"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank
~~~~
New
Not once did he blink. Leaving me to question his origins. Was he perhaps an alien? I couldn't help but blame myself, as it was my idea to engage him in this staring contest. Little did I know, he would become fixated and refuse to divert his gaze. Frustration consumed me, and I finally decided to break the stalemate by looking away first.
Interrupting our peculiar encounter, P'Joss called out to me, "What are you studying, New?"
Reluctant to face P'Joss, who had been shamelessly flirting with me since I arrived at this grand mansion, I briefly averted my eyes and responded.
I held my head low, hesitated, struggling to maintain composure. "I-I- electrical engineering, currently in my second year. At Siam Uni-"
To my surprise, P'Joss expressed his enthusiasm, clapping his hands together and exclaiming, "That's fantastic! Gemini and I also attend Siam University. Perhaps we could spend some time together!"
Who's Gemini? I should read the book Father gave me about this Vihokratana Family. His exuberance was infectious. Earth would have loved his company for sure. P'Mook gently shook me, jolting me back to reality. I had unintentionally neglected to respond to P'Joss. Meeting his gaze once more, I managed to muster a smile and nodded in affirmation.
"Furthermore, Gawin and Phuwin would also be delighted to spend time together. They are all delightful children," my father chuckled.
Yes sir, go ahead. Manipulating everyone here for personal gain seems to be your longstanding pattern. I felt repulsed by my own father. How can one easily engage in such behavior? Is he devoid of all humanity? He pretends to love his children, when in fact, he does not truly care.
"Why, Newwie? Why did you agree?" That is what Earth said. His words echoed in my mind like a recording. Did I overreact with Earth yesterday? Blame was unclear.
Earth seemed desperate as he uttered those words. For the first time, I found myself uncertain of my actions. My life has always been meticulously planned; when I will eat, sleep, study, work - all tightly scheduled and seemingly flawless.
Life, it seems, never adheres to our plans. If it were so predictable, it would cease to be life. I have merely existed, living like an automaton devoid of enjoyment. Yet, my loved ones have a way of extracting me from this labyrinth.
These unfamiliar faces, these new acquaintances. Each one carries their own stories. I felt overwhelmingly nervous. The situation compelled fear within me, but it appeared that I had no other alternatives. Unfortunately, my father now dictates my life, leaving me with no control over my own decisions.
My father has never exhibited any affection towards us, and there is a justified reason for his deep disdain towards me. Consequently, he treats me with utmost cruelty. However, it is disheartening to witness the same treatment being imposed upon P'Mook, P'Gawin, and Phuwin, as they have done nothing to warrant such coldness.
A father's love is deserved by all of us, regardless of the circumstances. Regrettably, some individuals simply do not possess the qualities necessary to fulfill the role of a parent.
While observing my father happily devouring his meal, I found it impossible to consume my own food. What on earth was I doing in this situation? I lamented the fact that I was singlehandedly destroying my own life. How can I free myself from this predicament?
One after another, individuals finished their meals and departed without bothering to clear their plates. In affluent families, it seemed customary to leave such tasks to the servants. Tawan, my fiancé, was also absent from the scene.
In the midst of this, P'Mook gently placed her hand on my thigh beneath the table. I turned towards her as she silently mouthed a question, asking if I was alright. I shook my head.
Some hearts understand each other even in silence.
After reluctantly finishing my meal, I prepared to clean up. However, before I could take my plate to the wash basin, I was approached by an elderly woman who shook her head disapprovingly. "Mr. Vihokratana will dismiss me if he catches you doing that again. Let us take care of the dirty work. That's what we're paid for. You can leave the plate behind," she informed me.
I hesitated, as I had always been in the habit of washing my own plate after every meal. This situation seemed different and unfamiliar to me.
"I can handle cleaning my plate. There is no need for you to worry, Phi-" I paused, looking at her.
"-Som," she interjected, offering me a warm smile.
Returning the smile, I replied, "Yes, P'Som. Please allow me to wash my own plate."
P'Som shook her head in refusal. "No, young one. Return to the others. It is my duty, and I'll do it myself."
"It's alright, Newwie. Let P'Som handle it. No one will have any objections," P'Mook chimed in, rising from her seat.
