October 14th, 2022
The bed feels so warm under my skin. I feel like I'm laying on a cloud as the early morning sun makes its way through the blinds, leaving patches of warmth across my bare back. I'm half awake, enjoying the feel of the sheets and the warm body next to mine while a finger traces over the dips and valleys of my shoulders and spine.
I shudder under the touch, smiling to myself but my eyes stay closed nearly against my will. I could die here. Content and comfortable.
A kiss presses to my forehead, to my nose, then to my lips in a soft embrace. When I don't stir, Harry's lips move to my cheek, then to my earlobe and down my neck. I try to hold it in, but he knows my weak spots by now and I let out a small hum of pleasure, enough to make him smile against me.
I still can't wrap my head around where Harry and I are now. A couple of months ago I couldn't even brush up against him accidentally without him tensing up. Now, more often than not when we're together we're tangled up in each other, unwilling to let the other go. We can't keep our hands off of each other at all lately.
The question of why still lingers. I've always been known as "the nosy one" "the busybody" "the stalker", but with Harry I've learned to let him come to me. I trust now that he will come to me with what he wants me to know, but I admit I think a lot about it.
I'm not complaining in the slightest, especially when Harry has now flipped me over onto my side with his bare chest against my back. His rough hands are running down my side, stopping to grab a handful of my ass. His hips rub against my backside and I can't help but rub myself against him making him quietly moan out.
He runs his hand back up my side and reaches out to cup my breast, squeezing my nipples and moving to the other one. I can feel a puddle forming between my legs with the only thing that's covering me being a nude thong.
We had a good night last night, okay?
Harry pinches the thin material at my side and slowly moves my panties downward and I lift up enough to help him out, kicking them off once they're far enough down my legs. He wastes no time in snaking his fingers down my stomach to tease me, grabbing the inside of thighs and kissing my neck until I'm ready to cry.
A whimper escapes my lips as I eagerly wait for him to touch my clit, parting my legs slightly to give him better access. He follows what I need and hikes my leg up over his so my leg is bent, but I'm now fully exposed for him to play with.
No words have been spoken between us, only desperate touches and whimpers exchanged. He doesn't make me beg for it, this being only a passionate, albeit a bit lazy, session between us. Harry's fingers find my clit, his head buried into my shoulder.
Soft moans escape my lips as he circles around me slowly, spreading the wetness between my legs over my lips and onto my thighs. My hips buck with his rhythm, and soon enough he's gently pushing in two fingers. He moans at the sound the arousal makes and I'm digging my nails into his arm as he works my first orgasm out of me.
I know he can feel me pulsing around him the moment the wave of pleasure takes over me, but he continues pushing in and out to ride it out with me, grinding his hard cock against my ass in the process. I push back against him to let him know I want more. More, more, more.
I feel him shuffle around behind me and then his bare front is against me. I adjust slightly to give him more space, but he manages just fine in pushing his cock inside of me. The full feeling that takes over almost pushes me over the edge again that easily, but I pull myself together and just enjoy the intimacy of the moment. The skin to skin, the sounds our bodies make together, the small moans coming from both of us, the feel of Harry hand squeezing my ass.
Harry seems to have the same idea I do, slowing his movements down harder and deeper than we've ever done before. I wish I could see his face right now. The thought has me reaching down to touch myself for that added pleasure, and Harry gives a whimper of an approval over my shoulder where I can feel him watching.
The build up in my lower stomach is almost unbearable, but I hold on until I can feel Harry pick up the pace where his own release approaches. I will him to keep going, don't stop, don't ever stop, but suddenly I am over taken with pleasure and throbbing around him. Harry follows shortly after, and fuck it feels so good to able to feel him finish inside me.
He thrusts a few more times and then stops, keeping himself inside me but wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace.
"Morning." He still has morning voice, hoarse and quiet, murmuring into my ear. I sigh contentedly in response, nuzzling back into him. "We have to get up at some point."
"Don't remind me," I grumble into the pillow. "Just stay here forever. Don't ever leave."
"As much as I would love to do that, you have plans this morning," he kisses my hair.
Plans. That consist of having breakfast with my traitorous father. The nerve of him to show up at my house unannounced under the guise of me being a bad daughter only to scrutinize my relationship and announce his own is astounding. I don't think I've ever been so pissed off in my life.
My dad and I have never been close. It was like when my mom died a part of him died too. He made sure I was clothed, housed, and comfortable for the remainder of my childhood, but never once did he ask me how my day was or how I was doing. He turned a blind eye to the bruises I would come home with after a day with Alex. He just wasn't ever truly there.
