"If no one gets a tattoo, do you want to see me get a tattoo?" Joss led the two of them to a tattoo room after neatly placing his jacket on the chair. Aou went outside a while ago. Gawin could see numerous simple tattoos on Joss's right arm, in different placements. Perth was already waiting in the room with his favorite tools, it seemed like that boy would be the one to tattoo Joss.
Gawin felt interested as soon as he saw the tattoo design that Joss showed his employee, a rat.
"That's his birth year." Krist explained to the taller guy with a genuine smile.
"Krist!" Aou excitedly opened the door and rushed in, grabbing Krist's sweatshirt and pulled him out, "P'Bright told us to come down and play billiards!"
Bright Vachirawit...
Krist and his cousin seemingly like this person a lot. Gawin was a little curious but he decided to stay in the tattoo room. He was so fascinated by Perth's hand movements, especially when the boy gently pressed the needle into Joss's skin to draw the outline, the ink began to be deposited within the skin layers, a meticulous silence filling the space.
Now there were only Perth, Joss, and Gawin in the room.
"I didn't think you would be that interested." Joss's low voice rang out steadily, interrupting the noise of the working tattoo machine. Gawin was a bit surprised but soon gained back his calmness, raising his eyebrows, he smiled a small smile.
"Is it because I look serious?" Gawin responded to the tattoo shop owner.
"You seem like that." Joss nodded.
"Podd, my close friend, said the same thing to me, as if I've changed a lot."
"You know, people don't change easily, it actually depends on the situation. Back then, I didn't like tattoos at all, didn't try alcohol, I was not into many things that I do like now," Joss said, lowering his head to look at the ink running into the deep layer of his skin. He used to shed tears when he got his first tattoo, which is the reason why he put that sign "Crying Zone" in front of the parlour, but today he no longer felt nervous or sweaty seeing the needle.
Gawin doesn't really have the habit of bombarding others with questions when they are sharing their stories, he only listens sincerely. If they don't want to open up, he simply ignores it. People who don't know him well might think that Gawin is the superficial kind.
Fortunately, Joss was not one of them. He looked up and smiled at the new friend of Krist when Perth almost finished the tattoo outline.
"If you waveringly walk into a tattoo shop, not sure about either which tattoo you want or which spot you want for your tattoo, then it's better not to get a tattoo. However, once you really want one, come back here, I will do it for you."
"That sounds great. I'll consider it. Thank you!" Gawin chuckled, his eyes moved from the tattoo to Joss.
When Perth finished the tattoo for his boss, Joss and Gawin went downstairs, Gawin saw Krist sitting and swinging his legs on a swivel chair next to the bar counter. He was tasting the cocktail that Boom made for him, giving comments like a bartender expert.
This bar of Joss usually opens in the late evening so the employees often come at eight. During the other times of the day, Joss lets these boys take care of it.
Gawin was so fascinated with tattoo process that he only now realized it was dark outside. Krist pulled up his sleeves to check if the taller man was tempted to get any tattoos, Joss could only shake his head helplessly at that scene. Boom walked back to the bar to prepare a drink for Gawin but was stopped, the dentist didn't have the habit of sipping alcohol before dinner.
Boom poured a glass of water and placed it in front of his boss, Gawin chuckled. Even though Joss had to drink water because he just got a tattoo, Gawin still noticed the satisfying look on Boom's face when he could occasionally "bully" his boss.
These people here were all interested.
Joss told everyone, as soon as Perth showed up after cleaning up the tattoo room, that he would invite them to the dinner at his restaurant. All the boys yelled a scream of joy with that news, including Krist, the twenty-eight year old man.
Gawin also met Luke that day.
Luke is a professional tattoo artist... and Joss's lover.
His guess was correct because of the behaviors between the two of them, those small details but showing they are really concerned about each other, like when Joss carefully cleaned Luke's cutlery, before eating, while talking to everyone, and Luke subtly put the glass of water away from Joss because that guy often moved his hands when talking.
They did not ostentatiously share about their relationship, just showing their concern for one another out of habit.
Everyone here probably already knew, and Gawin felt lucky that he knew in advance, thanks to Podd, so the speculation on his face was not too obvious.
To be honest, he didn't feel as uncomfortable as he thought.
