SAND
I've shut myself inside my music room since I told Aye to leave. My innate nature tells me to fold because I don't like causing Ayan pain. I hate seeing him in tears and walking away from him sobbing in the balcony almost killed me but I needed to do this. We both need to reevaluate what we expect from each other and where we messed up. If I let him off easy, I'm just setting up our relationship to failure. Ayan needs to learn how to communicate properly. He has to know how much it hurt to be left in the dark for the last 6 months when we could have had proper conversations about it. He didn't even think it was right to at least tell me he was going to go see his ex boyfriend. The only consolation for me is that he at least had the presence of mind to not go there alone. He also has to learn that we have to trust each other. If a single hugging picture caused Ayan to blow up, what happens when I'm on tour and a compromising picture gets taken without knowing the context behind it?
Glancing at the wall clock, it's already 2am. I have rehearsals tomorrow so I better get some rest. Wanting to check if the doors had been locked, I was surprised to see Ayan on the couch, hunched over and asleep. Didn't I tell him to leave? I Approached him, wanting to wake him up but then I stopped myself. It's not safe for Aye to be driving home at this hour by himself. Damn it, why do I still feel concerned at all. I was going to go to my room but my eyes kept looking at Aye's hunched position on the couch. With a deep sigh, I went to him and slowly picked him up trying not to wake him.
Ayan snuggled deeper into my arms as if instinctively knowing I was the one holding him. He huskily whispered my name.. I gently placed him on my bed and covered him with my blanket. God I missed Ayan so much. Having him this near is doing things to me but I have to remember what I needed to do. So instead of getting inside the comforts of my blanket, I slept on top trying my best not to touch Ayan who was peacefully sleeping. Leaving early before Ayan woke up, glad to see Nick had already come home. After briefly telling him breakfast for him and Ayan is ready, I went to rehearsals. My concert is in a few days. I needed to focus on that.
After rehearsals, Beth and the band roped me into a barbecue dinner, so I had a few drinks in me when I came home. The lights were off and I laid down in bed right away feeling exhausted. Surprised to find something warm beside me, I looked to find Ayan sleeping in nothing but my boxers and tank top. He hadn't gone home yet? Damn it. I could only resist Ayan so much. Him being all warm and soft like this is definitely making it harder.
I was awoken by a soft cursing and I heard Ayan scrambling to his feet. Briefly glancing at my bedside clock, 2:30am.
"Where are you going?" I huskily asked Ayan who was putting on his pants.
"I'm sorry, Sand. I just wanted to wait for you to come home, I didn't intend to sleep... please sleep comfortably, I'll go home. It's the second night I've stolen your bed," Ayan said softly as he moved around trying to find his things in the dark.
"Ayan it's dawn. Just go home in the morning," I said in an exasperated tone. Knowing full well I won't be able to go back to sleep if Ayan leaves because I'll be worrying if he arrived home safely.
"Okay. Just go to sleep I'll go outside, you've been sleeping outside your blanket for two nights. You have rigorous rehearsals, it must be exhausting," he turns to leave.
"Aye just get on the fucking bed and let me go back to sleep already, alright? Whatever you are thinking can wait tomorrow," I sighed, turning away from Ayan's side of the bed, trying to go back to sleep. Hyper aware of the pretty man who hesitantly slipped back into the bed, trying to stay as far away from me as possible. Damn it, even now my hands are itching to reach out to him and pull him close to me. I balled my hand on my pillow, stopping from making a fool of myself over Ayan again.
When I woke up, Ayan was gone and Nick had enthusiastically told me the sumptuous breakfast in front of us was prepared by Ayan. When I went back to take a shower, I saw a sticky note neatly attached to the mirror:
Sand, I'm sorry. I love you. I refilled your bathroom necessities for you, you must have been busy not to have noticed that your shaving cream is almost out.
I yanked off the note wanting to throw it away but changed my mind and gently dropped it in the drawer.