She gently pulled me along, and before entering the dining area's secluded corner where a sink was located, I respectfully bowed to P'Som. We proceeded to wash our hands and walked towards the grand hallways.
I turned towards P'Mook, "Let's step outside for some fresh air, please?"
She nodded and began searching for the entrance to the garden. A maid offered assistance, and we instructed her to inform our father that we would return shortly.
As we arrived in the garden, both P'Mook and I couldn't help but express our amazement. The sight was truly remarkable and breathtaking.
P'Mook laughed softly, shaking her head, as though confirming something. "Oh my goodness, Newwie! You're practically getting married to this house! It's like a fucking palace!"
I remained silent, simply taking in the beauty of the garden before me. It showcased an assortment of flowers, including daisies, which happened to be my favorite, along with cosmos, roses, and various other species. The garden featured tall shrubs, trees, trellises covered in climbing plants, as well as hanging outdoor curtains and bamboo shades. It was as if the garden was concealed from the outside world. What a stroke of luck to have the opportunity to witness this!
"It truly is stunning," I finally uttered after a prolonged moment of silence.
P'Mook nodded, her smile widening. "Newwie, may I share something with you?"
"Yes, of course."
"He doesn't appear to be a bad person. Perhaps you could consider giving him a chance? It might help you move on faster?" She suggested.
I shook my head in disagreement. "Phi, I honestly don't know. This is all extremely overwhelming for me. Everything is happening so unexpectedly, and I am at a loss for what to do. I even suspect that he doesn't want to marry me... Perhaps he, too, is being coerced like me."
P'Mook took a deep breath and offered her perspective. "I understand, Newwie. But why don't you attempt to have a conversation with him?"
"I-it's...I can't," I sighed, beginning to walk along the pathway. P'Mook walked beside me, showing her support.
"I know it's difficult, Newwie. I can't even fathom how you are managing all of this. But you are being courageous, and I can see that. It will all improve. Soon we'll get better," P'Mook reassured me.
"I can't do this to Earth, Phi. He loves me so deeply, and I love him too. I feel utterly useless at this moment. I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I don't know anything anymore."
P'Mook gently wiped away a tear that had escaped from my eye without my notice. She pulled me closer, offering her comfort.
She embraced me tightly, enveloping me in warmth that made it difficult to let go. "Phi, I cannot simply move on. I love him," I confessed.
P'Mook soothingly rubbed my back while chiming in, "I understand, Newwie. But, you must find a way to move forward. Earth's betrayal caught us all off guard. There is no possibility of reverting to the past."
With a slight nod of acquiescence, I clung to her, relishing in the solace her hug provided. She continued her words of encouragement, "Yesterday, you exhibited admirable strength. That's what he deserved, Newwie. He should have communicated better, but he chose to ruin this relationship on his own. So, do not blame yourself, Newwie. Do you Understand?"
Once again, I nodded as P'Mook gently released herself from the embrace. I wiped away the silent tears streaming down my face. P'Mook wore a warm smile and urged me, "Show me that radiant smile of yours, the one that can deter anyone from hating you. Can you, please?"
I stretched and beamed at her with sheer delight. P'Mook burst into laughter, and I found myself joining in the mirth.
As P'Mook resumed speaking, our footsteps echoed along the path we continued along. "But, Newwie, I must say your husband is a Greek god! He always has that I hate you and everyone in this fucking place look. Yet a softened countenance emerges when his gaze falls on you."
My eyes narrowed in response. "He is not my husband!" I retorted.
P'Mook chuckled, "Very well, sir. Soon he'll be."
After that, our conversations became scarce. The gentle breeze brought a sense of lightness to my being, stirring the nearby trees with its movement. It was a pleasure to be able to admire this garden.
"I can't say for certain if Tay Tawan is the right person for you, but I can assure you that he is far superior to Earth or Dad, Newwie. My intuition tells me he is a good individual," P'Mook spoke in a gentle tone.
"I am afraid, Phi. What if the people here despise me? What if I am not good enough for them? They are wealthy, and I do not meet their standards," I expressed my worries.
