KASHISH
"I will come back to you, sweetheart",
"You can't escape from me, as the world is too narrow to find you", he giggles. "I will chase you till the end of eternity. Soon, I will make you imprisoned in my cage again"
I can't scream! My breaths keep coming in short gasps; my lungs not expand. The darkness swallowing me with its allure. My throat is closing up, and I'm trying to shout and I can't stop wheezing, thrashing my arms, and trying desperately to breathe, but my efforts are goes in veins.
"I will take what's mine, and there is no one who can save you from me. This time your major spoiled my whole plan, but never mind, he will pay for that after giving me his life"
"I will cut his organs into pieces in front of your eyes like I did with your father. I'm a man of my words. I heard that -he is the last one in your life; I-gonna break your last hope too while tearing off his fucking heart" I want to scream, but why I can't.
"Don-don't please, do-don't hurt Ranvijay" I whispered in a barely audible voice. I felt like someone-not someone-that monster choking my throat with his fucking hands. My whole body was soaked in sweat.
"Say your goodbye to him", he stabbed Ranvijay's heart. "Ranvijay!!" I woke up with a scream. I stained the couch with my blood. I pressed my lips and gulped my saliva. I started breathing heavily and every exhale was piercing my heart.
"Ranvijay! Ranvijay! Where are you? Please come to me?" I started panicking my tongue and kept repeating his name.
I rolled my eyes all around, but I didn't find him near me. Where am I? The moment was like i living my dream in reality. Did he really hurt Ranvijay? Did he take away Ranvijay with him? Tears started building in my eyes.
I got down from the couch to search for him, but I didn't have enough strength as my muscles stiffened. The painful sensation pierced my body when I tugged my feet's on the floor. He can't hurt Ranvijay-he-he can't do that.
I leaned my body forward. Black dots appeared in front of my eyes. "Baisa!!" A soft female voice touched my eyes. Who is she? Did that monster cage me again? I didn't turn to her. My eyes were searching for an object so that I could protect myself.
My eyes fell on the wooden box that lay near the couch. I grabbed that one and hit her. She started groaned in pain. Blood dripped from her head. "Don't come near me. Tell me where is Ranvijay?" I started throwing things in the direction of her.
"Ranvijay! Ranvijay!" I throw the glass vase over the floor. Why is he not answering my voice? He promised me that he would never leave me, than why he broke his promise. Some pieces of the vase sting to my feet as I mistakenly walked on shattered pieces of the vase.
The lady immediately left the room. I wiped my tears with the back side of my hand. I made the whole floor red with my thick blood. I hided my face between my palms. The darkness glowed in front of my eyes and made me hard to see a shadow creep up in front of me.
I glided my hands slowly as I heard some tapping footsteps. perhaps she is coming along with him-with that monster. They will kill me. That monster will touch me again with his dirty hands. I began to run my hands over my body.
I grabbed the vase quickly while walking over the shattered glasses. Every pierced glass into my foot's skin made me scream harder and harder, but I stored my pain in my throat.
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"Kashish!" My back was facing the man behind. The voice was familiar to me. Ranvijay! I slowly turned towards him. His gaze met my eyes, and I started crying heavily. I want to smile, but I can't, as the last few months taught me only one emotion: crying.
"Where were you Ranvijay?" I whispered while still holding the vase in my hands. I was scared as she stepped inside the room along with him. I pulled back to the present world. His presence assured me that I was having a nightmare.
I want him to reach me. "Raaje! Calm down; I'm here- give it to me", he extended his hand towards me while my hands were still in the air holding the vase. My eyes were pinned to his eyes, and I didn't notice his hands travel from my side just to grab the vase.
His eye contact forced me to tilt up my face to match his height, as his neck was two steps away from me. My eyeballs twitch, my forehead drifting back to the dip in my throat. I shut my eyes in peace as my forehead's top touched his chest.
I pulled him close and hugged him tightly, just to feel him. "Ranvijay! She was trying to hurt me", I hiccuped while he began to run his hands on my back.
Tears dried up. Sadness took a nap, but the anxiety was still breathing within me. I clenched his t-shirt into my fists tightly. "Ranvijay, she will kill me; please ask her to stay away from me"
I pulled him closer. My grip would surely suffocate his breath. He was putting all his efforts to make me calm. He caressed my head with love and care, like my father did when I had nightmares.
