*****
The phone ringing broke the silence that had filled my makeshift office for the past few hours. I was sitting at the kitchen counter of the apartment I was renting. The noise was the first thing that made me look up in what seemed like a while, so my eyes automatically glanced over at the clock.
It was 2 AM.
I had been reading and taking notes for about five hours since my last snack break. I sighed reaching for the phone as the ringing persisted, even though I had just let it ring for more than fifteen seconds so far.
I wasn't surprised by the name on the screen, but the time he was calling had me confused. If it was Zev or Lyall, or one of my pack's Deltas, I would have been worried.
"Good morning," I greeted.
"Hey... I wanted to check in."
"At 2 AM? Are you okay?"
"Yes, I miss you though." I shook my head at that, amused. "Seriously, when will you be back?"
"When he comes with me."
I had 'convinced' myself that maybe, just maybe if I met Talian and talked to him, I would be able to let him go. But after meeting him, there was no way. I was afraid that he would not want to be with me anymore, even if he remembered me eventually, but that was okay... It was okay as long as I could make sure he was safe before we said goodbye. I would never get over him, but I could live with that if he was safe.
He wasn't.
I knew that much.
It was clear to me that his father wanted to use Talian's magic for whatever 'revenge' he wanted.
I didn't know if what his father had told him about their pack was true. I didn't know how Talian concluded that he had harmed their pack if his father had told him that they had been attacked. There was the possibility that he had remembered, but his father had hidden that memory again. Then why would his father lie about their pack being attacked?
"Kendrick, it's been months." Hilliel sighed. "I need you."
"If you need help with something, Zev can help you; that's why he's there. I can listen to you for now, but you'll have to wait until I get back if you need something done," I said, shifting my focus back to the book in front of me to continue reading over the paragraph I had been studying when he called.
Zev and Lyall were helping me look for a witch we could trust – or at least negotiate with fairly – while I tried to find spells they could use to help Talian regain his memory. As far as research went, and according to the witches we had already spoken to, memory spells were incredibly hard and only a few witches even attempted them, let alone mastered them.
Talian's father and Adaire were quite strong. His family was impressive with their magic and spells. Talian's father was only half-witch and had managed to seemingly master spells most witches could not execute.
So, we had to be careful when it came to him.
Hilliel was quiet for a moment before he let out a breath. I sat up realising what he meant.
"I told you we won't be hooking up anymore," I said.
"When you were with him. You aren't anymore. He's gone. Just come back."
"Even if he is 'gone', it doesn't change what I said."
"Why him?" Hilliel's voice went soft. He sounded hurt. "I've been here the whole time, Kendrick."
I bit my lip. I could practically hear Zev's, 'I told you so' ringing in my ears.
He was going to be glad he had been proven right, and then he was going to be so annoyed that I had hooked up with Hilliel to begin with.
"I'm sorry..." Was all I could manage.
It wasn't an ideal conversation to have over the phone. I thought it was clear to everyone that what we did together was just physical and momentary. I had said it, explicitly. A lot. Everyone knew I didn't stay with one person.
Well, until Talian.
The call died in my ear and I let out a breath dropping my hand onto the counter.
I would talk to him once I got back home.
I put down the phone and attempted to return to the work I had been doing but my eyes kept drifting back to it. I wondered if Talian would be open to meeting me later. Would it be suspicious to his father if he kept going out? I didn't know what his usual routine was.
Reaching for the phone again, I sent him a message asking if he wanted to get breakfast at ten.
I figured he would not respond until later, but wanted to text him anyway. I was surprised to see the message marked read just a couple of seconds after I sent it. He responded with, 'Today?'. Instead of sending another message, I just called him.
"Hey," I spoke after he answered.
"Hi," he sounded like he had not been asleep. It was concerning.
"You can't sleep?" I asked.
"Yeah... Um, why are you up?"
I tapped my finger against the book in front of me. "Research."
"Relating to... me?"
"A little full of yourself. Aren't you, Lian?" I asked.