"You always have the option of returning home. You can come back to us, Newwie," P'Mook interrupted.
I nodded, acknowledging her words. Yes... I could always return home. But where is home, really? Will Dad allow me to come back? I highly doubt it.
P'Mook turned around and asked, "Are you feeling any better?"
I responded with a nod and a smile, "Yes, let us go back inside. I wish for this day to end soon. I cannot wait to go home."
P'Mook chuckled, "I thought I was the only one feeling that way!"
Efficiently, we made our way back inside the house, where Mr. Vihokratana and Dad were engaged in a discussion. They ceased their conversation upon our arrival. P'Joss, standing next to them, was occupied with his phone. He looked up at me and offered a smile.
"P'Tay is waiting for you near the front yard. He wishes to speak with you," P'Joss informed me.
"Um..." I turned to Dad, who gave a nod. I glanced at P'Joss and subtly shook my head. He responded with a wide smile and guided me to the front yard. My stomach churned and my heart raced. I would be dishonest if I claimed not to feel scared. Tawan had been visibly angry throughout the day.
Upon reaching the imposing wooden door, P'Joss paused and directed his attention to me. "Do not be afraid, New. Trust me. Just have a conversation with him, alright? He has been eagerly awaiting the opportunity to speak with you." P'Joss winked and left me standing there by myself.
I stood there in a state of confusion. Was he really eager to talk to me? I found it hard to believe. Tawan did not strike me as someone who was shy, so why hadn't he approached me directly to express his desire to have a conversation?
I cautiously peered inside to find him standing tall near the expansive window. With a nervous gulp, I mustered the courage to step out of the house. My palms grew clammy as I approached him, biting my lip in apprehension.
He remained unaware of my presence, his back turned towards me. Should I call out to him? Perhaps he hadn't sensed my arrival yet. Standing in silence, I faced his strong figure, towering over me like Earth himself. The height difference was undeniable.
Should I address him? And with what title? Mister? Tawan? Fiance? Te? Each option felt awkward in its own way. I attempted to maintain a composed facade while waiting patiently. He would surely acknowledge my presence soon. Yet, time passed, and he continued to ignore me. I remained still, the silence enveloping us.
Finally, he sighed and turned around, his eyes widening momentarily before regaining his stern expression.
"I... I thought you wouldn't," he started, pausing mid-sentence.
I yearned to know what he had intended to say. Did he doubt my arrival? Was that the reason behind his surprise? I longed to hear his voice again, eager for him to continue speaking. But we just stared at each other. Without saying we stood in the silence. The voices inside my head told me to open my mouth.
I took a deep breath, "Y-you want t-to speak?" I stammered, closing my eyes momentarily. The situation felt incredibly awkward and embarrassing.
"I don't bite." He approached me, taking a step forward. In response, I instinctively took a step back. He scoffed, clearly displeased with my cautiousness. "I said I don't bite!"
Silence lingered between us. A sense of foreboding surrounded him, causing an irrational fear to grip me. Despite this, I simply nodded in acknowledgment. He continued to advance, prompting me to remain rooted to the spot.
"Now we can talk," he announced. His gaze intensified as he observed me, making me acutely aware of my own presence. His eyes settled upon my face, causing my cheeks and neck to flush instantly.
He took a deep breath, his tone becoming commanding. "Run away."
"What?!" I couldn't help but feel a profound sense of déjà vu. Earth had almost said the same thing.
"You heard me, Thitipoom," he responded sharply, causing a shiver to course through my entire body.
I reminded myself not to let my guard down. I repeated the thought in my mind, urging myself to confront him. He cannot harm me. Taking another deep, shaky breath, I steeled myself against any potential stuttering. I had to face him; I had to be brave.
Raising my eyebrows, I managed to speak with some semblance of confidence. "What precisely do you mean by running away?"
He glared at me intensely, uttering, "I would like you to terminate this wedding. Allow me to inform you beforehand, Thitipoom, that I possess no inclination to wed you. I know the likes of you!"
Huh! The likes of me! Again? What's with all these people telling me the same thing? What kind of a man was I getting married to!
Curious, I inquired, "What do you mean by 'the likes of me'?"