His heart was stirred for a few seconds when Krist awkwardly gave him his glass of wine, explaining, in an adorable way, that he carelessly spilled a drop of stew sauce into Gawin's wine glass. Then he smiled a crescent smile. Gawin suddenly felt an impulse to wipe the streak of ground beef soup on the corner of Krist's smiling lips with his fingers.
But his mind still won.
Gawin opened the package of wet tissue, handed it to Krist and then turned away, whereas the smaller guy immediately wiped his mouth with a silly laugh.
Gawin put a piece of stew into his mouth, inwardly smiling.
A typical meal of French cuisine, with the creamy roasted cauliflower soup as the appetizer, beef stew with a crusty bread boule as the main course and chocolate soufflés at the end of the meal. Everyone included Gawin in their stories as if he was not the stranger among them, Gawin was impressed with a few things, from these people, he now knew that Krist had a big appetite but was allergic to seafood, he was swollen like a jackfruit just from eating a crab claw when he was a kid.
Gawin thought that he would keep this well in mind, no matter how much he liked eating seafood, he would still change to other dishes if Krist was with him.
"Is P'Joss always this hospitable to everyone, or is it because I'm your friend?" Gawin asked Krist while they were on the car, driving home. Aou was glued to his phone in the backseat, Krist was sitting next to Gawin, choosing a song in the playlist.
"Nah, it has nothing to do with me, maybe just a small part of it, he must like you that's why he invited you to dinner."
"...Like me?"
"That man is pretty introverted. He likes someone or hates someone, only he himself can explain that."
Krist looked at Gawin, thoughtfully judging the face of the other, then commented like a scholar, "You have dark hair like him, or maybe it's because you two are half breed, or he may like you because you sat in that room with him for half a day but refused to get a tattoo."
"That's so illogical, Krist!!"
Gawin let out a laugh when hearing Aou yell from the backseat amid the sounds coming from the game in his phone. He was about to say the same but stopped because Krist had already turned his whole body around to argue with Aou, when the boy didn't even lift his head to look at his cousin.
'You're so illogical, Krist.'
...
Gawin has a favorite coffee shop where he often goes to every weekend or when he's sad and doesn't want to get drunk. It's private enough that people can shed tears without anyone seeing, but noisy enough to not drown themselves in the sorrow.
Today he had an appointment with a friend from Chiangmai.
Gawin, Podd and that friend were the popular trio during the university. The 'beautiful man that makes thousands of people fall in love' - Inn Sarin. Even though he works in another city, he still often spends a couple of days coming to Bangkok to visit his two friends. When Gawin was about to look at the clock hanged on the wall, Inn showed up, with his short fluffy hair as usual and a pretty smile, he is still as beautiful as ever.
If Podd is the kind of person who can see through everything, Inn brings him comfort. Gawin feels good every time talking to Inn, and that's why they became close friends, he could hardly hide the other anything.
"Ya, so tired. Next time you and ai'Podd should go to Chiangmai to visit me instead." Inn spoke, a little breathless, reaching out to hug Gawin.
According to his preference, a cup of iced caramel macchiato was placed on the table.
"Caramel, lots of milk." Gawin curled his lips, responding to Inn's complaint. His friend then just chuckled. Inn is punctual, it's actually one of his best qualities. Gawin still remembers that his friend enjoys having a sip of cold drink immediately after travelling a long way. Therefore, he's asked the waiter to prepare the iced caramel macchiato beforehand, and Inn didn't have to wait.
The drink was delivered to their table as soon as Inn showed up.
"How you doing? How is your job? Still good?"
"Aishh, it's stressing me out these days, we just finished a case that has tortured the team for a whole month, a middle school boy with a perverted hobby of killing cats and dogs with socks. That's sick, with his psychopathic mindset, soon there will be murders."
"Since he's a juvenile, you guys can't arrest him."
"Yeah, we need to keep monitoring him until he turns 18. Look at my eyebags, I'm no different than a panda now." Inn moved closer to show Gawin his tired eyes, then that pair of eyes scrolled over his friend's face for a few minutes,"You don't look like you're tired or bored. Your relationship may be not going well, but isn't your work too easy too, is it?"
"Uh huh, among us, my work is the easiest."