I closed my eyes. I feel my heart beat getting normal. My body stopped shaking. But I need him more, because now I am scared to be alone.
"No! I don't want to get first-aid by her. Tell her to leave me alone" I stammer while his hand still rubbing my cheek gently. I don't want to get touch by her or anyone else. Their touches won't be secure and safe, and I needed a lovable touch.
"Kashish, it's necessary to apply medicine and-" He touched my hand between talks, "You have a high fever, Raaje." His words shifted my focus on my burning skin. Before that I didn't even know that I had high fever.
"Then you first-aid my wounds. I don't want anyone else to touch me" I said, making him silent. Perhaps he was feeling awkward enough to touch me. My wounds need deep attention and care, and someone else is not perfect for the job.
I want him to heal me. Touch every fucking deep cut of mine because his touches scream softness, gentleness, and care, and I need that desperately. "Okay, I will do that," he agreed.
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"You need to take a shower, so that dust and blood can be dripped down", I was naked in the shower. My whole body was shivering as I was taking so much time to clean myself. It's been 5.5 months since I saw myself naked.
My deep cuts were reflected in the mirror that was clicking pictures of me while standing in front of me. I began to run my hand over my wounds to touch them. He tortured me like a animals. The dust and blood were hiding my white, creamy skin.
The whole shower was filled with hot steam. I slowly slid my hand up and opened the shower tap. First, I got flinched with hot droplets. Guess what! I'm the one who loved to vibe in the shower, but today even these fucking droplets are scaring me.
This is not so fucking me. I had never been scared of anything in my life, but now I am scared of humans. Fear got stuck with me like a leech that didn't have any intention of leaving me unless sucking me.
I want to get rib of this Kashish. This sentence and goal were running through my conscious mind, but in the next moment, my fear started climbing on my body like a subconscious mind would kept reminding my brain to get scared.
Finally, I am done with the bath. Ranvijay passed me pair of dress, a long dress made with soft cotton and has Rajasthani embroidery with silk thread. It's very light in weight. I tugged it around my waist, but I wasn't able to tie the strings around my waist.
Fuck! I sighed in irritation. it was forcing me to waste so much strength and energy and I don't had enough of that. So I frustratedly tugged that over my waist. But my problems were not ended here I have a blouse too.
A sleeveless blouse with a matching print. I have cuts over my body, and my fingers are already fucked up. Water still wetting my bare back and my skin soaking up water like tissue paper. I have no sense left, so I worn it but I didn't knot both parts. I need someone to do that.
My anklet tinkling earned Ranvijay's glares immediately. I have towel in my hand that was supposed to wrap around my hair. My hair was still wet as water dripped down from them, wetting my shoulder.
His eyes got stuck on me. He was quiet. He paused his hands in the air while holding a jacket. I was waiting for his words, but perhaps he doesn't have any intention to blink his eyes. Ranvijay, do this eye thing later, First please knot my dories.
I filled my mouth with this comment. "Why didn't you wipe your hair? Your clothes are soaking in water, and you will get sick", he asked straight, but his eyes were still pinned at me like I'm the most admiring object for him.
"There is a lot of pain in my hands, so I couldn't wipe my hair properly", I said while he shifted his glare from my eyes to my wet lips. "Ranvijay, help me! Please tie the string of my blouse; I am not able to do that because of the pain" I added, and he leaned forward.
He took slow steps towards me until he was one step away from me. He gestured at me to hand over the towel, and I put it on his hand. He took another step towards me. My heart skipped for a moment as his body warmth hit my shivered skin.
My strands stuck to my cheeks like magnets. Water was dripping from them, making my cheeks wet. It didn't feel like I wiped my face a few moments ago. He parted his lips. "Can I touch you?"
I nodded. I admired him many times in the last two months, but the current moment touched my heart. I gave him all the right to touch me and heal me, but he still needs my consent to touch my skin. Then why did he dominate me at Manikaran that night? Perhaps I misunderstood him.