"N-no. I just – because you said –"
"You're right," I chuckled. "It is related to you."
"You're annoying," he mumbled, making me laugh. "Um... I'm... I'm hungry... I was going to get some food. Do you want to eat too?" he asked, sounding almost careful. I felt my heart flutter at the suggestion.
Was there a chance that even though he couldn't remember me, he still felt something for me? If I was judging just from what I heard, how his heart reacted to me when he was nearby, I would think so.
It gave me hope that I did not need to worry about leaving him behind.
Wait, he was thinking of getting some food? At 2 AM?
Would pointing out that that was strange make him reconsider? I didn't want to point it out if it meant he would take back what he was asking, so instead I just went with it. I missed him anyway. Suddenly ten o'clock seemed so far away.
"Yes. I'll pick you up in ten minutes," I said.
"Pick me up?"
"Yeah. We'll drive."
"Mmm... O-okay." He sounded nervous but slightly excited.
I chuckled as he hung up. He was so cute.
It seemed that ten minutes had not been enough time for either of us to put much effort into getting dressed, because he just wore loose sweatpants and a sweater. My clothing was similar, just sweats and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I had forgotten to bring a jacket along.
It was almost three by the time Talian and I had bought the food. He was sitting in the passenger seat beside me with the package on his lap and his legs crossed beneath him. His shoes were somewhere beneath the seat.
The city was silent and dark as we drove through it and it seemed fitting that we drove in a comfortable silence as well. I could hear his comforting, soft, calm breathing and his heart beating as he looked at the places we passed. I decided to head to a lake I had noticed when I first headed up to the top of the mountain.
The clearing around the lake was obviously used by people, as there were a few picnic tables and parking for cars overlooking the water. It was completely deserted at that time of the morning though, and there was a slight mist hanging over the lake. The place would have been pitch-black if not for the light from the almost-full moon.
I parked the car right in front of the barrier that separated the parking lot from the water, but left it running for a while longer.
It was beginning to get cold. I had to turn on the heat in the car, which made the windows fog up. It was cosy and felt even more secluded because we couldn't see outside. It was like we were as far as we could be from anything and anyone.
Talian reached out and drew a little smiley face on the windshield.
"Have you been here before?" he asked as he began unpacking the food.
"No," I replied.
"Me neither, I think."
He had ordered pancakes while I got a burger and fries. I offered him some of my burger and watched as he took a bite before he lifted his fork to my lips. I took the bite of cream-covered pancake he was offering. It was warm and delicious. Maybe the fact that he was feeding me made it taste better. I lifted a fry for him to try. It was covered in BBQ sauce, but he took it anyway, being careful not to bite my finger though I wouldn't have minded.
"I don't like sauce," he mumbled.
"I know; just wanted to see if that changed." I chuckled when he narrowed his eyes at me, and then frowned at my burger.
"I like yours more," I said.
He chuckled, nodding and offering me another piece of pancake, which I happily ate as he fed me again.
"Next time, we'll just get the pancakes and fries."
I smiled. He didn't seem to realise that he said, 'next time' and just continued eating salted fries. We continued eating until the food was finished and we were both just left with a bit of our drinks. My expresso had gone cold, which I didn't like.
Talian seemed to notice and reached to take the cup from my hand. When he handed it back, the paper was warm and the drink inside was steaming again.
The fog on the windshield was beginning to clear up as I had slid my window down just a little, so we watched the lake ahead while finishing our drinks.
The water was calm, and only a few bubbles would occasionally disturb the surface as they broke through into the air.
"This is nice..." Talian mumbled. I looked at him to see him staring ahead, his knees to his chest with his milkshake nestled between them. His eyes had begun to glass. "I'm sorry."
"What?"
"I'm sorry I'm not who you remember... I must have been better, then. Right? I must have been kinder."
I shifted in my seat, so I turned to him and reached out to brush a few of the green strands from his forehead before I slid my hand onto his warm cheek.