Among the three of them, every day of his was passing in the most bland way. Until the 28-year old guy appears, his life has more and more variable. When Gawin thought his evening would be nothing more than a cup of coffee and a friend whom he hasn't seen for a long time, he spotted Krist - the guy was sitting at the opposite table, right behind the big pot of areca palm, his eyes curved into two small crescents because he was smiling with the man opposite.
It wasn't the first time he saw Krist in a sleeveless shirt, but the discomfort suddenly appeared when he noticed the other man placed his hand on Krist's, touching his knuckles.
Krist still could not stop smiling.
Gawin looked away from Krist when his eyes were a bit tired. Inn stared at him as if he had just caught Gawin doing something funny. His lips curled up, he once again turned to the direction that his friend just looked at, then turned back and give him a sympathetic smile. He leaned closer to Gawin, making sure his words wouldn't leak out.
"I understand that you want to settle down, but not with that kind of person, Gawin."
Gawin rarely gets startled, but, at that moment, he actually stopped breathing for half a minute to look into Inn's eyes. His police friend didn't seem like he was joking at all.
Were his feelings too obvious? So much that even a simple person like Inn could see it...
No...what feelings he was talking about?
...with Krist?
His lips parted to say something but no words came out. Inn's serious look confused him in a crazy way. The pounding of drums rang in his ears before Inn once again leaned closer and whispered, "She's a prostitute, Gawin, I saw her dealing with that guy before walking in here."
Inn's silly misunderstanding took him by surprise. A woman wearing a red velvet high slit dress with a white fur coat is never Gawin's style. But right now, he just wanted to laugh because his friend did not realize that he was actually looking at Krist - a real guy, not the woman sitting at the table next to him.
Gawin almost bursted out laughing if he didn't accidentally look at the opposite table. The hand of that guy caressing Krist's hair - that scene happening in front of his own eyes felt like a thorn, painfully, he even heared the grinding sound of his teeth, his jaw clenched lightly.
For the first time, he hated Krist's smile so much, the habit of bowing his head when being shy, the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled, and the slightly pink color of his cheeks under the light.
He did not go alone, obviously, with his hair carefully prepared and a sleeveless shirt in the cold weather. Gawin recognized that man - Bright, he searched for news about him as soon as he came home from Joss's place. He wanted to hear their conversation, wanted to know the reason he smiled, everything, but Gawin knew that he had no reasons for it.
'You're nothing to him, Gawin.'
A cup of sweet milky coffee, the pleasant music, the scent of agarwood, Gawin found that this place was no longer his favorite coffee shop after so many years. He dragged Inn out of there when Krist was busy saying something to the man across him, Bright's hand now was carressing his arm. Gawin wanted Krist to notice him, then he wanted to leave quickly so the other would not see him in haste.
This wasn't the first time he lost his composedness around Krist.
Krist did see Gawin.
Krist saw him holding that handsome man's hand and both leaving, after two times they leaned close to each other, so hastily that Gawin even forgot his coat on the chair. Krist spent the entire evening waiting for that familiar figure to return to get it, but no one showed up.
Both him and the man going with him.
"It's not like you can't sleep with men when you have always dated women, Krist. There are things guided by feelings." Bright lifted his half-empty cup of coffee. Clearly he didn't drink it anymore because the coffee already got cold. Glancing at his friend whose face was blank, completely contradicting with the smile that was unconsciously put on his lips.
"But why you ask me that, Krist?"
"I'm just.. just wondering, because suddenly... suddenly you said you've slept with guys."
Bright patted Krist's head, his eyes hardened like an adult teaching a child, "I'm not telling you this for you to indulge in those crazy thoughts of yours, or are you afraid that I'll trick you into bed huh?"
"What? Of course not!" Krist waved his hand, smiling wryly at Bright even though he knew that guy didn't care at all. He took another sip of his jasmine iced tea and stood up when Bright said they had to leave. While waiting for Bright to get the car, Krist ran back into the shop, taking Gawin's coffee brown coat and putting it on.
...
Gawin met Krist when it was a few minutes past eleven .
The shorter guy rang the bell and stood waiting at the door. When it was opened, the late autumn breeze also came. Gawin's large body was like a shield, protecting Krist from the cold and shivers. Krist kept standing like that, while Gawin also forgot that he should say something as well, like inviting the other into the house or asking him why he came here at this hour.