I think that wasn't dominance; that was his way of convey his words. Now I get why Jack didn't help me that day because he was so sure that his superior was never going to do anything inappropriate.
While my mind was filled with admiring thoughts, he wiped my hair. He began to run a towel around my bare back while curving his head around my neck. His force thrust me close to him. I closed my eyes.
"If your guts warn you that I'm crossing my limits or my touch makes you feel disgusted, then stop me immediately, okay?" He said while my gaze met his.
Listen, you said he can't be gentlemen ever. So, witness this moment. I argued with my inner voice. He stole my heart twice. Your touch would never meant to be disgusting to me, as your aura has softness.
He finished the gap between us, making my heart come to my throat. How can I slow down my fast heartbeats? He curved his neck again to knot my blouse. He tried hard not to touch my skin but still, his finger brushed my bare back. My eyes brows twitched.
His nostrils air hit my neck. I clenched his shirt into my fist. His beard brushed my cheek. My ears turned red. Why! I fucking don't know. Thank God I have a fever, so I can hide my face impulsiveness behind it. Goosebumps travelled throughout my body.
"What happened? Are you uncomfortable?"
"Nope! I-I just again pressed my wound that's why I got startled" I said. I don't want to let him know that his touches are making me breathe harder. Perhaps I myself don't know what I'm exactly feeling. Every touch of him gave me butterflies in my belly, even for a few seconds. I want to chop all the fluttering butterflies.
Suddenly, his sighed earned my attention. I slightly rolled my gaze at him, "Why are you angry?" My words earned his gazes. We are just a few inches away from each other.
"No, I'm not angry! That small piece of iron sucks me; actually, I don't know how to buckle a hook, so I'm just fed up"
He tried so hard to be polite, but he couldn't hide his aggression. His face reflected that he was pissed off. He is a too-short-temper guy. Even a small, non-living thing has the power to make him annoyed.
I try hard to hide my smile, but I can't, so I smirked. "Why are you laughing? Are you making fun of me? I'm already angry enough; don't put fuel in my anger"
A big chuckle left my mouth. He got angry, and his face turned red in anger. "You don't even know how to tie a blouse hook. Haven't you done it before?" What a stupid question I asked.
"I'm a soldier! Not a tailor who are tying hooks throughout the day" his words put a fine and heartfelt smile on my lips. "Stop laughing at me! otherwise, I will leave it in the middle", I zipped my smile.
"Okay, I'll teach you. Put the edge of the hook into the hole of the thread", I said while he again held my blouse parts. "Why aren't you answering me? Did you understand how to do that?"
"Yeah! Yeah! I get it", he chuckled in annoyance. He pulled away and slid his hands around my waist. He pulled out my kilt dories. His eyes were down, while my eyes were only watching him. He knotted the dories after brushing my skin. His fingers touched my belly, forcing it to dip into intestine. The hairs behind my bare neck stood up. I pressed my lips hard to gulp the sensation.
"You're feeling cold! don't worry, I'm done", he said, and I nodded. "Sit down" command accepted like an obedient student. He walked behind me and wrapped a quilt around me. He grabbed the plate and sat in front of me.
"First we'll eat and then I'll give first aid to your wounds, okay", the softness in his words back.
He pulled the lid, making me scrunch my nose and face. "Why are you giving unwanted looks to dinner?" he caught me.
"Because I don't like Bottle gourd",
"Really! But I loved to eat Bottle gourd. In fact, Bottle gourd is the secret of my energy", he repeat my father's words. It was exactly the same, with accurate punctuation that my father rarely used.
"Then you eat it. And BTW, I'm not feeling well, and I don't think I could finish the dinner" I murmured.
"Because you have a fever, have your meal and then you will feel better" I didn't want to open my mouth, but I still opened it. He dips the roti in daal and feeds me, like my father did.
"You are a bad guy", I mimicked with my puppy face while he turned his gaze at me. Before feeding another bite, he said. "I've been the nicest guy on earth a few days ago, and now I'm the bad one? I don't think so that I'm suffering from bipolar disorder," he said.
He has bipolar disorder, but he's never going to admit it. "You are a bad one! I mean, you don't even care about others wish. You just dominate people with your demeanour, just to put yourself above"
"Ughh! Ughh!" He immediately grabbed the glass of water and made me drink. "How many times do I need to tell you that you should not talk when you are eating but no, your blah blah conversation doesn't have any end", he grunted.