"It doesn't matter who I remember you as," I said. "Or who your father remembers you as. It doesn't matter who you were. What matters is who you are now, who you choose to be right now, or when you do remember things. From what I can see: you're doing okay. A bad person wouldn't feel so guilty about the people they've hurt, Talian. Someone who isn't kind wouldn't feel so haunted by their actions."
It was why I still didn't believe that he could have hurt his pack, because even though his memory had been wiped, or hidden, or replaced, he was still innately kind. He wanted to kill that squirrel because he felt like it was the only thing he could do to ease its suffering. In every version of himself, Talian was caring, gentle and helpful.
"I... don't want to visit another clan." He swallowed. "I know he's hurt, maybe this is just because I can't remember anything... But what's the point of just spreading more pain? It isn't helping either of us... It doesn't hurt any less..." he whispered.
"You don't have to."
He watched me for a moment.
I froze when he turned his head in my hand, his lips brushing my palm gently as he kissed it.
"Sorry, my brain just told me to do that and I... wanted to," Talian said.
I let out a breath that effectively seemed to break me. I hadn't let myself cry about him being gone since directly after he left. I had just been so confused and focused on finding him. Recently, I had been preoccupied with studying spells. That simple gesture made me so upset about everything that had happened, about losing him, and him losing himself again.
I hated that he had to constantly relive his pain, that he had no idea what happened to his clan and why he felt the way he did.
"Kendrick?"
"Sorry, you've just done that before," I replied, quickly wiping the tears as I pulled myself together.
"I have? Are you okay?"
"I am right now," I replied. I was more than okay. He was there. I took his hand to focus on something else and gave a chuckle remembering the flower he had left in my palm. "Do you want to see a trick?"
Talian tilted his head, giving me a dubious stare. "Why do I feel like I need to be concerned?"
"You don't," I chuckled. "Well, maybe a little. I'm going to ask you to do something weird in a moment."
"I'm not going skinny dipping with you," he said, glancing at the water.
"I hadn't thought of it, but if that's where your mind's at," I winked at him.
He pulled his hand from mine, his face reddening as he crossed his arms over his chest, embarrassed.
I laughed. "It's not that, come on." I climbed out of the car.
It was chilly and a little windy. I instantly regretted not bringing a jacket, but figured I could stand the cold for a few minutes and headed to the wooden beam in front of the car to take a seat. The forest was alive with nightlife, and the chirping and scurrying was much louder outside the car than it had been inside.
Talian seemed to hesitate for a moment before reaching into the backseat to grab his jacket and then following me outside. He tugged on the jacket as he came to sit beside me.
"You sure you want to sit out here?" he asked. "Oh – never mind. Werewolves don't get colds, right?"
I nodded.
Still, it was cold and the wind was making my ears numb. I didn't want him getting sick, so I decided to get to why I had asked him to come outside.
"Talian, kiss me."
He gave a light cough of disbelief.
"What? I'm not going to kiss you."
"Oh, you don't want to?" I raised a brow.
He paused, his gaze falling to my lips. I knew he had thought about it. He kept giving subtle glances every time I smiled. I noticed every look he gave me. I tried to notice everything about him. Well, maybe I didn't try. It just happened.
When he bit his lower lip, I felt my heart stop but smirked trying to play it cool even though his expression made me want to melt.
"Did I find you annoying?"
"More attractive... endearing... seductive."
"Right," he scoffed.
I chuckled leaning close to him. He straightened up a little but didn't move away as my lips barely brushed his cheek.
"And yeah, a little annoying," I whispered.
"I knew it."
I was surprised when he turned his head. I didn't expect him to lead the kiss that way. It caught me off-guard, but I was drawn into it instantly as his soft lips met mine. I took his face in my hands, feeling his fingers brush against my arm over the shirt. The wind seemed to die down, along with the cold as his hands held onto my biceps.