So I might have had a dad growing up physically, but I didn't really have a parent figure in my life after my mom died.
And he's marrying Virginia. My mom's best friend. Isn't that kind of fucked up? I love Virginia and I consider her to be the only sort of parental figure I had during my formative years, but for my dad go behind my back and not only date her for years but is now engaged to her makes my blood boil.
Not only for my dad, but over Virginia too. She also was completely capable of telling me what was going on. It feels like she decided to pick protecting my dad over me. As far as I can remember they were never even close, and now they're getting married?
It just doesn't make sense.
"Ugh!" I groan into the pillow before flipping over to face Harry. He leans in to give me a slow, passionate kiss and then slaps my ass hard.
"Up and at 'em!" He throws the covers off both of us, jumping out of bed like he's the main character in a musical. "Get your stinky ass in the shower and I'll have your coffee ready when you get out."
Asshole. I stick my tongue out at him but obey at the promise coffee. Every instinct I have is screaming at me to stay in bed, but the hot water welcomes me and I'm tempted to spend the rest of the day in here until I shrivel up into nothing.
Once I'm dressed and ready for the day, as promised Harry hands me my coffee and we sit together at the kitchen table in comfortable silence. It's been a while since we've been able to wake up together, but last week I finally went and bought Harry tea. I tried to mirror what he had in his own apartment, but I doubt I got what he drinks exactly. He hasn't complained at all though.
He was however moved by the gesture, and it surprised me when he looked emotional when I pointed it out in my cabinet last night. I've decided to dedicate all of the time we have together to ensuring he knows how cared about he is.
The clock nears nine in the morning and I'm supposed to meet my dad at nine thirty. Harry offered to walk with me, but I think I need time to figure out what I want to say before I get there. I'm hoping the walk will help me clear my head enough so I don't explode again.
My plan is to go in there and maturely explain my feelings. I'm hurt, and I don't think this trip is going to turn out the way he wants it to. I don't want to spend any time with him and it's probably best that he just goes back home. I will always have love for my dad, but things take time and we need a lot more time between now and December to work things out again.
The restaurant comes into view and I have to stop to take a few deep breaths before opening the heavy glass door. I picked a nice, local breakfast place that serves the best hot chocolate I think I've ever had. Harry introduced me to this place and I've been obsessed ever since, constantly asking Harry to pick me up hot chocolate on his way home.
On his way home. On his way to my place, I mean.
At least I didn't say that out loud. Unlike last night when I casually slipped the word boyfriend out. We still haven't talked about it. Haven't even mentioned it. It's like it never happened. A part of me is relieved because if that's not something he wants, I don't think I could handle that kind of rejection right now.
Not that he's shown me that he doesn't want this with me. No— the exact opposite actually. The way he treats me is better than I've ever been treated before. I was under the impression at first that this might just be a small fling despite his declaration of winning me and my trust, but I've been proven wrong. I'm actually starting to like him, a lot, and that scares me.
That's not something I have time to think about right now. Right now, I'm standing awkwardly behind a queue of people waiting for a table while I scan the room looking for my father who doesn't appear to be here yet.
Figures, he's late.
I wait for my name to be called and I'm led to a booth, still no sign of my dad anywhere. I order two waters for now and browse the menu, but food sounds like the last thing I want right now.
Thirty minutes. He's thirty minutes late. At what point do I call it? I feel ridiculous.
Right as I start digging in my bag for cash to leave so I can get out of here he slides into the booth across from me hastily removing his hat and jacket.
"Hey Kash, I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't know it'd be so hard to get an Uber in Seattle at this time of day," my dad quickly explains, giving me a pleading look once he's settled his belongings in the empty space next to him. "Did you order yet?"
It takes every ounce of will I have not to roll my eyes at him, but I answer as politely as I can muster. "No I haven't."
Our waitress seems notice that my party has finally arrived and makes a stop over to our table. We both decide to hold off on the food, but when the waitress asks, "What to drink?" we both respond in unison:
"Coffee, just black is fine."
The waitress looks between the two of us with a fond look on her face and goes to grab our drinks, while I fight back my rising temper. My dad looks hopeful, but still hesitant. He doesn't comment on the one thing we ever had together.
Our love of coffee.
Starting when I was in middle school, my dad and I would have a cup of coffee together every morning. As I got older, the conversation became less and less frequent without me filling in the silence. My dad has always been a man of few words, but as a kid I didn't mind. He was even more so after my mom passed.
Even all throughout high school we continued this little tradition of ours, usually spending the time outside on the patio while my dad watched Facebook videos at full volume and I attempted to read a book.