"Stop scolding me! I don't like the people who got angry at me. You see-I'm injured and suffering in pain, and you are scolding me. I hate you", I replied.
"I know you are older than me that's why you are taking advantage of the age gap", I added. He always scolds me like my strict professors.
"I'm not angry at you, Raaje. I'm just talking to you", he said with his usual tone, but his eyes had softness. He wrapped his fingers around a glass and passed me. "Stop cursing me and finish this milk, come on", I took the glass while he walked towards the closet. Why! I don't know!
He back to his place while my eyes still paused at the glass. I hate milk. I curved my lips to my jaw line. "What are you doing? Don't look at milk- you have to drink it, Hurry up", His husky voice broke my glare.
"But you told me that there is medicine mixed in milk? It would be bitter in taste, right? I don't want to drink it" I put the glass on the ground while his eyes followed my hand.
"Grab it back and finish it, now", he said in aggression, and I grabbed the glass again without wasting a second and gulped it in one take. I put the empty glass near me. "Good! That's like an obedient girl" he wiped the milk from my lip corner gently.
He knows how to make someone kneel before him. Now I get why he is the best officer, but don't worry, I will take my revenge one day. I will make you eat something that you won't like at all.
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RANVIJAY
She is so cute; even her face has cuteness. She Complaint so many times in just 10 minutes. And all the time, I was just doing one thing: admiring her. My heart stopped at the moment when she stepped outside the shower with wet hair.
Today, I clearly heard her anklet sound. My favourite sound. Only I know how I resist her closeness when I was knotting her dories while touching her bare back and abdomen. When my finger brushed her belly, I felt like I had touched a soft feather.
The moment arrived when I needed to touch her deeper. I hope my touch doesn't make her scared or disgusted. I gestured her to extend her feet towards me. She slowly moved her foot towards me. I gently took her foot and placed it on my lap.
I slide her kilt. Nothing pierced my heart before, but seeing her like this boiled my anger. She has so many cuts on her feet. I know that she won't be able to bear the pain of them. "Don't worry, it won't hurt you, okay?" I said, and she nodded.
I noted the moment; the medicine greased her skin, making her scream loudly. "Ahhh, its hurting Ranvijay", Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She clenched her kilt on the knees to bear the pain. "Shhh, it's okay! It will be alright", I said in a trembling voice.
(Play Dil Ibabat BY KK)
I can't see her in pain. Every time when my hands brush her wound cuts, she screams. I wish I could take her pain. I was blowing my mouth air to her wounds so that the medicines won't bother her. My eyes were pinned to her. She shut her eyes. She wet her whole face with tears.
"Ranvijay, it's hurting", she sobbed. I could hear her pain-filled sobs constantly, her painful sobs piercing every corner of my heart like a thorn. "Kashish, stop crying, as I can't you in pain", I cupped her face with my free hand.
I wiped her tears. She opened her puffy eyes. I gripped her feet and leaned on it. I pressed my lips on her ankle to kiss it. I never do that but I want her to calm down. My eyes met hers. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks.
I want her to believe that I'm with her and I can mitigate her pain. Perhaps my love is less than her pain.
I was dressing her other feet. My eyes were pinned on her as she was still crying. Kashish! Stop crying. I can't see you like this. Suffering from pain. I don't know why your pain makes me agitated. I don't know why I feel her pain in every corner of my heart. My skin started burning in anger. I devastated to see her in pain.
I was injured too, but that doesn't bother me at all, as my whole focus is on her tears. I have never felt anyone's pain in my entire life. I have stopped feeling my own pain. Tears falling from my eyes.
I wish I could get back to the past and make Tamraz alive, just to kill him again. I want to cut him again like he did to her. I'm a cold-hearted person, but I could burn anyone who hurts her.
I went closer to touch her arms. She leaned on her face a while ago. she has dried tears on her face. I put medicine on her arms, and she got flinched and turned her eyes at me in chaos. Before she spoke further, I stopped her, putting my finger on her lips. "Shhh!" I wipe her tears.