Just when he was about to open his mouth, Krist spoke, "I...I came to return your coat, you... um, you forgot it at the cafe."
'You know I was there? Did you see me when I left?'
Gawin tilted his head to look at the bare arms that were now covered by his coat. Krist said he intended to return the coat to him, but his hands were empty and it did not seem like he was going to take off the coat.
"Where is it?" Gawin's voice is low and soft.
"It-..." Krist looked at the other with a confused expression as if he really forgot where the coat was, because it was obviously just an excuse he blurted out when seeing Gawin standing in front of him. He turned his head toward the silent road for a few seconds. Bright had already left even though he wondered why Krist asked him to stop the car here, only Krist was struggling with his empty hands now.
"It's here." Gawin touched Krist's upper arms and calmly lowered his hands.
He then crossed his arms and leaned against the door, giving Krist a serious look, "You don't just come here to return me the coat, right?"
Krist smiled awkwardly as he took off the coat in a hurry and gave it to Gawin.
"Ah, I was too cold so I put it on and suddenly didn't remember-" Krist stopped talking when he realized that Gawin wasn't smiling like usual.
He didn't invite him into the house, nor did he loosen his crossed arms to receive the coat back from him, he just stared at Krist like that. Gawin behving oddly made Krist not know how to continue the conversation, feeling like the taller guy didn't really want to hear what he was saying.
"You still haven't answered my question, Krist"
"I... I was really just going to give you back the coat-"
Gawin knew that it was not the reason. He might be calm on the outside, but inside he was also as much confused as Krist. He wanted the shorter guy to say something different, the real reason why he was standing in front of his house at eleven at night. It could be any other reason than the one he told him. Gawin deliberately went to bed late because he was waiting for Krist, even though he had no idea if the other drove his car, or if he rang the doorbell of his house.
He even thought that Krist might not come back home tonight.
Luckily Krist was back, Gawin could see that he did not look disheveled at the door, his clothes not rumbled, his hair not messed up, his collar not having any suspicious traces, and his body had no scent other than the smell of jasmine, delicate and faint.
If it was before, Gawin would never have had deep thoughts about Krist being with another man. However, since he met Joss, he was aware that nothing was impossible. The fear of losing the other even though Gawin had never had him ever, the taller guy finally realized that it was jealousy.
His feelings were wrong, but how to stop it from growing stronger?
"Put it back on, why aren't you dressed more warmly?.. Seem like you're going to walk home?"
"Yes... It's too late, I don't want my friend to wait."
"I'll take you home." Gawin was about to go back to the house to get the car key, but the smaller guy quickly held his wrist, one step closer to the door.
"Do you have guests?"
'Why don't you tell me to stay over?'
"Um, a close friend from Chiang Mai come to visit me. He's asleep so he couldn't come out to say hi to you."
Gawin is a gentle person, he always is and Krist knows that. Yet he still felt that the taller guy's voice was too soft when talking about his friend, and he had never been that intimate with Podd.
'It's not like you can't sleep with men when you have always dated women, Krist.'
'There are things guided by feelings.'
Bright's words kept running back and forth in his ears, making him so irritated.
"My house is just around the corner , I can walk." Krist smiled at Gawin and quickly put on the coat, his movement was fast, making his hair messed up. He took two steps back and waved goodbye before turning toward the silent road, "Good night,Gawin. It's cold, go inside!"
Gawin barely had time to do anything seeing Krist struggling with his own confusion.
They are both adults and normally he's much calmer than the other.
But, right now, Krist was baffled while Gawin was busy battling with two streams of thought inside his head - on one side, he wanted to drag Krist into the house; on the other side, he'd like to ask if Krist was feeling the same as he was, if he had something to say but unable to. In the end, his mind told him to forget it. Everything would completely change, including their good friendship, if Gawin stubbornly tried to get the answer, like an orange forced to ripen too quickly would be tasteless.
When Gawin walked to the door still wide open, he turned to look at the small figure of Krist walking in the middle of the night with his coat embracing his body. Gawin was unaware that the phone had already been held to his ear.
Krist stopped to pull the phone out of his pocket and turned to look at Gawin. Even though the distance was not close, he could guess that the expression on Krist's face at that moment must be curious.
"Gawin?"
"Keep walking, let's talk on the phone, tell me when you reach home, so I can go to sleep."
[END CHAP 11]