• 𝓚𝓲𝓽𝓮 •
I couldn't focus. Every time I thought I got a handle on my thoughts enough to work, my mind strayed to my father. To Mae. To Zero. To all the bullshit.
How hadn't I seen it? I wasn't exactly close with my father but I hadn't expected him to do half the shit he'd done. I knew someone was turning their back on me. I'd known that for months. But for it to be my father? I would have guessed Doyle. The man was power hungry enough and could move his little pawns around. He could get Zero to do anything he wanted. With his powers, he could damn near get anyone to do what he wanted with enough incentive.
I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my temples. I had Noah and Luca leave me earlier. Their constant talking didn't help with my inability to focus, and I just needed to be alone.
Why did I even bother trying to work? Why did I bother doing my father's bidding still, now that he's made his intentions clear? He didn't want me. He wanted Mae.
How long had he wanted her? How long had he been planning this? Did he tell his guards around South District to turn a blind eye to Zero killing Mae's kids? Did he know she'd run? That I would go find her because being under his rule was better than her being under Lucifer?
Was all of this his plan?
Unfortunately, I believed it was. Everything was too coincidental. Only he - and maybe Doyle - had the power to rule the guards. To tell them not to inform me of the poisoning. Of the deaths.
When I heard the district's alarms that night, calling her name, I'd looked at Noah and Luca first. But when I looked at my father, he was already looking at me. Gauging my reaction.
Since her escape, we hadn't had another gathering.
I stared down at my desk, a rough breath escaping my lips.
He'd known. He gave her an opening to run.
How long had he been planning this? What else was he planning?
She threw a wrench in his plans when she forfeited her fight with Zero. She would have won. And if what Zero had been saying was right...
I sighed, then closed my eyes.
It didn't matter. My father would figure out a way around it. He always did. If he wanted something badly enough, he would get it.
When I opened my eyes, I about choked on a gasp when I saw Mae standing just inside my office. I hadn't even heard her come in, too focused on thoughts of my father.
She raised an eyebrow as she clicked the door shut. "Jumpy?"
She came out of fucking nowhere of course I'd be jumpy. The hell? Was she a ghost too now?
I schooled my features like she hadn't almost scared the soul out of my body. "Not at all."
She smiled a bit. "You are a terrible liar."
I laughed a bit, leaning back in my chair. I motioned for her to come closer, and watched as she slowly rounded my desk to sit against it near me. She glanced down at the paperwork, her eyes scanning them without really reading anything, before looking back to me.
She really was too pretty for words. Her dark brown hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, giving me full view of her face. As a human, she'd had a bit of rosacea that caused her to look like she constantly had a small blush on her face. It had been cute, and might be one of the biggest things I missed about her being a human. But as a vampire, her skin was smooth and pale, unblemished and beautiful. Her hazel eyes had brightened somewhat since her change, just around the pupils. So in the right lighting, they looked like they had a bit of a glow.
I'd noticed small changes from when she was a human to now. But as both human and vampire, she was beautiful. Strong in her own way.
Her eyebrows lifted when I stared for too long.
"Did you need something?" I didn't look away from her.
"We need to talk about your dad," she said softly.
I couldn't help my cringe. I'd been thinking of my father too much the past few hours.
"I want him gone," she finally said when I didn't respond.
I blinked, shifting to lean back in my chair as I watched her. I knew what she meant. She didn't want him off the so-called throne of South District. She wanted him dead.
"And," I asked, waiting.
"I want to know how you feel about that, since he's your dad." Her lips had twitched down into a small frown, like she was worried her wanting my father dead would make me angry.
It didn't.
I wanted him dead long before she even came into the picture. Long before the districts and the takeover. Everything I'd done for him hadn't started out as my choice. There were things he had made me do after he changed me that were unforgivable, and made me realize that the caring, loving father I once had died when he raised back up from the dead.
So much could be done to a person when they were near immortal.
I shook my head. "If you feel you're strong enough to kill him and take over, I won't stop you."
"That's not what I said." She tilted her head. "How does it make you feel?"
How did it make me feel? Knowing she wanted to kill my father? Knowing she'd ultimately end the constant misery?
My father didn't need to threaten people for me to do his bidding. He rewired and reprogrammed my mind to automatically fear disobeying him. Especially now.
Years before I knew Noah, Luca, or Mae, I secluded myself. Kept a distance from humans and vampires alike because I knew they'd be used against me. Over time, treating humans like they were nothing more than sheep for us to feed off of was like breathing. Easy. Almost second nature. I'd accidentally let that part of me slip with Mae a few times, even though I never wanted to treat her like just another human.
But I was the face of South District. I couldn't be nice to them because my father didn't want me to be. They were objects. Tools to be used to fuel us.
I honestly had let myself start to believe that over time. Until her.
I hadn't realized I was just staring at her blankly until she waved her hand in front of my face.
"If you believe you are strong enough, I won't stop you," I repeated. "Because I know I'm not strong enough to. You're...an enigma, Mae."
She nodded. "Because I'm stronger than most new vampires?"
"Because you're stronger than all new vampires," I corrected. "You're stronger than some vampires who have been around for hundreds of years."
I was pretty sure she was stronger than I was. She could already do things I couldn't. And while it should have made me envious, it only served to make me proud of her. Well...proud and nervous for her.
She sighed. "I didn't ask for this."
I felt my lips curl up into a sad smile. "I know you didn't."
I wondered what the last straw was for her. When did she decide Titus was better off dead?
Maybe she always wanted him dead. Her previous hatred for vampires likely made her believe all vampires would be better off dead. Now that she was one, and didn't seem to hate every single vampire she met, maybe she was aiming that hatred to the ones who truly deserved it.
She'd be a good ruler.
"And I don't want to rule." She looked at me, smiling slightly as if she had heard my thoughts. "I want you to."
Or not.
*****
A/N: A little mental rant - it's not really necessary to read but some of you have reached out to ask if everything is ok since I'm usually pretty up-to-date on posting.
I think part of my problem is that I don't love this story anymore. I'm not excited about writing in this anymore. But it's not just this story. It's writing in general. I have started multiple different stories (it usually kicks me out of a writing block) and I have hated every single one of them. I've been questioning my ability as a writer over the past few months and I know I can do better, but getting there is harder than I'd like to admit. I've tried just putting writing down and focusing on me and it's not helping either because writing has been a huge part of my life for YEARS.
I will finish this book. But I'm battling some pretty bad self-doubt in the writing department. I'm working on it, and I appreciate your patience with me. I haven't struggled this bad for a very long time. We'll get there. I'll get excited about it again. I have to.