SAND
The company after party was in full swing when I arrived. Opting to ride with Nick, Boston, P'Yo & Plug who had excitedly chatted about the concert.
After expressing his initial shock, P'Yo commented that by Aye's looks he always thought he was a rich boy, just didn't realize he was THAT rich boy. Speaking of, I've tried to find Aye but hadn't seen him yet.
"If you're looking for Aye, he rode with Khan and their friends. They said something about grabbing a take out since they were hungry," Nick commented.
"I wasn't!" I felt flustered having been caught.
"Yeah sure," Boston's signature sarcastic smirk made its appearance.
"Are you getting back together?" Nick asked, as we went inside the high end bar that the company had rented exclusively for the after party.
"I'd love it if you minded your own business, Nick. Ton get your boyfriend over there with P'Yo and Plug. Eat and drink, because I have to do a round of greeting first. Obligation!" I said, rolling my eyes.
"Sannnnnd!!!" A giddy Violet launched herself to give me a hug.
"Ummmpp!!! What have you been eating lately Vi!" I teased, putting her back on her feet gently.
"That's rude!" She swatted my arm. I introduced her to everyone, who were starstruck but Vi doesn't even seem to notice. She had wanted to come earlier but she had a photoshoot that couldn't be rescheduled.
"Congratulations!" She got out a box of the chocolates I always have with me in the studio.
"Thanks Vi!" I briefly hugged her. Only this time when I looked up my eyes met Ayan's. I almost froze with the coldest eyes as he stared at the way Vi and I are standing together before turning his back and greeting some of the party goers.
As the party progressed, both Ayan and I hadn't found ourselves together because we've both been forced to move around to greet the guest. By the time, he was done, Ayan is leaning on Wat's shoulder looking exhausted.
I was startled when Vi suddenly spoke up beside me, "hmmm... is that your love rival? He looks good. I mean from a lesbian's point of view at least."
Laughing lightly, "ahhh... no. They're just friends and yes, Wat is good looking. So are the rest of his friends." I gestured to Khan who was animatedly telling stories to a tolerant Wat who had patted Ayan's back affectionately and Thua, who is smiling adoringly.
Just then the host of tonight's party and one of the famous emcees in the company, Leo spoke up on stage again.
"How is everyone enjoying the party? Yeah? Well a little bird whispered in my ear that something is going to make our night even better. Do you want that?"
A resounding yes could be heard in the venue.
"Alright then! Let's call for our handsome CEO Ayan and request him to sing for us!"
Loud whistles and wohooooosss could be heard as both employees, co artist, guest and investors urge Aye who was startled by the request.
Shaking his head exasperatedly, he climbed the stage and joked.
"Leo, that little bird of yours and you will get a pay cut for this!" Aye smiled charmingly, putting on his Ray persona.
"Ohhh... don't do that khun Ayan I'm just making everyone happier tonight," Leo laughingly answers as Aye was handed an acoustic guitar.
"Well... it seems I have been blackmailed into doing this? I hope you don't feel too disappointed and if you do, please just focus on my handsome face," Ayan laughs, remembering that first night he played as Ray in YOLO and like then, the crowd went crazy with their cheering.
Aye started strumming the guitar and the whole venue immediately quieted down, mesmerized and bewildered by the beautiful sight of Aye and the beautiful voice that no one, except his closest friends here had known our cold and stoic CEO had as he sung:
🎶🎶🎶
🎶🎶🎶
The crowd was captivated, soft whispers of admiration and surprise that our CEO after all was a better singer than some of the artists signed in the company.
A woman at the table in my back loudly said: "oh my God! I want to fuck him. Just one night! He's so fucking hot and sexy. That voice on that face!"
Vi, Nick and Boston were laughing comically as they looked at the immediate anger in my face.
Even Leo was dumbfounded and had to clear his throat.
"Oh God! Khun Ayan, to say we are all surprised that you have such a beautiful voice is an understatement. I think the look on everyone's face now is a clear indication, everyone, let's give him a round of applause."
"Thank you everyone, thank's Leo. I suppose I'm done surprising everyone then?" Aye laughed as he stood up.
"Oh wait, Khun Ayan, the crowd had one more request please. May we call to the stage the man of the hour, Sand!!!"