During rehearsals a food delivery came for lunch. It was from a well known restaurant and all the note attached said was: Sand, I hope you have a good rehearsal, I'm sorry and I love you. A
Ben the guitarist had stolen the note I was holding and started teasing me about having a fight with my girlfriend. Saying how lucky they are to have benefited from the food she sent to make up. God, he'd be really surprised to know the food is from the CEO he always complains to me about. Ben is, like most in the company, always agitated and scared when Ayan is around.
I pushed the note into my jeans pocket and told everyone to enjoy the food. As we were eating, Beth finally said something: "Sand I don't like meddling into your personal life but I don't want you getting in trouble with our CEO again so soon after that scandal with Vi. I hope you're more careful about going out in public with whoever is trying to woo you."
Laughing because it's the CEO himself bringing me trouble, "don't worry about it Beth. It's not like that." Opting to not discuss in detail my current situation with Ayan. The next three days, Ayan sent food everyday with a note that always says I love you and I'm sorry. My heart is almost weak but I had not responded nor thanked him for the food he had sent.
The day of the concert finally came, it was nerve racking and I had been unable to sleep last night. I drove to Ayan's house and stared at his room, debating between going to him and holding on to my resolve. Finally going home at dawn, I slept very pitifully, tossing and turning.
I was in the dressing room, getting my hair and make up done, when a gift arrived. Beth was mad because she said no one is allowed to send something inside until the concert is done, just to prevent any incident, but the delivery guy said it was from the CEO. So Beth immediately let him through and she looked at me, confused and startled.
"Sand, can you tell me the truth, just what is your personal relationship with Khun Ayan?" Beth leveled me with a serious gaze.
I did not comment, instead my attention was immediately drawn to the present sent by Ayan. I gasped when my eyes landed on the guitar case. This is a very expensive brand. Immediately opening it, I was very surprised to find a midnight blue guitar with my name and a sun. This must have been very costly because Ayan also got it personalized.
The large sunflower bouquet made me smile, remembering how he had told me once I reminded him of a sunflower. Always bright and shining. Picking up the card, it read:
My love Sand, a talented musician like you deserves the best guitar around. I added the sun so you'll think of me-- Ray who you met as a musician who truly had seen just how good you are. I'm so proud of you and you will be awesome out there. Break a leg my gorgeous Rockstar. I love you. A
A tear fell down my face, he might have not communicated with me the last 6 months but this guitar is proof that he never stopped thinking about me. This would have taken at least 2 months to make and having been made in California, it took maybe another month or so before it got here. The effort it must have taken to get this done and then get it here. Aye had thought of me all this time.
"Sand? Why are you crying? Did Khun Ayan say something threatening?" Beth tried to take the card but I held it closer to me.
"No... this is tears of happiness," I whispered, trying to compose myself.
AYAN
Despite the hectic day, I don't feel tired at all, in fact I'm very nervous like I'm also going to be the one having my first concert. Happy to finally give the guitar I had custom made for Sand after a month of keeping it. Ever since I knew that he was having his first concert, I've already planned what to get him. It was a rigorous process of course because the maker is in California and I wanted it custom made but when the beauty arrived, it was very much worth it.
Strolling casually towards my friends with Thua, they all had flowers in hand to congratulate Sand. Sand had made sure to send Khan, Wat, Nick and Boston their VIP tickets, even Plug and P'Yo are here. Guess they're finding out about my real identity today.
"Hi Aye! Hi Babe!" Khan of course greets first as he kisses his boyfriend lovingly.
"No flowers for Sand, Aye?" Wat asked curiously, as he put his arms around my shoulder.
"I sent mine over already Wat," I smiled. Greeting everyone and hugging P'Yo.
"Ray! You're looking as gorgeous as ever! Didn't know you'll be here? The rumors that you're dating Sand are true then?" P'Yo asked excitedly.