She paused her pity eyes at me. Don't look at me with those eyes, Kashish, I will get mad. I tried so hard to push you away from me, but you pulled me closer and closer. I can't have enough guts to flip my eyes off your face. Stop your eye contact with me, as I don't want to get mad in your love.
But she was still looking at me without blinking her eyes. She opened and shut her lips twice. "It's hurting, right?" I asked while brushing her jaw line. "You are hurting too"
Yes!! I'm hurt, but the reason is your pain, not my wounds, as I never cared about my pain. "I'm done with your first-aid. Do you have any other wounds left?" I asked while her eyes met the floor. Her face screams -awkwardness. She nodded at my words.
"I have some cuts on my abdomen and over my back" a hesitation left her mouth. The moment was awkward for me too, but I have to do that. Before I'm done with my inner talks, she drops her back on the floor.
I leaned to her abdomen, but her cut was not clearly visible to me as her kilt corners were hiding it. How can I ask her to slid her kilt down? I started flickering my eyes. "Ranvijay!!" I turned to her. She gestured at me, and I followed her gaze to her abdomen. She slid her kilt. She has a deep knife cut. I put medicine on her wound, and she started shaking her belly.
Is my touch bothering her or hurting her? Why is her belly's hair stood up and she has goosebumps? She groaned in pain. Her ankles were rustled slowly on her tiptoes. I slowly lay beside her while her eyes were closed and her breast was going up and down repeatedly.
"Kashish!" I said near her earlobes, but she didn't open her eyes. "Turn yourself, I need to grease your back", I whispered.
She flipped herself while tugging her one hand away from her head, and her other hand lay near her chest. I removed her shattered hair from her back after brushing her neck. Her black mole was looking beautiful.
My fingers started to rustle on her back around her cut. I felt like I had no control over them. When I greased her cut, she slowly groaned in pain. "Ahhh!!" her voice tone was not more moan. barely audible.
I blow my cold mouth air at her wound while leaned my lips so close to her skin. I lost control over myself. This closeness forced me to touch her and kiss her wound like I did with her ankles. I kissed her cut twice gently. "Ranvijay!!" a moan left her mouth. This is the first time I admired my name because she whispered my name.
Ranvijay, leave her! stop getting mad for her. She flipped herself towards me while I was still there. I circled my right arm over her waist and tugged it on the floor. She was intoxicated because of medicine. But she was trying so hard to tilt up her eyelashes.
"Why aren't you closing your eyes, Kashish?"
"Because! I'm afraid to sleep, afraid to be pulled back into my horrible nightmare. That place is scary Ranvijay, and- that place doesn't have your existence", she terrified. She was afraid to shut her eyes.
"Raaje, I'm here you can sleep. I promise I will lay beside you the whole night without blinking my eyes", I said while a tear left her eye. She pulled herself closer to my chest and cupped my left cheek. "I'm sorry, Ranvijay! I shouldn't have been slapped you", she apologised.
(Play Phir Bhi Tumko Chahunga By Arijit Singh)
"Please don't hate me. he touched me in an inappropriate way. Will you hate me for that? This wasn't my fault, as I tried so hard to push him away, but I couldn't", she whispered while her eyes were half shut. I closed my eyes, and tears were rolling like I had no control over them.
I cupped her face and wiped her tears. "I will never hate you, never", I said while she hugged me and forced me to lean on her. "Don't leave me ever, I want you to be by my side always", she murmured near my ears. Don't do that, Kashish! How would I live my life when you leave me alone?
When I said, she will find someone who loves her insanely. I meant Vikrant. They are both in love with each other. Kashish needs love and care so that she can walk out of her trauma. Only vikrant is the one who can heal her.
But why! I have an urge to heal her. I know when Vikrant is going to step into her life, all I need to do is stay away from her. I love her! that's why I can't be selfish with her. All I need is for her to be okay.
I know we never meant each other. I don't deserve her, but my brother does. But... I want to heal your every fucking wound with my love, all I need is your permission to do that.
But she will never choose me for that. And that reality shattered my heart into millions of pieces.
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Next delulu - Someone attacked kashish again in pune.
tell me how's the part? and comment for your favourite part. i needed your reviews.