Sighing, I walked on stage to a smiling Leo and Aye whose face had no expression currently.
"Sand! Since tonight is your night, we won't be letting you off the hook too. Everyone is clamoring for a duet between you two, can we have just one song please?" Leo asked and the crowd immediately went wild, saying please.
Looking at Aye, who gave a discreet nod, I smiled and gave my assent. Picking up another acoustic guitar.
Now there's two stools on stage, and I sat beside Aye. Briefly discussing what we were going to sing together. This would mark the first time we ever performed publicly side by side.
Finally agreeing on the song, we gave the thumbs up to Leo who urged the crowd to give us a round of applause as both Aye and I started to strum our guitars.
🎶🎶🎶
🎶🎶🎶
My breath caught when Ayan's eyes found mine and held my gaze when he sang the last line.
We were lost in each other's eyes despite the loud clapping and cheers of the crowd.
Finally breaking the spell when Leo approached and said, "Wow that was an epic performance! It's like part of the concert. Seriously, Khun Ayan, an amazing singer like you should be out there making albums like Sand. Maybe even making an album together."
Laughing Aye said, "thanks for the suggestion Leo. If the company ever goes out of business, I'll probably be doing that!"
"Ha! Khun Ayan, with your capability this company will only rise higher. We are not worried," Leo laughs good naturedly.
"Sand, how does it feel to be singing with your Boss?"
"Gotta tell you Leo, I did not expect so many of my dreams to come true in just one night. Although most of you here didn't know that Khun Ayan is a great singer, I did. As I said during the concert, he had been the creative genius behind the song line up in my album. I've had the privilege of privately hearing him sing and I've always thought how wonderful it'll be to sing together on stage."
After the performance, Ayan slipped out discreetly. I followed him with my eyes. He was not back after 15 minutes, so I decided to follow him. He was in the fire exit, smoking but he was on the phone.
"Akk can you stop minding my business? Yes Sand hadn't forgiven me yet and yes I groveled already. I'm not mad at him though, he has a right to be mad. Can we talk about how was the date you said you went to instead?"
I could only hear half of the conversation but it seems Akk and Aye are becoming good friends now. Aye told him about the concert and how he felt watching me perform.
Finally clearing my throat, Aye startled and immediately told Akk he needs to go. Also putting out his cigarette.
"Why are you hiding here?" I said, strolling to where he is.
"I'm not, just needed a moment alone," Aye responded.
"Are you getting back together with Akk?" I ask, knowing the answer but couldn't help myself from still feeling a little bit of jealousy towards the guy.
"Can't you tell from the conversation you've eavesdropped?" Aye snorted.
"Glad to know you're friends now and I didn't eavesdrop," I pointed out, taking out my own cigarette.
"Yeah sure. Except you've probably been standing there for a while before deciding to make your presence known," Ayan smiled that tolerant smile of his as he took another cigarette.
"Thank you for the guitar and the flowers Aye. They are both beautiful, especially the guitar. I decided to name him Ray by the way," I told him.
"Pfffttt... Ray's a name that really knows how to go around. Now he's a guitar. But congratulations again Sand. You did so well and you deserved all that," Ayan says to me still smiling.
"Thank you. You are one of the biggest contributors to my success," I told him sincerely.
"Sand, you worked hard for this. Don't let me or anyone take credit for it," Aye says.
"Okay. Aye I wanted to talk about us..." I began, running my hand through my hair nervously.
"How about we get out of here first? I don't think this is a good place for us to have this conversation," Aye responds.
AYAN
After 6 months, Sand is back in my house. It's actually a bittersweet moment, as I watch him take his leather jacket off and place it in the jacket rack. He also took his house slippers and put them on while I went to the kitchen to prepare us some coffee. We both had a few drinks between us. Taking that uber ride was the wisest idea we've both had.
"Hey Aye let me finish that and you can change. You must be uncomfortable," Sand says, as he literally moved me off the kitchen.
Sand was already sitting at the kitchen counter sipping his coffee with a few pastries prepared. I sat down and thanked him, sipping from the steaming coffee mug.
"Anytime. So I wanted to talk," Sand started, fingers fidgeting on the mug in his hand.
"Uhmmm okay...." I said noncommittally.