I'll never forget the last thing my dad said to me when I put the last of my stuff into my van to head out to my first place in Atlanta.
"I'll miss our coffee mornings."
I'm snapped out of my thoughts when the waitress sets our steaming mugs down in front
of us, letting us know she'll come back in a few to see if we've changed our mind on food. My dad and I both stare down at our mugs, me tapping my nails on the ceramic.
I don't even know what to say. Where to start. There's so many ways this can go, and I still don't feel clear headed enough to not word vomit every feeling I have out in front of him.
"So why Seattle?" my dad breaks the ice, tapping his fingers on the table.
I swallow back any iciness from showing in my tone, even though all I want to do is tell him to get on with it and stop with the small talk. "The opportunity just fell into my lap."
"You were in Chicago before this right? How was that?"
"As windy as they say it is. Frigid. Too flat." I wanted out of Chicago the moment I arrived.
"You got snow though didn't you?"
"Yeah."
The conversation stops as my dad can sense I'm not in the small talk mood. He looks different than the dad I knew a few years ago. Lighter, with a glow to him I never thought would come back. His olive toned skin looks brighter than I remember, and even his usually gaunt face seems fuller.
My dad is somewhere in his fifties, and for a long time we always joked that my dad would never have gray hair. His black hair always shined no matter what he did, with no gray hair in sight. As we sit in uncomfortable silence, a few streaks of gray fall through the long strands on the top of his head. It just sends a pang through my chest that my dad is getting older.
We sit in silence long enough that the waitress comes by to refill our coffee. I take after my mom in most of my physical and emotional traits, but one thing my dad and I share in common is our stubbornness. I'm more extroverted, loud, and argumentative, while my dad is very introverted, quiet, and passive. But we'd both sit here all day in silence just to avoid being the first one to break.
The silence is interrupted by my phone buzzing on the table, two texts coming through at the same time. One from Zuri, my manager at work, and the other from Harry.
From Zuri: Nadine called out today. Want to take an afternoon shift? 12-4:30.
From Harry: Have you killed each other yet?
I quickly respond to both, letting Zuri know I have something important to take care of today and sending a middle finger emoji back to Harry before turning my attention to my dad.
"How long are you in Seattle for?" I ask, trying to keep it casual but I know it comes out with a bite.
"A week. I wanted to make sure I had time with you, maybe do some tourist sight seeing," he shrugs. "So new boyfriend huh?"
I roll my eyes, but I can't help the small smile on my face. "I guess. Sort of. Harry is cool."
"Seems a little more than cool to me, but what do I know? I'm just an old man." He tries to laugh but it comes out strained. Once again the conversation stops there, but we came here for a reason. Not to talk about my love life.
"What's the date of the wedding?" The question comes out more like a statement as I try my best not to let the words come through gritted teeth.
"December 16th," he responds carefully.
"How did everything with you and Virginia... start."
He clears his throat before starting, gripping the coffee mug so tight in his hands it looks like it might break. "You know Virginia was around a lot after your mom... well about a year after you left, she started coming over every day. At first it was just for dinner, then it turned into us running our errands together. Soon we were spending every moment of our spare time together. One thing led to another... I'm not sure if you want to know the rest."
I swallow back my disgust at anything further, silently agreeing with him. I take a sip of my coffee, carefully thinking about my next response.
"Not once, did it ever occur to you, to I don't know, give me a heads up? It would have been nice to have had some time to adjust to this before you waited to tell me until you already proposed." I know I'm being snappy, but I really don't care right now.
"You hadn't called or texted in so long it felt like I'd be intruding on your new life. It was intimidating. You and I were never that close... it just didn't seem appropriate," his voice shakes as he speaks, like he's nervous about the why part of things.
"I think it's very appropriate to let your only daughter know that you're not only dating her dead mother's best friend, but that you were serious enough to consider marriage."
"You're a grown adult," he fires back. "Why does it matter? It's not like your world is falling apart. You live a completely separate life to mine. You're acting like a child."
Rage flares in my eyes and I can feel my face turning red. A child? How dare he?
"You treated me like I died!" I explode, not caring that the surrounding tables are clearly listening to our conversation. "After mom died, after Alex, it was like I died too! I felt like a ghost, and you didn't do anything except provide me basic necessities! And now, here we are, and once again it's like I don't matter! Like I don't exist! How would you feel if I showed up after three years to tell you I was getting married? Huh?"
I stand up, throwing down a $20 bill on the table, while my dad tries to stutter out an answer.
