knew it, he caressed my hair. Almost the same way I did for him that night.
His hands moved to m shoulders and he brought us down, feet dangling on the tower.
We stayed like that for I don't even care how long anymore. It was afternoon when the whole argument happened but it was dark out. So dark you could see the stars.
Eventually my hysterics died down and I lied down on the cold hard floor, him following after me. We were staring at the sky.
He pointed to five stars in the sky. "See those over there? If you connect them to form a W shape, it becomes the constellation, Cassiopeia."
"I loved the stars. Cassiopeia was my favorite constellation" I smiled.
"Mine is Cygnus"
"Where do you think constellation names come from?"
"They say it was the Greeks who named them" he says, turning his head to me.
"I wish I was Greek. Maybe then I'd have a constellation named after me."
"But you're already a star. Stars are more important than constellations, don't you think? It's the stars that make up constellations anyway. One less of them and the constellation wouldn't exist"
I smile softly, "maybe."
We lay there in silence, enjoying the view of stars.
A few moments later, he broke the silence. "We should head to dinner."
We were walking down the halls to get to dinner on time, his pocket watch stating that it was 5:46. It didn't exactly help that we were on one of the highest points of the castle.
Step. Step. Step.
We gradually come lower and lower from the stairs when he comes to a halt turning to me.
"I'll be at Hogsmeade tomorrow. If you'd like to join?"
I think for a moment. "Is it just us?"
"Well, I haven't invited anyone yet, but technically everyone's allowed to Hogsmeade."
"Don't."
"hmm?"
"Don't invite anyone else."
He looks at me perplexed. Aside from those two times, I had never willingly spent time alone with him.
"I'm not in the mood to mingle with others." I explain.
He smirks at me, "but I'm an exception?"
"You've seen me cry, I've seen you cry. Nothing else left to hide." I shrug.
"Your wish is my command then, princess."
__________
We enter the great halls hurriedly and I sat beside a distraught Stella.
"Are you okay?" she asked me.
"Yeah, fine," I mutter.
But I knew I was lying. And so did the prying eyes and listening ears of the brunette sitting beside me.
I didn't want to lie to her. But I didn't want her to know either.
It's true we've grown closer than any of us girls are with each other and in the span of a few days too. But that doesn't mean I can just display my vulnerability.
"Anyone up for Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Pansy asked throwing a hand up in the air followed by Blaise.
Everyone soon agreed but me and Lorenzo.
"Evangeline?" Pansy looks at me expectantly.
I hate to let her down but, I just... couldn't bring myself to socialize right now. "I'll pass" I mutter and stand up, heading directly to the dorms.
"Your feelings are valid, so go make your voice heard." I heard a familiar voice behind me. I didn't bother looking back, it was only Lorenzo who knew I cried anyway. Aside from my brother, that is.
"Everyone heard you and your brother talking. We were supposed to go get you for an afternoon together but we heard the shouting. Theo and Mattheo decided to go separate ways and I did too. I think everyone just chose to ignore it" he explained before walking away to the darkness.