The sounds around us drowned out as my senses became hyper-focused on the feeling of his fingers gripping my arms, his chest pressing to mine when my arms wrapped around his waist, the sound of his heart racing along with the warm wind briskly brushing my face from his nose. I could feel my heart hammering, an excited beat that matched the rhythm in his chest. I felt the back of my neck tingling as his fingers drew up my arms, and shoulders and then rested on my neck. His thumbs ran along my jaw.
I thought I knew how much I had missed him, but the kiss made it clear I had no idea. Maybe it was a good thing, because it felt like I wouldn't be able to be away from him. I couldn't imagine losing the warmth that filled my arms at the moment. It didn't seem possible to need to hold onto someone so much.
Talian broke the kiss, but I felt his arms shift so he was hugging me as his face buried into my neck. His lips pressed to my skin lightly as his hot, quick breathing gently pulsed against it. I tightened my arms around his waist revelling in the feeling of having him with me.
"Why did I miss you? I can't remember you. How can I remember I missed you? Why do I feel so relieved?" he whispered.
"Lian –"
"Why would I want to forget this? I must have done something I wanted to forget, right? Just like I wanted to forget what happened to my pack. I'm a coward. I run from everything, don't I? And not being able to remember anything or anyone I care about is punishment for that."
"Hey," I took hold of his arms to pull them from me so I could see his face. "A coward would only run from the bad. You were scared. That's okay, Talian. You left to protect me, to protect my pack. I understand wanting to forget the things that cause you pain... One day you'll be ready to come to terms with it. Things like this take time."
Talian lowered his brows looking down as he lifted his hands between us. He seemed confused, but wasn't speaking out loud. What was it?
Suddenly, he looked around, gasping in surprise. It made me remember why I had asked him to kiss me. I was glad at the distraction they had created.
We were surrounded by vibrant purple petals that appeared to glow in the moonlight. The flowers, hundreds of them, stretched all around us, across the park and even into the water.
"What the...?" he whispered. "Did we... Did we do this?"
"You did. It's a cute reaction to me." I grinned.
Talian just scrunched his nose adorably, obviously bashful at my teasing.
"Then aren't these flowers invasive?" He sounded genuinely worried.
I burst out laughing at the question. I had not thought of that.
"They don't seem to be, they just wilt after a few weeks and don't grow back. They didn't cause any harm to my pack's forest."
My phone going off made Talian jump. It was a harsh, loud ringing that contrasted the natural sounds around us. I gave him an apologetic smile as I took his hand to calm him while reaching to answer the call with my other hand because it was Zev's ringtone.
"Hey, Alpha. I think we found a witch," Zev spoke.
"Why the hell are you up right now?"
"We were looking for a witch to help our love-sick Alpha return to our pack. Why the hell are you up?" Lyall's voice came from the background.
I looked at Talian who was watching me curiously. "No... reason." I paused. "You found someone?"
"Yes, and the best part is she has some experience with memory spells. She said she'll meet us, but she wants to speak to you specifically. We've got a flight scheduled five hours from now. Can you meet us at the airport?" Lyall asked.
"You mean..."
Talian.
How could I leave him? What if his father decided they had to move on?
He had my phone number. It would be okay. He could just send me a pin and I would follow him – hopefully with a witch that could help us get his memories back.
"Okay. I'll see you there." I hung up.
"You have to go?"
"I'm going to visit a witch. She might be able to bring your memories back. Is that okay with you?"
"Really?" Talian perked up looking shocked, but hopeful. "Yes."
"Come with me?"
His face dropped.
"I-I can't..."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to hurt you."
"How? Your magic?"
He nodded.
I shouldn't have told him that he left to protect me and my pack.
"Talian –"
"I'm not going with you." It was stern. I knew he wasn't going to change his mind; he was too afraid of being a danger to me.
I held my breath. It would be okay. I would convince the witch to come with me. I would return to him as soon as possible.
I nodded.
"I'll come back to you."
He gave a smile.
"I know."
*****
This one's a little long. Thank you for reading :D