"The last 6 months has made me question a lot of things about us and I not only felt mad, I also felt insecure and a little resentful. I felt it was unfair to be ghosted like that, even when I understood that you needed it. I just didn't feel like I deserved that radio silence. So I got mad. Then I found out you flew to Phuket, to go to Akk. It hurt Aye, coz I am here; you could have talked to me first, instead you flew all the way there to talk to him. I could have eventually gotten over that too and then the scandal with Vi happened and once again I'm realizing how much you take for granted my feelings. You went in there and went into a clean up mode assuming I was really dating her. It became a question of trust and the lack of communication between us is alarming. You kept assuming things Aye, instead of asking. If this is how we will be, no matter how much we love each other now we are going to break up eventually," Sand finally takes a breath; as if saying all these things took a lot of effort from him and maybe it really did.
"I know now how much I messed up on the situation with Akk, Sand. I have no excuse except it's the only time I've had to deal with this. Technically you are my second boyfriend and I've only ever been with Akk for a year. That year we didn't even have major problems at all. So I've never had to deal with things like this. Again I'm not excusing myself, just trying to make you understand why I acted like that. I thought I have to fix the past first and I guess I overlooked the fact that I'm not the only one dealing with this. I'm sorry," I told him as honestly as I could about why it happened on my part.
Nodding thoughtfully because Sand is a very open minded person who always tries to put others first before his own. After all he is the most considerate person there ever is.
So I continue, "with Violet, I was just jealous. The pictures made it look like a romantic date. I was already feeling insecure about us and I saw that. My defense mechanism was to pretend it didn't matter to me. Again, what I did was fuck up. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too about that Aye. I met Vi because I needed someone to talk to about the fact that you flew to Phuket to find your ex. I was feeling pretty hurt and depressed. And then I also bought our personal relationship into work. That was a fuck up thing to do for me too. I put you on the spot. People weren't aware we had a relationship outside of work and I just revealed that to everyone in that conference room. Now you had to deal with the looks of suspicion," Sand, ever the magnanimous person that he is also apologized.
"You know I don't really blame you for that. I deserved that for all the shit I put you through. And I realized something tonight Sand while you were looking every bit the famous rockstar that you already are on stage. Maybe you are right to say that we should just break up. You belong on that stage, you are the brightest while you sing and play the guitar. Having a relationship with me will only put you at risk of a scandal, unnecessary fights when you go on tour and I'll be left here. You should be free to do whatever you need to do the next few years to climb even higher Sand... being with me will only be a hindrance. The pressures of a relationship shouldn't be something you should be worrying about. I guess what I'm trying to say is that... that... If you still think this is the best thing to do now, I'm willing to stop now too. I could see why you don't want to deal with this on top of the pressures you have now and I want to be here, supporting you, making sure you reach and exceed your goals. Even if it pains me, I'm willing to let you go," I finished in a barely whisper, afraid that my tears are going to spill and the pain in my heart will choke me to death.
"Are you really going to do that? Just let me go like that? After everything?" Sand's eyes are hauntingly pained and confused.
"It's not just like that Sand. I just want to be less selfish for once. I'm thinking of you. It will hurt me, especially because ever since I closed the chapter of my life with All, all I've been thinking everyday is to have you back in my arms. But I don't want to be selfish. You want to achieve your dreams and you have the talent and capacity to do so but something has to give somewhere. If you have to sacrifice something, sacrifice me. I can wait, it may take you 2, 3 or maybe 5 years? That's okay. I'll wait for you to come back. In the meantime you are free to do whatever you want to do. Don't let me hold you back anymore," I whispered, stroking his face gently.
"Yet you are still deciding this on your own Aye. Don't I get a say in this? Am I supposed to just let you decide this again?" Sand's demeanor changed back to the rigid one he had that time he told me to go. Pushing my hand off him.
"But isn't this what you wanted? You said we are done," I whispered back despite the pain I feel now. Are we just going to keep lashing out? Misunderstanding each other?
"You're unbelievable," Sand stood up, taking his jacket and his shoes.
"Sand! Wait! I didn't say this was my decision. I said if you still think this is the best thing to do! Sand!" I yelled hoarsely but Sand was out and slamming the door shut.