"Phi, you're not supposed to say things like that. Sand is famous now. You don't want him to be involved in any scandals," I rebuked her gently.
Nodding while covering her mouth, we all went inside the venue. The arena is brimming with people. Sand's dreams are coming true. The sight made me tear up. Thua casually squeezed my shoulders whispering, "you helped him achieve this in such a short time, Aye. Your plan for his career is pure genius!" and I couldn't do anything else but nod. It's such a sweet moment.
When Sand finally came out, the shouts and cheers of the crowd was deafening. It felt like a surreal moment and Sand looked overwhelmed with emotions. He had tears in his eyes as he greeted everyone and thanked them for coming to his first concert. To my surprise, Sand is already using the guitar I gifted him. It looked perfectly at home in his arms and I couldn't take my gaze off this amazingly talented man in front of me. Our eyes met briefly, and like the sunflower that always reminded me of him, he smiled so blindingly and I gave him a thumbs up. This is Sand's moment and I'm pretty sure in the years to come he will always look back on this and be reminded just how far he had come from the university student barely covering his rent and singing popular song covers in small bars. My Rockstar has made it.
Seeing him singing so passionately now, looking like he is right where he belongs, I realized maybe Sand was right after all. For him to be able to shine like this I need to step back. In the next few years, Sand should give all his best to his music and his fans. For his dream, I need to let Sand go where he needs to go, where I can't follow. I need to stay here and be his lighthouse. I need to keep the company standing tall and strong enough to support and push Sand higher, because he deserves this and so much more.
Nobody knew the painful realization I had, the internal battle I had to fight within myself as I gazed and clapped for Sand all throughout his performance. Even though it is painful, accepting it isn't so hard when I see how much this makes him happy and everyone around chanting Sand's name like a prayer. Sand might be the right person for me, but we met at the wrong time.
"Hey everyone! Before my last song, I'd like to thank all of you for coming tonight! I will never forget this moment. I love the energy and everything here is perfect. I'll forever be grateful to all of you fans for supporting this poor boy who had nothing to his name but his dream and music. You all brought me here. Thank you very much." Sand cried as he wai'd and the audience erupted with cheer and clapping.
"To my mom, who is not here tonight but had made sure I felt her love. Thank you for not discouraging me to follow the path I've taken despite the uncertainty if I will ever make it. Mom you are the best! My friends who are here tonight, my manager, the staff helping me with everything, my band mates who had patiently allowed me to perfect how I imagine my songs would be and my best friend Nick who had to endure years of guitar strumming in the middle of the night and at dawn whenever inspiration struck me, Bro thanks for the patience. I love you!" and to this Nick beams so proudly waving at Sand.
"To the other woman who made my dreams a reality, Khun Phatcharaporn Sukkhaphisit, our late CEO. What she saw in me that time when she offered to sign me to her record label, I'll never know but I hope she's watching right now feeling proud of me. Last but not the least, our CEO and the brilliant mind behind my career path and the song selections in my first album Unchaste- Khun Ayan Sukkhaphisit. You're a musical genius hidden behind a tough Businessman persona, thank you for letting me believe that I deserve a rebirth and that I could do this. More importantly, thank you for this beautiful present(raising the guitar for the whole arena to see). He's a handsome fellow much like the one who gifted him to me. I'll take care of him." Sand smiled brightly and I laughed heartily as tears of joy fell from my face. Sand need not say it, the words left unsaid are already clear and loud enough.
P'Yo gasped when she saw that my face was plastered on the big screen as I smiled and waved to Sand and the clapping crowd.
"Wait, what? You're not Ray and you're a fucking CEO?" P'Yo exclaimed.
"Phi, you're making a scene, relax. You can ask your questions later," a grinning Boston tried to calm P'Yo down.
"This last song is the first somewhat love song I've written in my whole life. This will be part of my next album and this one is for Ray," Sand smiles, winking at me before strumming his guitar.