An aggravated growl escaped his lips as he retorted, "I am aware that you intend to marry me solely for money! Do not attempt to feign innocence!"
Gazing firmly into his eyes, I returned the glare. "Ah, so are you planning to label me as a gold digger now? Go ahead, mister."
He let out a frustrated sigh. "I would rather avoid escalating this into an argument. Kindly cancel this to-be wedding. I am willing to provide you with any financial support you may require."
Who does he think he is? Did I come here seeking his wealth? These affluent individuals are truly self centered. "I do not need your money, Mr. Tawan Vihokratana!"
He snapped, "Then why exactly are you here?"
I averted my gaze momentarily and blinked. Right, what was the reason for my presence? It was for my father. "Because my father requires assistance. I am merely offering him my aid. If you have no desire to marry me, why not cancel the wedding yourself?"
He growled once more, exclaiming, "I can't do that! That's why I'm asking you to cancel it."
I shook my head, firmly stating, "I will not be partaking in such an action. If you believe you have the authority to dictate my actions, then I suggest you abandon that notion, Mister."
"Don't call me that!"
I remained silent, feeling an overwhelming weariness wash over me. All I desired was to return home. Please, God. He let out another deep sigh. I slowly lifted my head to meet his gaze, refraining from glaring at him.
He approached, leaving only a small gap between us. "And stop that behavior!"
Puzzled, I looked at him, momentarily forgetting our proximity. His hands rose to touch my face. My eyes widened. What did he intend to do? Would he strike me?
I closed my eyes and braced myself for the impact. However, it never came. Instead, something soft brushed against my lips. I gasped, reopening my eyes to find his finger pressed against my mouth. I stared at him in astonishment.
"Your lips... They're red," he observed. I found myself gaping at him. What was he doing?
"They appear so red that I almost..." He paused, whispering, "Stop biting them."
I was rooted in place, unable to move. I held my breath until he stepped back. The warmth rushed back to my cheeks and neck. How embarrassing! My sensitive skin always reacts so easily.
"I-I, um, I'm going," I whispered, fleeing back to P'Mook.
It was such a mortifying situation. Why did I have to react like that? My heart was racing as if in a marathon, refusing to slow down. God, what was happening to me? My stomach was somersaulting in between.
Hastily, I made my way to the others who were anxiously waiting for me. I stood close to P'Mook, who gave me a knowing smile. Was she smirking?
"Ready to go, New?" my dad suddenly asked, catching me off guard. I was startled but simply nodded.
"See you soon, New. Goodbye," Mr. Vihokratana said with a smile.
I nodded, "G-goodbye, Sir."
"Dad."
"Huh?"
"Call me Dad. You're my son-in-law," he smiled again as I stared at him, confused.
I stood there, gazing at him with astonishment, unable to believe what I had just experienced. He explicitly instructed me to address him as Dad, a request that struck me as comical, considering my own father forbids such a title. This word echoed in my mind, leaving me unsure of how to respond. P'Mook quickly reached out, taking hold of my hand.
"See you soon, Uncle Push!" P'Mook said, flashing a smile. "Goodbye Tay! Goodbye Joss!" she added as we made our way toward the exit.
We swiftly ventured into the front yard, where our waiting car stood at the ready. After bidding our farewells, we settled into the vehicle. The ride remained silent, and I found solace in that. Dad occupied the front seat, while P'Mook and I sat in the back. I leaned my head against P'Mook's shoulder, and she gently stroked my head in response. Everything that had transpired that day overwhelmed me. They were genuinely good people, Mr. Vihokratana and P'Joss. They had treated me with kindness. Or was it all an act? I couldn't discern the truth, nor did I wish to uncover it.
My mind replayed the conversation I had with Tawan regarding calling off the impending marriage. It was imperative that I share this with P'Mook. He is also being forced like me. I have to do something about it. I have to stop this marriage.
"Newwie," P'Mook murmured. "Everything will be alright. We're returning home."
I closed my eyes and nodded, hoping that I would recover soon. I couldn't help but feel a sense of joy when I realized that I hadn't experienced any stuttering while conversing with Tawan.
I'll just go with the flow for now and see where life leads me. Wherever it is... I hope it's a better place.