"Well I would—"
"I really don't want to hear it. All I want from you is an apology, don't you understand that? I want you tell me that you're sorry for the way you treated me after mom died, after Alex died, and that you're sorry for not telling me about your new girlfriend." Tears line my eyes but I will them not to fall as I stomp out of the restaurant, my dad right on my heels begging me to stop.
"Your mom wouldn't have wanted this! You know that?" He yells after me and I stop in my tracks a few feet away from the entrance. "She would have wanted you to be happy for me. She would have been okay with Virginia and I, despite them being best friends. It took a long time for us to come to terms with that, but we have, and now you do too."
"Leave me alone dad. Maybe you should book an early flight back home. I'm done."
Those last words echo in my ears as I storm away from the building, leaving my dad staring after me. I don't turn around once knowing I can't bear to see his face. This went so far left. How did we get to that point?
I hurry back to my apartment, texting Zuri that I'll be able to take the shift and I'll be a little early. I'm so upset that all I want to do is call Harry and tell him to leave work and come over so he can just hold me, but I'm already so much of a burden with all my issues. I've already accidentally called him my boyfriend, roped him into more more messes than I can count, and called him desperately on more than one occasion to save me from my own mind. I refuse to be any more clingy and messy than I already am.
The entire way to my apartment and then to work, I attempt to shake off the stupid feeling that someone is following me. It happens every time I'm alone now. I try to chalk it up to high emotions, but I feel like I'm tripping over my own feet because someone is watching me.
All I can hear is the buzz in my ears as I change into my work clothes and head towards The Coffee Pot, occasionally pulling up my phone and hovering over Harry's name. Eventually I send a text that says heading into work. See you tomorrow.
He responds almost immediately asking if everything is okay, but I turn my phone on do not disturb. The chatter of my workplace hits me immediately with the smell of food as I storm into the back to clock in and grab an apron.
My movements are frantic and a permanent frown is etched on my face, but I check to see what tables Nadine was scheduled for before I rush to start taking orders. The first hour goes by quickly, but it's when I see Gianna and Joey clocking in for their closing shift that I start to lose it.
"Hey beautiful, you took Nadine's shift?" Gianna asks as she whizzes by me to get drinks for her table.
"Yep," I respond curtly, doing everything I can to swallow tears back.
"What's up with you? You've been off since I noticed you were here," Joey asks, setting a plate of food under the warmers. I ignore his question and instead grab one of the plates off the bar, but in my hurried movements I trip over the lip of a drain in the floor and the plate goes flying across the kitchen, narrowly missing another waitress heading out of the swinging door and shattering in its spot.
And that's when I lose it.
I can't help but stare at the spot on the floor as tears make their way down my cheeks. Gianna is trying to push me towards the back door while Joey is gently trying to reassure me he can just make another plate and it's no big deal. I know it's a big deal though. Now that customer is going to be behind and other orders are going to be behind and we're so stupidly busy at this time of day and my dad fucking sucks—
"Take this." The blinding sun outside hits my face at the same time the chilling wind breezes by and I hear the slam of the door shut behind me. Gianna thrusts a wax pen into my hand while she lights a cigarette. "What the fuck is going on?"
I take a few deep breaths to steady myself before spilling out everything that's happened over the last day. From the moment I accidentally sprayed my dad with pepper spray to the horrible fight that ended a couple of hours ago. Gianna stares at me open mouthed until I finally finish, ripping the wax pen until I'm coughing around it.
"I didn't even know you had a dad," is the first thing she responds with. I burst out laughing, needing that sort of comment that would only come from Gianna.
"Of course I do, G. He's just an asshole of a dad."
Gianna puts her cigarette out in the ashtray nearby and takes her pen from me. "Just get through this shift, and we'll spend tonight at Eddie's. Just you, me, and Joey. Like old times. Zayn and Harry can kick rocks today."
I laugh again, but this time it comes out more forced. All I want to do is crawl in bed and bury myself until I'm forced to get up again, but I agree knowing it'll be good for me to have some quality time with my friends.
After Gianna attempts to make me laugh again and Joey comes out to give me a quick hug and agrees to our plans tonight, we follow him back inside to finish out the day. A small weight has been lifted off my chest after talking to Gianna and the day goes by easier, but there's one thing that I can't shake no matter how I try.
Everywhere I go, I feel a pair of eyes on me. Like I'm being followed and watched. A feeling that's always there, but never really goes away. A scan of the restaurant tells me no one I know is here, but I don't think I'm crazy anymore.
Someone is following me and has been for a long time.
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hiiiii. thank you for reading <3